(Off the Cuff Answers)
1) One of this website's viewers has asked whether the alleged perpetrator (A-P) has indeed constructed his rebuttal website. Have you found any indication of the existence of such a site? No I haven't. For awhile there a couple of people involved looked for the site to pop up, but it never did. Who knows, maybe it's out there but no one I know of has ever come across it. And the few people that would search for it every once in a while gave up. I can guarantee that if the A-P ever did put a site up all he could end up proving in reality is that he's damages a bunch of lives in a wide variety of ways. Nonetheless, I suppose the A-P could always try a website in hopes that he could fool some guppies into believing him. After all stalkers are generally masters of deception, that's how they lure women into thinking they're wonderful until all those strange, controlling, dominating, etc. behaviors start to unravel in the relationship. Anyhow, he only knew me for about four months, I broke off the relationship in October 2000, he threatened to destroy my life and enumerated exactly what he was going to make me lose right there on the phone when I broke up with him. He started stalking pretty much right away and by November 2000 his stalking was in full swing and began to get documented. Although due to the many endless problems stalking victims face we were never able to get him convicted and put in prison. We don't have the money to pursue it privately through a PI and equipment. And we're so rural that there isn't much police help due to inadequate police education, police budget problems and lack of manpower. But then even wealthy stalking victims run into these common troubles. If anyone wants to search for the A-P's site they are sure welcome to do so as far as I'm concerned. I believe the A-P's email, where he threatened to put up a website, is on this site somewhere. I can't give out all the other search words the A-P threatened to use because I won't be a party to helping the low-life A-P victimize more innocent people even more than they've already been victimized. However, if anyone finds the A-P's site they're more than invited to put the information about it and its address in the guest book so that others can visit it too.
2) Can you explain to our viewers a little more about these particular others the alleged perpetrator has sought to further victimize? Sure, for starters my family members, all of my family members, including my siblings and my very frail and elderly parents. The A-P tried to pressure me into giving him my family's contact information, last names and addresses, whatever he might be able to get, December 2001 or January 2002, when he started calling me because the first year long court order had run out. The first time he rang my line I was getting ready to race off to a job interview and was already late! I was finishing up with my hair and whatnot and the phone rang. I thought it was a friend calling because of some horse crisis or something serious, because everyone knew what I was up to, so I picked it up, but it was the A-P. The bull crap just kept going from there on the overt end of the stalking. In any case, to get back to the subject at hand, my parents are both in their 80's. And both of them were World War II concentration camp victims. So I think my folks have been terrorized enough in their lifetimes. They simply don't need to be directly connected with the A-P's sick nonsense. However, I'm positive that this reality of my parent's age, frailty and history excites the A-P tremendously. Easy Pickens. The helpless, the innocents, the weak, the frail, the physically sick, the defenseless, and whenever possible the voiceless Easy Pickens. That's what has seemed to turn the A-P on most of all through these past two plus years of his stalking. And this is exactly why I write so much about the A-P's cowardice. He is afraid to pick on anyone who can defend himself or herself in any way perceived or real. This tends to be typical of most stalkers. However, a stalker can definitely change this part of his MO at any moment. That's why victims have to take careful thorough inventory of all the Easy Pickens in their lives, their children, pets, property, friends, relatives, whatever. But at the same time the victim has to remain keenly aware that the stalker could attack those who aren't Easy Pickens at any time and without any warning signs that the previous MO has changed. Just like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hide, except that in the case of a stalker neither side of his personality is good.
3) Do you feel that this website will collect additional viewers now that it is connected to numerous webrings? Probably it will. I remember from my last website on Angelfire that the webrings really helped. Still it took kind of a long time to attract a significant amount of traffic to the site. Nonetheless, I believe that this site has some decent poetry, some good poetry, interesting essays, and even pictures! And this site has these question sessions as well, which are pretty neat because they allow people to hear what I have to say as a human being, in plain English, and not just what I'm saying in poetic or essay styles of communication. Although I'll have to admit that it took me awhile to get used to these sessions. I suppose the situation with the A-P site stalking made it difficult to adjust to answering questions while knowing he'd warp every word as much as he possibly could. But then he does that with my poetry too.
4) Can you once again tell everyone why you dismantled the Angelfire website? Because the A-P was totally obsessed with me, my poetry, essays and the entire website and he was attempting to exploit the Angelfire site by both stalking it and altering the meanings and intent of all its poetry and other works! So once I found out for certain that the A-P was stalking that site with such intensity and trying to exploit it, I removed it. As things turned out, I may as well have left the Angelfire site alone because taking it off the Internet didn't halt or even cool the A-P's fixation on me. Oh well, at the time I thought that yanking the site would help get rid of him.
5) Do you believe that you will want this website dismantled in the future? No way, I've already tried the A-P deterrent of trashing a website and it flat out didn't work. All I probably succeeded in doing was disappointing a lot of viewers that enjoyed the site. So there's no chance I'll request this one be removed. Besides, this website and my story might just help another stalking victim and that's pretty important to me. Especially since I know first hand how isolating stalking can be for the victim. I believe that a lot of victims feel too afraid or possibly even too ashamed (because of what their stalker is putting them through, the strange crimes that non-stalking victims oftentimes don't believe are for real) to go out of their homes to seek help or talk to anyone. So even though this site isn't meant to give psychiatric advice or legal advice, it could still help someone just by being out there. Maybe this site will simply tell the story about how I ended up as a stalking victim and in doing so help someone else see the potential warning signs. Or maybe my story will let others know about some of the things that I've done to discourage the stalker and what affect those attempts had. Or it could warn others about some vulnerabilities in their lives, like the Easy Pickens, that most people wouldn't think of because harming the utterly innocent or the helpless is totally unnatural for normal people. Perhaps it will be good for someone to know that they aren't the only non-movie star plagued by a stalker and that the bizarre crimes and incidents their stalker is perpetrating are rather common for this type of creep case perpetrator. Most important of all seeing at least part of the reality and horror of stalking might inspire another victim to seek professional help to cope with their own stalking situation.
6) It appears that you have hopes of impacting other stalking victims in a potentially empowering way, yet you don't mention impacting individuals who are not stalking victims? Well, in my experience non-stalking victims, unless they are or have been domestic violence victims, educated in some related field, or especially bright and empathetic, generally react to stalking victims with a total lack of empathy and respect and an overwhelmingly high level of intolerance, misunderstanding and disbelief. It's my opinion that this typical viewpoint of the public is in good part what empowers stalkers to perpetrate against victims and keep getting away with it. It also empowers stalkers to become more aggressive and hurt more victims and co-victims who are associated with their primary initial victims. So although it would be wonderful beyond most of my wildest dreams to have a part in enlightening non-stalking victims and other non-abused people, I don't hope for it.
7) There is an excellent, tragic and poignant example of this public misconception of the truth of stalking in your situation. Could you share this story with our viewers? I think the one you're referring to is the example of when my husband turned to a friend of his, someone he'd known for many years, to get help in dealing with the A-P. A background note to this true story in that my husband was an engineer at the time so he has technical knowledge and he's qualified to identify certain things, like lasers. To start at the beginning, in 2001 someone was pointing this thin red laser beam through our French doors every night and training this beam on my husband's face, head, and chest. This went on for a week or so. Since it was so outrageous and it was only happening when I wasn't home, when my husband first told me about it, well, I thought he was exaggerating because this just didn't match the A-P's known MO at the time. And my husband had been so uninvolved in helping out with the stalking problem, I thought that maybe he was trying to get involved more by saying there was a laser beam after him, so to speak, when I wasn't home. Needless to say, we eventually concluded that there was a good chance this beam was a laser sight on a rifle. It wasn't long before this theory made sense because of other concrete incidents, which began to occur at the same time. So we figured, after my husband's fear increased and he convinced us that this was happening frequently, for prolonged periods of time and for real, that the A-P was either trying to terrorize my husband with this laser sight or that the A-P was preparing to shoot my husband. After a week of this laser beam landing on his face or chest for hours late at night, he couldn't take it anymore and he ran off to his friend's place to hide and get help. My son was evacuated out of state at the time, so he wasn't in danger. Also, it's important to mention, that the night my husband left to go to his friend's place, just before he left, I was sitting on the back porch, near the French doors and this laser light landed on my face. I had my husband call the police before he left and we waited a few hours or so for them to arrive. Needless to say, when the police arrived they didn't find the A-P. So my husband took off after the police were done examining the vacated scene of wherever the A-P had likely been and laughing at us for reporting something so outrageous as a laser light. My husband got to his friend's house and called me to give me the news of the plan they were working on. This friend was an ex military guy with combat experience and he had a ton of buddies who had similar training. They were going to gather out here at night, concealed in the bushes and whatnot and then they were going to ambush the A-P and hand him over to the police unharmed. This is what my husband's friend promised he was going to do. However, my husband stayed over at this friend's place for about a week. During this week the stalking activities out here escalated and escalated, becoming more blatant all the time and I didn't hear anymore from this friend of my husband's. Whenever I'd call over there my husband would tell me they were still going to help and they'd be out as soon as they were ready. I took a ton of photos of the area around my house, got them developed with the 24-hour service, and sent them to this friend's house so that he and his buddies could view the surroundings and formulate a plan that would work to catch the A-P. The week flew by and they never came. They never called. They never asked me anything. They never talked to me at all. The buddies never even met me. I was never asked to come over to them and explain the situation. Well, at the end of this week, it was literally on a Friday as I remember it, my husband came home prancing and all full of himself and screamed at me for about an hour that there was no A-P, that his friend had told him it was impossible because the incidents in the stalking were just too bizarre, and so they weren't going to waste their time coming over to help. This is the typical viewpoint of non-stalking victims. Thus I've come to the conclusion that only a stalking victim or someone with related experience can truly understand another stalking victim. It remains true that what my husband did and what his friend did was horribly wrong and it was in and of itself a disgusting form of abuse. I can't and won't make excuses for the behavior of these two men at that time anymore than I would consider making excuses for the A-P's behavior. I do hope that other victims don't have an experience with a supposed source of help that is this horrible, but the reality that people this ignorant are out there in scores is unfortunately an important point stalking victims need to keep in mind. However, there's an ending to this true story, and to me it proves that what goes around really does come around. And that perhaps Karma or something like it is real. This friend of my husband's, now an ex-friend actually, is now dying of kidney failure. He was diagnosed rather shortly after his actions in which he broke his promise and instead chose to abuse the victims he said he'd help. My husband too has suffered some severe blows to his life. Moreover, the now terminally ill friend is an ex-friend because my husband found out that the A-P is reality.
8) When you look back in time and view yourself as you were when you originally doubted your husband's claims regarding the laser incidents, what do you think of? Well, if it wasn't for the way he came home from his friends place, I'd feel pretty guilty. And I'd definitely feel like I made a massive mistake in not listening to him better and with more of an open and educated mind. However, the bottom line is that even a stalking victim can make a mistake and the important thing remains not to abuse someone else over your mistake. Now when my husband told me about the laser, even though I doubted him and the frequency or severity of what he said was happening, I still immediately talked it over with a friend of mine who has some security experience. We discussed what should be done and the only solution we could come up with was to evacuate my husband out of state. But then my husband decided to go to his friend's house, so that part of the problem was solved.
9) I was stunned when I first heard this story. How could your husband have ever believed that the alleged perpetrator was not reality? Well, what can I say that's not making excuses for him? Not much, so I'll tell the truth as I see it: ignorance and an incredible level of stupidity mixed with a huge dose of denial. It was easier to pretend the stalking wasn't happening and it was easier not to educate himself about stalking or even pay attention to what was really happening all around him. In the end he has paid a huge price for his lack of addressing the problem because the stalking continued and it has profoundly damaged his life. As I have explained once before, in my opinion, the A-P was counting on the exact kind of foolishness, cowardice and lack of appropriate action on the part of sources of support, which surrounded me at the time.
10) So this friend of your husband's, who initially offered to help you, never came to you for clarification or additional information? No not at all. He just made his own rapid snap judgement without consulting me or any of the other victims at the time.
11) Were you surprised to hear of this individual's change of life circumstances, in regards to his decline in health? Yes, I was totally shocked. He seemed so healthy and quite frankly arrogantly sure of himself. He had also led an extremely active life, prior to the news of his complete kidney failure. And since the sick delusional psychotic A-P is probably still stalking this site I should mention that I didn't lay eyes on this person or his place or anyone who knew him, other than my husband, for well, about a year before this ever happened and I haven't seen him since. I never visited with this man, nor had a meal or drinks of any kind with him. I don't know where he lives or how to drive to his place. I've never driven to his place even. And I don't know any of his other friends. So the A-P better not bother to get any more bizarre accusation ideas against me! But of coarse, I predict the A-P will more than likely try to blame me for this ex-friend of my husband's kidney problems! LOL!
12) For our viewer's, who are not as familiar with the alleged perpetrator's mode of operations and form of accusations, can you explain why you suspect the alleged perpetrator may attempt to claim you created your husband's former friend's medical difficulties? Sure, the A-P has tried to take every trauma, accident and other natural incidents that have happened in my life and then alter the reality of the occurrence to support his accusations. For instance, on the taped phone call with the A-P in December 2001 or January 2002, the A-P claimed that I murdered a horse I'd had since she was a foal even though this mare died in surgery due to stones, or sand colic that turned into stones, at the veterinary hospital. She literally died on the operating table and the fact that she as opened up was akin to an auptopsy. Not only that but they run all kinds of blood tests before an animal goes into surgery. Then despite my telling the A-P the truth about what happened he continued to insist I munchausen'd, yes I know muchausen'd is not a real word, the horse to death. It's another blatant example of how crazy the A-P is, but as the victim of this specific A-P, I've learned to prepare for his next bout of slander mastery before he can get a chance to spread it around to everyone else he believes may listen to his lies.
13) Is it still difficult for you to talk about many of these things that have happened throughout the stalking? Yes, it really is. I'm still pretty emotional about a lot of it. The worst part, other than the fact that the stalking happened and is still happening as far as I can tell, is what my husband and his friend did. I truly believed my husband and his friend when they said they were going to help. Maybe, all things considering, I was a fool to believe him but I did. I'm naturally a very trusting person and I have a tendency to believe people when they say things and appear totally consistent, genuine and earnest about it. And it got my hopes up so high that the A-P would finally he caught and that the whole stalking nightmare would end. I felt so relieved and so very hopeful and then that week went by and it ended the way it did. I've got to admit that the night I found out the truth, when my husband came home and screamed at me and said those crazy stupid shockingly cruel things, I snapped. My mind just snapped. I don't know exactly how to describe what happened inside of me at that moment, but it was like my whole body starting at the chest was being physically gutted and ripped in half and my mind just imploded, I couldn't handle it. And I'll never forget it. It was literally a physical sensation of emotional horror and agony. I mean, so many stalking incidents had happened, so many damages had occurred, my son had been evacuated to keep him safe from the A-P. My son was only a tiny boy at the time, like four years old. So much had happened that to anyone with any sense at all it was so obvious that I was being stalked and that my friend was certainly being severely stalked as well� My husband initially fled the house because of this laser beam thing that we figured was a rifle sight and then for my husband to disregard all of that, it was shockingly unreal and yet that's exactly what happened.
14) Do you feel any sorrow over the alleged perpetrator's accusations? No. I have completely come to understand that the A-P is a sociopath-psychopath, antisocial personality, nut puppy and whatever the A-P says or does in the bizarre and predatory realm is simply to be expected of someone with his kind of mental sickness. I am fully and solidly aware of the reality that without long-term COT the A-P will continue to perpetrate against me or someone else someplace in the world. And I also realize that even with COT the A-P is probably unsalvageable and thus unless he remains permanently isolated from other people he will end up creating another victim in his future. This has been a fact proven by experts in the psychiatric field too, perpetrators like the A-P are typically not compliant with treatment, so they don't get better.
Copyright � 2002
All rights reserved
No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.
**This work is designed to represent a casual chat session with Lady Lost. This work is not edited for spelling errors and typos.
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