We got in the car and she tried to start it. Then it made some noise that cars do not make. Being a non-driver, I'm not all that informed, but I knew this was not a good thing. It wouldn't start. So we walked to the nearest building, just southwest of bumblefuck and used the campus phone .We called the Beacon office, knowing that this was the best way to reach the largest number of people at once. We got in contact with Steve DeGennaro ( thank you thank thank you, we love you!!!) who said that he would come jumpstart the car shortly.
Then our hero arrived, not in a cape and stupid colored spandex as you would expect (although that would have been pretty funny), but in a car that looked only slightly more healthy than Jess' lovely automobile, with the bumper trailing behind it in pieces.
Then he got out of the car, looked at Jess and I, and said, "Do you know how to jumpstart a car?" Of course we didn't. They debated over whose cables to use ("You have nice long ones," Jess said. "Thanks, I hear that a lot," was the response). Then they proceeded to sit there with written instructions on how to go about this who1e procedure. I didn't know anyone had actually bothered to write stuff like that down, but apparently, someone did. I stood far, far out of the way, ready to bolt for a phone and call an ambulance as needed.
The car started and our hero drove off. Jess and I were ready to begin our shopping adventure. Again. So we did the blockbuster thing, then Jess had her first ever experience of going through a drive-through window. It was successful; we even got the right food. Finally, only an hour and a half from our intended time of departure, we ended up at our desired destination: the mall. (Insert more suspenseful music here). Once at the mall, we made the obligatory stops at Payless, Artisania and FYE, because as you all know, shoes, incense and CDs are the three basic necessities of life. Finally, I looked at my watch and we realized, "Oh yea, cell phones!"
So we stopped at all fifty-two million cell phone stores and vendors, telling them all of our cell phone needs. We also stopped at the Build-a-Bear place, where I contemplated the wisdom of custom building a stuffed cow for Mother's Day. I decided that not even a real live cow was worth that much money, and continued my quest for the perfect cell phone. Eventually, we did both end up with cell phones that are sort of fit to our needs. Jess has spiffy Internet and games on her phone, but no reception and I have reception, but just about nothing else. Yay.
As we were leaving the mall through the evil crowded food court, we saw people and cameras and wires and things set up. Jess read the name on the side of the camera, which said, "The Sopranos". Since I don't watch TV and Jess is oblivious to modern shows and things, neither of us much cared. But if we had any doubt in our minds that it was, in fact, a filming of the super-famous HBO show, the teeny-bopping girl squeaking, "Oh my God, it's the Sopranos!" in my ear confirmed it. I hate to tell you this sweetie, but God has nothing to do with piece of shit shows like that one.
We drove home with our cell phones, shoes, books, CDs, and whatever the hell else I managed to spend a total of eightly-five dollars on, now poor and exhausted. Who ever said shopping wasn't hard work? The up side is that I have a cell phone and that I didn't have to eat Wayne Hall that day. The moral of the story?
1. Appreciate the irony of things like having your car break down when you're on your way to go get a cell phone to use in case your car breaks down.
2. There's always room for Cinnabons. and
3. When in doubt, call Steve.