It's been a while since I last blogged and that has been due to the busy schedule I had with school work and my work, work. It has been a very productive year in both aspects of my life but with my personal life it's been a rocky road.

Who would have thought that my first conversation with dad after my accident would be over an XBox360? Let me catch you up quick. Wednesday, May 14th I was involved in a hit-and-run car accident which was not my fault, but after a brief discussion with dad he stopped speaking to me. He was inconsiderate that day. Never in anything he said or asked were the words: "are you ok?" I think it's common courtesy for someone to ask if you were ok even if you seemed to look ok. But no, not from him. I think all he was concerned about was the car and expenses. Which make no sense because I will be paying for the repair. But, regardless, it did not feel good and ever since then i've been upset with him. The only reason why he talked to me today is because I'm the only person in the family who is technology sabby.

But on this same subject of people being inconsiderate, i'm beginning to feel like a robot again. I'm being influenced by my "loved ones" to do as they want and not as i want. I feel like my life has yet to start. It might sound cliche but I want to start living. My family, I can say now is the cause of about 95% of my stress. i've noticed because school is over for the summer and one of the big events I was planning for work has passed and my anxiety and stress level have remained. =[ I've noticed that everyone in my family is greedy, including myself. We've become strangers and it's survival of the fittest, everyone is on their own. It pisses me off that even with this progressing change, i remain constrained.

I am currently sitting outside in my backyard next to my house's waterfall/pond and it is freezing outside. You ask why i'm out here? Well, my sister is blasting her music and i couldn't concentrate while i was working. Inconsideration, you see? There is no need for her to blast it on purpose specially after i asked her nicely to turn it down. Did she agree? NO! She threw this lame excuse at me saying I blast my music all the time. This is true but I reassured her that I'm never home anymore, I always disappear for the same reason, ESCAPE! The last time I blasted my music was many months ago and it wasn't as loud as hers as to where you can here it anywhere in and out of the house. Oh and another thing. Can you believe she woke me up from my nap for no reason. Seriously, I hardly nap because of my inability to fall asleep during the day, well, I was asleep and she yelled at me and then put her face in my face. Like seriously! Who wants to wake up all of a sudden and have someone's face literally in your face? It's not funny nor nice. Then I snapped because I hate it when I don't need to be awaken and they do for nothing. Well, that didn't fly very well and she stormed off and called me an animal.

Truth? I'm on my last nerve with her. She's out of control, and you think my rents say anything to her? No, she's like the little brat princess. Because she has an attitude it becomes an excuse and her personality. When I tell her something I am way out of line and am told to leave her alone cuz I "know how she is" Bullshit! That is no excuse, I have been parenting her for years because my rents haven't. It's only when my rents want to take over that they actually say anything about me doing anything about it. I'm tired of all their behaviors, I'm 21 and the older sister, not the mom and dad.

I love my family but it seems as though we've lost each other. Btw, my mom didn't speak to any of us all day. So, now you know what I deal with everyday, not to mention school and work. I love my life and shouldn't complain but my family is broken and I don't see how we're going to fix us when everyday we drift further and further away.

Kate Voegele- "It's Only Life"
Tears are forming in your eyes,
a storm is warning in the skies,
the end of the world it seems,
you bend down and you fall on your knees,
well get back on your feet ,yeah,
don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith,don't run away,
it's only life.