(Off the Cuff Answers)
1) As February 2003 draws nearer are you feeling any particular fear or anxiety? No, not really. As I've expressed in a decent number of my works, some of them on this site, I'm pretty burned-out. I've been through the prolonged fight of flight mode; the vast majority of it spent in flight. The co-victims, additional full-fledged victims really, are burned-out too for a variety of reasons. We're all sick of the A-P. The thing I'm truly not looking forward to is that trilling of my phone from the A-P calling me or the letters and emails from the A-P. The rest of it, the belly slithering, cowardice, violations, all the other things the A-P has done in the past, are negatives, but it's also same-old same-old once you're burned out as a victim. It reaches a point where the perpetrator would have to radically change his MO to something like face to face confrontations to invoke new terror and the A-P is too wimpy to do that. I predict that he will simply continue with his old avenues of horror. He is too wrapped up in his delusions to see the reality of our reactions to that kind of perpetration. Other than this, I really used to wish his family would COT (Court Order to Treatment) him and put an end to this, but in my mind, that's not going to happen. The A-P's family seems to think that forcing him into psychiatric treatment would either be too hard on him or too much of an admission that a family member is sick or both. But then they don't speak to me, so I don't know for certain. It's just a good theory based on my observations and his family's known behaviors and lack of appropriate response to the situation.
2) How would you react to a, "face to face confrontation," from the alleged perpetrator? Honestly, I don't know. There was a time, well over a year ago when I had some thoughts towards that and what I might do in that situation. However, as time has gone by and the A-P has become fixed in his MO, thoughts about dealing with a face to face confrontation have vanished. It stopped being significant to me to ponder any direct attack of my person by the A-P because of his tantric style of stalking. Basically, it became a matter of either A) a hunted being that knows the end is coming and lives in perpetual terror or B) a hunted being that doesn't know and lives in reasonable calm until it is attacked. The first example suffers more than the second example, both come to an end, but the quality response is not to live in terror. This is especially true when the perpetrator proves his cowardly MO to you over years of time. I have come full circle to example B. Whatever happens happens and I'm not going to waste my energy being in position A), which amounts to nothing more than a never ending flight response. However, if the A-P ever did grow some courage and start confronting me face to face, and I will say this because I'm so confident that he won't, I'd probably be terrified beyond words ability to describe the feeling.
3) What truth in these circumstances gives you such certitude as to state that the alleged perpetrator will not alter his mode of operations entirely at this time? Because the A-P lives in his own world in terror over the possibility of being caught by the police and arrested for stalking, this commands the nature of all his actions. And this, in my opinion, guarantees his continued pusillanimity.
4) Do you feel it is wise for other victims of stalking to adopt your viewpoint on this matter? Yes and no at the same time. I believe other victims need to continue all their efforts in the realm of personal safety. That means it's wise for others to keep their minds on what they'd do in any situation that might crop up with their stalker, including the stalker's melt down and confrontation or attack of the victim. But I think the numbing effect on the victims and the callousness becomes inevitable in reality. This callousness or toughness of victims is something that happens and it is not always a choice. I don't think it's especially wise to view any perpetrator's MO as fixed or predictable. As I've said repeatedly, and felt it needed to be said repeatedly, a perpetrator can change his known MO at any moment and without any warning signs. Whatever a stalker does, and the same goes with other perpetrators, he's not going to make an appointment for it. He may make an appointment to see or speak to his victim, but his true agenda isn't what he will state it is. He's just going to do whatever his urge tells him to do and the victim won't know until it's too late to prepare for self-defense. But then no one can survive in the perpetual bone wracking terror of the flight mode forever. Nor can any victim survive in constant fight mode. So as a victim you almost have to learn to think and react unnaturally or change your identity and vanish. I've learned to be unnatural. That's just the way it's become with me. Perhaps he'll get somewhere with others and find himself in major trouble. But then again, I suppose any victim can be pushed too far and maybe this is what he wants, perhaps it's his big willy moment he's been waiting for for over two years now. Anyway, I definitely encourage other victims to try to avoid the numbing and callousness effect and stay focused on self-defense.
5) Could you clarify for our viewers how you acquired the early year 2002 photographs of the alleged perpetrator's suspected wilderness living arrangements? Sure, and to me and everyone else involved who saw this campsite in person, it was a whole lot more than a suspected out door home for the A-P. In any case, the day the A-P was questioned by the policeman and I was tipped off to that initial call, I was also tipped off to the reality that the A-P was living out there. That there was this entire campsite out there with furniture and everything. So after I filmed the A-P being questioned by the policeman, I left and then returned later that exact same day and to that exact same place. I was met out there by some friends of mine and I filmed the whole campsite, every inch of it in repetitive swoops of my video camera. I made sure I connected the land marks, like the furniture and whatnot, with the smaller discoveries around the site by panning my camera meticulously back and forth and up and down. I'd film the items and then pan up to landmarks and visa versa. The campsite itself screamed volumes about how loony the A-P had to be to live there for even one night. It was noteworthy to see how relatively clean the white colored furniture was, devoid of a ton of dirt and leaves. Someone had to have been sweeping stuff off in there to keep it that reasonably clean. And the ash from the campsite looked like a fire had burned there and food had been cooked there recently. Both films have sound where I'm documenting the date, what's going on and everything I see. Especially the campsite film. With another tip, I found another similar campsite a couple of months later but I was never able to positively connect the A-P to that one. Then in around August 2002 a friend of mine found yet a different campsite in a location the A-P had been positively identified as doing surveillance for months against the primary non-family member co-victim from that site. This third site of 2002 was reported as having some clothing in it that looked like it was mine. This was interesting as my clothing drier broke down at that time and I was hanging my clothes out on the rail of my back porch to dry. I had thought some items were missing, but I shrugged it off on faulty memory, until I got this report about the third located campsite. Unfortunately before I could make it out there this third site had been vacated and there was nothing left there to positively identify it as the A-P's. Another thing, the A-P was reported as having a campsite in 2001, where he lived for many months while stalking co-victim and me. But no one ever found that one. So I'm not 100% sure the 2001 report is true, however; considering the A-P's MO I'd be willing to bet there was a campsite in 2001 and we might have found it if we'd gotten the report in time. As it was we didn't hear about the 2001 site until after the A-P had definitely vacated it. To be more exact, we were told about it around six or more months after he'd left it, which was a real bummer because it would have been useful at the time to document that first one too.
Copyright � 2002
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**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions
**This work is not intended to provide legal or psychiatric-psychological advice. Please seek the aid of experts in the required field if you should need such assistance. **This work is intended to represent a casual chat session with Lady Lost. This work is not edited for spelling errors and typos.
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