posted 3:44 pm on 3/9/06 by Chris Kenna

Food Poisoning, Kirby Puckett, World Baseball Classic, Randy Foye, Crunchwrap Supremes and More...

Spring break is finally over at bottomlineguys.com, and it ends, sadly enough, without a trip to a tropical destination filled with thousands of drunken college girls. Just another downside to the so-called "real world." Anyways, I have a a few things on my mind, so let's cut the small talk and get started.

- This morning on the train, two foreign girls were sitting and chatting and laughing while drinking cans of Red Bull from a straw. I think I heard one girl use the word "supercool" in a pretty sweet European accent of some sort. There's really no point to this story, I just found it entertaining.

- I'd like to be the first to welcome Dan Clarin back to everyday life after an extended and seemingly not-so-enjoyable bout with an apparent case of food poisoning left him incapacitated on what he thought was his deathbed from Sunday evening through Wednesday morning. I'm sure he can discuss it more if he wants, but this just serves as a reminder that no one, even the greatest 2pm eater of all-time, is immune to the dangers of food poisoning. I'll be glad to have you know that Dan was back at Chipotle today, and appears to be almost 100% back to the food-consuming monster that we all remember.

-  Sad news about one of Chicago's finest, Kirby Puckett, dying on Monday. He's one of those guys, along with the likes of Tony Gwynn, Rickey Henderson, Ozzie Smith, and Andre Dawson, that I grew up watching as a kid, but couldn't really fully appreciate at the time. Hindsight certainly dictates that I had the privilege of watching one of baseball's all-time great clutch players (the Derek Jeter of his day, in some ways.) While he may have had his flaws off the field, at the very least he seemed to leave a favorable impression on a vast majority of the lives he touched. Kirby wasn't perfect, but one look at him could have told you that. However, he seemed to make the best out of what he was given in life, and for that, I will always remember Kirby.

- Barry Bonds was a Hall of Famer before 1998. He is still the best hitter of his generation. He is still the best player of his generation. Barry Bonds is one of the top 10 baseball players of all-time, even before the steroid use. As someone wrote the other day, just because an A+ student gets caught cheating, it doesn't mean he's not the smartest in the class. You can hate on Barry for his off-the-field antics. You can hate on Barry for his steroid use. You just can't argue that he is one of the greatest to ever play the game with or without the help of steroids.

- While we are on this topic, can someone please explain to me why the question is almost never brought up about NFL players and steroid use? Is there anyone out there who truly believes more baseball players are using steroids than football players?

- I must admit that I am moderately intrigued by the World Baseball Classic (although it's clearly not as entertaining as Olympic hockey in HD!) I think one thing that we have to remember about something like this is how much more it means to other countries like the Dominican Republic, Venezuela or even Japan, where national pride is much more highly regarded (and harder to justify) than here in America. I agree that if you were born in the US, you should represent the US (A-Rod, Manny), but guys like Vlad and Big Papi and Johan Santana should, by all means, represent the country where they were born and raised. There is no question in my mind that these guys, for the most part, appreciate every opportunity they have been given to earn large amounts of money in the US (in many cases probably moreso than some of the American players who feel a sense of entitlement) but their heritage is also very important to them, and I think it is not just their right, but in some ways, their responsibility, to not forget where they came from.

- After watching a Villanova-Syracuse Big East college basketball matchup this weekend, I have come to not one, but two revelations. First, Randy Foye and Kyle Lowry are my new favorite players in college basketball. Second, I am picking Villanova to win the NCAA title.

- If you enjoy Taco Bell from time to time as I do, then I recommend you take a shot at this new Crunchwrap Supreme. The commercials might be somewhat objectionable, but the Crunchwrap itself is an enjoyable treat, and as far as I know, it has not yet caused any reported cases of food poisoning. On the other hand, one fast-food meal I do not recommend is the new-fangled Double Filet-o-Fish sandwich from McDonald's. Let's be honest, one fried fish patty was more than enough to produce an abhorrent sandwich. Who really thought they needed to double that? In a totally unrelated note, Dan Clarin, who as previously cited, recently battled a case of food poisoining, ate a Double Filet-o-Fish sandwich last Friday, but he has never eaten a Crunchwrap Supreme. Interpret that as you will.

- In the NBA world, look out for the newest addition to the Chris Kenna All Below The Radar Team, alongside Darko (who appears he may be emerging onto the radar soon) and Chris Wilcox. He is Josh Childress of the Atlanta Hawks. Once they sort out the problem with the plethora of small forwards in Atlanta, I think Childress is going to end up being a great player in the league alongside another guy who would be on the team if he wasn't somewhat highly regarded in Marvin Williams. The Hawks are another team that could be looking at the playoffs within a couple years if they figure a couple things out.

- To close things out, I'd like to send my best wishes to Sarah and Travis Stork of The Bachelor, who apparently could not make it through the 4 months of forced separation at the conclusion of taping. Wait wait wait, on second thought, I rescind my best wishes. We spend all that time debating and recounting our thoughts on who is the best match for Travis, and it's all for this? Oh well, I'm sure they really don't need my best wishes anyways. We should have known no woman alive could handle Travis Stork on her own.

posted 2:38 pm on 2/28/06 by Chris Kenna

Moana Madness Rocked Me To The Core! (The first part of a three-part post...)

A happy day for all the Bachelor-haters out there, as the show finally comes to a close. For all you non-haters out there, it looks like Travis Stork got it right in the end. Did you really expect anything less? Let's take a quick look at where Sarah TN went right and Moana went insane.

- Moana (GONE!): I will give her credit for hanging in there. I didn't think she had what it took to make it to the final pairing, but she rode the "Travis is the only one who truly understands me" thing all the way to a final showdown with the clearly more sane and more genuine Sarah from TN. In the end, Moana just rode the angle a little too hard, and ultimately, I think her inability to answer the question "Why do you like Travis?" with an answer suitable to someone not residing in a mental health facility did her in. The "rocked me to the core" and "see my soul shining back at me" answers bothered me so much that I am still not ready to discuss them in any detail at this time. In the end, Travis put it best when he essentially described his time with Moana as a memorable Parisian romantic fling that he will always remember, but clearly something that he knew in his heart was not going to last in the long-term. Moana played the game like a champ and gave it her best shot, but in the end, she just didn't have the intangibles (sanity) to seal the deal. She would certainly make an interesting Bachelorette if she is ever able to regain her bearings. I'd put the odds on that at about 100:1 right now, though.

- Sarah TN (WINNER!) - One of the favorites from the start, she was up and down the first few shows, but really seemed to elevate her game as the show went on and made all the right moves, in the end, leaving little doubt that out of the 25 available women, this was the best fit for a guy like Travis Stork. She's smart, goal-oriented, extremely likable, and if not smoking hot, very cute. While this means that Travis might have to spend additional time with her dad (he who resembled a strongly-sedated Hank Hill), it's clearly a safer risk than waiting for Moana to go Fatal Attraction on him (although, I suppose that could still happen.) Anyways, the risks with Sarah TN were about as minimal as one mid-30's extremely eligible doctor can hope for when looking for a potential mate. I think Travis made a well thought-out choice, and this relationship has a reasonable shot at lasting well beyond the typical 3-month post-Bachelor grace period. Let's just hope she doesn't turn into her mom (or any semblance of her dad, for that matter.)

- Travis Stork (WINNER!) - Let's be honest, this guy probably couldn't lose if he tried. This is really the first time I have paid attention to The Bachelor for any extended period of time. However, I have to imagine that when ABC searches for potential Bachelors, Dr. Travis Stork is exactly the kind of man they have in mind, and this has to be the first season that has run exactly as they imagined it should when the show was first concieved. I love shows like Blind Date and the Real World as much as the next man, but it's somewhat refreshing to see someone actually come on a show like this and look for someone he truly sees a future with, rather than trying to hook up with as many girls and break as many hearts as possible (although, ironically enough, his genuine attempts to avoid breaking hearts probably ended up disappointing the girls more than ever.) The good doctor put on a good show, and even if this relationship goes nowhere (although I think it has a shot), he maintained an extraordinary sense of class and dignity over an extended period of time despite being offered basically unlimited access to beautiful women, free alcohol and France. We may never see such a remarkable performance again.

- Roger Stork (AWESOME!) - That says it all. I wouldn't mind sharing a drink and talking about broads and the good old days with Roger Stork.

- Donna Stork (YEAH, WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT HAIR!) - Seriously. Roger Stork is clearly a stronger man than I for allowing his wife to embarrass him on national television by looking like that.

March Madness! (The second part of the aforementioned three-part post...)

I could give you some fancy intro, but this post is already going to be long enough. I start with a list of the teams I think have a shot at engaging in the proverbial "cutting of the nets" at the conclusion of the month. Betting odds are for amusement only, as I clearly play favorites and have very little idea of who is actually going to win the tournament.

- UConn Huskies (3:1) - This team clearly rivals, if not exceeds the talent level of last year's Tar Heel national championship team. They are the consensus team to beat. Don't waste your time trying to argue otherwise. They may or may not win it all, but all brackets submitted without this team in your Final 4 may be immediately discarded.

- Villanova Wildcats (6:1) - The Phoenix Suns of the NCAA. Traditionally, you need at least one solid big man to win the Tourney, but in the NCAA Tournament, where the importance of guard play is exaggerated, they may have 3 of the best in the country, and they could well run and gun all the way to the title. Their hopes rest with the continued emergence of Kyle Lowry as one of the top PG's in the nation. It's going to take a good game to knock this team off.

- Texas Longhorns (8:1) - Can they pull off the vaunted Basketball-Football sweep? They're only going as far as Daniel Gibson takes them, but I'm counting on him to bounce back nicely from a disappointing regular season, and reclaim his place on the NBA prospect map.

- Michigan State Spartans (15:1) - They are struggling big time right now, but a decent big man and solid guard play can take you a long way when you get to the tourney. Coach Izzo's teams seem to perenially underachieve in the regular season before marching deep into the brackets. This team has the talent to do it again, but only if Paul Davis plays up to his full potential.

- Florida Gators (20:1) - They are my bandwagon team. I think I am obligated to put them on here. This team might not have the experience to do anything substantial in the tournament yet, but they are someone to keep an eye on even as they have started to struggle down the stretch. Billy Donovan has done more with less.   

- Kansas Jayhawks (30:1) - My semi-sleeper. No one will totally sleep on a team with this much talent, as they are probably one of the the best young teams since the Fab 5. Most of the time, youth is a negative factor, but sometimes these young kids just don't know any better, and that's not necessarily a bad thing in pressure-filled situations. Brandon Rush and the rest of the kids would have to catch fire at the right time, but they have a coach who's been there before, and I think this could turn into one of those teams no one wants to face.

- Louisiana State Tigers (40:1) - My semi-ultimate sleeper. I waffled between Kentucky and LSU for this one, but if Chris Paul couldn't do anything with Wake last year, Rajon probably can't do anything with the Wildcats this year. So the nod goes to the Bayou Tigers with their killer frontline. You won't hear much about them early, but if they pull of a couple wins in the first two rounds, but if they do, look out.

- Arizona Wildcats (50:1) - My ultimate sleeper only because I never bet against Lute Olson. Way way way below the radar right now. They could do some damage after they sneak in the back door. The best Marcus Williams in the country actually plays in Tuscon.

Almost Done (The third and final part of this now rambling three-part post...)

You might take note of a few omissions in part 2. Here's why I don't like those teams...

- Duke (10:1) - It would be silly of me to ignore Duke in the above discussion, but with all apologies to Dickie V, I feel better with them in this section. JJ "Little Michael Redd" Redick is an undeniable talent, but Shelden Williams seems to disappear in big games against talented big men. That should be their Achilles Heel as they move on in the tournament. JJ missing a few shots or being held in check could lead to their demise as well.

- Memphis (30:1) - They are just as talented and athletic as almost any team mentioned above. I just have a bad feeling that they are going to have that one off game, and that's really all it takes to get knocked out come tournament time.

- West Virginia (60:1) - Mike Gansey might have to settle for being Dan Clarin's favorite NCAA player of all-time.

- Gonzaga (75:1) - This is a different era than when Larry Bird single-handedly carried the Indiana State Sycamores to the NCAA title game (and lost) in 1979. Most overrated team in the country right now.

- Illinois (100:1) - Given how I feel about this team, I think 100:1 is generous. Make no mistake, personal bias is and probably always will be a factor when it comes to the Fighting Illini and NCAA predictions by Chris Kenna.

- Field (100:1) - I am almost certainly wrong, but for now, no one else has been deemed worthy of individual mention.

posted 3:15 pm on 2/23/06 by Chris Kenna

Jump on the Bandwagon!

Before I get started on this, I want to make one thing clear. I maintain an unconditional loyalty to only two sports teams in the world: the Chicago White Sox and the Chicago Bulls. There is nothing to debate here. These two teams take priority over all others in my heart, and always will. Two other teams which I consider myself a permanent fan of, albeit to a significantly lesser degree, are the resident professional football and hockey teams of Chicago. I love the Bears and will always support them, but if I am being honest, my interest in their success is not nearly on the same level as the aforementioned two teams. My dad used to be a season-ticket holder to Blackhawks' games, and I have been to many games in my lifetime. Unfortunately, due to what is perhaps the worst professional sports management group in the world, that is most likely the only way you are ever going to see a Blackhawks home game, because they don't broadcast home games on local channels. That fact alone drops them a level below the Bears.

You might notice that I fail to make mention of the Chicago Cubs or a college program of any sort. This is not an oversight.

Now, to get to the point of this post. As much as we might not like to admit it sometimes, I think all fans have bandwagon teams. You know what I'm talking about...a team you cheer for on a temporary basis for a variety of reasons, as long as that team's success does not interfere with the success of your regular teams. In metaphorical terms, it's kinda like having a girlfriend that you love, but being attracted to other girls you walk by on the street. In most instances, you'll forget that girl soon after, but for that one moment, however brief and passing, she may have forced you to question your undying faith and loyalty to your girlfriend. That girl is a bandwagon team.

With that in mind, at the risk of offending my "girlfriends", let's take a look at my current bandwagon teams as of the 23rd of February in the year 2006 AD.

- Arena Football: Just kidding. I don't know any teams in this league. We might even have one in Chicago. I'm cheering for all of them.

- WNBA: I'm just cheering for the return of those "We got next" commercials...or, better yet, for the dissolution of this entire league.

- College Football: Cal Golden Bears. I'm about as unbiased (some might even say uncaring) of a college football fan as you are going to find. I just think Marshawn Lynch is going to rush for over 2000 yards next season on his way to the Heisman, so I imagine his team will fare well during this historical campaign.

- College Basketball: Florida Gators. I think that UConn's probably going to win the championship, but the Gators are my dark horse. My boy Al Horford is going to have a monster tournament.

- NFL: Cincinnati Bengals. How can you not cheer for a football team that a) has been the worst franchise in the world for the past 10-15 years and b) has Chad Johnson on it? Let's hope Carson Palmer recovers and we have a Bears-Bengals showdown in Super Bowl XLI.

- NBA: Orlando Magic. Dwight Howard is an absolute beast. Kinda like Amare Stoudemire on steroids, or Shaq on a weight-loss plan. Throw Darko Milicic next to him, and take Stevie Franchise out of the picture, and I like where they are heading. I see an NBA Finals within the next 3-4 years.

- MLB: Tampa Bay (Devil Rays?) I think they should change their nickname to the Tampa Bay Potential. The amount of potential on this team is really unprecedented. That will be exciting enough to watch. Add in the excitement of watching them try and keep that talent as it reaches its prime, and we got something going down in FL.

- NHL: Atlanta Thrashers. Lots of offensive talent, and little to no D. If they can balance it out, or if their goalies get on a hot streak, we could have something here. Their best player is probably Ilya Kovalchuk, a 22 year-old Russian stud who already has 4 years in the league. Watch out for the Thrashers if they can squeak into the playoffs.

OTHER THOUGHTS...

- I don't know why I didn't think about this yesterday, but I can't believe Penny's going back to Orlando after all these years. Back in about 1996, who would have imagined his career would end up like this?

- Not to be misunderstood Mr. Tinker, I simply said that Lebron is the most insane athlete to ever live. He has all the physical tools: speed, agility, strength, and explosiveness. The only problem I do have with him right now, at the young age of 21, is the Kobe-esque shot selection he defers to from time to time, featuring deep 3's and assorted fadeaways. Take it strong, Bron Bron, or I will take Dwyane over you all day long.

- "Is it wrong that I am going to make the players at my weekly poker game watch Sasha Cohen figure skate tonight?  Is it wrong that I have a crush on her and Emily Hughes?"  To answer your two questions quite simply: no and yes. Women's figure skating (unlike the disgrace to humanity that is men's) is strangely watchable, and only the ignorant (and perhaps, the decent) among us will refuse to watch young girls skate and jump around in such intriguing outfits. However, on the second question, Sasha is 21, and I would consider her cute, but the fact that she looks like she is closer to 12 makes even that seem wrong. I'll let you find out how old Emily Hughes is for yourself.

- However, make these decision for yourself and I will certainly not judge you. Why is that? I, myself, have been spending way too much time watching something I feel I should not enjoy watching so much. That being a certain webcam on the internet. No, it's nothing like that. It's just a webcam outside of the visitor's center in Nome, Alaska, which for some inexplicable reason, I find strangely engrossing. There is so little activity, that when something does happen, it makes it all the more exciting. Check it out if you dare. Home sweet Nome. Okay, that's off my chest, let's move on.

posted 4:52 pm on 2/22/06 by Chris Kenna

Thou Shalt Not Neglect India

Quite a list there, Mr. Clarin. Quite a list, indeed. However, as a distinguished world traveler (well, I went to Mexico once), I must take issue with some of your selections, and more importantly, some of your "snubs." As we say so often on this site, without further Freddy Adu (whatever happened to that kid?), let's get to the authoritative list of world's craziest countries. That's right, mine.

Honorable Mention - Alaska -  Let's not kid ourselves, Alaska is about as much of a US state as Canada is. I like to think of it more as a US-sponsored country. This gigantic sub-arctic wonderland is home to vast wilderness, oil, polar bears, intolerably cold temperatures, extremely long summer days, extremely short winter days, eskimos, and much more (or perhaps, little else). If Alaska was a country, it would certainly be on this list. Alas, it is not, so the best I can give it is an honorable mention.

9. THE Ukraine/Latvia - Any former Soviet republic clearly has a shot at making this list as a result of its status as a remnant of the once-great CCCP, but I singled out these two specifically for what I think are very valid reasons. Ukraine makes it because it is rarely referenced to without the word THE in front of it. Latvia makes it because of its award-winning website (or at least for the website's address) which can be found at www.lv and no, that is not a typo.

8. Japan - The Land of the Rising Sun is made up of over 3,000 islands, believe it or not. It is also home to one of the oldest civilizations in the world,  Mt. Fuji and the world's largest and likely, most insane city in Tokyo. There are people stacked upon people in the 27% of this country which is inhabitable. All these facts are great, but there is only one reason that Japan makes this list. That being that is the only country to survive not one, but two atomic bombs being dropped on it. On top of that, with a little help from the country who dropped the bombs (yes, the US) Japan has bounced back to become one of the world's strongest economies despite a major stock market crash in 1990 and despite the fact that it takes almost 6 million yen to equal 1 American dollar.

7. Indonesia - Another country made up of a chain of islands (over 18,000 actually), this is surprisingly the 4th most populated nation in the world. It is also home to the world's highest Muslim population, which is insane enough by itself to make this list. Add that on top of the fact that it is located directly on the equator and its location makes it subject to devastation by massive earthquake or tsunami at any time, and you have a recipe for total chaos. That's just a small snapshot. I'll save the rest for your personal research, or if you prefer, your imagination.

6. Madagascar - Often referred to as the "Great Red Island" because of its crazy reddish soil, Madagascar is technically an African nation, but the country is actually an island off the Southeast coast of Africa in the Indian Ocean, thus separating it from the insanity of the continent, but not from insanity itself. Madagascar is home to 5% of the world's plant and animal species, 80% of which are unique to Madagascar. This has lead many ecologists to refer to it as the "8th continent." That, my friends, is crazy enough for me. I'm sure they have some pretty sweet political problems on top of all that too though.

5. United Arab Emirates - A booming country made up of 7 "Emirates" in the political hotbed that is the Middle East, the United Arab Emirates is a country built on wealth derived from oil, which has basically come out of nowhere over the past 30 years to become one of the wealthiest countries in the world. Cities such as Abu Dhabi and Dubai contain some of the most spectacular architechture in the world, and continue to grow. Over 3.23 million of the country's 4.01 million residents are non-native. To put a cap on the insanity, they are planning to build this ridiculous edifice in Dubai by the year 2008.

4. Nigeria - Dan Clarin got one thing right; to not mention every African nation here is an absolute travesty and would totally destroy any hint of credibility which this list might have. However, it would also require way too much time which I do not currently have, so let's assume the continent of Africa is, to quote Simon Cowell, "completely and utterly" insane. That being said, I believe Nigeria, being the largest country on this great landmass, just might be the most insane of them all, and at the very least, a good representative of your typical insane African nation. Like most African countries, corruption, poverty and disease are rampant. On top of that, there are over 250 different peoples, languages, histories, and religions running wild in this country. There's not a whole lot else I can tell you. Of course, I don't think there's much else I need to tell you.

3. Greenland - Finally, an insane country we can all agree upon. This giant block of ice/gigantic island masquerading as a country is quite clearly insane. Don't agree with me? Check this list of cities in Greenland, and by the time you get down to Qeqertasuag, I think you'll have changed your mind.

2. Peru - Hiding on the Western coast of the oft overlooked and underrated continent of South America is Peru. Original home to the Inca empire, one can find thousands of years of history and ancient landmarks such as Machu Picchu located in Peru. However, what really separates Peru as a certifiably insane country is its absurdly vast and varying geography. In a relatively small area you can find the Andes Mountains, Amazon rainforests, Lake Titicaca, the Atacama Desert (the driest place on the planet) and the Sechura Desert. Not to mention the fact that Peru borders the Pacific Ocean. On top of all that, if you live in Peru, you are considered "Peruvian," which if you ask me, is a pretty crazy thing to be called.

1. India - Take all of China's people. Squeeze them into a country about 1/3 the size. Add tigers and cobras. Replace cars with elephants. Insert the threat of earthquake, intense heat wave or tsunami at any moment. Put their most heated rival in the country directly to the north. What do you have, but the world's REAL most insane country: India. Enough said.

- On an ever so brief sidenote, Steve Francis is headed to NYC. All the world should take heed of this clear sign of the apocalypse as Stephon Marbury and Stevie Franchise join forces in a single backcourt. Do you ever get the feeling that Osama bin-Laden is running this team, because this has to be terrorizing Knickerbocker fans.

- One more thing. I don't typically make a habit of watching an entire season of American Idol, but I might give it a closer look this season for 2 reasons after catching some ladies' performances last night.

1. This chick is an awesome singer/performer, and I would be absolutely shocked if she does not win the competition. How she does not have a recording contract already is just beyond me.

2. This chick, for reasons which I cannot totally explain even to myself, is one of the hottest girls I have ever seen. Check it out next week to see what I mean.

posted 11:28 am on 2/21/06 by Chris Kenna

...Continued

A few quick Bachelor and All-Star thoughts...

- For the first time since this season debuted, I was forced to seriously question my Bachelor viewership last night. If you have to ask why, I'm pretty sure you did not see the whole show. So what is it that set me off? (And I mean aside from 22 chicks getting together and engaging in an organized verbal catfight hosted by Chris Harrison. That Jennifer chick is a bitch, by the way...I kinda like it.) Well, basically, in my eyes, it happened when Moana officially went from "crazy bitch" status to "someone warn Travis before she pulls a God damn knife" status. In the closing montage, as they previewed next week's finale, we get a sneak peek of Moana making her final plea to the good Doctor, which, as ususal, included plenty of crying, but completely derailed when she used some semblance of the following line, "I've never looked into someone's eyes and seen my own soul staring back at me." I'm telling you, jump off the Moana bandwagon now before she grabs the wheel and swerves off the nearest cliff. The only reason I will still watch next week is to see if she totally freaks out and does something crazy at the end.  

- In my lifetime, if I even make one girl as bitter over losing me as about seven or eight of these girls are over losing Travis Stork after knowing him for a little over 48 hours, I would be happy. Just another reason we probably won't be hanging out any time soon. How about Chris Harrison though? Would you hang out with him? I know Dan Clarin would.

- Lebron James is the greatest athletic specimen I have ever seen.

- That being said, I still think that Dwyane Wade is the best all-around basketball player in the NBA right now. Why? With a 2-point lead with a little over a minute to go, Lebron pulled up, and missed a deep 3. This, on the same night that he seemed to be a dominant force among the NBA's brightest stars, demonstrated to the world that he's not all the way there yet. Kobe's last move/shot (besides the one he lost control of) was impressive, but totally Kobe-esque (read: aiming to be spectacular rather than efficient) and capped a rather unimpressive 4-for-11 performance. T-Mac looked like Kobe on a good night, hitting (and settling for) tons of outside jumpers. However, he didn't attack the rim like Lebron did, and missed the final shot to tie it up. So, that leaves us with D-Wade, who went 9-for-11, and just happened to be in the right place at the right time to hit the game-winning shot. For some reason, they gave the ball to Allen Iverson for the final shot, when it clearly should have been in Dwyane's hands the entire time. Oh well, thankfully he found a way to take care of business.

- Other highlights of the game. How about Kobe throwing Bron Bron an elbow, followed by Lebron immediately coming back and taking it to the rack and throwing it down? Shaq's free throw toss off the backboard, followed by the infamous "Big Boy" walk was highly entertaining. Dan Clarin had the comment of the evening though. "How can you watch this game and think that Steve Nash is the MVP of the NBA?"

- Was it just me, or did the dunk contest on Saturday night somehow manage to be both spectacular and anti-climactic at the same time? We start with my boy Josh Smith pretending like he's going to dunk from the top of the key, then throwing down one of the most boring dunks I've ever seen. Then, Nate Robinson needed about 80 attempts (was I the only one repeatedly thinking it was time for Nate to concede and just throw down a simple dunk?) to throw down 2 pretty good dunks sandwiched around one of the best dunks I've ever seen, when he leapt over Spud Webb. Then, Andre Iguodala threw down perhaps the most insane dunk of all-time when he somehow caught the ball off the back of the backboard and went up and under. Unfortunately, it appears that he only came prepared with 2 dunks (that and his behind-the-back trick), and lost the competition to an overmatched Robinson when the best he could come up with in the dunk-off was the oft-repeated between-the-legs dunk. Just a bizarre event that really captured the essence of my entire weekend. My hope is that next year we find a way to limit the amount of missed dunks one competitor can have...or that someone dunks over Gheorge Muresan.

- I was able to catch a couple old All-Star games on ESPN Classic on Sunday afternoon. The highlight for me, other than watching Michael absolutely dominate, Shaq look skinny at 300 pounds, and guys like Ricky Pierce, Kevin Duckworth and Alvin Robertson take the floor, was when Bob Costas started ranting about how dead the crowd was because all the tickets go to "corporate interests." He was absolutely right, and on top of that, for my money, there's nothing too much better in this world than a fired-up Bob Costas.

posted 11:23 am on 2/20/06 by Chris Kenna

To Be Continued...

As I sat down at my desk with my best friend (a strong cup of coffee) this morning, the insanity of what, up to this point, seemed to be a rather uneventful weekend started to dawn on me. It was a crazy weekend...and not just for the normal reasons of getting blackout drunk and engaging in society-deteriorating antics as I usually do (although I did manage to do that, too.) After a long week of work and "the man" generally reminding me that I don't get a check every 2 weeks just to sit here for 8-9 hours a day, old man weather (or the Weather Channel, or whoever is responsible for making the weather) decided to stick it to the Chicagoland area as well by reminding us that 40+ degree temps are not the norm here in January and February (I wish we could accelerate global warming.) So, on Friday night/Saturday morning, a killer cold front helped Chicago do its best Barrow, AK imitation and drop the temps down to about -9, with windchills hitting close to -30. Nevertheless, we went out on the town, had one too many Milwaukee Best's Lights and somehow ended up in a cab in the McDonald's drive thru at about 4am. After needing just 36 hours of HD sports entertainment and general inactivity to recover from all that, last evening I was able to generate new headaches by traveling to my parents' house and enjoying the company with several younger cousins who I had not seen in several years...who all just happened to get hopped up on speed before they came over (either that, or it was the 3 Cokes they each drank, along with the fact that they are just 6-10 years of age.) Either way, it was an eventful weekend here in the Chi-cago. Here's a few other things that happened around the world this weekend.

- Aside from providing a sneak peek to the dunk contest and reminding us that Ben Gordon has more ridiculous moves than Hot Sauce (who claimed he would be "breakin some knees" had they let him in the C-List "Celebrity" Game with Nick Cannon and Nelly), the Rookie Challenge on Friday night stuck with its trend of not doing a whole lot for me or anyone else. Andre Iguodala and Charlie Villanueva were impressive, but I was already on those bandwagons, so that was really nothing new. They need to put more on the line in this game. Maybe the losers have to spend a week in the D-League or something? Until then, someone remind me to pass on any exhibition game involving Nenad Krstic.

- My friend, TJ "The Goat" Imbrigiotta, of Rib Talk Live fame (from one of my recent posts) took the pleasure of writing us a drunken e-mail at 4:45am on Saturday morning. Although the e-mail was extremely long and lacking in any real valid points, I must give him credit for being such a devoted reader of bottomlineguys.com that he took time to write us before passing out. Therfore, I will give a quick summary of the arguments made in his e-mail.

1) We are not men because we watch the Bachelor. We should spend more time talking about eating ribs perhaps?

2) The Goat (who happens to weigh just over 130 pounds) claims he could beat Dan Clarin in any eating challenge not involving shellfish. He even says he can eat the 1 pound burger from Fuddrucker's (which is a spectacularly tasty burger, by the way.) I have seen both of these men eat. Unfortunately, the difference is that Dan Clarin does not call a 1-pound burger an eating challenge, but a "snack." He would eat the burger, 12 lobsters, and a pound of shrimp by the time Goat Kobayashi finished his burger.

3) New Jersey-born musicians are great. Okay, I'll give him some credit on that one. Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" was going through my head all weekend.

4) "Ozzie Guillen is a dick, but really funny." The title of this e-mail could have easily been "Goat is a dick, but really funny." Call me cocky, but I'd also like to think I could readily plug my name in at the start of that sentence too. That might even be the title of my autobiography one day.  

5) Goat lists a bunch of his favorite bands, which all appear to be student alt-rock bands of some sort.

6) Hockey is better than basketball...followed by a bunch of baseless arguments that I didn't bother to read. (Olympic hockey in HD is awesome though, but I'll get to that in a moment.)

7) Goat appreciated being mentioned on this website (clearly a springboard to fame and fortune), and says he also enjoys hooking up with high school girls when the opportunity presents itself.

8) Goat would rather watch his grandparents hook up in a tub full of melted butter than watch men's figure skating. (Agreed...Goat's grandma is pretty attractive.)

9) The song "Popular" by Nada Surf has brilliant lyrics. I really can't argue with him on that one.

Thanks Goat, write back soon. I am looking forward to hearing about the time you took a homeless guy into your home to protect him from a snowstorm.

- On Saturday morning (or I guess it would be afternoon, technically), while recovering from the "Beast Light" attack of Friday night, I was able to catch some Olympic hockey on NBC-HD, and I must say (again), Olympic hockey in HD is quite enjoyable. I hope the NHL playoffs are available in HD. I might actually watch them. Since we don't have a real NHL team here in Chicago, I will be picking out my NHL bandwagon team soon, so stay tuned.

- The Daytona 500 was this weekend. A bunch of cars went around in circles for about 500 miles at very high speeds. A guy named Jimmie Johnson won. That's really all you need to know about that. Oh, and I once went to a NASCAR race. 98% of the rednecks, uhhh, I mean, fans drink heavily starting at 6am and pass out before the race begins, and wake up for the last 5 laps.

- You know what, the rest of the NBA All-Star festivities probably deserve their own post...or at least more attention than they are going to get from me right now, so I'm going to hold off for now.

posted 12:02 pm on 2/15/06 by Chris Kenna

HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!

Just an ordinary list? Think again, my friends, this one is in CAPITAL LETTERS!

10. KOBE WATCH! - Kobe is shooting 47 for 125 in his last 5 games (about 9 for 25 on average for those without calculators or functioning math skills), averaging a pedestrian 28 ppg during this span while the Lakers have gone 2-3. I know, it is disturbing how much this pleases me. Anyways, check out the link of Kobe doing his old "plane" routine. Apparently, according to Kobe, this really gets the rest of the Lakers fired up. I can only imagine.

9. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED! - Awesomely absurd...absurdly awesome. Just take a look and you'll understand. Be careful, this one's got sound (absurdly awesome sound.)

8. GARGYLES AND PSYCHICS! - What happens when a 300-pound self-proclaimed God Warrior signs up for Trading Spouses? Check out this incredible video for the answer.

7. NBA TRADE FRENZY! - If Darko Milicic gets traded today as proposed, not only would this render my Darko Detroit Pistons bobblehead somewhat irrelevant, but it would mean my 3 favorite under-the-radar NBA players were traded in 3 consecutive days. Maciej Lampe on Monday. Chris Wilcox on Tuesday. Darko on Wednesday.  More importantly, this also means I would have to update my Maciej Lampe webpage.

6. HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A MUSLIM SCORNED! - Denmark hasn't caused this much commotion since Dan Clarin was introduced to the Danish (the pastries, of course) as a child. The  cartoon in this link (yes, a cartoon) was first published in Denmark last fall, and only recently has been the cause of riots, violence and death all over the Muslim world. Just another reason why I am glad this was switched from a religion blog to a sports blog at the last minute.

5. SHAQ DIESEL! - Yes, I am proud to say I am one among the hundreds of people around the world who bought this, the debut CD from the world's biggest rapper. On top of introducing the world to rap supergroup Fu-Schnickens on "What's Up Doc?", tracks such as "I'm Outstanding", "I Hate 2 Brag", "Giggin' On 'Em", and "Are You a Roughneck?" were all stellar (in their own awesome-title, mumbling Shaq-rap type of way.) However, my personal favorite was "I Know I Got Skillz." The only problem with this song is that you really have no idea if Shaq is talking about rapping or balling as he flows "I know I got skillz man, I know I got skillz" over the killer beat. It could really be either one, couldn't it?

4. WORST SPORT EVER! - Thank you, Winter Olympics, for introducing us not only to the most insane sport in the world (downhill skiing aka icy deathtrap racing) but also introducing us to the world's worst version of "sport." Certainly, women's hockey is bad, and I am anything but a fan of women's and pairs figure skating, but there is another sport which takes "bad sport" to a whole other level. In my opinion, men's figure skating is unnatural, unwatchable and frankly, quite disturbing.

3. RIB TALK LIVE! - My old college friend, Mr. TJ Imbrigiotta, aka "The Goat", apparently now has his own public access show based out of our nation's capital. While this is clearly an FCC disaster waiting to happen, it is the best public access show I have seen since Wayne's World. Click on the link and check out Rib Talk if your computer can handle it.

2. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, JEFF TINKER! - This one is just for you. I not only agree that storming the court is a ridiculous tradition, but I could probably put together a pretty good argument that there is no worse "fan" in all of sports than the average DI college student in attendance at their school's college basketball games.

1. WIKIPEDIAMANIA! -  I recently argued that Google is the best website ever invented. Wikipedia.org is making a strong case to move into the number 2 slot. It gets the #1 slot on this list today though.