I want to be where the people are
It's so astonishing how much popculture affects our judgement, its like "is this cool or not, if its not then it sucks, i cant decide whats cool on my own, people might laugh at me, make fun of me, NONOOOO" It's queer people, start thinking on our own, starting doing what you want, who cares what nelly is wearing tomorrow, and never forget about frank sonatra. Oh, and before you judge something or someone just think about wether or not it took feeling, if it came out of the heart, if they stepped out on a limb to do it. I'm done preaching though, Sometimes i dont even listen to my own sugestions. On a different note though, my brother is on his way to becomeing perfect, you can laugh if you want to, but i believe him. He bought me a sucker.
Pat gave me a zinger today, man it aws great, tasted so good, cept i got some of the white filling on my chin. Sean is a baller shot caller who has a cool shifter. We atr three bags of popcorn today durning class, it was amazing, we have an addiction. Its a drug, alcohol is a drug. Chad and I and Sean are gonna make moonshine, we are drawing out our secret plans, dont copy us. I know alot of funny people, what would life be like without them, i wouldnt know cuz i would be dead, i would shoot myself without them. They make school bearable. Speaking of school, actually math, I am the only smart person, I'm not even smart so that says alot, We are talking about retards here people, not only are they controling but also just complete tarts. just in my math class though. I know I talk about his alot, but please understand, I hate them , i cant take it anymore. They make me feel like taking a ath with my teddybear and a toaster.Oh and by the way, if you hadnt noticed yet, I HATE THEM!!!!!
Besides math i guess everything is going pretty well, I am getting alright grades, I have a beatiful girlfriend and grant got a new welder, and i got to try it out today, its pretty sweet. I finally go tto see his brothers truck, its nice, i like it, I like life and baseball bats. I like really big puddles in the road, I like sleep so im going to bed now. And i dont really have a girlfriend. see you folks bright and early tomrroow
10/14/03 7:58 PM
Man, Who ever heard of being shot down by salad
So i was walking out to my car today when I hear a bam bam bam only to turn around and see thats its only a dog with three legs trying to kill a monster that has 19 eyes. So I ran it over, the dog i mean, it was ugly, i kept the monster though. It's a girl, named tango. Speaking of girls, they are good for nothing book mongers ready to rot your brain with insignifigant literature. I like them though, in fact I beleive I might actually be falling for one, which is really gonna throw some people off because everyone will think its someone that it isnt, gaurenteed. Isn't that nice? So guess away kiddies cuz you are wrong, DEAD wrong. Maybe. Anyways, today was rad, just like everyday. I didnt do anything school wise, like regular school wise. Just sat and smiled and told everyone that the paper we are writing is supposed to be 17 pages long, wich some people still believe. I listened to the girls in math talk about even gayer stuff today but I dont remember any of it, It was gay. I raced myself on the freeway, I won just to let you all know, I can get out of english 5 min early everday now, what a great treat, im totally wasted on that thought, its great, absolutly fantstic, because the last 5 min of any class is always the worst, they suck, and I get out of it. Does anyone besides me like dumping bottles of water on themselves? Sorry, that was random. lets talk about what Adam got me for my birthday.
Okay, My birthday was a long time ago, but adam just gave me a gift today. This was only because we were never able to connect so it made gift delivery rather hard, but i finally made it to his school today where I recieved the Fucking radest gift ever. It was the G.I. Joe movie, my favorite flick of all time, how insitefull adam was when he got this for me. I dont even think he knew it was my favorite, I'm not even sure why i never owned it before, but i do know. Anyhow, Hes like the only person who got me something so his ranking on the list of champs is at like #1. Congratualtions adam. So I watched it as soon as I got home and was thrilled, Such good memories it brought back. If you arent in the know about G.I Joe then you are just not as cool as the people that are in the know. Most people know what a gi joe is but its really more than that, It's a symbol, a great symbol but dont ask me what it symbolizes cuz its top secret. Well, I always wanted to be stormshadow, still do but i dont tell many people that. He's a nija with a white outfit and a couple of swords, ya know the usual, but hes a bad guy and so cool. Thanks for the vid adam, you rock. It always pisses me off though cuz stormshadow isnt in the movie, arrggg. Enough about that though and on to something a bit more erotic.
AT NM there are a group of us guys that always hang out and we do things together(nothing gross, you sickos) And when ever someone has their back turned there is always a humping motion that follows rather close to the unlucky person, it could be anyone in the class, or out of the class for that matter. Don't know why i mentioned that but I thought it was kinda funny in that weird sort of way. people are always getting clawed in the groin too with these huge hook things, its rather like a giant dual that is always going on over peoples pelvic area, this isnt supposed to sound gay though, so shutup.
I've been journaling pretty early in the day and I feel like I'm ripping myself off when I do that, cuz the day just isnt over yet, ya know? So last night was great, I took a bath, totally weird cuz I never pour water over myself at night, let alone submerge my whole body in it, but It was nice, very relaxing. I was actually trying to kill myself but it didnt work, drowing is hard. I can't hold my breath for very long anymore either. So after the bath I had to stay up pretty late to make sure my hair was dry before I went to sleep so I read a book till like 1 or so. Finished the book though. REading is fun, I think it can be better than a movie, or even hot sex. Then I layed my body down to sleep, but I didnt sleep, i really played rock anthems all night and shredded like jimmy page. That was the end of my day, very cozy. Like a tea cozy over some dead guys head that has an arm cut off. Just 2 minutes Turkish. Well, its time to end this journal because I still have alot of stuff to do to night(not really, kill time is all) Night everyone.
10/13/09 7:27 PM
Dare I say....................DIE!!!!!!!!
This is good, two journals in a row, hopefully I can keep that pace up for the whole week, even though no one reads them. This is for me though, not for you so i dont even care, you all can DIE!!!!!!!!!!! for all I can. I wouldnt shed a tear for you, Its just a waste of moisture anyways, besides that it fogs the vision so I cant see down the sights of my highpowered Nurophazonultrabeam cannon. Is she weird is she white is she promise to the night and her head has no room. Anyhow, my day has been pretty good, pretty uneventful, and uneventful usually means good because all the noteworthy events in my life usually come with an overly large negative conotation. So I try to avoid them all together. Math was the same as ever, I was sitting with my eyes closed trying to rest my mind and body when all of a sudden the girls that I sit by start talking, and what do you know, their conversation is GAY GAY GAY and totally not far out I can"t remember everything they said but it went along these lines
"My weekend sucked so bad"
"well my weekend was hecktic"
"what did you do?"
"oh ya know, the usual, went to home coming and stuff like that"
"hmm, sounds neat"
"yeah it was allright, I kinda danced with my date but I didnt really dance with anyone else cuz no one wanted to dance (with me)"
"i'm super tired cuz I had dance all week end, but my eye is getting better( she had a black eye, it looked awefull) and I have 2 football practices after school plus dance( what the heck?) but oh well"
"I wasnt done talking about homecoming"
"oh sorry"
"no its fine, anyways, I treid to get my friends date to dance with her but he wouldnt(cuz shes ugly) for some reason"
Blah blah blah, they never shutup, so I decided to but in with a "shut up, no one fucking cares alright, my weekend was awesome and you guys just ruin every monday for me, do your math or something, god, I know you guys are super depressed but I will be too if you dont stop your whining" they shut up for a while but soon picked it up again, oh well, what can ya do, besides sending them to a counsilor, blasting their heads off, or running away to another country.
That was probably the worst part of my day though, History went fast, English went gay, and NM was pretty fun. I hate driving so much, god I like it when other people drive, its so much nicer, and you dont feel like its your fault if you get in an accident and die. I was on my way home today and A huge hornet flew into my cockpit, I'm talking pretty big here, but nothing cool happend with that it just decided to fly away and that was that. I wanted to catch it but my hands were full. I ran out off gas today too, but it didnt matter cuz I had more gas in one of my many tanks. ARen't you jelouse, suck it down fags, I have more petrol tanks then you. But you probably get better gas milage so I suppose I will forgive you for being a single tank driver.
That was my day away from home, pretty exciting huh? *nods from the crowd, and an occasional shout stating the much appriciated " WE love you ted, You rock like veloria"* So what about my day at home you ask. Pretty much tthe same story, I took a nap because I like naps and i decided i was gonna take one when i get home this morning in the shower. People think I'm wierd because I take showers with some of my clothes on, just my boxers and my socks, whats so "different" about that? It really cold in my room I've noticed, Only in my room though, the rest of my home is rather warm and cozy but my room makes my hands hurt. I also noticed that my family has alot of dishes, let me elaborate, we have like 2 cupboards full of plates and bowl and stuff like that for the diniing room table, and then we have a buffet thingy full of dishes. and then we have this other thing full of these rad dishes that we dont really use but I want to cuz they are sweet. just ask jon, we have more than most people I think. Maybe not though, if you have alot of dishes then I shall submit to you when you go for worl domination. we dont need that many dishes anyways, Only 4 of us live here and I dont really use dishes so that leaves 2 people left, hmmm. I'm rambling on, but tis what I always do so It doesnt seem all that abnormal.
There was this girl that I though looked like an erotic vulture once, she was wearing eyeliner, I was wearing eye liner. And guess what. We were both wearing black. I drove in the hammer lane back then, she was my life, my ozone layer, I was jacks broken mind, his broken spleen. his broken heart. I didnt break though, I've found that over the years we get stronger, We might cry more, or less, we might act tough but we learn, and when we dont learn its that much better. I dont know what I'm talking about but i actually do, except you dont so its good that way, these are my feelings, If you were able to understand them I wouldnt share these intimate thoughts, my heart, with you. You are eaters, you survive off the blood of others, everyone does it, without the feelings that people confide in you they would break down and become jacks dieing hope. Please people, dont leave me, we must survive. I liked a girl during the summer, I liked her alot, We dont talk now though, I'm a loser, she is better than me, she was an eater too, except she would/wouldnt let anyone else eat. She was one of those people that you love alot but you cant help them in anyways except by not helping them. Shes gone now, I'm just glad I was able to be her friend, even for that short of a time, I did learn alot, alot about myself, my feelings, the lies that I had told myself time and time again, I sortta felt like micky for a while, after bricktop burnt his mums caravan down with her inside, then micky is standing there in his underwear and hes pretty pissed off,you think he forgets about it, but then you realize he didnt. It was a big deal, I feel like getting revenge on the world sometimes but it would be futile, for 1 I dont know who and what it would be aimed at and for 2 I really dont care enough, but in the end I will win, its mind over matter. Micky won, I'm not trying to say that tracey will ever like me again, not at all, in fact i hope she doesnt, I've moved on, she moved on way before, but I will win in life, I'm just waiting for my moment, thats all. Im done. sorry if this was too long, it doesnt even make sense but im not gonna try and make it make sense because i dont read these after I have writen them. This is really just a bird dream of the olympus mons, my swan song(not really my swan song, not yet)
10/12/03 9:13 PM
Do you mind if I ax your temples till you bleed and start puking?
YEAH!!!! Ok I'm pretty excited cuz its been like over a week since i wrote last and I feel its time to get back on track. SO here i go. Here is what you guys have missed since that last entry. ABSOLUTLY NOTHING! My life sucks, now i know it sounds like im having a pity party, and i am. my life is alot better than alot of peoples but as jon said, its just how you take it and I happen suck at taking things, I suck even more than nelly having sex with his grandmothers daughter during her time of menstration. I'm just a poor sport about everything, i always look at how things could be mountains better than it is now and how Frank Black is rad and I'm not. But other than that things are going pretty good, I'm managing to get up and continue my life every morning, I go to school, I talk to my friends, I laugh alot, I learn how to play the bagpipes. With all the normal, gay everyday things I find that something is missing. I dont know what it is but its there, even though its not there cuz its missing but i will find it. All i can say is that being a shotgun realator is bloody fantastic. It sure beats school, which I've decided i'm going to quit, i have no use for it, I havent learned anything since 6th grade, im not kidding. I've decided its a big waste of time, but then again it could be worse, i could go to jons school. Lets have a moment of silence for jon ........................... ........................................................................ That was nice, now we all feel better. Lets go snowboarding. I had a nice cup of tea last night at dans, I made tea at his house, dont know why but for some reason I usually do. I drink alot of tea so its not that weird, but last night i took suger with it and it was nice, just thought i should mention that. How many of you are addicted to coffee? If you say yes I bet you are lying and are really only addicted to alcohal cuz thats better than coffee anyways. Man I'm just so out of tune. wouldnt it be neat if people didnt talk but instead comunicated through sexual actions. Like if you kissed someone you would be telling them to pass the potatoes and if you touched someones behind you wanted them to drive you to safeway and if you raped them it meant that you cared for them with an undieing passion. Shouldn't make a joke about rape but i wasnt im just talkign about a cool language so dont take it seriously. Maiming people sexually isnt cool, especially when you are trying to convay a thought or a feeling. I need a nice glass of bourbon right about now,served neat..
I just had a thought about how cool white boards are, the ones that youwrite on with the markers and you can erase it when you are done, its like having a billion sheets of paper at your finger tips, never to run out. Sorry if this sounds racist and all, the whole WHITE board thing, black boards are cool too, cept i dont like chalk so they arent as cool as white boards and I like drawing with markers better than chalk even though chalk is a much better substance for art than markers but oh well. I kinda feel like going into the whte board business right about now, it seems like it could be really gnarly. I have a white board, i like it. I have a baseball too, i dont use it though cuz baseball is pretty lame. So boring. But I like cricket, its much better.
My week wasn't cool. Didnt do anything, Didnt say anything profound, didnt write a novel and I didnt tell david copperfield to piss off either. But other than that i suppose it's fine. I decided I'm gonna weld some body armor up sometime soon, that would be so outta sight. jesse and I need to race our vehicles, what an exciting matchup, such fun. He has an old mazda, a pretty sweet ride if you ask me. I dont have a car, I ride a bike. I think i can beat him anyways. Speaking of cars kyle and I were gonna terrorize the town with his nissian but the starter went out so we didnt end up doing that. Oh well. I went to kyles on friday, much better than going to the homecoming game, WE lost it, thats why i didnt go, i knew we would lose. I didnt go to homecoming either. I would explain why but i dont feel the need, I just think its gay, so call me a loser if you feel the need to but before you do ask yourself this, DId you have fun at homecoming? I had a nice talk with kyles mom about girls, learned alot, shes a real help. It wasnt like a "this is what girls think, act, and do" It was like a " girls aren't that cool, and blah blah blah" I didnt write blah blah blah to make it seem like i dont care what she said, but i'm not about to type it all. kyle and I watched son in law in the morning, what a great flick. After that I went home and took a nap then went over to Dan's where Jon proceded to hit me in the mouth and I smashed my elbow with way to much force, we're talkin jedi amounts of force. It hurts still. Stupid TV. Went to church, it was gay. Jon came over and we played and wrote music for a while, got some good stuff down. Thats about it for the day, the week, and the weekend. WIth that I think I shall end this cursed writing and tell all of you sexually frusterated people that there isnt someone for everyone, and the guy to girl ratio is 49% to 51% that means that every guy can get a girl, but lets face it, some of you ladies are out of luck. But who need a significant other anyways, all they are good for is filling up speed dail slots. Im outta here, this sucks, you suck. GO and shoot yourself, B movies are rad, i like indie films, puff daddy rocks. Outer space is over rated. We need War, I need sleep, goodnight cadbury.
10/4/03 12:31 AM
Only 8 months of school left, YAY!
AHHHHHHH!!(cry of distress) School is almost over if you think about it, after all we are already 1/9 of the way done, and boy am I proud of my self. I dont have any direction about what to write about and I kinda want to go to bed soon. I figured out that driving in the rain with my vehicle sucks really really bad, but oh well. I would go into details but im much to tired, sorry. I know you all want to know about my tramatic life threatening experiance but its just going to have to wait. Went to the corn maze tonight, that was pretty fun. Funniest thing was when this one kid started to cry(almost) because dan said he looked gay because his shoes were't straped at the velcro part at the top above his laces. I think he was hurt pretty bad, what an emotionally destraught fellow. Went to art walk last night, i could go into details on the too but my shoulder hurts. That was prett rad cept we didnt really do anything, just the same thing we always do. We saw one of my buddies bands play, that was alright cept their singer is just queer, he thinks hes like emo or something. Spent the night at kyles. I want a Jakov animal thing that makes cool noises like oououououopp! that would be neato. Cops were all over tonight, just got back about a hlaf hour ago and I hate driving at night when you ar the only person on the streets cuz they always pay attention to everything you do. Anyhow, I am really tired and my shoulder really does hurt so i'm gonna cut myself short even though I have alot of pleasent things to say and go to bed. Goodnight everyone.