Withdrawl was one of the worst parts of drug use. At first it wasnt so bad, maybe a headache or upset stomach but nothing major. after a while I started to shake and sometimes throw up if i didnt get the drugs i needed. But still that wasnt so bad compared to what happened after a couple of years and harder drugs. After I started doing harder drugs thats when things got kind of interesting. And thats when my life kinda turned into a living hell. First it started to make me really paranoid. whenever i heard people laugh i would think they were laughing at me. whenever a girl would tell me she cared about me i wouldnt belive it because i thought she was just playing some kind of sick joke on me and was always waiting for the punchline, even people that were really close to me. i would think i was being watched constantly no matter where i was or what i was doing. when i was by my self i would constantly be looking out the windows and turning on the lights outside, even if the blids were shut or i was upstairs. i wouldnt sit with my back to a window. when i slept i would hug something over my chest because i thought someone was going to try to stab me to death in my sleep. but i didnt sleep much either. this might sound funny to you but it was horrible for me. i was constantly scared and i thought i was thinking rationally. the drugs wouldnt let my brain realize that they were the cause of all of this. i really thought all of this was true... for no reason.
Then when it started to get really bad (about a year ago) i started to hear voices when i hadnt had anything for too long. the voices scared me sometimes because they would convince me to do things and say things. they would make me belive things that werent true. it was bad. like they would tell me that my girlfriends were cheating on me or convince me that they didnt give a fuck about me. they would tell me to do things like drive somewhere far away and make whoever is in my car get out and leave them there. they would tell me to go get more drugs, they would tell me to kill myself, once they convinced me to kill someone that i was pissed off at and i was going to but i couldnt find a ride. they would tell me to steal stuff and sometimes i would without even noticing and later i would find all kinds of shit in my pockets, mostly just stupid stuff i would just throw away. the only way to make the voices go away was to do drugs. then i found out that when i cut myself that would make them go away a for a little bit. this is because when i would cut myself, it would release adrenaline and endorphines and those chemicals in my brain would be like natural drugs, and whatever part of my brain was making the voices happen would accept this i guess. but having cuts all over my body began to upset people so i had to stop that. the only thing that got rid of them for good was not doing any drugs for 60 days while i was in jdc.