Wednesday, February 13th: Before I even start here, there's something you should know. I never, EVER get hot showers. My roommate does sometimes, and my suitemates shower 7,000 times a day (at least I know they're clean people), so there is never any hot water. Everyone else I talk to says the hot water is just fine. With that in mind, guess what just got slipped under my door? A notice. What does the notice say, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you! "On Saturday, February 16th, the maintenance department will be shutting down the hot water in Hillside Hall. This is in effort to fix the semester long problem with the water temperature in the building. The hot water will be turned off at about six a.m. and should be ready for use at about four p.m. The process will only affect hot water. There will still be running water in the building for use in the sinks, toilets, and showers."
Okay, so let me get this straight. It's a notice saying that the hot water will be turned off Saturday, all day, in an effort to fix the lack of hot water in the building. So they're turning off the hot water because there is no hot water. Which is interesting, because how can they turn off the hot water, to fix the fact that there is no hot water, when there's no hot water to be turned off? The world may never know. Taking this a step further, "This process will only affect hot water"? No!! I thought it was going to affect hot water, nuclear power plants, and all French poodles everywhere named Muffin. Thanks for clarifying, Bob. What the hell is wrong with you people?!!!!
Monday, February 18th: So, how 'bout that hot water? I've been freezing the last three days, and I figured maybe it's because I've been horrifically sick or something. But nope, I found out it's because there's no heat in the building. So what does this mean? This means that I woke up at the ungodly and way-too-early hour of 12:30 pm, but was so cold that I couldn't force myself away from my blankets until 1:00 or so. It also means that I climbed out of my warm bed, blinked sleepily at my cold room, and decided that a shower would help wake me up.
So I walked into my cold bathroom, turned on the water and...can you guess? Took a COLD SHOWER! Well, I was right, it woke me up. And I wonder why I've been sick for over a week...no hot water, no heat, why don't they just hire the 'maintenance men' to walk up and down the hallways selling snow cones? I guarantee you that it would be more productive than whatever the hell they do in their spare time already. No, really, it'll be great. They can put on those stupid visors and push those mobile freezer-on-wheels things, with the pictures of the snow cones painted on the side, and a little monkey in a bellhop suit on the top of the cart.
Tuesday, February 19th: I woke up freezing this morning, of course. I was actually physically shivering, I was so cold. I think I saw a penguin run under my bed as I was walking out the door. Probably building an igloo, which is a good thing, cause it'll be warmer than the rest of my room.
So I got dressed for a blizzard: heavy sweater, big winter coat, the whole bit. Of course, I walk outside and it's beautiful out, because Mother Nature is as screwed up lately as the people who run this University. I had no way of knowing it was a beautiful spring day out, so here I am looking like a total psycho, dressed for Alaska. Thank you William Paterson.
So here's what I think may have happened. The snow cone vendors - I mean maintenance men - went to go shut off the supposed 'hot water' and couldn't figure out which pipe/switch/whatever did what. So they just turned everything off. Didn't fix the hot water, just flicked every switch on the east coat and walked away. That's why there's no hot water and now, no heat. My proposed solution? Hire the little monkeys in the bellhop suits instead.