My relationship with the damn computer is getting to be like Clio's. I got booted off of aol tonight and lost my icq connection and i was chatting with Kerowyn and Joel and I can't reconnect to icq. I feel like throwing this piece of crap computer out a window. Well I'm gonna go to bed because I'm way too tired. I should have gone to bed earlier when I finished talking to Killian, but NOOOOO I had to hit the computer. Now tomorrow I'm gonna be all tired and bitchy and stuff. I hate computers!!!


posted by talia rowan at 12:12 AM comment


  

Happy Halloween aka the Second High Holy Day to all.

Unfortunatly, the first grade class that I'm teaching won't be having a party to celebrate. It will be class as usual and I found that depressing. My old kindergarten classes (am and pm) are having parties so I think I'm gonna have to pop in for a visit to see them in costume. In the evening I'm going trick-or-treating with Killian and C.J. and I'm all excited. It's been a long time since I've gone door to door on candy begging night. I can't wait to see all of the little kids walking the streets in their costumes begging for candy. The whole thing can be compared to prostitution. Think about it. A prostitute gets dressed up and walks the streets basically begging for goods. Children dress up and walk the streets begging for goodies. See the similarities? the only difference is that kids don't have to do anything to get the goodies except ask. What other warped mind would compare something so fun and innocent like trick-or-treating with prostitution? Only me. God I'm a freak.



posted by talia rowan at 11:02 PM comment


  

Save the Drama for Your Mama

At the school where I teach we have this topic that we teach called conflict resolution. It's basically designed to teach kids how to settle their disputes and solve problems before they become huge. They're just trying to prevent more school shootings. I really hate teaching conflict resolution to any grade level. Today I finally figured out why I hate it: I actually like conflict. I thrive on conflict and drama. If I don't have drama in my life I get bored and then bad things happen. I think that's why I put
myself into situations where I get in trouble. I'm surprised I don't get into more trouble than I do. Most people don't call me on things although Killian has caught me more than once. Perhaps if people didn't let me get away with things I would quit doing half of the crap I do. Ok, who the heck am I trying to fool? Of course I'd keep pulling the same crap, I'd just have to find new ways to get away with it.
~"Good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere"
~Meatloaf



posted by talia rowan at 11:19 PM comment


  

Had a really interesting time at the halloween bash in Kent Saturday. Lots of people having fun and generally being immature which is a nice change from the daily grind of adultness. The pleather pants were comfortable and a little bit sexy. I got several compliments and even got my butt pinched! Can we say ego boost??? I hope to get the pictures developed soon so maybe I can post them for all to see. Gotta love the power of the net. Well, I'm off to continue the festivities and hopefully drink myself into a stooper. I promised Killian that I wouldn't bring home anyone "bigger" than he is, so I guess I'll have lots of fun with Joel here since I can't bring him home!!! I am SO kidding! #1 If you met Joel, you'd know it was a joke, and #2 I would NEVER fool around with another man when I have a wonderful boyfriend waiting at home for me. Love you Killian! Later gators!


posted by talia rowan at 1:00 AM comment


  

Nobody Knows..

Did you ever get the feeling that you're alone? I mean ALL alone? I'm one of those people who have to be around people all the time or else I go insane. I think I'm the most needy person in the world. I will never ever be able to live by myself if I want to retain my sanity. I either need my parents, a roommate, or a husband to live with. I'm not really sure why I have this strange need, but it really sucks. I can't always be with the people I want to be with and it causes that big empty feeling that I dread. I hate feeling alone more than anything else. Prime example is this: Tonight I got to see Killian but only for a couple of minutes. He was really tired and seemed somewhat distracted so he went home. I was so happy that I got to see Killian tonight, but when he left I actually cried. I'm either 1. mentally unbalanced, 2. mentally unbalanced, or 3. mentally unbalanced. My multiple personalities and I haven't quite decided what the problem is. Maybe I'm just a freak of nature and should be locked up somewhere. Anyway you look at it, I'm all alone.



posted by talia rowan at 11:30 PM comment


  

Pleather Pants and other Fancy Things

When Clio invited me to a halloween shindig I wasn't too sure I wanted to go. #1 Killian wouldn't be there. He has C.J. this weekend and he wasn't actually invited. #2 I don't really know most of the people going besides Clio, Kerowyn and Eldan, and #3 My biggest problem is that I didn't have a costume. Obviously #3 was the one I had to work on. While out shopping with my mother I found some black pleather (god I hate pleather) pants. I thought 'hey, I can work with these'. So I went back today and bought them. Then I saw a spiffy spiked collar in the window of the store Hot Topic so I just had to have it. I added a mask, black boots and a whip and there you have it- I'm a dominatrix. It's a really freaky thought. It's just so not me but I love it. I'm still working on what kind of shirt I should wear with the outfit. I think it's going to be too cold to just wear a bra but who knows. Any thoughts on the matter folks? All I need now is a male to be my slave and I'll be all set!

posted by talia rowan at 10:08 PM comment

  

Complain Complain Complain

I know I complain a lot, but it's my general overall personality. Most of my friends actually know me (hence the friend title) and they just brush off my complaints and love me anyway. I said something to Killian the other night which in retrospect I shouldn't have. He took it to be a complaint but in reality I was just joking. He got all offended, got up and totally switched gears on me which really hurt. I was having a good time and he did a 180 on me. I suppose I didn't react to well to him when he did it because I just clammed up when he asked me what my problem was. He and I are a lot alike. We communicate, but there are just some things we don't discuss. I tend not to want to make things bigger than they are but I usually end up doing just that. Prime example is me writing about this situation in my blog. Is the situation really that important or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill. Yeah, that's me.

posted by talia rowan at 11:44 PM comment

  

I realized something the other day. My life is not amazing, I'm not the most wonderful person in the world, the world doesn't really revolve around me, and my relationship with Killian is no longer in the "honeymoon phase". We're at that point where we've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly and we still love eachother. Sitting on the couch watching television on a peaceful Friday night is now a good thing. We don't HAVE to go out all of the time. We have our own lives and our life together. The great realization came when I compared our relationship to the relationships I've had in the past. I understand that all relationships come to the point when the newness wears off but I've always gotten bored at this point. This is usually when I started looking for something or someone outside of the relationship to "spice things up" a bit. My relationship with Killian is the first time that I don't feel bored with the relationship, I feel comfortable. I'm happy with the way things are and where they're going. The newness hasn't really disappeared. I just see that things have changed for the better. I actually like living the calm life with occasional surprises. Being with Killian has made me realize that I wasn't the one who was totally wrong in my past relationships, it was the relationships themselves that were wrong.
All I know is that the way things are going with Killian makes me think that I could be happy with him forever. I just hope I get the chance to find out.

posted by talia rowan at 12:07 AM comment

  

#1 Thanks to everyone who signed my guestbook. It makes me feel loved and appreciated. That and it's nice to know somone actually reads this thing.
#2 I had a wonderful weekend thank you very much for asking. Killian and I spent some much needed quality couple time. Killian took me on a field trip and the experience was wonderful.
~I've been so freaking tired lately that it almost makes me think I have mono. Thank heaven I know I don't have it, but all I want to do these days is sleep. Half the time I'm too damn tired to even post here but I just know you people are sitting on the edge of your seat waitng to see what I have to say (yeah right). What I really need is a week of rest and relaxation. I'd love to run away with Killian to some tropical island for a couple of months but I know that will never happen. Ok, in the world of reality, I'm just waiting until this Friday when I have the day off. I just love those "stupid" teacher holidays when the kids don't have school and the teachers don't have to do anything. I look forward to spending the day napping with Bridget the Wonder Weiner. Kinda sad when that's all I have to look forward to. Ok, I suppose I'll take Killian out to lunch or something. That would make me happy :) Gotta love that man!!!!!


posted by talia rowan at 11:46 PM comment


  

Go Crazy With The Cheese Whiz

I'm feeling kinda goofy tonight. Maybe it's because I'm tired or maybe it's the moon. Then again, it could be just the fact that I'm really really goofy in general. Spent some time with Killian tonight which was good but he was tired so he wasn't in the mood to be all happy and talkative which made me get all quiet and then I started thinking. We all know what happens when talia starts thinking. No, I did not start cleaning although I was really really tempted to. When I think alot I clean a lot. It makes for a nice tidy house (once in a while). The major focus of my thinking was my past relationships (dating) and what a mess they were. I learned a lot from each relationship now that I can look back on them, but what a freaking mine field of crap. Some of the relationships just sucked in general, some I totally screwed up and others were insane. I suppose the great mystical being (fate or god or whatever) puts people together so that they can learn from eachother, themselves, and the world around them. We're supposed to be where we are, in the situation we're in, and with the people around us until we have learned all that we need to learn and then we move on. Some people learn quickly and others are stuck in the same situation for what seems like forever. Just a note to everyone I am in contact with: Thank you for teaching me and learning from me. Thank you for being patient with me as I aquire knowledge and understanding. Thank you for helping me up when I stumble along the path to enlightenment. Thank you for being there and loving me. Thank you for everything.


posted by talia rowan at 1:03 AM comment


  

~I was chilling with Killian and had a flash back to a really horrible experience from the past. This part of the past is not something I really care to dwell on since I'm still not really ready to deal with it but it was thrust back at me. I keep pushing it down into the deep dark abyss but once in a while it rears it's ugly head. Mental note: Must appologize to Killian for the way I reacted to what happened. He has no clue why I freaked out and I feel horrible for not telling him. Eventually I'll get around to dealing with my issues. Ok, who the hell am I kidding? If I haven't dealt with and gotten over it by now, I will most likely keep pushing it down into the abyss.
~Ok, I know there are more people who read my blog than the ones who have left comments. Sign my guestbook dammit and let me know you actually give a crap about me. Someone write me and give me some happy news.


posted by talia rowan at 12:03 AM comment