[twirling emotions]
sanction sanction
systematic diagram
of my heart
step through me
feeling is tripe
compared to overbearing
catharsis that i want you to know
i convicted you of stoicism
you rebutted with the path
of happier thoughts
then just leave me here
and let it twist and warp
my heart to astrological shapes
that used to predict what we could become
the irony of it is... i was the one who was said to look to other people
and you were to keep me in line
funny... dramatic irony
my life and my imprisonment
my ephemeral justification
of tragedy clouding my senses
and i cant let it subside
to let my fear reside
and hope for happiness instead of lust
and deny the thought of untrust
as long as i live
as long as i live
as long as i keep living
as long as i allow breath
to enter my body
...forever and ever and ever
the thought stretches thin over my clouded
beautiful blue eyes...
eyes that i know are nice
and pretty and seductive
that look like christmas presents
but all they are now are the mirrors of my soul
dead dying and struggling for that which i have lost
artistry elongated untrue and strangled
happiness diminished gone and dull
sight glazed unnerving and pallid

i hate this feeling of depression
cynicalism fear and guilt
i did nothing wrong
and i cant believe hows this came about
lust for love
happiness for sorrow

poems of depth and feeling
they hurte and scathe and burne
and torture your ravaged eyes
eyes... and ive lost them too
the sight of yours
in mine
eyes lost blue
they squell and forget their colors as i stare for them...
searching for warmth
as they turn to shallowness
their vapid deception
portrays in my mind

i hate myself
i love you

this is all cheap and low and horrible
read it cry if you do
i cant stop it

im crying right now myself
this is all that i am right now
ignore my sarcasm and below-the-belt insinuations
we talked all about this

and i understand
and i hurt
and im sad
but these were my thoughts before you reasoned with me

i lovelovelove you
and i always willwillwill

dont feel guilty
this is my passion
anger melted to form shattered thoughts