(Off the Cuff Answers)
1) In reference to the stalker catharsis tree and to clarify once again for our viewers, do you feel that a project such as this is suitable for minors or children? No, definitely not! I mean, not unless we're talking about older kids, teenagers, and a qualified mental health professional is aware of what's going on and thinks it's OK, and then only if it's the teenager's own idea. People are individuals and situations are very individual, so it would have to up to a professional and I'm not this kind of professional in the youth arena. But basically, this is an adult project and even then only when it doesn't cause more distress. If it's not releasing the negative feelings and freeing some more of the victim from the distress, it's a bad idea. Like I've said before, it's a lot like writing a letter or letters to your perpetrator, to get it out of your system, but probably not sending the letters off anywhere. You definitely wouldn't want to send any letters to a stalker! Yuck! My son was not involved in the stalker tree project. He wasn't exposed to what it meant and we had a normal family tree inside the house. Our holiday celebration involved this normal indoor tree and not the stalker tree.
2) Are you concerned that certain viewers may misinterpret the stalker tree? No not really although I'm sure some of them will. I personally believe in keeping an open mind and not judging rashly until I've been in another's shoes. This opinion for me holds true unless the person in question is a rank vicious perpetrator. But then there is no way I could ever comprehend what it's like to be in a perpetrator's shoes. I wouldn't be able to really understand what their derangement feels like or why they must perpetually feed it by perpetrating against others.
3) Do you feel any concern that the alleged perpetrator will consider this website as communications presented for him? No, I'm not concerned about it. However, I believe the A-P likely thinks this is for him. It isn't for him, it wasn't ever meant to be read by him, he was never invited, he's trespassing by reading this website. Perhaps he's even violating the Court Order of Protection. But there's nothing I can do to stop him from reading this website, so I've just continued on with my processing despite his unwelcome and sickening presence. The way I view it is simple for many reasons and one reason involves the last website I removed because the A-P was stalking it. There comes a time when the victim will either take a stand or fold and I'm there. This is my expressive catharsis moment and he needs to leave it alone. If he can't leave it alone, I will ignore him.
4) In the earliest phase, beyond what has been discussed throughout this website, what is the most difficult part of being a stalking victim? Other than the realization, in cases of intimate partner stalking, where the victim sees how terribly she's been fooled.. Wow, there are so many parts that happen simultaneously and then in rapid succession. Let me think. OK, in the very beginning, for me, it was the feeling like someone was watching me and following me, that scared threatened confusing gut feeling, but I wasn't sure, so I doubted myself. Then when I found out for sure in November 2000, there's a sheer terror and panic. I suddenly fully realized how insane the A-P was and I had no idea what he was really capable of, what to expect. It became obvious that the Court Order of Protection wasn't keeping him away, that he was acting out covert strategies despite the court order. Then there's the financial draining, the money leeching process, while you're trying to make your life as secure as possible against the perpetrator. I definitely went through this big time. I was trying to cover all the potential weak areas that needed defense, and it was very expensive. The more weak areas are covered, the more you discover need to be covered, so it's an endless cycles of financial draining. A victim figures out what needs to be protected as stalking incidents happen and damages occur. Those damages need to be repaired and the victim has to try to prevent the same messes from happening again. There's over-exhaustion and total nonstop stress, a through the ceiling sustained long-term fight or flight response, that doesn't let up until you pretty much get burned-out and you no longer care what the perpetrator does anymore. But before a victim is burned-out, there's the total isolation as the realization hits that the stalker will and does transfer to other people, friends, family, clients, acquaintances, etc., and stalk them also. So I started to withdraw from almost everyone in an attempt to spare others the stalking. Unfortunately, the stalker finds your friends and others anyway, that's what happened in my case, and more co-victims of the stalking are created and, well in my case, many of them looked towards me to help them protect themselves. Then there's the part where if you have a home based business, like I did, you will probably have to end your business, like I did. I couldn't run a horse rescue or training business with the A-P stalking me and everyone and everything around me. Then there's the overwhelming everlasting depression, helplessness-hopelessness. As a victim you don't see a way out of it, there's no escape. The only way out seems to be suicide. Killing yourself will stop the stalker because logically it's impossible to stalk a corpse and you have no life anymore anyway. You are poverty stricken, out of business, isolated, your friends and family members are being stalked too, etc. and the police oftentimes treat the stalking victim like either an idiot or total garbage. It's a state of perpetual fight or flight until you burn-out on the whole situation and accept the fact that you have almost no control or in many cases no control over your own life. Once you reach this stage it's time to decide how to respond from there. Do you give up or do you make lemon aid out of the lemon belly slithering around your place stalking his sick little shriveled black heart out by terrorizing you. Another thing that placed me at a disadvantage, and I've heard it's the same for most other victims, is that I had the ridiculous expectation that if I could talk to the A-P I could show him how wrong he was. I could in some way demonstrate the fact that his actions were incorrect, ruinous, pointless, evil, whatever. The reality is that stalkers can't be shown the truth, the truth can't ever sink into their heads. After going crazy, and I don't mean the victim is insane, I mean the victim is very active in security processes and whatnot trying to survive, trying to stop the stalking, well then there's the rebuilding phase. You have to try to rebuild your whole life as much as possible after the stalker has destroyed every part of it, from your emotional well being, to your property, your relationships with others around you, to your finances. Now the question comes into play once again, how are you going to rebuild, if the stalker is still stalking? I choose to make as much lemon-aid as I can out of the stalking. This is where a lot of my sarcastic goofy writings come from, they're my laughter at the situation no matter what the cost. There's more than one way a person can start reclaiming their life and rebuilding after being a stalking victim. I think each victim needs to think about the possibilities for themselves and then come up with a plan that works for them. I still really encourage stalking victims to get professional counseling for the harsh negative emotions, that stalking inevitable causes within the victim. I would suggest the services of a private professional therapist as most victims are treated with more respect and receive better care in private settings. An other good alternative is to flee with an altered identity, like in the witness protection program. But in the case of stalking victims, they need to research how to vanish and finance it all themselves. Hmm, what else can I say? Maybe just that I believe it's important for other victims to avoid the isolation as much as possible. Being isolated from friends, family and the world in general because you feel responsible for the stalker's transference behaviors (I.E. A victim naturally feels guilty when the stalker hurts others) is a real nasty bear. However much a victim fears the transference of the stalker, it's vital to plot ways to stay in touch with the people, the support structures, in your life.
5) Where are the rescued animals, the horses, featured in the photographs upon this website? All those horses that were rescued in 1999 are placed in new homes. Thank God for that fact too! I'm not going to reveal the names of the horses or to whom they were adopted out to, even in the most general vague terms, because of the A-P and the A-P's website stalking. I couldn't live with myself very well if I accidentally created more co-victims. But those horses were all adopted out to new researched and approved homes mostly in 1999 and maybe two or so in the beginning of 2000.
Copyright � 2002
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No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than upon this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this poem is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions
**This work was intended to represent a casual chat session with Lady Lost. This work has not been edited for spelling errors or typos. This work is not intended to provide legal or psychological aid. If such services are needed please seek the advice of a professional in the required field.
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