1-4-04

Custody Battle Ruling:
>
>
> Custody Battle Ruling:
> A seven year old San Francisco boy was at the center
> of a courtroom
> drama this morning when he challenged a court ruling
> over who should
> have custody.
> The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents
> so the judge
> awarded custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that
> his aunt beat him more than his parents and he
> refused to live there.
> When the judge suggested that he live with his
> grandparents the boy
> cried out that they beat him more than anyone.
> The judge then decided to allow the boy to choose
> who should have
> custody of him.
> Custody was granted to the Cleveland Browns this
> morning as the boy
> firmly believes that they are not capable of beating
> anyone.
 

A Good One
 

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but
only 4 parachutes.
 The first passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball
player; the Lakers really need me, besides I have to be in Court
tomorrow". So he took the first pack and left the plane.....
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former
U.S. President, a Senator from New York, and a most likely a future
president. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so for
America's people, I cannot die." She forcefully grabbed a pack and with
a snooty smirk on her face and her nose in the air, jumped out of the
plane.....
The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a US Senator and a Viet Nam
Vet". "I am also going to be my parties nominee for President of the
United States". So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped......
The fourth passenger, President George W. Bush, said to the fifth
passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and
served my country well, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the
last parachute".
The girl said, "That's okay Mr. President. There's a parachute left for
both of us. "America's smartest woman" took my schoolbag

 
Poker

Six retired  Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meierwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and ask, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?"

They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one.  They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet.  Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me"

Goldberg goes over to the Meierwitz apartment, knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 playing poker, and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.

Sex During Breakfast!

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a
headache."

"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even
taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how everything
went."

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how
her love life has been.

"Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."

"What happened?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the
same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate
love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "Was the sex not good?"

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never
be able to show my face in McDonald's again!"
 

Not Yet  
 

A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,
"Mommy, are these my brains?"
Mom said, "Not yet, honey."