10:45 AM CST on Thursday, March 24, 2005
From Staff Reports:

A man jumped to his death from a Dallas overpass early Thursday, ending a car chase with Farmers Branch police who wanted to question him about an assault. Police attempted to stop the man's vehicle because it matched the description for a suspect who had beaten a woman with a baseball bat in a domestic dispute, Lt. Mark Young said. The suspect stopped on the overhead ramp that takes eastbound LBJ Freeway traffic onto I-35 and leapt over the rail into the westbound lanes of I-635, where he was struck by several vehicles and died, police said.

It's another Saturday and something on that even smaller island made me sick. Been coughing everyday since the 2nd week. I'm guessing it's the mouldy fillings of my pillow or maybe it's the blanket. The hell. Maybe the water has lead in it. Damn isolated camps all process their own tap water. But if it gives me another legit excuse to report sick... I don't care. I've topped up a nice supply of useful drugs since I went back to that island. Lemme see... some antacid, mefenamic acid, some green pills for diahorrea, and a couple of bottles of procodin syrup. I heard from a platoon mate that I could buy restricted cough syrup over the counter from private clinics. About $5 a bottle. Procodin(w/codeine) is confirmed. Don't know about the dex. I remembered that it had a pink label. Don't remember the brand of the syrup mixture. Should have kept the bottle for reference.

... "16 years of accumulated rage suppressed by nothing more than brief glimpses of hope, which have all but faded to black," he wrote in an undated personal biography on one Web site. "I can feel the urges within slipping through the cracks, the leash I can no longer hold ..." With so many dark postings surfacing and being attributed to Weise, FBI spokesman Paul McCabe said the agency is aware of their potential importance in helping understand a mass murderer's frame of mind. Though the teen's slide toward violence was apparent in comments he made and the drawings he showed to classmates, his aunt puzzled over when and why he lost his way. "Jeff was a really good kid," Desjarlait said in an interview. "I felt that he was a bright kid. He loved to draw. He loved to play video games. He loved to go out and eat. He was a really polite kid. Any time he wanted something or needed something, he always asked for it." Weise was acquainted with pain and sorrow. His father, Darryl "Baby Dash" Lussier, committed suicide in 1997 and his mother, Joanne Weise, was left brain damaged by a car accident in 1999...

I could tell you secrets. Mildly shocking ones, stupid ones, childish ones. Or my secrets. Personal ones. They're not really much of any secret. Several ... No. Many people have come to know my secrets. Nasty rumours. Only not so nasty because they are secrets I am comfortable with... But the 'best' secrets I have, or should I say the 'rael' secrets , are stuff I would rather never remember or mention. If I told you such 'stuff', would it seem like I'm coming clean? For real? I wonder if I would punch you in the nose if you would spill it to anyone. OK OK. I'll say... I am lonely, I get manically depressed. I cried when my parents separated. When my father talked about possibly whacking my mother just because she has a boyfriend, I didn't feel a thing. I wanted so much to love her more. I still feel guilty for that. The only thing that I can think of to justify my pointless life ... The only naive, noble purpose I could deceive myself with. Is. That I should at least repay my impossible debt to my parents, and try to be a fillial son while I'm at it. An impossible task to force myself to carry on until the sickening end... That's the best secrets I could recall to mind. Not too impressive is it? Now that I've said it. Will they become trivia? Will I post them on message boards for all to see?

"I'm nothin' but your average Native American stoner," it said. "I'm mellow half the time, mostly natural, but mostly drug induced as well. I'm not a junkie, or an alcoholic, MJ is my gal' of choice. Enough about that though, I don't know why you're reading this anyway. I'm gonna roll this joint so I'll c'ya later ..."

it's been 3 days since i officially completed my national service. i've been living like a vampire. surf net through the nite, sleep in the morning, go out when the sun starts to set. 9 to 9 , what is in my mind what is in my mind? really does seem like the army stole my brain. what was in my mind? im sure i know a lot, but it looks i forgotten most of it. like reclaimed land, it's coming back, not quite the same, something new. (not 'reclaimed land' as in dump soil into the coast to make for land to use. more like conquered land, returned me to its rightful owner)

Drawings Weise made at school and online activity suggested he was a neo-Nazi, to which Desjarlait expressed surprise. "That's just coming out of the blue," she said. "That's not how he was raised."

MAYBE i'm gonna take up the job as a security officer. 12hr workday, 6 days per week, but the pay is decent. enough for me to pay for TV, cheese, n some left over for the bills/debts. but the big head made such a big fuss about me being over-qualified, i might try something else.

His favorite hobbies were listed as "Drawing, Listening to Music. Chillin. Getting high..."

called in sick today. damn sniffles. it's not that bad. but since ive decided to quit a little earlier, why bother to try harder? man, i sound like a slacker. oh. i am one. darn. the supervisor told me i have to give 1 weeks notice before quiting. oh crap, 1 more week of BS n boredom. i gotta remind myself to stop taking pain killers when this is over. im getting hooked. ahhh... *go gets a ciggy*

"The instrument of my resurrection was supposed to be freedom," said his Jan. 4 entry. "But there isn't an open sky or endless field to be found where I reside, nor is there light or salvation to be discovered. Right about now, I feel as low as I ever have. I don't think it's a big secret why, really. My biggest disappointment and downfall came from what was supposed to be the one thing to lift me from the grave I'm continually digging for myself. Nah, never. Only the worthy are saved, y'know."

been almost a week since i started coughing. started with a little flu. well, lotsa sneezing. i don't do so well under colder weather. now all other symptoms seem to be suppressed cept for this incessant coughing.

"I'm starting to regret sticking around," he said. "I should've taken the razor blade express last time around. ... Well, whatever, man. Maybe they've got another shuttle comin' around sometime soon?"

i haven't been able to sleep properly, not w/o waking up every couple of hours coughing like shite, n hearing my father nagging(which made me cough more for some reason), and i end up (finally) typing this boring blog entry. which i doubt anyone would believe.

"On anti-depressants. Seeing a therapist ..."

doctors ive seen for this prolonged symptom look at me suspiciously like im exaggerating or faking it. my parents think im not eating right or something and then go on to blame it on everything i do. i love myself. who else would.

From Erich Maria Remarque's World War I novel, "All Quiet on the Western Front." It is uttered by the story's narrator, Paul Baumer, a private in the German Army: "We are little flames, poorly sheltered by frail walls against the storm of dissolution and madness, in which we flicker and sometimes almost go out."