Syre Studios | Gross Incompetence

Gross Incompetence

Written by Steve Monroe

Scene 1

(Suspenseful music and acting)

(Stephanie is watching TV when the phone rings.)

Stephanie: (In a nervous voice) Hello?

Caller: (girl) is Chrissie there? (Suspenseful music stops)

Stephanie: Oh. Sorry, wrong number. (Hangs up phone, music picks back up.)

(Phone rings)

Stephanie: (Gulp) Hello?

Caller 2: (woman) Hi, I�m Kim from Midwest Telecom. (Music stops) Would you like to learn how you could save over 20 percent on your next phone bill?

Stephanie: No, not really...

Caller 2: Are you sure?

Stephanie: Yeah, I think so...

Caller 2: You think?

Stephanie: Well, I- I mean, I... Wait, I can just do this... (Hangs up phone, music starts.)

(Phone rings, turns up TV volume, keeps glancing at phone as it rings, finally answers it)

Stephanie: He-hello? Hello?

Caller 3: (deep voice) Hello? Who is this?

Stephanie: You called me...

Caller 3: (normal voice) I did? Oh yeah, uh- (deep voice) Do you like scary movies?

Stephanie: I- I guess so... Who is this?

Caller 3: Nevermind that, what�s your favorite scary movie?

Stephanie: Well, I was in my Grandma�s room one time and I found this videotape of her and my Grandpa on their 60th wedding anniversary.

Caller 3: That�s not scary.

Stephanie: It was after my Grandpa pulled out his Viagra.

Caller 3: (normal voice) Oh God, that�s disgusting? Er, I mean- (deep voice) do you want to be in a scary movie?

Stephanie: You mean with an 84-year-old guy?

Caller 3: No! I mean a real scary movie. Like the one where they hit this guy with a car and ditch his body in the river, but someone knows about it and stalks them, and then he starts ripping everyone�s guts out and eating them.

Stephanie: That never happened...

Caller 3: It didn�t? Whatever...

Stephanie: So I can be in a scary movie?

Caller 3: That�s what I said, isn�t it?

Stephanie: Well- uh, yeah. (Starts picking her nose)

Caller 3: Get your finger out of your nose!

Stephanie: How did you know?

Caller 3: Because I�m in the house with you.

Stephanie: I don�t believe you.

Caller 3: What I need you to do is give me a nice loud scream.

Stephanie: What? I�m not just going to scream. The neighbors might hear me. They already think I�m a prostitute...

Caller 3: No? Well, maybe this will help... (Flash to the outside of house)

Stephanie: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Change to title screen)

Scene 2

(Tim with trench coat on as FBI agent investigating crime scene. He�s talking to police chief [Steve with a fake mustache, padded clothes, and an accent like Sipowitz on NYPD Blue], standing by the chalk outline of the victim, which keeps changing positions.)

Tim: So what do we know about the killer?

Chief: Well uh, we�re looking at a uh, an overweight, anorexic, mulatto male, possibly Mexican or Asian, age 14 to 78. He�s short, in a tall way, with lightish-darkish hair. He�s very angry, possibly just lost a job or found his wife in bed with the mailman. He struck victim sometime between 12am and midnight. He used a weapon, possibly a gun or knife. Could also be a female.

Tim: Well that should narrow it down quite a bit, thank you.

Chief: I�ll be at the station getting drunk if you need me. (Waddles off.)

(Steve walks in wearing trench coat)

Steve: I think I found the murder weapon. (Holds up bloody knife.)

Tim: (Knocks knife out of Steve�s hand.) Can�t you see? The killer planted that.

Steve: (Picks up knife) But the DNA from the blood matches the victim, and the prints match her jealous ex-boyfriend, who just got released from prison last night.

Tim: So? That means nothing. (Knocks knife out of Steve�s hand again.) This is the real murder weapon. (Pulls a small fork out of his pocket.)

Steve: A shrimp fork? Wait, is that the fork you stole from Red Lobster�s at lunch?

Tim: I don�t know what you�re talking about.

Steve: You gotta quit planting evidence. Remember that small glove you planted at the scene where that black guy stabbed up that woman and her boyfriend?

Tim: Well, it didn�t fit me...

Steve: Yeah, well, it�s over now. Hey, whatever happened to that black guy?

Tim: Who knows? He�s probably rotting in a jail cell like he deserves.

(Cop walks in.)

Cop: We just got a call, they found another victim up the road.

Steve: Let�s go. We�ve done all we can there.

Tim: Shouldn�t we call the victim�s family?

Steve: Nah, they�ll find out eventually.

Scene 3

(Scene is set up just like the show Behind the Music.)

Announcer: Tonight on Behind the Trenchcoat. Agent Steven Syre, with the FBI. Growing up in the rough, so called ghetto in Orlando, Florida, Steve has had to put up with many obstacles in life. (Picture of fat girl in front of a door Steve is trying to get through. Above door is a sign the says �Success.�.) He managed to graduate at the head of his Criminal Justice class at Harvard. (Picture of Steve in graduation gown.) He was accepted into the FBI at age 21. He started as an honest person, trying to do good in the world, and to put all the criminals to justice. Soon afterwards, like all good agents, Steve realized there was no point, and he started taking bribes from people to eliminate evidence. Now, at age 25, he is one of the best agents the FBI has ever had. Underneath the exterior of a corrupt and quick tempered agent, is someone who still really wants to do good. Even if he has to smoke a couple thugs to do it. Agent Timothy Brownie, also with the FBI. Tim was born in Mexico, but drifted to the US Moses style across the Rio Grande in a floating taco shell. (Picture of baby in a taco shell.) His first word was guacamole (picture of baby, with word bubble saying guacamole,) and he�s been a beaner ever since. Tim graduated from Ole Taco University, at the bottom of his class, right behind the talking Taco Bell dog. (Picture of Tim next to the Taco Bell dog.) Tim joined the FBI at age 20 with no ability whatsoever. He�s now 21, and he�s still a dumb beaner. Join us next week on Behind the Trenchcoat when we feature agents Mulder and Scully. Goodnight, and don�t forget to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Scene 4

(Steve and Tim and a cop in a house.)

Steve: So what do we know so far?

Cop: Not much. We haven�t had a chance to search the house.

Steve: Coroner�s report?

Cop: Coroner hasn�t been here yet. We just discovered the body a few minutes ago. We were questioning neighbors, and when we got to this house, we could clearly see the body through a window.

Steve: Well, we�ll take care of the crime scene.

Cop: Sounds good. I�ve been working a double shift tonight and I�m ready to get some rest.

Steve: You do that. We�ll clean up here. (Cop leaves the room. Steve looks at victim.) Jeez, she can�t be more than 20 years old. What�s this? (Camera does CSI-like zoom in/out on papers in victim�s pocket. Steve takes them out.) �I know what you did.�

Tim: What?! You can�t prove a thing! It was self-defense!

Steve: What? No, these papers I found in her pocket. (Steve gives them to Tim, who reads them silently. The first one says �I know what you did.� The second says �I still know.� The last says �Bitch, I told you I have good memory.�

Steve: They�re obviously threats from the killer. We�ll search the house for more clues. You stay down here and search for some clues, I�ll search upstairs.

Tim: How about, I�ll take downstairs, and you go up there and search for clues?

Steve: Huh? Whatever... (Camera follows Steve up the stairs and into bedroom. Steve goes through a few drawers and comes across an expensive watch.) It�s not like she�ll need it where she�s at. (He pockets it. He continues to go through stuff and pocketing items. Scene changes to Tim in the kitchen. He�s pocketing silverware, salt and pepper shakers, and a banana. He opens up a drawer with bags of marijuana and cocaine.)

Tim: What do we have here? (Moves aside a bag of cocaine to get to a Snickers bar.) Why wait? (He starts eating it.)

(Camera moves to Steve coming from other side of the room.)

Steve: I found another one of those papers upstairs. (Hands it to Tim.)

Tim: I�m watching you?

Steve: The killer was terrorizing his victim before he killed her.

Tim: How do we know the killer is a man?

Steve: We don�t, I�m just using a pronoun to describe the killer.

Tim: I mean, for all we know, the killer could be a female monkey.

Steve: A monkey?

Tim: Hey I found one of those papers, too.

Steve: Let�s see it. (Tim hands Steve the paper.) Man, this is a grocery list!

Tim: It could be a threat.

Steve: Eggs! Shampoo! Oh, it�s so horrible! My God, how the hell did you pass the FBI entrance exams?

Tim: Well, the written tests were easy, I didn�t even have to try� (Fade to a flashback of Tim at a desk with paper in front of him. It�s a multiple-choice test. He starts making designs by filling in the bubbles to spell out TIM. He flips the page, and the first question is: �What is article 7 of the constitution?� He looks at the person next to him, looks at his test, and writes down an answer. The teacher grades his test, and he gets a C-.) Then we had the field tests� (Scene changes to Tim with a gun.)

Instructor: You have to finish the course in less than 5 minutes to pass.

(A time clock appears at the bottom of the screen. Instructor blows whistle, and Tim starts off running toward a wooden box. He sits behind it, and tries to shoot at a target about 20 feet away. After many rounds, he finally hits the target. A whistle blows, and Tim starts running towards a time bomb in the middle of the field. He tries to defuse it, but can�t, and starts banging it against the ground. It finally shuts off, and a whistle blows. He runs toward a house, where he has to negotiate a hostage situation.

Tim: Let the hostage go!

Voice: No!

Tim: Ummm� Please let the hostage go!

Voice: NO!!

Tim: I�ll be your friend!

Voice: Go to hell!

Tim: I�ve got� (Checks wallet.) 7 dollars! If you let her go, it�s yours. No questions asked.

Voice: Go away!

Tim: If you don�t let her go, I�m gonna start singing!

Voice: Go ahead! (Tim starts singing. Hostage runs out of house. Time is almost up.)

Instructor: He�ll never make. He�s still gotta help that wounded hostage get back here. And that�s almost a quarter mile. (Tim tries helping hostage limp back to the finish line, but they�re not going fast enough. He realizes he�s not going to make it. He stops and starts panting. He looks up, and sees a huge floating taco in the distance.)

Tim: It�s huge! (He picks hostage up and carries her to the finish line, with the frame rate speeded up to make him get there in seconds. He get�s there just in time. He drops the hostage, and keeps running for the taco, which turns out to just be a sign. Fade back to Tim and Steve in the house.)

Steve: That is the most fucked up story I�ve ever heard. You shouldn�t even be part of the FBI. You just got extremely lucky. And a giant taco?!

Tim: Well, I�m here now. (Steve�s cell phone rings.)

Steve: Hello?

Caller: This is agent Mulder of the FBI.

Steve: Did you say agent Mulder?

Caller: No, I said� Boulder.

Steve: Uh-huh.

Boulder: Well, we�ve reviewed the tape of the phone conversation between the killer and the first victim.

Steve: And�?

Boulder: I�m gonna play it for you. (Phone conversation from the beginning of the movie plays on the phone. Camera changes to Tim as he walks into the kitchen, as the phone conversation fades out. Tim makes a sandwich and walks back into the room.)

Steve: Alright, well thank you. I hope this will be helpful in finding this guy. (Turns off phone.) Well, it looks like this guy kills people based on horror movies.

Tim: What do you mean?

Steve: I�ve just listened to the phone conversation between the killer and the first victim on the night of the murder. It�s just like the phone call in the beginning of that movie Scream.

Tim: What do you mean, you listened to the phone conversation? How is that possible?

Steve: Heh heh, just like a rookie. Any phone call to or from anyone in the US, District of Colombia, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, the Virgin Islands, the Marshall Islands, the Northern Mariana Islands, Palau, Baker Island, Jarvis Island, Johnston Atoll, Midway Islands, or the Federated States of Micronesia is recorded in an FBI database.

Tim: But that�s illegal!

Steve: How so?

Tim: It�s- it�s an invasion of privacy!

Steve: And we�re the FBI. Now it�s getting late, I�m gonna get going home. I want you to go and rent a few popular horror movies, ones that have come out in the past few years.

Tim: Like Final Destination?

Steve: No, ones where there�s a guy killing other people. Movies where our killer might get ideas from for future killings. I want you to remember all the key points in the movies.

Tim: How should I do that?

Steve: Memorize, take a picture, write a book, I don�t give a fuck. Just do it. And meet me at the office tomorrow with what you�ve learned.

Tim: What are you gonna do?

Steve: I have plans.

Scene 5

(At Steve�s apartment, Steve is smoking a cigar in his bedroom, with Mystikal �Smoke Something� playing.)

Steve: (Along with music.) Ah-ahh-eee-ahhh-ah-eee-ah-ahhhh� (Phone rings, Steve puts it on speakerphone.) Hello?

Caller: (Whisper.) I see dead people.

Steve: Who the fuck is this!?

Caller: (Deep voice.)Ha ha ha! I�m the one you�re after, Steve.

Steve: Bullshit, who the fuck is this, for real?

Caller: I�m in the house, Steve.

Steve: What? Now that�s where you fucked up. My door�s locked. You couldn�t have gotten in.

Caller: Your kitchen window was open. I cut the screen and crawled through.

Steve: (Pause) Anybody could have guessed that�

Caller: You know, you should wash your dishes when you�re done with them. You�ll never get the lasagna off that pan.

Steve: (Stands up, loads gun.) Where are you?

Caller: I�m right behind your door.

Steve: (Aims gun at door, slowly walks to door and opens it. Seeing no one, he grabs the phone, puts it to his ear, and walks to doorway. He jumps out and points gun in both directions. He puts phone to his ear.) Where are you now?

Caller: I�m at the front door. (Steve looks down at door and sees it slam shut. He runs down the steps and out the door.)

Steve: Where the fuck are you?!

Caller: I�m in the back. (Steve runs to the back of the house. He looks around, but doesn�t see anyone. In a flash, the killer flies out from behind a tree, slashing with one stroke at Steve�s neck, and flies off. Steve feels his neck, which is covered in blood. Killer tried to slit his throat, but missed and just cut his skin.)

Steve: Mother fucker tried to kill me! (Steve runs in the direction the killer ran, into the woods.) Where are you!?

Caller: You�re still alive?

Steve: Damn straight, which�ll be more than we can say about you in a few minutes.

Caller: Ha ha, you�ll never find me.

Steve: We�ll see.

Caller: What? I can�t hear you. You�re- (unintelligible.)

Steve: What? Damn it. (Runs back towards house.) Can you hear me now?

Caller: Yes.

Steve: Good. Look, this phone�s range won�t go too far from the house. Why don�t we just hang up?

Caller: Fine by me�(hangs up.)

Steve: Now I gotcha, ya little fuck. (Close up on phone, Steve hits *69. A loud cartoon ring comes from the woods.)

Killer: Oh shit! (Steve runs off in that direction. He sees the killer ahead of him, and starts chasing him.)

Steve: Stop! FBI!! (When he gets close enough, he fires a warning shot. The killer stops.) Down on your knees, hands on your head! NOW!! (Killer does as he says.) Throw the knife to your side, slowly. (Killer does that. Steve handcuffs the killer and rips his mask off.) You tried to kill me, motherfucker! I should kill you! (Picks up knife, puts it by the killer�s throat.) Why do you do it? Why do you kill people? Not talking? Why is that? You had plenty to say on the phone.

Killer: You�ll never get another word out of me.

Steve: Really? Well if that�s the case, then I�ll just kill you right now. (Steve makes a wide arc with the knife, nearly touching the killer�s neck.) Talk to me! Why�d you kill those 2 girls? (Pause.) Why�d you try to kill me? (Pause.) Were there any more victims? (Pause.) Did you have any more victims planned, besides me? Silent act, huh? Alright, I�ll just beat it out of ya. (Runs up to kick killer in the face and stops an inch from killer�s face, killer doesn�t even flinch.)

Steve: Ha. I�m FBI. I�m not gonna hurt you. (Walks off behind killer. After a long pause, killer gets to his feet, turns around to see if Steve is gone, sighs, then get�s ready to make a run for it. But before he can, Steve comes out from behind the shadows, with a gun aimed at the killer�s head.)

Steve: This won�t hurt a bit. (Gun fires.)

Scene 6

(Law & Order effects 9:13 Police Department, 14th Precinct, Brahta, NY)

(Steve is sitting in a chair in a small lobby. He�s looking around the room, and looks into an office to see a guy sleeping. He picks a magazine off the table and throws it at the office window. The guy jumps up, and Steve starts laughing. A guy comes and sits down right next to Steve, although there is a whole row of seats he could have taken. The guy stares straight forward. Steve starts staring at the guy. When the guy finally turns his head to look at Steve, Steve quick looks forward. The guy looks forward again, and Steve stares at him again. The guy looks back at Steve, but again, Steve turns his head forward. This happens again, but this time, the guy turns his head quickly and catches Steve staring. Steve turns his head forward.)

Guy: (Angry) What?

Steve: (Innocently, turning his head to face the guy.) What?

(The guy gets an annoyed look on his face, and turns forward. Steve holds in a laugh, and starts staring at the guy again. As soon as the guy looks, Steve�s eyes shift, and he pretends to be looking at something behind the guy. Once the guy looks away, Steve continues staring at him. This continues until finally, the guy starts staring at Steve to try to catch him looking at him. Steve casually looks down at the guy.

Steve: What are you staring at me for? (The guy lets out an angry groan and moves away from Steve. Just then, a man in a suit comes into the room.)

Man: Agent Syre?

Steve: Yeah?

Man: Step into my office. (Steve follows man into his office.) Have a seat. (They sit.) My name is Director Cavanaugh. We�re just doing a follow-up interview to make sure the death was justified.

Steve: What happened to Chris?

Director: You must mean Director Morris. He�s been relocated to head off a new division in Maryland.

Steve: Why didn�t I hear about this?

Director: It came about rather suddenly. But I assure you, I�ll be just as fair as Director Morris was. Now, what took place the night of October 7th, 2003?

Steve: I was in bed, listening to the radio when I got this phone call. The caller said he was the killer I was looking for, and that he had gotten into my house. I grabbed my gun and handcuffs, and opened my bedroom door. I saw him run out my front door, so I chased after him. I still had my phone with me. I chased him out into the woods, where I fired a warning shot above his head. He stopped and got on his knees. I started to handcuff him, but he took his knife and tried to slash my throat. He cut into my neck. I grabbed his other hand and managed to get it cuffed. I was knocked backwards, and he started to run. I jumped to my feet, and knowing that I wouldn�t be able to catch him, since I didn�t have shoes on, I shot him.

Director: Well, you�re story seems to line up with what the forensics team found. However, they did find your fingerprints on the knife the man was carrying.

Steve: Yes, uh, after the man slashed at me, I managed to get the knife out of his hand, but I fell backwards and was unable to hold onto him.

Director: I�m sure there will be no question of whether it was justifiable or not. Now, we usually have a mandatory 1-week paid suspension following an on-duty shooting. However, Assistant Director Wilson needs your help with a case, and with your experience and skills, we can�t afford to lose you for a week. Go on into AD Wilson�s office. He�ll brief you on your next case.

Steve: One more thing, that agent I was paired with for this last case�

Director: Yes, agent Brownie. What about him?

Steve: He didn�t seem all that competent. I mean, I don�t want to get anyone in trouble, but he didn�t seem like he should be on the X-Files.

Director: Did you say X-Files?

Steve: X-Files? Why would I say X-Files? I�m just saying, I don�t think this guy should be in the field. He seems like he should be behind a desk, pushing papers. Hell, behind a counter, flipping burgers.

Director: Yes, I know exactly what you mean. But he passed all the required tests. Anyone who can pass those must be capable of being a good FBI agent.

Steve: Uh-huh, riiight� I just thought I�d mention it to you.

Director: It�s alright. I�m sure you�ll never have to work with him again.

Steve: That�s good.

Director: Well, AD Wilson is waiting for you.

Steve: Okay. (Steve walks into another office, where Assistant Director Wilson is sitting.)

Wilson: Agent Syre, glad to see you. Heard about what happened last night. How many murders does that make for you? (He says last sentence with a grin.)

Steve: (With a sly grin.) It�s not a murder if it�s on duty.

Wilson: (Laughing.) So what really happened?

Steve: (In a mock professional way.) Well, uh Assistant Director Matthew Wilson, the suspect was armed with a deadly weapon, which he used to attempt to impose death upon me. I, becoming enthralled with rage, let loose my anger in the form of a 9 millimeter projectile.

Wilson: (Laughing.) What really happened?

Steve: The guy snuck up on me, tried to slit my throat. I chased him into the woods, fired a warning shot, and he stopped. He got down on his knees, and I handcuffed him. But I wasn�t about to let that son of a bitch get away with tryin� to kill me. So I walked away, and as soon as he started running, I put some large caliber justice in his brain.

Wilson: (Smirking.) You�re a bad man, Syre.

Steve: But I get the job done.

Wilson: That you do.

Steve: Ya think he�s gonna be killing anyone else? And the taxpayers don�t have to waste money on him sleeping and watching cable TV in a jail cell the rest of his life. The new director said you had a new case for me?

Wilson: Yes, a serial rapist.

Steve: I hate those guys worse than murderers.

Wilson: Then you�ll really hate this guy. 4 girls a night, every night for the past 3 days. Always a white, a black, an Asian, and a Hispanic every night.

Steve: What? No favorite flavor? Damn, 4 times a night... Is that humanly possible?

Wilson: I wouldn�t think so.

Steve: It�s probably some 80 year old guy who�s OD�d on Viagra.

Wilson: The worst part- he kills the victim when he�s done with them.

Steve: Fuck. (Wilson hands Steve a paper.) What�s this?

Wilson: Last night, an un-named witness videotaped a masked man flee from the rape scene to the back of a Seven-11, where he put his disguise in a suitcase, and walked into the store to buy a chili-dog. Using the witness�s tape, and the video surveillance tape from the store, we were able to identify this man, Carl Lattrey.

Steve: How sure are you that it�s him?

Wilson: 100%.

Steve: Then what are we waiting for, let�s bring this perverted fuck in!

Wilson: Right now, we�re letting him walk.

Steve: What!? Why?

Wilson: Because we believe there are 3 other men involved. We bring this guy in, the other 3 jet.

Steve: But if we leave this guy out there, more girls are gonna get killed.

Wilson: That�s why you�re here. Syre, you know damn well you�re the best agent we�ve got. You�re smart, and you don�t dink around. We need you to get these four guys together so we can bring them down before there�s any more victims.

Steve: How long do I have?

Wilson: They�ve been striking right before midnight. It�s almost 10 right now, so you�ve got no more than 14 hours to bring them together.

Steve: And how do you suggest I do that?

Wilson: You are no longer Steve Syre, FBI agent. You are now Richard Jackson, drug dealer slash murderer slash rapist.

Steve: I�m goin� undercover.

Wilson: You were born to be a thug. You grew up in the projects of downtown Orlando.

Steve: What help am I gonna have on this case?

Wilson: To keep from looking suspicious, you and your partner (Steve looks up.) will be completely cut off from the FBI.

Steve: Partner?

Wilson: Yes, partner. Timothy Brownie, the same one you had from your last case. Come on in, Jose. (Pause.) Jose? (Pause.) Ugh... (Annoyed.) Tim. (Tim walks into the room, pimped out in a ghetto outfit.)

Tim: (In a Mexican accent.) Yo wassup, esse?

Steve: You have got to be kidding me.

Wilson: Well, we�re wasting valuable time. Using the information on that paper, you�ll have to track down Lattrey. He�s a known crack and heroin addict. You should be able to use that to get close to him. We�ll supply you with the proper wares. And Richard?

Steve: (Annoyed street talking.) It�s Rick. What is it?

Wilson: Haha. You�re gonna have to change your clothes. No self-respecting crack dealer dresses in a Versace silk suit.

Steve: Of course.

Wilson: Alright, gentlemen, let�s get you on your way. We�ll give you the location where you can pick up the necessary accessories.

Scene 7

(11:09 8th and River Brahta, NY)

(Rick and Jose walk out of the inmate discharge area.)

Rick: (Whispering.) Now remember, we�re street thugs who just got released from jail.

Jose: Ain�t no thing, homie.

Rick: (Yelling.) Yeah! We out dis bitch! The penal system can lick my penis!

Jose: Yeah! Wassup now, esse?!

Rick: The only bacon I�m eva gon� see�ll be on my plate!! (Cop comes out.) Yo, we gone, we gone.

Jose: Where do we go to now?

Rick: We got a place down the street where we can pick up some stuff.

Jose: What kind of stuff?

Rick: Haha. You�ll see.

(Screen changes to Rick and Jose knocking on a front door.)

Rick: Yo, open up! (Door opens.)

Man: What�s the password?

Rick: Password?

Man: I can�t let you in without a password.

Rick: You want a password? Okay, I�ve got a password for you, your momma�s a ----------!! (Car drives by, covering up Rick�s long line of profanity.) How�s that for a password? (Man rolls his eyes, then let�s the 2 in.)

Man: Everything you need is in that box right there. (Points to a box across the room. Rick opens box.)

Rick: Oh, It�s like Christmas! (Pulls 2 guns out of box.) MP5K Submachine guns. (Kisses them.) What I�ve always wanted. Now tell me Santa Claus doesn�t exist. (Tucks them in coat.)

Jose: Isn�t one of those mine?

Rick: You�re not licensed to handle one of these. But don�t worry, Santa hasn�t forgotten about you. (He pulls out a Magnum with laser-sight and a MAC 10.) Take your pick. (He takes the MAC 10. Rick puts the Magnum in his belt.)

Jose: Anything else in there? (Rick looks in the box and sees a bag of heroin, and a wad of bills.)

Rick: Nope.

Man: So what case are you guys workin� on? (Pocket�s heroin and bills when Jose turns around.)

Rick: Who says we�re workin� on a case? I�m just a little pissed off at the mailman. Too many bills, not enough paychecks. Alright, we don�t got much time. (Looks at the man.) Mailman comes at noon.

Man: Whatever.

(They leave the house, and are walking down the street.)

Scene 8

(11:36 MacDaddy�s Brahta, NY)

Rick: According to the paper, Carl has a part time job as a fry cook at MacDaddy�s. (They walk up to the �MacDaddy�s.�) Probably to cover the fact that he gets most his money from mugging people. He gets off at noon, so we�ve got about 20 minutes. I think I�ll grab a Big Mack (Stressed.), what do you want?

Jose: Uh, I�ll have a Filet Ho Fish with some onion rangs.

Girl: (Apathetic.) Welcome to MacDaddy�s, can I take your order?

Rick: Yes, we�d like a Big Mack (Stressed.) meal, and a Filet Ho Fish with some onion rangs.

Girl: Anything to drink with that?

Rick: Want anything to drink?

Jose: Yeah esse, I want uh, 20 ounces of coke.

Girl: Will that be all?

Rick: Yeah. And if it ain�t hot and delicious, someone�s gonna get capped! Check this out. (Opens coat to reveal guns. Girl looks down.)

Girl: Your zipper�s down.

Rick: Oh, shit. (Zip.)

Girl: That�ll be nine forty-three.

(Screen changes to Rick and Jose sitting at a table eating.)

Jose: So where do we go from here?

Rick: We wait for this Carl to get out of work, then we offer to sell him some smack.

Jose: Cereal?

Rick: Not Smacks, you idiot, smack. Heroin.

Jose: Oh. So what do we do after that.

Rick: After that, you leave it up to me. Just follow my lead. And don�t screw up.

Jose: Okay.

Rick: Are you done? Let�s go. (They throw their stuff away and go outside to the back. Carl walks outside. Rick walks up to him.)

Carl: Wassup?

Rick: I�ve got some premium hard candy, if you�re interested.

Carl: How much?

Rick: More than a dime�s worth. (Takes out bag.)

Carl: How do I know you�re not a cop?

Rick: (Thoughtful look, then pours small amount onto fist and snorts it.)

Carl: And that stuff�s real? (Rick pours a little on his fist, and offers it to Carl, who snorts it.) Aight. Let�s go for a little ride. Who�s he? (Looks to Jose.)

Rick: That�s Jose. He�s learnin� the business. Nevermind him for now.

Jose: I understand. Come on, get in the car. He can ride in back.

(They both get in the car.)

Scene 10

(12:22 Downtown, Brahta, NY)

(Rick, Jose, and Carl are in the car. Carl is driving down the street. Carl pours heroin on his pinkie and snorts it. Rick pours some on his fist and pretends to snort it, but actually just blows it off his hand.)

Rick: So where are we headed?

Carl: Nowhere in particular. Why, you got a preference?

Rick: What we need are some bitches.

Carl: Not too many pross�s out here during the day.

Rick: I�m not talking about prostitutes. I�m talking about force-feeding.

Carl: What do ya mean?

Rick: Don�t tell me you�ve never done CSC?

Carl: Criminal sexual conduct? Yeah, but there�s this thing.

Rick: What thing?

Carl: Are you sure we can trust him?

Rick: He�s proven his loyalty.

Carl: Aight. Every night for the past few nights, me and 3 other guys each rape a girl. We always do it late at night, so I don�t want to do it now and throw it off.

Rick: I heard about that. Tell me about these other guys.

Carl: Well, there�s Tony, who�s white. Treng, he�s Chinese. And Robert, he�s Mexican. We each fuck a girl our own race.

Rick: I see. And why do you all do this?

Carl: Thrill. And we�re causing a terror in the city.

Rick: Right, you are. What happens when all the girls get too scared to leave the house?

Carl: We�ll go to them. We�re not gonna stop until we�ve had our way with every bitch in Brahta.

Rick: Do you get together somewhere, or do you all do this on your own.

Carl: We meet at this abandoned warehouse out by the tracks around 11. Then we each go out and hunt down a girl. And when the time is right, bam!

Rick: Take us to that warehouse.

Carl: Aight.

Scene 11

(1:03 Abandoned shipping warehouse, Brahta, NY)

(Rick, Jose, and Carl are at a dark, abandoned warehouse.)

Rick: (With his back to Carl.) So this is where you guys get together before you go rape and kill innocent women and girls?

Carl: (With weird look on his face.) Yeah, we meet here around 11 o�clock.

Rick: Tell me, do you ever feel remorse over the girls you�ve raped and killed?

Carl: (Getting suspicious.) Of course not.

Rick: Their cries, their screams- they mean nothing to you, do they?

Carl: Nope. (Rick spins around and lands a roundhouse kick on Carl�s chest. He lands against a wall) What the fuck?!

Rick: 12 girls are dead because of some demented pleasure you all get from raping and killing people who can�t defend themselves.

Carl: What the fuck is your problem?!

Rick: You. (Rick runs at Carl and beats the shit out of him, reducing him to a heap on the floor. Carl squirms around on the floor, moaning. Rick walks up and stares at him.)

Carl: (Weakly.) Who are you?

Rick: Agent Steve Syre, FBI. (Steve kicks Carl in the head, knocking him out.)

Jose: So what do we do now, esse?

Steve: You can cut the phony accent, Tim, we got what we needed.

Jose: What phony accent, Homes? Who�s Tim?

Steve: (Annoyed look.) Tim.

Tim: Alright, alright. So what do we do know?

Steve: We wait for the others to show up.

Scene 12

(Steve and Tim are still waiting in the warehouse. Carl is now tied to a pole, with his mouth gagged. Steve is smoking a cigarillo.)

Tim: What are we gonna do when they get here?

Steve: I have no clue.

Tim: We�re gonna die, aren�t we?

Steve: Why would we die?

Tim: They�re gonna come in here, see us, see their partner tied to a pole, and they�re gonna kill us.

Steve: We have guns, remember. Besides, when they get here, we�re gonna pretend that we�re Carl�s friends, and that we want in on the action.

Tim: I still think something�s gonna go wrong.

Steve: Look, I�ve never failed a case in my career. I don�t plan to now.

Tim: You�ve never failed a case? Not even you�re first one?

Steve: No.

Tim: I did. I failed miserably on my first case.

Steve: What happened?

Tim: Well, I was put in charge of guarding my boss�s lunch... (Fade to flash back of Tim at a table with a plate of food. Tim is staring at the plate of food and takes a cookie out of his pocket and eats it. All of a sudden, a man dressed in an Arabian get-up and a turban comes in. He steals the food, says something in Arabic, and leaves. The boss walks in.)

Boss: Where�s my lunch?

Tim: (With mouth full.) Osama Bin Laden came in here and he took it.

Boss: Osama Bin Laden?

Tim: Yeah.

Boss: I trust you to stay here and guard my lunch, and you eat it.

Tim: No-no, I didn�t eat it. This is a cookie.

Boss: And now you�re lying about it.

Tim: No, it really was Osama Bin Laden. He just walked in here and grabbed it. He just looked at me, and said something about Allah.

Boss: I can�t believe you, Brownie. You eat my lunch, and then you lie to me about it. You expect me to believe that Osama Bin Laden just waltzed into an FBI office and stole my lunch. Do you think I�m stupid?

Tim: No sir.

Boss: (Sigh.) Well, I guess I�m gonna have to go buy another lunch. I�m going to remember this, Brownie. (Fade back to the warehouse. Steve is giving Tim a weird look.)

Tim: I failed the next case, too. There was a company cook-out. We all had hamburgers off the grill. Well, my boss grabbed the last hamburger. He told me to guard it while he ran to go grab a soda. But this crazed man stole it and ran off. I�ll never forget his words or the sinister smirk on his face� (Fade to a picture of the Hamburglar.) Rubble-rubble. (Fade back. Steve is holding his head in his hands.)

Tim: So what was your first case?

Steve: Umm� Well, I was fresh out of Harvard. I had a minor in forensic medicine, so I was put on case where I was to use my knowledge of forensics to investigate the crime� (Fade to black screen. Law & Order sound effect, followed by �Police Morgue 57th Precinct Atlanta, GA May 24, 1999 6:49 am.� Steve in a morgue, talking to a doctor.)

Doctor: The bodies are down here. Man and a woman. She�s on that table, he�s on this one. We found them both naked. Must have been engaged in intercourse at the time of their deaths. (A sheet covers a body with a large bulge sticking out in the midsection.)

Steve: (In a slight southern accent.) Viagra-related heart attack? At least he died happy. (Steve eyes the bulge.) And by the looks of things, I�d say she died happy, too.

Doctor: They didn�t just die, agent Syre. They were murdered. (Lifts sheet off body. It�s a man with a large knife going through his back, with the blade sticking out of his crotch.)

Steve: (Puts fist to mouth and leans back.) Daaamn! I mean, I�ve heard of people liking a little pain during sex, but this is crazy. How did that happen?

Doctor: You�re the FBI agent, you tell me. There�s no evidence on the crime scene other than the knife. We would never have known a murder had taken place if it wasn�t for the woman�s sister, Ashley Drummond, coming for a visit. She walked into the bedroom and saw him on top of her, with a knife sticking in his back. No sign of a struggle, no sign of forced entry. She called the police. When she got there, the 2 had been dead for around 5 hours.

Steve: Well how did the woman die? I mean, a knife wound to the money maker would hurt, but it�s not fatal, is it?

Doctor: Not normally. But the knife severed the man�s spine, and also sliced through his member, (Steve flinches.) causing a lot of blood loss. He was dead in just a few moments. As you can tell, he�s a big guy, she would never have been able to lift him off of her. She eventually bled to death.

Steve: Any prints on the knife?

Doctor: Only those of Ashley�s. But before we even fingerprinted the handle, she told us she had tried to pull the knife out. Her story was consistent. No reason to believe it was her.

Steve: Why is the knife still in the body?

Doctor: Police couldn�t pull the knife out, so they just undid the handle and took it for fingerprinting. If a police man didn�t have the strength to pull the knife out, there�s no way the sister would have had the strength to put the knife in.

Steve: Do you have the handle?

Doctor: It�s in that pan over there.

Steve: (Inspects handle.) The end of the handle is flattened. The knife was hammered into the victim.

Doctor: (Concerned look.) I don�t know how we missed that.

Scene 13

(Crime scene, The Pasture Apartments, Suite no. 413. Atlanta, GA May 24, 1999 8:35 am. )

(Steve and the doctor are at the crime scene.)

Doctor: What are we looking for again?

Steve: Anything that could have been used to hammer the knife into the victim�s back. Like a paddle or a wrench or a-.

Doctor: Or a hammer? (Holds up a hammer.)

Steve: (With a smirk.) That might work. How long will it take to lift the prints?

Doctor: I can do it right here. It�ll take me about 5 minutes.

Steve: Great. I�ll keep looking while you do that. (Steve walks around the house, looking at different things.) Where these two married or engaged or what?

Doctor: (From the other room.) They weren�t married. The sister didn�t know about any relationship between them.

Steve: But she knew him?

Doctor: She denied knowing him. But we ran a search of the 2 and learned that they work together. Well, used to, now that he�s not going to be at work today. Other than that, we don�t know if they knew each other or not.

Steve: (Picks up an expensive looking necklace.) Sad. (Puts it back down.)

Doctor: Agent Syre!

Steve: What?

Doctor: You�re gonna wanna see this!

Steve: (Runs into the room.) What is it?

Doctor: I ran the prints from the hammer in my computer. They match Ashley Drummond.

Scene 14

(Ashley Drummond�s residence, 188 Sycamore Ave. Farcove, Atlanta May 24, 1999 9:23 am.)

(Woman is talking to a man outside of a house. Steve and Doctor walk up to her.)

Steve: Ashley Drummond?

Ashley: Yes?

Steve: Agent Syre, FBI. Let�s go for a ride.

Ashley: FBI? No, I don�t want to.

Steve: That wasn�t a question.

Ashley: What is this about?

Steve: (Handcuffing Ashley. In a sarcastic tone.) Ashley Drummond, you are under arrest for the murder of David Morse and Christine Drummond. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you can not afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you at no charge. Just our way of saying thank you for giving us a job.

Ashley: I�m innocent! This is ridiculous! Why would I kill my own sister?

Scene 15

(Interrogation, 57th precinct, Atlanta, GA May 24, 1999 11:14 am.)

(Steve and Ashley are sitting across from each other in an interrogation room. Steve is staring at her, without blinking or saying anything.)

Ashley: I didn�t kill my sister! I didn�t kill David either! What do you want from me? What proof do you have? I want to speak to a lawyer.

Steve: You refused your right to a lawyer when you kicked me in the genitals on the way in here.

Ashley: You can�t do that!

Steve: You�re innocent, right?

Ashley: Of course!

Steve: Think of how bad it will look in court if you refuse to talk without an attorney present. I mean, I can call one down here for you, but it�ll just do more harm than good.

Ashley: Why are the FBI involved?

Steve: I was given this case because it will be my first as an FBI agent.

Ashley: So you�re a rookie?!

Steve: Don�t let my status fool you, Miss Drummond. I intend to solve this case. When I�m done, the guilty will be sentenced.

Ashley: You�re trying to scare me?

Steve: Why would I be trying to scare you? I said the guilty will be sentenced. You�re not guilty, are you Miss Drummond?

Ashley: No.

Steve: Then you have nothing to be scared of. If you truly are innocent, then I want to know, so we can get you out of here as soon as possible. Getting an attorney present will only make us wait. If there�s going to be an attorney present, we may want to hold you in here for a while so we can gather more evidence.

Ashley: The constitution guarantees me the right to a speedy trial. I can be arraigned tomorrow and let out on bond.

Steve: Bonded on a double murder charge? This isn�t grade school detention, Miss Drummond. Do you have half a million dollars lying around?

Ashley: (Submissively.) Fine, alright. What do you wanna know?

Steve: What happened on the night of the 23rd?

Ashley: I went to visit my sister. I got to her house at around 1 o�clock in the morning. No one answered, so I walked in. I heard something coming from the bedroom, so I walked back there and saw this man on top of her. Then I noticed that he had a knife sticking out of his back. I tried to pull out out, but it was stuck. That�s when I went and called the police.

Steve: Why did you visit your sister at 1 in the morning?

Ashley: We both work second shift. I couldn�t sleep, so I decided to pay her a visit.

Steve: How do you know David Morse?

Ashley: (Flinching.)I- I didn�t know him.

Steve: We know that you and he used to work together.

Ashley: (Getting aggressive.) So? That doesn�t mean we knew each other.

Steve: How can you work in the same office with someone for 3 years and not know of them.

Ashley: Even if I did, does that mean I�d murder him?!

Steve: Why are you getting so angry?

Ashley: I�m not angry. I don�t like being accused of lying.

Steve: I never accused you of lying. I just think it�s strange that 2 people can work together for 3 years, and never once meet. (Ashley looks away.)

Ashley: Well it�s true. I�ve never met him in my life.

Steve: Hmm. I think you did know him.

Ashley: What?

Steve: Not only that, I think you two were intimate.

Ashley: That�s crazy!

Steve: You did go over to your sister�s house. But not 1 in the morning, you got there at 8 at night. That�s when you found your sister in bed with your boyfriend. And you couldn�t take it. You ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. You snuck into the bedroom and stabbed David in the back with it, just like David stabbed you in the back by having sex with your sister!

Ashley: No! (Cowers in her chair, looks away, and starts crying and shaking her head.)

Steve: (Getting worked up.) But you were too weak, you couldn�t get the knife all the way into him. As David laid on top of your screaming sister, squirming from the break in his spine, you grabbed a hammer off the floor and used it to put the knife all the way into David�s back! He was dead in seconds, but your sister, she was still alive, screaming! You panicked. You left the house, hoping to make a clean getaway. But then you remembered, your fingerprints were on the knife! So you waited for a few hours, until you knew your sister was dead. You went back to the house and thought about what to do about your fingerprints. You knew that even if you could wipe your prints off the knife, your prints would still be all over the house. So you did the smart thing. You called the cops. You told them you came to visit your sister and found them dead. You just tried to get that knife outta there. That�s why the prints were on the knife. You told the police that you went in the kitchen to call the cops, that�s why your prints were in there. But you missed something, Miss Drummond. You never told the police anything about the hammer, or how your prints got on there. (Ashley looks up.) And you would have gotten away with murder- double murder, if it hadn�t have been for that stupid little hammer! You were so worked up over the murder of your sister and your boyfriend that-

Ashley: He was not my boyfriend!

Steve: (Stands up.) That you forgot all about it! You killed David Morse!

Ashley: No!

Steve: Why did you leave your sister do die?!

Ashley: (Stands up.) I hated her! I hated her for stealing David from me! He said he loved me that same night! I went to tell Christine all about it. But when I got there, he was fucking her brains out! I had to do it! I had to kill him! He said he loved me! (Sits back down and starts crying.)

Steve: (Lowers voice.) Why did you let Christine die?

Ashley: She would have told the police everything. I had to do it.

Steve: (Nods head.) Okay. (Fades back to warehouse.)

Tim: Wow.

Steve: Yeah. It was good for my first case.

Tim: Hey, what time is it?

Steve: (Looks at watch.) Oh shit, it�s almost 11. We gotta get ready.

Tim: What are we gonna do?

Steve: We�re street thugs, we just want in on the action. Let�s go wait for them up by the door. (They walk to the door.)

Tim: What are we gonna say when they get here?

Steve: Leave all the talking to me.

Tim: Alright. (Looks out the window.) Is that them out there?

Steve: (Looks out window.) It must be. Remember, I�m Rick, you�re Jose. We�re street thugs. Got it?

Jose: (Mexican accent.) Yeah, esse, I know what you�re sayin�.

Rick: Aight, let�s meet the rapists. (Door swings open, 2 men come in. 1 white, 1 Asian.

Man: Hey, who the fuck are you?!

Rick. I�m Rick, this is Jose. We�re friends of Carl. We�re here to get in on the action.

Man: We don�t need anybody else.

Rick: It�s Tony, right? And Treng?

Tony: Yeah.

Treng: Yeah.

Rick: Tony, we�re here because Carl owes us a little favor. Now we heard about your little thing on the news the other night, and we want in. Ya know, we�d be like celebrities or some shit. I guess what I�m sayin� is-

Treng: Who the fuck is that? (Motions to Carl tied to pole, who has woken up and is standing and trying to free himself from the pole.)

Tony: Hey, that�s Carl! (They both run towards him.)

Rick: Stop right there, assholes! (Rick pulls out his 2 MP5K guns and aims them at the 2 men. They turn around and see him.) Either of you touch him and you�re dead.

Tony: Aight. No need for shooting up in here. (Raises hands.)

Rick: You too, Treng. Hold up your hands. (Treng starts to raise his hands but then draws a gun and starts shooting. Tony does the same. Rick strafes and shoots at both of the men. He ducks under a shelf as Tony and Treng duck and shoot at Steve. Jose is hiding behind a wall.)

Steve: This is agent Syre of the FBI! Drop your weapons! (The shootout continues until Tony and Treng run out of ammo. They both stand up with their arms in the air.)

Tony: We�re out of ammo. We give up!

Steve: (Pointing guns at both of them.) Both of you! Lie down on your stomachs with your arms out in front of you and your palms pointing up. (They both do as he says.)

Voice: Drop your weapons or your friend dies! (Steve looks and sees a man holding a gun to Tim�s head.)

Steve: Robert?

Robert: Shut up! Do what I said.

Steve: You�ll kill us anyway, just like you�ve killed all those innocent girls!

Robert: (Points gun at Steve, but still holding Tim.) If you don�t put down your weapons, I�ll use your friend as a shield, and kill you, then kill him. So put your fucking guns down!

Steve: Alright! (Drops both guns.)

Robert: Now kick them over to Tony and Treng over there.

Steve: What!? No!

Robert: Do it or you both die!

Steve: (Pause. Kicks the guns to the 2 guys, who grab them and stand up, pointing them at Steve.)

Robert: Now which of you should I kill first? Since you gave me the most trouble, I think I�ll kill you. (Aims gun at Steve.) You�re lucky I don�t rape you first. But I�m saving mine for later tonight. (Finger tightens around the trigger, there is a rapid succession of gunfire. Steve ducks, thinking he�s been shot at. He opens his eyes and sees Robert fall to the ground, showing Tim holding his MAC 10. Tony and Treng both start shooting at Tim, who is shot and falls to the ground. Steve takes out his Magnum with laser sight and shots to kill Tony, who falls to the ground. Treng fires at Steve and shoots the gun out of his hand. Steve realizes that there is no where to run to avoid being shot. He�s in the open. Treng pulls the trigger, but he�s out of ammo. He throws the gun down and starts running toward Steve, who runs to grab the gun. He reaches for it, but Treng trips him from behind. Treng reaches for the gun, but Steve tackles him. A kung-fu fight incurs, with both Steve and Treng trying to get the gun. The gun ends up getting kicked out of both of their reach, so they fight each other until Treng is finally overtaken by Steve. Steve then starts beating the shit out of Treng until he gets tired. He handcuffs him to another pole, and checks on Tim.

Steve: You okay?

Tim: Yeah, just took a shot to the arm. And the shoulder. And both of my legs. And my stomach.

Steve: You�ll be alright.

Tim: You sure?

Steve: I�ll call a unit, get them down here immediately.

Tim: Well? Am I gonna be okay?

Steve: All units, this is agent Syre FBI. We�re at an abandoned shipping warehouse on the railroad tracks. Man down. Repeat, man down. We have 4 fugitives, 2 in cuffs, and the other 2 dead.

Dispatcher: We have an ambulance en route. We�re also sending 2 police units. (Steve sits down next to the pole where Treng is tied up. Treng sits up, with a dazed look in his eyes. Steve elbows him in the head, and he falls down again. Scene fades out.

Scene 16

(2 weeks later.)

(Takes place at an award banquet. Director Cavanaugh steps up to the podium.)

Director: 2 weeks ago, 2 fine FBI agents were given a case in which they had only 14 hours to prevent 4 serial rapists from raping and killing 4 more victims. This was an assignment which almost cost both the agents their lives. With their excellent FBI skills and instincts, they were able to track these men and get to their hideout. In the firefight that ensued, agent Timothy Brownie was shot 5 times, and almost killed, as agent Steven Syre was held at gunpoint. We are here now to award these agents with the Medal of Honor. (Steve walks to the podium.) After the firefight and after his firearm was shot out of his hand, Steven Syre had to fight one of the men with his bare hands. He was lucky enough to survive the night without any injuries. We are proud to award him with the Medal of Honor! (Puts medal around Steve�s neck. Steve steps up to the mic.)

Steve: Although it was my skill as an FBI agent that led us to the warehouse where the men where using to meet, if it wasn�t for my partner, agent Brownie, I would have been killed. I was being held at gun point when agent Brownie managed to sneak a gun out of his coat and shoot the man in the heart. If he had not done that, I would not be here today, to receive this great award. But I guess it�s as they say, �All in the line of duty. Thank you.�

Director: Agent Timothy Brownie has only been with us for a year, but he shows the skills and experience of a seasoned veteran. We are proud to call him FBI, and we are proud to award him with the Medal of Honor. (Tim is wheeled out on a dolly in a full-body cast. The director puts the medal over his head, and he�s put up to the mic.)

Tim: (Unintelligible muttering. Audience applauses.)

(Zoom and fade out.)

Scene 17

(Steve�s house, Detroit, Mi 12:47 am.)

(Steve is sitting in his bed, watching tv. It�s a news program talking about the award banquet. The phone rings. Steve answers it.)

Steve: Hello?

Operator: This is a collect call from-

Treng�s voice: I want a rematch, FBI!

Operator: Will you accept the charges?

Steve: Uh, yeah. Sure.

Treng: Hello?

Steve: Hello?

Treng: Who is this?

Steve: Who is this?

Treng: This is Treng, you stupid FBI! You put me in prison!

Steve: Really? That�s too bad. You should be in the electric chair.

Treng: I want a rematch, FBI!

Steve: Why don�t you come visit me when your life sentence is up?

Treng: Hahaha! I�m up for parol in sixty.

Steve: That�ll put you at 85.

Treng: I am Cantonese! We live to be over a hundred!

Steve: Okay, well in 60 years, I�ll gladly kick your ass again. Until then, nah nah! (Sticks out his tongue and blows raspberry. Hangs up phone. Phone rings again. Steve eyes it suspiciously.) Hello?

Caller: Do you like scary movies?

Steve: (Suddenly serious.) I killed you�

Caller: I�m ba-aaack!

Steve: Oh my God!

Caller: Ah, I�m just messin� with ya!

Steve: Tim?

Tim: You got it, esse. I just got the face part of my cast taken off.

Steve: I always wondered, why did they put a cast over your face when nothing happened to your head?

Tim: I don�t know. The nurse was really hot. I thought if I asked her why she was doing it, it would make me look stupid or something. I was hitting on her the whole time she was putting the cast around me, ya know.

Steve: Really? That makes sense then.

Tim: Huh?

Steve: Never mind.

Tim: Well, I gotta go. I�m having a girl over later.

Steve: (Unbelievingly.) You�ve got a girl over?

Tim: Oh yeah. All the girls who heard about my case think I�m hot.

Steve: Well, good luck getting it on in a body cast.

Tim; Oh crap, I didn�t think about that. Noooooo!

Steve: Hahaha. See ya. (Hangs up. Looks at the medal still around his neck.) I wonder how much I can sell this for? Eh� (Picks up remote and turns on stereo. Lights up a cigar as Mystikal�s �Smoke Something� plays. Fade out to credits.

The End.