The more I live in this world, the more I see how apart from it I'm really not. I've had a hard life, just like everyone else. Only my story is quite a bit different from anyone else.
The hardest thing is when I think about her. If only she had lived to see me become human permanently, to see this world be rid of the evil she spent her life fighting.
It's funny how I found a family through her. In Cordelia I found the greatest family of all. I didn't understand how much I meant to her until she got a full-time job on "Days Of Our Lives". I asked if she was going to be leaving the agency now & she said to me: "Do you think I'd leave you? Not a chance."
Yes, I still run the agency. Only now I don't fight demons, I fight humanity- the only evil left in the world.
Of course, Cordelia doesn't get the visions anymore. She's off the hook with the Powers That Be, as am I. I wonder what The Powers will do with their time now that their eternal battle is over.
When I think about all who have died for this cause...including Buffy, I start to wonder if it was worth it- that we live in a world without unnatural evils. I hope it was. It's difficult to think that in a few thousand years no one will even know that there was ever anything out there but themselves. They'll just assume all the ancient tales are folklore. They'll never know how close to ending their world came.
I worry about humanity. I've spent many years trying to figure out what I was- Good or Evil. & the answer is that we, meaning every creature left in this world, are all Good. There's nothing more to it. My biggest fear for humanity now is that they won't understand that. That they'll get lost from themselves, and work for an evil cause. It's foolish & it's not the truth. We are all good, & there is no point with which evil actions cannot be redeemed. There's always hope. In every creature, in every being. Evil is not our nature, Evil is what occurs when we are not strong enough to face the truth. And we are a strong race. Afterall, look who we beat?
But, Evil does still loom- in every fear, in every doubt. I guess some things will never die, but that doesn't mean they can't be fought.
We are a strong race.
When I first became human, I wondered how I was going to get through the remaining time here. But it's been about a year and I seem to be getting along almost fine. When I think about the life I've lived... Oh, man. How many people can say they've been to Hell & back- twice. That they've spent years repenting, fighting demons. About the years that they've been repenting for. How many can truly claim to have loved as great as I have?
But I know that one day I'll be with her again. & that is my salvation, it is why I live this life- because I know she'd want me to live it. & I wait for the day that I can be with her again.
