Ever wanted something SO badly, that it hurt? Well, I guess that's the feeling I've been feeling lately. I've been quite sick for a few days now and i'm barely getting back but during my down time I was away from home. I knew if I was, it would get me to think and recuperate faster. If I was away, my mind would drift from everything I've been going through lately. Yes, it did help but it only made it that much harder to get back home.
What I want is to live my life like I did before, and not even that long ago. Most of my happiness was long ago but through out the years i've had the on and off moments with my share of special people. Right now...I want to have that one smile on my face that lasted for a long time, it was like my signature, my being, and now... a stranger. Before, people knew me as the one who was happy all the time: "you always are smiling...no matter how hard life gets...do u ever have a bad day???" YES, I do have many bad days, but I never showed it because I knew how to handle it and make the best out of it. Now, that smile remains hidden and is showed for minutes at most and only certain people get to see it.
What changed? What makes growing up so hard and painful at times?
I NEED to be happy more often, because, quite frankly, i've become a stranger to myself. This isn't who I am. I'm not an emo homebody nor do I want to be.
I don't regret anything i've done but I do wish we could change the past, but we can't...all we can do is MAYBE change the future by what we do in the present. Well... that maybe....sometimes never comes.
Help me change the future.
Someone give me something to be happy about right now.
...and don't be scared...this emo time doesn't last forever...trust me... I see the light soon after... but this time... you show me the light before I have to go looking by myself. =]
P.S. I miss working with you my friend. You were a cool guy...showed me the light in a whole different way. I'm sorry we both broke our promises...guess most people don't keep in touch. It's a shame, I really loved your company.
