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4/29/21 Today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday, and then I have the weekend. I can't wait for the weekend!!!! I've had such a hard unsatisfying week and I want to do something fun or relax for a few days. I saw Theresa, Matt, Carrie, and a bunch of other people today. I don't even want to talk about it in here because I let it all out at lunch, to Stephanie. They're not listening to me. I'm just not sure what to say to them anymore. If they don't follow the diet, then they're wasting their time coming to see me. They'll probably quit seeing me just because I limit their spectrum of food that they can eat. They don't like me controlling what they eat. Get over it, Carrie! If you care about your problems, then you better respect my advise! At least they're paying me twenty bucks an hour. Darn it, I want more than that. If only I got thirty. Well, at least it's better than what I used to get when I was just starting. Seventeen an hour. Hmm. Twenty isn't that much more. For lunch I hung out with Stephanie. It was fun. I spent a lot of the time ranting about my job, and then I listened to her talk about her day. She told me all about her boss and coworkers. It's so interesting to hear about them. I wonder if she talks about me to her other friends. She can make anyone sound more interesting than they really are. Hehe. She'd be a good writer, but nope, she's a nurse. Then I went to work again, and dealed with more patients. Then I just sat in my office, working on several projects for my website, answering emails, and posting on political discussion boards. I remember when I was a teenager I hated politics and thought people who made a big deal about it was stupid. It's still true, but not for adults. I still think that teenagers should shut up about politics. God I hate those teens posting in the boards, spewing political crap that they hear on MTV from famous rappers and sold-out rock bands. Yeah. I answered some phone calls, too. People were asking me about if having Tylenol and maple syrup together was harmful or not. I told them that usually people should call a pharmacist or other doctor for those kinds of questions, and that maple syrup didn't affect the effects of Tylenol. The crazy things people get worried about these days. People get so bored, they just want something to be paranoid about. I got home to my quiet, empty apartment. I'm going to go crazy someday, I know it. I hate being alone sometimes. The only thing that keeps me from going crazy is the internet, the radio, and the phone. I also had to talk to myself out loud for a while because none of my friends were home. 4/30/21 Thank goodness it's Friday. TGIF. Wow, brings back memories of watching Boy Meets World with my family when I was eight years old. I don't watch TV now. I don't understand people who watch TV nowadays. It's all garbage. Samantha came in again. She's still not eating everything I told her to eat. She's still thin and pale and sickly-looking. Not to mention hyper. She kept getting off-topic and distracted by everything, and I JUST WANT HER TO LISTEN but she won't!! She told me she had whole wheat toast with jam, yogurt, and all that stuff for breakfast like I told her to, but she said she ate that at 2 pm and skipped lunch. I asked her what she had for dinner, and then she starts rambling about a movie she watched with her friends, and how hot Jake Gyllenhaal is, and how ugly and old Jessica Simpson's become, and I asked again about what she had for dinner, and she said she hated vegetables and that the recipes I'd found for her were too hard and so she had eaten cereal bars instead. Then she started talking about how her mom once knew some famous celebrity who ate cereal bars with every meal, and how pretty she was. I listened for a while, just sitting there, nodding every once in a while, then I explained that cereal bars have waaaaay too much sugar, that they don't have all the nutrition that she needs, and that she sorely needed the B and C vitamins in vegetables like cucumbers and lettuce. Then she argued with me about protein bars that also have vitamins. She was telling me about nutrition. Since when is she a nutrition expert? She just won't listen to me. She's been seeing me every week for months and months, but she just doesn't get it. She has to follow my directions and change the way she eats. I wish I could live with her and monitor her for a few days, to make sure she does everything right. Samantha is seriously unhealthy. I also saw Marie. She was doing a lot better than Samantha. Marie lost some weight. But weight doesn't really matter, as long as she's healthy. She'll lose weight naturally as time goes on. I wish more people were patient like her. Anyways, I asked her about her kids, and she said all of them had the flu. All five of them. Toddlers, babies, all sick and crying. I wonder how she manages. I sort of want kids. I probably should, soon. I mean, I'm already 31. I hate my age! I don't even have a boyfriend. All the guy friends I have are either taken, or gay. Shame, shame. I baked myself some potatoes today. Not much nutrition there, but it's pure comfort food. I made a whole bunch. I guess I'll wrap them up and save them for meals for other days. Saturday... what the heck am I going to do tomorrow? I guess I'll take a walk in the morning, then go grocery shopping, then work on my website or my pictures or my story. Wait... that's what I do every weekend. 5/1/21 I wish I could quit my job as a consultant dietitian, and get a job as a real neurologist like I'd always dreamed of. I keep forgetting why I'm not a neurologist. Stupid financial problems. I just gave up with the idea of getting a PhD because I couldn't have paid for the classes, et cetera. If I had gotten a PhD and then become a dietitian just like right now, then the only difference would be that I'd be getting like 25 dollars an hour. Actually, if I'd gotten a PhD I wouldn't be a dietitian. Eh, I don't know. I've got my Bachelors Degree in Foods and Nutrition, I've finished my internship at that other place, I've passed my exam to become this crappy mess of a consultant dietitian. That was challenging enough. I guess getting all the qualifications to become a neurologist would be way more difficult. The reason I'd become a consultant dietitian was because I thought it was just the right thing for me. I sort of wanted to become a psychologist, and I was very into food and nutrition and anatomy. If only I'd known that I'd have to be good at talking a lot all the time; persuading and encouraging people to follow their diets; being a good problem solver; and even knowing how to cook. I hate cooking. Actually, I love cooking. I like inventing new treats like toaster-oven-apple-pie and M&M tea. I just hate the hassle of recipes, ingredients and measuring cups. Yeah... I do actually sympathize with Samantha, about those recipes I gave her. If I was in her place, I'd probably throw them away, too. Then again, if I was her, I'd be eating a lot better. Well, I got up early like I planned last night, and took a walk through the city. Nice and sunny. It's so nice to be outside in the morning. I'm always inside during the week because of work. It's also nice to just silently observe people around me instead of seeing them up close, talking to them about their meals. 5/3/21 I woke up kind of late today because I stayed up so late last night, so I only had time to grab a granola bar and my water bottle before going to work. All the rushing got my adrenaline up, and it made me perky and cheerful. Coffee makes people perky and cheerful. I don't drink coffee. My body's own adrenaline gland works just fine for me. Coffee is still tasty, though... I think I'll go to Starbucks tomorrow and get a Frappuchino. The perkiness really helped today. I was in a really talkative mood. The only person that came in today was John, who was doing pretty good. I guess everyone's busy on Mondays. However, I got a lot more phone calls and emails with questions. People are really supposed to come in for these questions, but I still get paid. I got a call asking whether it would be better to not eat sugar, and get a lot of fat when trying to lose weight. She sounded like a preteen. I think she heard about the old Atkins diet from her mom or something. These people! They don't know the important details of the Atkins diet, or the unhealthy disadvantages. I told her that she could try to not get any sugar and other carbs, and that she would lose a whole bunch of weight at first, but it could cause her to get too much fat traveling in the veins which would turn into a nasty, serious disease. And that if she started eating normally again, all the weight would come back super quick. She sounded convinced and a little more happy. She probably didn't want to give up candy. Then I recommended searching Wikipedia.org for a quick summary of the Atkins diet and how to do it properly. It felt good to talk to her. I hope she'll tell her mom what I told her. I hope more people actually come to my office. I don't want to get into any trouble. I hope my website brings more people, too. There's a little donation box for people to click when I answer their questions on the board. I've gotten a bit of money from there. Not a huge amount, but like about ten dollars a week, recently. It's a nice little reward. I think I'll go shopping at the mall with someone soon, and see if there's anything I want to buy with my website money. Or maybe I'll buy that expensive vegan ice cream at Wild Oats I've been looking at for a long time. Ohhhh peanut caramel fudge..... I want some peanut caramel fudge ice cream right now........ 5/5/21 Cinco De Mayo. Not that I care. If I was living Mexico, there would probably be a big parade, but not here. Nothing really happens, except some people have tequila parties or something. I've never been to one. Maybe I should, someday... no, I don't want to. There wouldn't any of the kind of guys I like--they'd all be drunk. I called up Samantha to schedule another appointment with her. Actually, it was mostly because I wanted to see how she was doing. She said she's been following the diet, a little. Then she started talking about how she'd made friends with someone who said knew me, and that I was a pretty smart person. And so she'd started to buy some of the stuff on the list, and tried out some of the recipes. She said she was a horrible cook, and ended up ruining what she had bought. I told her to just eat them raw while reading a book... or watching TV. She said she didn't like raw vegetables. And it was a long argument-y conversation, back and forth, and I finally got her to agree to go see a real dietitian who was also good at cooking. And I told her where Wild Oats was. And I told her where there was a really good healthy restaurant downtown, and she'd heard of it. So she talked about that for a while, then hung up after I told her good luck with the other dietitian. I'm going to quit this job. I think I'd be better off being a columnist for a health magazine, or somehow living off my website. It's sort of what I do already, anyway, I mean, not about living off of my website, but I'm already answering people's questions about food and stuff. I'll get a job at some restaurant for a while, and maybe live with a friend--split the rent--and send stuff to magazines. It's about time I changed. |