This is something I wrote last year and I wasn't sure if to put up or not but someone very special to me told me I should, so I am. To many of you it might make no sense, but it doesn't matter because it makes sense to those of you who have been by my side this whole time through thick and thin, through oil and water. Thank you my loves!
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we always want more
we search for things that we want but when we have them, we screw them up.

sometimes u want someone to hold and someone to hold u back.
but many times u want someone to love and love u back.

so to what point does it define itself as a needed obsession?
When is it considered a non-existent truth?
and why is it sometimes nearly impossible?

judging drives people away from the truth, from who they really are, and
from what they really want.

but why would u deny something that defines u because of what others say or think? why do others always become a deciding factor for our own lives?

they say that fear of hurt is what causes us to not take risks.
i strongly believe that is true. But why is it that when u do take risks,
there are loop holes and consequences, be it good or bad?

why do we yearn for something that seems so normal but when u obtain it feels exclusive and one and only? and when it's gone...it goes back to normal.

why is it that when u feel lonely, or incomplete, u turn to a "someone" to complete u? how is it that, that works? We should have been created complete, right?

So why do i always feel like there are missing pieces?
I want to finish my puzzle that has been attempted for 20 years.

My life, it feels like there is nothing to look forward to, just some boring routines. But why is it that when u look at it day by day, i get the best of memories? Doesn't seem so boring on some occasions.

I can say that the last few days brought me to think that family is like a Rubiks cube, u can get it all together on all sides, u can jumble it up, or keep only certain units and sides in unison.

People are selective, even with family, we keep tight connections with who are our favorites and the ignored we never actually try to communicate with. The holiday season brings us all together despite our differences and makes it seem like we are all okay. We forget our troubles and enjoy the company and DRINKS of course... but we do it for the strongest figure... the mother. Her wishes of all of us together for her "supposed" last christmas brings us together, the right thing for the wrong reasons... but hey, i don't judge. I'm talking about Grandma of course.

"Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone."
-Octavio Paz
The Labyrinth of Solitude