| Featuring burns on the following morons: The King of Beans, Timothy �Beaner� Brown The Insanely Incompetent Invalid, James �Bike Ramps On My Head� Schryer The Profane Biter, Erika �Big Red� Moore The Queen of Mean, Katie �ERRRRRRRRR!!!� Galassi The Demonically Possessed, Aisha �Demon Horseman� Lewis The Crack-Whore, Jessica �Steve, Is This Your Coat? AAAAAEEEEEEIIIIII!!� Craig And His Fatness, Matthew �I�m Just Too Damn Fat� Moore Also contains samples from the soon to be released songs: �You Gonna Die, Thrice� By SYRE �Hittin� The Gas� By SYRE The following song contains portions of artistic literature written by the following artists, in the following songs: �DMX- Shorty Was Da Bomb� �Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me� �Blackstreet-No Diggity� �Nappy Roots- Awnaw� �Nappy Roots- Po Folks� �D-12- Purple Pills� �Mystikal- Some Of Us Ain�t Gon� See Tomorrow� �Mystikal- Big Truck Boys� �Ludacris- Roll Out� �Mystikal- Y�all Ain�t Ready Yet (Remix)� �Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre- Next Episode� SYRE STUDIOS PRESENTS� The longest rap song in history of rap� This one is big, people Real big Almost as big as Matt But not quite I mean, that would be pretty big Like, seriously, huge I couldn�t picture anything being as big as Matt I mean, wow Anyway� The song is very big, and it took a long time So why not give it a long intro? Yeah, that�s what I�ll do A long intro, to make sure there�s more words in it than there were in Tim�s long dumb beaner rap Yeah, that sounds good� Now, the song you�re about to read is interspersed with actual police radio transcripts Never mind how I got them I mean, I wasn�t breaking into the police department to steal handcuff keys when I happened upon them Of course not Uhhh� Anyway, I plea the fifth Oh yeah, back to the intro� I spent about 2 months writing this song Hard work, ya know Really Really Really Really Really Hard Work Yeah There exists both a clean version of this song, and an explicit version This is the explicit version Beware� SYRE�s �bout to bring it to ya! Rose Park Rhapsody By: SYRE (The crowned king of comedic rap) From the hit CD, Fat On the Run T [Police radio] We�re in pursuit of a gray beanermobile (pshh) Headed south on I-10 (pshh) Driver appears to be an intoxicated Mexican in his early twenties (pshh) We suspect passenger to be notorious taco-bender (pshh) Timothy Brown AKA Beaner Brown (pshh) The car appears to be equipped with a burrito-launcher (pshh) Immediate backup is requested, over (psshht) [Verse 1] You�s a bean fiend, know what I mean? A lean, mean, beaner teen, with collard greens (Huh?!) Get off my team! You bustin� out with beans at the seams Yeah, Katie wanted you, but then you woke up from that dream! (Oooooh!) Shut up! What up? Girls don�t like you, PLEASE!! So go back home and get your fill of beans and nacho cheese! And quit tryin� to score with Katie by buyin� her tickets Got a problem with her dating an elephant, go on her lawn and picket! Did I say elephant? I meant Matt It�s an easy mistake, that boy is so fat Did I say fat? I meant enormous Buffets fear him like hermits fear Mormons Hold on, this part�s suppose to be about Tim There ain�t a beaner in Beanerland as beanish as him His acne�s so bad, his face looks like the Appalachians At times like these, Tim, don�t you wish you were Caucasian? (At least he isn�t Asian) His blood/bean level is making rapid fluctuations Think I�ll call the INS and send you back to Beany-Beanerland Let me put this into words that you can understand� [�DMX- Shorty�- Beaner Chorus] Beaner! You beaned a bean and beans beans beans But the beaner and beans And beaner beany beany beans Beaner! You beaned a bean and beans beans beans But the beaner and beans And beaner beany beany beans Beaner! Beaner! Beaner! Beaner! Beaner! Beaner! [Police radio] We�ve lost them (pshh) They�ve crossed the border into Beanerland (pshh) They�re out of our jurisdiction (pshh) Stand down, over (psshht) [Revamp intro] Cuz this is it! You can�t top this! It can�t be done! SYRE does it the way it was meant to be done, BIATCH! All the rest of y�all rappers are just pathetic! PATHETIC!!! Betta leave it alone� J [Police radio] Calling all cars! Calling all cars! (pshh) There�s been a shooting at the local Biorick�s! (pshh) Suspect is prepubescent-girl-in-an-ugly-boy�s?-body James Schryer (pshh) He is armed (pshh) And to be considered dorky (pshh) Be on the lookout (pshh) Leave all hockey pucks inside (pshh) Over (psshht) [Verse 2] James, do I need to lay the smack down again? Why do you alternate between the ladies� room and the men�s? It�s time for me to start lyrically whippin� ass! This can�s about to open, best get to steppin� fast! James, you should think about getting rid of the bike ramps But not at the expense of sporting all of them naps! In short, ya need a new haircut And quit defending Jessica, that psychotic slut! Ich wil derhargenen ir fey oy Little wimp, you�re too much of a Mama�s boy Or is it Daddy�s? Oh well, I guess it�s all the same Why do you keep playing your parents� cruel game? Oh well, guess it�s your own damn fault, ya fool! Let me tell ya something new, YOU�RE NOT COOL!!! So quit tryin� to copy my style, ya hearre dat? Ya gotta have a brain somewhere boy, where it at? Wait, I think I see it, oh no, there it goes It flew out on that hanky when you blew your friggin� nose I heard you were talkin� crap behind my back, what�s up with that? Shit like that�ll get ya capped, try me, watch yo� back When you lay down in Maine, your ears stretch to California You�re a gay pathetic dumbass, let me break it down for ya: You�re too much of a wuss to take even a small risk You�ve got 4 gigs of Britney pics stored on your hard disk You got ears like an elf and you smell like an ape No date, that�s why you sit at home and masturbate EVERYDAY! (EVERDAY!) ALL DAY! (ALL DAY!) TO BRITNEY!!! [Police Radio] We�ve tracked suspect to 130 west 27th street (pshh) He has hostages (pshh) The first appears to be (pshh) 38-year-old teen-wannabe Britney Spears (pshh) And gay jerk Sergei Fedorov (pshh) They are both tied to the wall (pshh) James just took his dress off! (pshh) Call in SWAT!! (psshht) [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- Dummy Hook] Why? Why why why why? Must I keep tellin� y�all, how fucked up he is? If it ain�t gay, it ain�t James Yeah people, he�s too dumb to get it done, too gay to get a date Too retarded to get it started, too weird to try to steer If it ain�t gay, it ain�t James Yeah people, he�s too dumb to get it done, too gay to get a date Too retarded to get it started, too weird too try to steer He�s too scared to care [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- Break down] He do it too �em like dis! He wanna date a girl, but a dick he�ll miss! Y�all ain�t gon� believe dis! Got his blankets, sheets, bed, and his pants full of piss! [Police radio] SWAT team is taking position (pshh) James is all over Sergei (pshh) Now he�s standing at the window (pshh) That was quick (pshh) He�s shouting something (pshh) Wow, even his speech is misspelled� (pshh) wyy kannt yuu leeve mee allonne wot didd iy du twoo yuw imm jusd ttriying tow akt owtt miy homoerotic fanntyssees jusst beecuzz iym uh freekee homosexual dussent meeann iy donu�t halvfe feeleengs iyh deimanddt reespeck yuhw nowh hhoww thha songg gows: r� e� umm� w� 7� s� &� i� m� uh, spays� g� a� y� appel� 9� uh� (gunfire) E [�Blackstreet- No Diggity�- Edited version chorus] That girl is always swearin� Profanity! I try to shut her, shut her up That girl is always swearin� Profanity! I try to shut her, shut her up That girl is always swearin� Profanity! I try to shut her up [Police radio] We have report of a public disturbance at Centennial Park (pshh) A teenage girl has been shouting obscenities at old people and tourists (pshh) Suspect is 14 year-old Erika Moore (pshh) Widely known for exuberant use of Turret�s induced profanity (pshh) Caused when her brother tried to eat her head (pshh) Use extreme caution when apprehending her (pshh) Suspect has been known for using her mouth for uses other than (pshh) Cursing children and religious figures (pshh) She�s a convicted hand-biter (pshh) Repeat, use extreme caution, over (psshht) [�Nappy Roots- Awnaw�- PA chorus] Fuck naw! Hell naw! Man She just fuckin� said it! Fuck naw! Hell naw! Boy She just fuckin� said it! Fuck naw! Hell naw! Boy She just fuckin� said it! Ah, she just fuckin� said it Man, she just fuckin� said it [Police radio] She just bit a deputy�s head off! (pshh) This has gotten out of control! (pshh) We�ve got her in the back of the paddy wagon (pshh) We�ve finally put an end to her reign of terror (pshh) Oh no, she�s managed to bite her way through the truck (pshh) She could be anywhere by now (pshh) Over (psshht) K [�Nappy Roots- Po� Folks�- meanie hook(sung by Katie)] All my life been mean So now I think I�ll go date a bean I�m in love with a fat guy that�s gay Matthew Moore�s gon' be okay All my life been mean So now I think I�ll go date a bean I�m in love with a fat guy that�s gay Matthew Moore�s gon' be okay Okaaay! [Police radio] We are ready to raid this crack house (pshh) It was clever for them to disguise it as a school (pshh) But we all knew it wasn�t a real school (pshh) All the drugged up kids coming in and out of the church gave it away (pssh) We�re breaking down the doors, 1, 2, 3! (pshh) Oh my God! They�re all high! (pshh) Everyone one of �em! (pshh) Especially that 9th grader with red highlights and pig tails over there (pshh) She�s baked! (pshh) Well, let�s bring �em all in! (pshh) She�s avoiding arrest! (pshh) OW! She just bit me! (pshh) Aaah, she�s tripped out on acid! (pshh) No, all her gay private school friends are attacking me! (pshh) We�re not gonna make it!! (psshht) [�Blackstreet- No Diggity�- Ho ho ho chorus] Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho Hey yo, that girl�s real mean Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho Hate on, hate on, hatette Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho You're crazy girl, no diggity Hey ho, hey ho, hey ho, hey ho Hey S [Police radio] Calling all cars!! Calling all cars!! (pshh) This is a code red emergency! (pshh) Convicted murderer (pshh) Car booster (pshh) Bank robber (pshh) Womanizer (pshh) Mafia member (pshh) Cop killer (pshh) Drug dealer (pshh) Kingpin (pshh) Connoisseur (pshh) Pimp (pshh) Tax evader (pshh) Fraudulent check writer (pshh) Falsifier of insurance claims (pshh) Mattress tag ripper-offer (pshh) Walker of grass with signs that say, �Keep off grass.� (pshh) Public urinator (pshh) Nature trail molester (pshh) And all out criminal mastermind (pshh) Steve �the Braided Up Pimp� Monroe (pshh) Is back (pshh) He�s returned from his world tour of Amsterdam (pshh) Tijuana (pshh) Colombia (pshh) Jamaica (pshh) And the nude beaches of Sweden (pshh) Steve Monroe is responsible for the deaths at least 8,000 high school nerds (pshh) And the death count for all the Jehovah�s Witnesses he individually set ablaze (pshh) Is considered to be much higher (pshh) He is extremely dangerous (pshh) He is armed with SCUD�s (pshh) Aim 9 sidewinder missiles (pshh) And striking good looks (pshh) Be on the lookout (pshh) Leave all women inside (pshh) Over (psshht) [Verse 3] I�m a rhyme mercenary! A lyrical assassin! Killin� stupid fuckers, kickin� ass wit� a passion! You don�t know nothin� �bout this! Another man down, �nother check off my list So watch what you�re sayin, bitch! I got no patience, yo� ass is hit! I get what I want, when I want it Try to kill me, I�m still undaunted! I�m above you, you can�t fuck with me Runnin� at your mouth, get stuck with me! Mother fuckers cruisin� for bruisins Lacerations, contusions When I�m fightin�, I sho� as hell ain�t losin�! CUZ I�M RIGHT HERE!!! See my reflection behind you when you look in the mirror I�m right behind ya! You can run and hide, I�m still gon� find ya! Mind your own business and when I�m done with mine The only way they�ll remember you, will be the chalk line!! The weak and the strong die Fuck with the wrong guy Ain�t no one left alive When I reach for my nine! I�m a natural born killa Graveyard filla Blood spilla Vanilla Thrilla Wise talkin�, slangin� MAXILLA! The hater fetcha, neva even met ya But I betcha I�ll catch ya, get yo� ass on the stretcha!! [Police radio] We�ve tracked suspect to Cascade Apartments (pshh) This is the residence of notorious drug cartel leader, Smiley Anderson (pshh) Unfortunately, we can�t bust either of them yet (pshh) We have no evidence to charge them with (pshh) Suspect is walking out of the house (pshh) He is pulling out of the driveway in a 1967 Shelby GT 500 (pshh) The car appears to have illegal racing stripes, a rear wing (pshh) And a possible nitrous oxide system (pshh) We now have cause to arrest, over (psshht) [Chorus] Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t The person to fuck with, yo And I�m a deadly playa just like Jesse Craig�s a psychotic crack ho Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t, Cuz Iain�t The person to fuck with, yo But if you decide to fuck, you ain�t gon� be breathin� no mo� (UH-OH!) [Verse 4] Lookin� in the rearview mirror, what the hell!? Cruisin� I-96, got a cop on my tail (Pull over!) Back the fuck up off me! If this is a chase, you�ve already lost me! (This is your final warning!) So ya wanna play a game, is that it? Let me tell ya somethin�, you guys ain�t shit! (Request backup) Ya bitches wanna race? I�ll kick yo� ass! Y�all better be ready, cuz I�m hittin� the gas! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Seventy, eighty, ninety, one hundred, that ain�t shit! One twenty, thirty, forty, oh shit, this is it! (Ram him from behind) Y�all mother fuckas rammin� me? Okay Betta watch out, bitches, here comes the AK (He is armed) HA-HA! Ya�ll mother fuckas see dat?! Haha bitches! BUH-DAT BUH-DAT BUH-DAT Get back! (Shot�s fired!) Oh, I�m sorry, did I scare you? Y�all shootin� back? How dare you!! (We�re returning fire) Alright, mother fuckas, see ya in hell Cuz ya know damn well ya ain�t gonna see me in jail! (Request air support) Get the fuck back, bitches, shut up, now listen Hear the 2-stage nitrous oxide system! RRRRRRRRRRR!!!! (What the hell?) One eighty, one ninety, two hundred, y�all mother fuckas ain�t ready! Already all sweaty, I won this bitch, get the confetti (We�ve lost him) [Police radio] He�s gone (pshh) We tracked him at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour (pshh) We were no match for him (pshh) We lost two vehicles, we had to let him go (pshh) He�s unstoppable (pshh) Oh, I don�t feel so good (pshh) (hhsp) !gnineppah s�gnihtemoS Ohh, I�m floating in the air! (pshh) I can�t- breath! (pshh) THIS IS LEGION, SERVANT OF LUCIFER! HAHAHAHA!!! (psshht) A [�Eminem- Kill You�- Scary monster hook] She�s gonna kill you! You don't wanna fuck with that It�s ugly � I�m thinkin� maybe worse than Matt Bitch she�ll kill you! Better call an exorcist You ain�t gon� ever stop screamin�, monsters do exist You better kill it! You gon� be another human dead She�ll kill you or have her daddy Satan do it instead But if they kill it- Where will all the demons go? I don�t know- Into Jesse, that psychotic ho? I said you don't, wanna fuck with Aisha (cause why?) Cause Aisha�s a fucking demon (ah-haha) I said you don't, wanna fuck with Aisha (why?) Cause Aisha�s a fucking demon [Police radio 2] I think he was possessed there for a minute (kshh) He was spewing pea soup at us (kshh) And his head was turning 360 degrees around (kshh) Our only suspect was a teenage demon with �cat-scratches� on her arms (kshh) We tried to approach her (kshh) Or him� (kshh) But the sense of evil permeating from her ambience (kshh) Was too great (kshh) We had to let her go (kshh) God have mercy on us all (ksshht) J [�D-12-Purple Pills� chorus] She takes a hundred uppers She downs a hundred downers But nothing compares To when Jessica don�t take her pills She gets high as a mountain Everyday, but who's countin' But nothing compares To when Jessica don�t take her pills [Police radio] Calling all cars!!!! Calling all cars!!!! (pshh) We have an escaped mental patient on the loose! (pshh) She goes by the name Jesse Cragle (pshh) Real name, Jessica Craig (pshh) She just broke out of Pine Rest Insane Asylum (pshh) She is extremely dangerous (pshh) Forget all assignments (pshh) Detain escapee at all costs!! (pshh) She is dangerous (pshh) Be on the lookout (pshh) Check all known crack houses, over (psshht) [Verse 5] Jessica. Is she manic or depressive? Or manic-depressive? Kyle�s obsessive, brain function recessive Just a bit excessive But he�s just an accessory The real deal, when the laws come, Les scurries Don�t catch him in the act of T&A T&A? No no no, I said DNA Jessica�s son gon� have 2 bald spots on his head, won�t go away Lookin� like Leslie, best believe Jean Baptiste Pierre Antoine de Monet You don�t wanna know what�s goin� on behind that door Guess she�s done with Kyle, now to reprogram Matthew Moore Matt and Jessica? Apparently that�s the story And you know she wants to eat him like he wants to eat my chicken cacciatore I guess Jessica is hungry for some Mattwurst (mettwurst!) I�ll guess she�ll keep on bouncin� and bouncin� till his fat bursts (fat bursts!) No bad words, just adverbs Like psychotically and gaily Don�t forget to take your Prozac daily She�s gotta have her anti-depressants, anti-psychotics Oxycontin, wellbutrin, any and all narcotics Crack, smack, heroine; speed and special K Acid and amphetamines, she takes �em everyday! Hearts, stars, horseshoes; clovers and blue moons Pots of golden rainbows, and those red balloons! Coke, crank, mushrooms; meth and ecstasy Vicodin and morphine, and that THC! [Police radio] Suspect spotted on foot breaking speed limit down US 31 (pshh) Her pupils are as wide as hula hoops (pshh) She�s now floating in the air! (pshh) Request air support! (pshh) Over (psshht) [Verse 6] You wanted attention, well ho, you�re getting� it If there�s a record for poppin� pills, you�re settin� it You make fun of my hair, then you go get yours dyed I swear, if I had hair like that, I�d run like hell and hide I mean, how did it get that way, did you get high on some valiums? Then ran your cracked out ass to the nearest Sherwin Williams? You shouldn�t have pissed off the clerk with the can of red paint You think that shit�s cool? I guarantee you, it ain�t! Why ain�t you in Baghdad, you�re so damn insane You�re pissed at your step-dad, we all feel your pain We�ve all pretended long enough that we really care Why must you take it out on us, by making us look at that hair? I�m reminded of the time I ate too much ketchup threw up red- -and of the mop used to soak it up, when I look at your head I guess that�s what you are, a puke stained mop You still sit on my coat after I�ve asked you to stop I know you�re sitting on it intentionally You�ve got so many problems, you�re screwed mentally And physically, by your step dad Did I say that? My bad [Police radio] Damn, that girl is high! (pshh) Now she�s riding a rainbow back down to earth (pshh) We�re approaching suspect (pshh) Oh, the fumes are getting me high (pshh) She�s no longer human (pshh) She�s more drugs than man (pshh) And more man than women (pshh) Over�(psshht) [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- crack-chorus] Why? Why why why why? Must I keep tellin� y�all, how drugged up she is? If it ain�t depressed, it ain�t Jess Oh doctor, she�s too crazed to get a praise, too high for getting� by Too down to get around, too mad to get Glad If it ain�t depressed, it ain�t Jess Oh doctor, she�s too crazed to get a praise, too high for getting� by Too down to get around, too mad to get Glad She�s too red I said [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- dope-bridge] She do it to �em like dis She wanna toke it up, take 14 hits! Y�all ain�t gon� believe dis Got the crack-whores talking �bout �STOP DAT SHIT!� [Verse 7] Whatcha high on, now? Dexedrine? Percodan? Morphine? Methadone? Vicodin? Prozac? Codeine? All you need is five grams of smack and you�re set Ain�t a damn thing you haven�t you tried to OD on yet You go on a rampage and end up in Pine Rest And you say that Ken is the reason you�re depressed But I�d have to say it was all the coke And the 40 QP�s of weed you tried to smoke You take a handful of barbiturates and you�re off on a trip and it�s like a dream, and you�re feelin� good, but the minute it�s over, snap back to reality Oh, there goes gravity Oh, there goes Jesse, she choked Oops, wrong song, can I get those lines revoked? Damn, I shouldn�ta gotten provoked You got pissed off when I joked Musta been the coke that you smoked It invoked all your anger All your evil uncloaked What possessed you to sit on my coat? That�s it, you�re possessed Not stressed or depressed You�re obsessed How many drugs are on your grocery list? Somebody call for a fuckin� exorcist! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! M [Dispatch] Have you found Jesse? (tsshhh) [Police radio 1] We�ve lost her (pshh) [Police radio 2] We last saw her tipping back a full bottle of OxyContin (kshh) And then she ran into a storm drain (kshh) [Police radio 3] Are you guys seeing what I�m seeing? (pooshh) [Police radio 2] Oh my God! What is that?! (kshh) [Police radio 1] It�s hideous!!! (pshh) [Police radio 3] Is it human? (pooshh) [Police radio 1] It can�t be! (pshh) [Dispatch] What is it?? (tsshhh) [Police radio 2] It�s- it�s- (kshh) [Police radio 1, 2, and 3] MATTZILLA!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (pshhkshhpooshh) [Dispatch] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (tsshhh) [Mattzilla] ROOOOAAAARRRRR!!! (fart) [Dispatch and police radios] AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (tsshhhpshhkshhpooshh) [Horrified townspeople] AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (barf) [Mattzilla] I�m gonna eat you!! (burp) [Horrified townspeople] AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (cough) [Mattzilla] Get in my belly!! (rumble) [Mayor] We�re all gonna die! We�re all gonna DIIIE!!!!! (zoink) [Mankind] AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (boom) [�Mystikal- Some of Us Ain�t Gon� See Tomorrow�-Armageddon hook] It�s bigger than Earth, it�s outta my hands That�s why I�m prayin� to God Oh, Heavenly Father, don�t let him jump in the water It�s yo� world, but it�s his lunchtime, ate sons and ate daughters We strugglin�, tryin� stop him from eatin� He�s so hungry, he done ate tomorrow So hungry, he done ate tomorrow So hungry, he done ate tomorrow It�s bigger than Earth, it�s outta my hands That�s why I�m prayin� to God Oh, Heavenly Father, don�t let him jump in the water It�s yo� world, but it�s his lunchtime, ate sons and ate daughters We strugglin�, tryin� stop him from eatin� He�s so hungry, he done ate tomorrow So hungry, he done ate tomorrow So hungry, he done ate tomorrow [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- big fat Matt chorus] Why? Why why why why? Must I keep tellin� y�all, how chunky he is? If it ain�t fat, it ain�t Matt! Oh people, he�s too big to be a pig, too gay to be an ape Too huge to ride a luge, too large to ride a barge If it ain�t fat, it ain�t Matt! Oh people, he�s too big to be a pig, too gay to be an ape Too huge to ride a luge, too large to ride a barge He�s too fat for that [�Mystikal- If It Ain�t Live, It Ain�t Me�- bridge to Fatt Matt] He do it to �em like dis� Fits 18 tons of food on his dish Y�all ain�t gon� believe dis� He went up to a rabbi and ate his knish! [Verse 8] Don�t know what it is, so I guess I�ll call it Manna Maybe it�s a ape, let�s give it a banana But I think it�s much worse than a gorilla It�s Mattzilla Chewin� through your cranium with his strong ass maxilla Danger! Danger! Will Robinson could see him a mile away comin� from the manger Not Jesus, you don�t really wanna see this Not even Willy would wanna free this! His blood type is Jell-o His buck teeth are yellow He sure as hell ain�t a Good Fellow Not the thing you wanna be around He�s all around His beer gut does astound He�d be a threat if he could get his fat ass off the ground When he dresses green, people think he�s the Hulk But he�s so damn chunky, they nicknamed him the Bulk He eats so much, you can�t get around him Hide �n� go seek, man everybody�s found him He says he don�t eat much, let�s just see How many times today have you been to KFC? 40,000 piece bucket, with gravy on the side I swear that boy�s face is Kentucky fried Pimply and scabby, original or extra-crispy? His childhood memories are all wispy Cuz he ate them all He ate the mall He was downin� sides of bacon before he learned to crawl [�Mystikal- Big Truck Boys�- Extra buttery chorus for Matt] He�s a fat boy A big huge fat boy I�m so friggin� lean But Matt�s huge, nothing�s bigger than that boy Eatin� food�s made him a pigboy Ponderosa, Russ�, Sizzler and Big Boy He�s a fat boy A big huge fat boy I�m so friggin� lean But Matt�s huge, nothing�s bigger than that boy Eatin� food�s made him a pigboy Ponderosa, Russ�, Sizzler and Big Boy [�Ludacris- Roll Out�- Refried chorus] Roll out! Roll out! Roll out! Roll out! He�s got one chin, plus forty, tucked back Eatin� my homies, yo stop that He�s causin� such damage, with all his fat So much tonnage, you can't stop Matt He�s got one chin plus forty, tucked back Eatin� my homies, yo stop that He�s causin� such damage, with all his fat So much tonnage, you can't stop Matt [Verse 9] I mean, what more can I say, you�re so dumb! So fat, so ugly, off your plate drop ten-pound crumbs You�re a loser, you�re nothing, you�re inferior Your soup bowl is the size of Lake Superior You eat too much Spam, beef, chicken and pork Best clear a path to the fridge when Matt picks up a fork He fell down once, then 20 minutes later He stood up, and he was in the middle of Mile Wide Crater You better not let Matt ever meet ya Cuz ya know damn well he�s gonna wanna eat ya I�m telling the truth, that boy is huge And now he�s trying to stick Jessica with his baton-rouge? He�s undefeated in eating-contests, that doughboy Jessica�s on the side screamin, �you go boy!� The only way you could be fatter than Matt, is if you ate him I�m sayin� all this stuff about him, cuz ya know I hate him You go to Tim�s house and you eat all his beans You�d have eaten more if he hadn�ta called the Marines They came in and shot at your punk white pimply ass But you couldn�t be destroyed, damn that law of conservation of mass! You�re too fat! Too fat to be a human! There won�t always be food for you, so quit assumin� Bacon�s not a renewable resource Forget Star Wars, you�re gravity�s the force! I�ve heard about enough out of you, Tubby! Why don�t you come and talk when you�re not so damn chubby! Fatt Matt, you�re the source of most of my hate You keep thinkin� some day you�ll lose some weight Doughboy, ya better keep on rappin� Stop that trippin�, cuz it ain�t gon� happen What am I talkin� �bout, you can�t rap Every song you ever send me is just a bunch of crap Your gut�s big enough for the USS Enterprise to land When you go out in public people scream, �It�s the Michelin Man!� [�Mystikal- Y�all Ain�t Ready Yet (Remix)�- Doughboy Hook] POOF! There he go! POOF POOF! There he go! POOF! There he go! Jiggle like Jell-o! POOF! There he go! POOF POOF! There he go! POOF! There he go! Jiggle like Jell-o! [Police radio] It�s all over (pshh) He�s gonna eat us all! (pshh) He just ate the whole West Coast! (pshh) Mommy! (psshht) [�Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre- The Next Episode�- Chubby hook] La-da-da-da-dahh It's the mother eatin� M-A-double T (FATT MATT!) La-da-da-da-dahh Ya know you�re runnin� from the Big Bad Matt YEAH YEAH YEAH You know who's back up in this BUFFET COUNTER! What what what what? So eat the food up then! Eat it up, eat it up! (Just eat that food up fatty, yeah, 'sup Fatt??) [�Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre- The Next Episode�- Big fat outro] HOLD UP, heyyyyyyyy For the Matty that be getting� too soft We don't, playyyyyyy We gon' shoot him �till his rolls fall off Hold up, heyyyyyyyy For my fatties who be getting� too bold Take a, seeaaaaaat Hope you ready for the fat episode Hey ay ayyy ay! Smoke weed everyday! |
| After Content (The Interviews) SYRE Studios: How did this song make you all feel? Fatt Matt: Like eating 48 tons of rancid pork. Crackhead Craig: I got a tingly feeling every time he mentioned Matt. Oops, gotta go change� Big Red: Damn it! I do not swear that much! Fuck SYRE and fuck all of you! I�m leaving! I hope- (gunshot) Jimbo James: Did you just shoot her? SS: Never mind. What was your favorite part of the song? Aisha DeVil: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! MIGHTY LUCIFER- (gunshot) SS: Riiiight� JJ: Wait I�m suppose to be dead, remember? SS: Oh yeah (gunshot) Beaner Brown: My favorite part was when Katie sang. I gotta admit, I wet myself several times during her solo. AD: YOU CAN�T KILL THE UNDEAD!! WE CAN NEVER- (gunshot) FM: Do I smell roasted ham? SS: No, that�s just your thighs rubbing against each other. I thought I told you to keep those things buttered in here? FM: I keep licking it off, it�s so tasty� SS: What was your least favorite part of this song? Hater Galassi: Are you calling me a ho? SS: Uh, no, of course not. HG: Because if you were, I swear, I will- (gunshot) BB: Noooo! You killed her! Now all I have left is Erika!! SS: Uh, I killed her already. BB: What? NOOOOOOO!!!!! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! SS: Please stop that. BB: Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! SS: Seriously, I�m warning you. BB: Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! SS: That�s it. BB: Why?! Wh- (gunshot) AD: I LIVE!!! HAHAHAHAH- (gunshot) CC: I�m back. Steve, is this your coat?! AAIIEEEEEEEE- (gunshot) SS: Well, this interview was a total disaster. FM: Do you have any food. Like, check your pockets for some sausage or pizza or something. SS: Ay� (gunshot) FM: Ow, that hurt! I�m outta here. Where�s the nearest Ponderosa? SS: It�s off the highway by 25th street. AD: I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN�T KILL ME! SS: Are you sure? (gunshot) AD: YES. (gunshot) SS: Well that sucks. (gunshot) AD: HEY, YOU�RE KINDA CUTE. SS: Oh hell no- (gunshot) AD: WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS DO THAT? The Devil: AISHA! AD: YES DADDY? TD: DID MY STEPSON MAKE YOU MAD AGAIN? AD: YEAH, STEVE SAID SOME MEQAN THINGS ABOUT ME. TD: OKAY, I�LL JUST HAVE HIM WRONGLY ACCUSED AND THROWN IN JAIL. AFTER ALL, I DO HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE LEGAL SYSTEM. SS: I though so! TD: HEY, YOU�RE SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD! SS: Oh yeah. Sorry- (gunshot) TD: HAHAHA, SILLY MORTALS. The End Or is it? MWA-HAHAHAHAHA! Eh-chem, sorry. |
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