Dissapointment.

I've been looking forward to tonight in a while now. A night where my bestfriends, their friends and co-workers, and I come together for a potluck Christmas dinner. I was supposed to take something too but my plans got changed and now I can't go.

I said I was going to show up and I had everything planned in my head, but things changed. It all started yesterday when I was driving to work after going to my friend's house. It was a good day, I had finished my last final and I was spending time with one of my bestfriends and her family. Anyway, as I was driving back I got  a headache but I didn't think much of it. When I got to work I was surprised to see one of my other bestfriends. He was here for the Holidays; he lives in Arizona. I was so happy to see him and catch up since I hadn't seen him since August. It was going great but my headache kept getting worse. After  a while I just had to sit down because my head felt like it was going to explode and my eyes were hurting as well.

At around 6:30 my boss told me to go home because I didn't look too well. She said to go and just rest and not worry about leaving. When I got home I changed into warm clothes because I had been freezing for hours. I told my mom I was going to lay down because I felt ill. So i did, I ate and I laid down. By 7ish I was konked out. I didn't wake up until my bestfriend called me this morning; I was happy to hear from her but I felt horrible to tell her that I was ill. I didn't want to disappoint her about the plans. I know how excited she was and it made me feel horrible to tell her that I was unable to go.

My mom doesn't want me to go to work or out after work cuz I have a fever and I've been coughing, sneezing, etc. I think I might have a minor cold but she says it'll get worse because of the cold weather. I feel like disobeying her  by going and keeping my friend happy but what if I get even more sick and then have to miss my sister's birthday plans tomorrow??? I don't know what to do, I want to keep everyone happy but whatever choice I make I will make someone upset. Trust me when I say I want to do it all. I want to go to the Christmas Party but have my mom approve and be okay with it; I want to not be sick and feel fine to go out and have fun with my friends, and I want to be healthy and not sick for tomorrow and have fun with my sister and her friends.

I know my mom is not letting me go in my own best interest and I know she cares about me. She came in this morning and sat beside me in bed and gave me medicine and offered to make some tea for me. My dad also came in and asked how I was feeling and said to just go back to sleep. I felt like I was young again, and it felt good to know they care. The only problem is that I don't want to be sick, and I want to go out!

All I know at this moment is that I feel horrible for being a flake. I feel like a hypocrite because I hate it when people flake on me and now I'm not showing up to my bestfriend's.  ::tear::

I feel like shit. I'm really sorry. =[

Please forgive me.