I’M SO BORED OF THE USA

I’m so bored of the USA.

The US is, what, 200-250 million people? And yet, out of that rock, there’s thousands and thousands of world experts, celebrities, and rock stars. By the same proportions, the rest of the world, with its 6 billion + population should have - at the least - produced 20 stars for every US one.

And yet it’s more like 20 US stars for one from anywhere else in the world. Britain probably does just as well - proportionally - and somehow I doubt that the US and the UK have a monopoly on great artists, great musicians, and great writers. Just on the channels of communication.

But as we know, the US doesn’t have a monopoly on great thinkers - look at George Dumbo Bush. But that’s not all. I know not all Americans are as seemingly stupid as Mr. Bush. But I have a theory. George Bush is a smart man : smart because he’s lining the pockets of his friends and getting incredibly rich in the process. But, more than that, he’s duping us with his Inarticulate-Speech-Of-The-Heart shtick. What an actor. Better even than Reagan.

He’s a clever guy. He just plays dumb. And he fools everyone. But I always thought myself that the ability to communicate is a sign of intelligence and if you can’t communicate, it indicates that you can’t process words or information. And you can’t be too clever if you can’t use words.

Who made this guy President? Seriously. I just don’t get it. I worry. I worry for his Dad : I think his wife must have fucked her brother to create such a-seemingly-inbred retard. Next time I see him I’m looking for his sixth digit (or his fifth finger if you like). There’s no way that George Bush can look at his son on television and glow with pride that’s my boy as his son misprounounciates and abuses the English Language. I’ve never seen anyone use the English Language as if it were his second language, without actually having a mother tongue. Until now.

CRIMES AGAINST LANGUAGE

I know for a fact - a fact - that if its greatest thinker, its highest mind - the great George Bush - worked at my office he’d be a laughing stock. Nobody would respect his opinion, we’d all forward his badly typed and mis-spelt emails around to people who don’t work for him to try and get sympathy, and Mr. Bush would be the isolated buffon at the far end of the office who thinks he’s the boss yet can’t even control a sentence let alone a human being or anything as radical as a haircut or an original thought.

Trust me. If he sat on the board of directors where I’d work he’d be tolerated, but offered a generous redundancy package : he’s the equivalent of an inbred south-American twin who just got lucky. Somewhere in the Inbred South many years ago, the stork, with its wings full, looked at the map upside down and dropped him off at the wrong house. And there’s a genius whose working in a gas station who knows that if the stork had done his job properly he’d be President instead.

I can prove this with a diagram if I have to : George Bush is David Brent with a shave and a wig. Really its just a huge Reality TV show where you get to be President for four years and followed around by Cameras all the time. And George Bush is like Nice Guy Eddie at the end of Reservoir Dogs : yelling “Don’t point a gun at my Dad!” and on the edge of killing everyone on the stage. And the whole world is but a stage.

A victim of this is the typical US-centric nature of the media. As if reality is something that only happens in the US and the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

That’s why the US Baseball Championships, featuring only US teams is called the World Championships.

That’s why instead of Feeding The World, the US was telling us that It WAS The World. It WAS The People.

But this isn’t to say that American People aren’t genuine and nice people. I’ve met - and slept - with some of them and overall, they’re fine people. But, the thing that is most offensive is not the people in the United States, but the public face of such a nation. It’s domination of culture : It’s ego.

Just like any nation, there’s far more to the nation than the stereotype we are fed. The shame is, it’s the idiots at the wheel that tar the name of the rest of us. From the lapdog Blair to the perpetually confused - and confusing Bush.

But the US, being only 300 years old, the US is a fundamentally immature nation. It has no sense of consequence in history (and at best, only a handful of generations within it). It hasn’t ever had an empire of its own - yet - so it hasn’t experienced the collapse of an empire, and it doesn’t understand that empire-building and colonialism is fundamentally a disastrous concept. Being an invading army will result only in war and violence.

And no-one’s ever explained to me quite why invading foreign countries by force is a good thing.

THE MONOPOLY ON GRIEF

I'm fucking sick of the US. They’ve got this culture where they've got to be the biggest, and the best at everything. And now, more than ever, the US is suffering from a Victim Culture. The US can’t just be suffering, or a victim. The US has got to be ‘united by grief’. It’s got to be the biggest victim there has ever been. The only victim whose bleatings and hurt can be heard because its the baby crying the loudest. Because its own the TV stations and the film companies. And because nations like Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan Korea, Vietnam, the Philipines, and Cuba don’t matter - whose misery pales into insignificance next to America - but only because they’re not America. Besides they’re brown people over there, and easily a lesser form of life. Bad guys wear black : often on their skin. Unless they’re happy niggers, the unquestioning grateful blacks with shiteating America-The-Beautiful grins. Naming no names of course, Mr Murphy.

But you see, I can in spite of the terrorist attacks - see a benefit out of Americas new world state. The arrogant posturing of It Couldn’t Happen Here can no longer apply.

This is, of course, not to say that I in any way approve of the attacks. You’ve have to be as stupid as the President appears to be to believe that.

America wants to suffer more than anyone else, so as to try to cancel out the grief felt by any other nation. The US is marytring itelf when it isn't really hurting at all : all it’s doing is reaping what it has sown. It wants people to feel sorry for it : the problem is most people don't give a fuck. We do feel sorry for the US, in the way you would for a horse with a broken leg, the nation needs putting out of its arrogant self-centered misery.

Fuck it. It sounds harsh, but I really don't care that the seven people died in the crash. Yes, it is a tragedy for them and their families. But so is one death. And space exploration is a risky business.

If you go up into space you're sitting on a burning oil tank and setting fire to it all. There's risk involved. It's not like just crossing the road to pick up a paper. They knew the risks : they paid the price. There’s a tragedy in that. But for now, the space programme - vital and important as it is - is just the world’s most expensive firework. Now, of course, the US is A Nation United By Grief. And if George Bush gives speeches that hypocritical, sanctimonious, and patronising when only seven people die, God spare us when there’s hundreds of thousands of casualties during his Jihad. His speeches will be days long, and there’ll be journalists with sleeping bags taking speed just to stay awake. Much like the soldiers - fighting the War on Drugs whilst on drugs.

Tomorrow George Bush will probably claim that Osama Bin Laden was planning on hijacking the shuttle to crash it into the White House, but it was averted by brave NASA staff. The Shuttle still hit Palestine though (Palestine, Texas, that is, but that’s a detail). After all, "don't mess with Texas"...

For gods sake. There is more to the world than the US. More to the world than one nation that tries to grab everything and claim it as its own. Still, that was how they started : they stole the nation from the Indians. Now they’re trying to steal the rest of the world from us, and claim it as their own. It won’t be long before we’re known as The United Nations Of America. The first invasion wave are here : just look at your DVD’s, your CD’s, the manufacturers of your PC’s, your operating systems, the logos on your trainers, and the manufacturers of your clothes, the Coke in your hand, the McDonalds in your dustbin and probably your food.

It’s as if no country could ever produce anything of worth. How patronising, much like their inarticulate, corrupt, unelected leader. I’m so bored of the USA.