~*My Reality*~
Darkness surrounds me,
filling me with the hope that I only know.
The kind of hope that assures me I'm alive.
The kind that follows loss of control.
The kind that helps me to survive.
Do you know how it feels to feel nothing?
How it haunts my every move?
I want to feel something. I'm constantly running.
Do you know how it is to be alone?
My life is filled with emptiness,
no one to share anything with.
I want to be loved in the way you deserve.
But I deserve.. nothing.
They say you get what you put out.
I've put out everything and got nothing.
No one hears me, even though I shout.
I've given so much, tried to hard.
Spilled my guts and talked things out.
But somehow I end up back at start.
The beginning of my ending is near.
Wrapped tight in worry, yet no fear.
The pain of every day life is killing me.
Piercing through my heart, into my soul. Can't you see?
I don't belong here. With you.
I want to be loved in the way you deserve..
~*~
~*Ode to Love*~
Words cannot express the way I want to feel you near me.
Just to feel your hands upon me would be a dream come true.
I want to know how it feels to belong; to belong to you.
If only you and I could be, I'd give up everything.
I'd give my heart to you without a second thought.
If a bird could sing the melody of my love for you, it'd never stop.
I'd give up everything and more to show you how I feel.
But being so far away from you, proves it's never real.
If we could belong to each other, I promise this is true;
I would spend my whole life, proving how much I love you.
To Jack. xx
~*~
~*Bliss Tearing Eyes*~
Blinding my eyes, devouring my heart,
My love for you was there, right from the start.
Because of your words, I can finally see,
Everything and all, that you mean to me.
Realizing now, all that I can explore,
You've left me with hope, to find out more.
but none of it would matter, if I werent with you.
Boundaries dont exist, I know that much is true.
Friendship has soured, relationship bloomed.
Helping each other through, We were bound to our doom.
Tell me that you don't really love her,
that you don't really care.
Then turn around and realize that through it all,
I was the one there.
Look inside your heart, tell me what you feel.
Tell me right now that what we are is real.
Take my hand and know right now,
that I don't want to let you go.
Torn from my chest, shattered and ripped,
Still my heart beats for you, not a pulse skipped.
I would give up everything just for one moment with you,
you're everything to me, my dream come true.
Your happiness is all that matters to me.
If I could take your pain and make it all cease,
I would in a heart beat, so you could be free.
If letting you go is what needs to be done,
I'll pick up my broken heart from your hands and run.
If you really love her let me know,
(you're all that matters)
and I will let you go.
~*~
~*Dream To Make Believe*~
Sometimes I feel like you don't even mind,
That im on the edge of crying every time we talk,
because i'm supposed to be the one with you this time.
It's like all the happiness you've ever known is being ripped out of your heart,
and you feel like you have no where else to go,
but to run away in some dark corner where no one can see the pain.
Like every bad circumstance you could ever imagine is all coming down,
Falling down in a pool of rain.
But, sometimes, I feel like I'm more, more than just a friend.
The feelings you've showed me that you've had,
And the happiness I feel when im with you has no end.
I just want to believe that we could be.
Tell me that you don't want her, that you dont care.
And the only thing that matters right now is me and you.
And then im told, "Havent you ever heard that Life is not fair,
You don't always get what you want, sometimes you just have to deal."
Then im stuck in the mix of what's true and what's not,
what's fake and what's real.
I dont care anymore. I cannot stop feeling the way I do, and if that
means that pain comes along with it, I'll handle it and your pain too.
Because you mean more than the world to me. I'd do anything to make you happy.
I think of all those late nights we've had,
everything we've said, and somehow I come to the conclusion that,
I love you. Maybe i dont know what that means, but I do know that I won't
give up.
Then I close my eyes and dream of me with you,
Everything we could be, together.
I can see the perfect picture of how I want Life to be.
And for a moment, I'm perfectly happy.
Sometimes I can even see me with you so vividly, it seems so real..
But until I don't have to close my eyes,
I guess I'll wait.
~*~
~*Quietly Suffocating*~
I can feel you breathing,
As I watch you sleep.
Remembering the feeling,
Emotions running deep.
I am lost without you,
You're everything I am.
I just want to hold onto,
Anything I can.
You're the air I breathe,
The salt I taste,
As the tears run down,
Across my face.
If I could bring you to me,
And hold you here by my side,
I'd never let go so I could never see,
the darkness of this time.
Now that I'm without you,
My heart, it feels so cold.
I still want to hold onto you,
and never let you go.
I can feel your breathing,
it steadily slows down.
I'm sorry that I've hurt you,
You've left without a sound.
~*~
~*Shattered Love*~
Sometimes I love you. Sometimes I care.
And sometimes I turn around to find that you're not even there.
Sometimes I see you. Sometimes I dream you.
And sometimes I realize that none of this is true.
If I could feel the warmth of your hands,
the scent of your body against mine,
I'd turn back time,
to be with you.
If I could hold your hand,
we could walk through the sand,
and I could share my life.. with you.
Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I miss you.
And sometimes I base all of my hope around you.
Sometimes I want you. Sometimes I need you.
And sometimes I realize that you don't need me.
Sometimes the one person that you need the most,
couldn't care less about you.
And you feel like you don't even belong anywhere.
That no matter what you do, you'll never be good enough.
And all you really need is someone to reach out and hold your hand,
and let you know that everything is going to be okay.
~*~
~*Forever A Memory*~
(Past)
Heart beating faster by the minute.
I don't know how I could live my life without you in it.
You're the only one who can dry my tears,
cast away my fears, be here all these years.
What would I do without you?
(Present)
Mouth's gone dry, stomach's tightening.
How can this moment be so frightening?
You're what I dreamed of, everything and more.
As I watch you let my heart, drop to the floor.
Tears streaming quickly, down my face.
Each running faster, to win the race.
How could I let my heart be taken,
bruised and battered, yours for the breaking?
(Always)
Even though you've hurt me,
To you, I entrust.
Though you don't love me,
Love you, I must.
~*~
~*Without You*~
Maybe it was you.
Maybe it was me.
I hope one day I'll know.
It's been burning me.
Everywhere I look.
Everywhere I go.
You're all I see.
All I know.
(Im lost)
My days are dark without you.
Though my heart is filled with hope.
Silent terrors follow thoughts of you.
Though I refuse to let them stop.
(Without you)
Your words are the air in my lungs.
Your smile; the life in my eyes.
I'm devoted to you.
Why won't you be mine?
(Broken, Bruised)
When you sit alone, do you think of me?
When you're alone, do you?
I cry. Despise. My life. For you.
When you. Love Me. I. Love. You.
(Why do I love you?)
Maybe it was you.
Maybe it was me.
We'll never know.
For now we cease to be.
~*~
~*Aganistic Epitaphy*~
From the depths of my soul,
To the blood in my viens.
I am sick and sunk.
Constant pain.
Seemingly beautiful.
Purposely lush.
Truthfully deadly,
Innocently crushed.
Constantly failing.
Struggling to be free.
Wishing to be loved.
Come save me.
If you'd look into my eyes,
Swim the currents of my blood.
You will find the disease that will bury me.
The agony that carries me.
Hidden in plain view, you will discover.
I am distant, far from the others.
'Life is short and sweet,' they say.
'You have to live it day by day.'
Ignoring truth, blinded by lies.
Nothing left, but failing tries.
I will not be blinded.
Help me find the disease that will bury me.
I will not be blinded.
~*~
~*Beautiful When You Cry*~
I don't mean to make you cry,
but you're beautiful when you do.
Those salty tears falling down your face,
just seem to radiate you.
And every second of every day,
when your face is wet with sorrow.
I hold my breathe and pray,
That it will be the same tomorrow.
I watch your hands slide across your face,
wiping away the tears.
And I hold your hand and admire you,
like I've done for all of these years.
Your fingers absorb the drops of sadness,
as you feel around your face.
You must have gotten used to this,
for you practice with much grace.
I don't mean to take pride
in making you break down,
but I can't help the way I am,
I do it all without a frown.
So I'm afraid, my love, it will continue,
Until you surely die.
For I just love to see you hurt,
Because you're beautiful when you cry.
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