(These are false statements or myths, which the majority of people believe to be true. Reality statements are added at the end of these myth statements):
1) Only movie stars, rock stars, super models and other glamorous people are stalked. (Reality: most stalking victims are average people).
2) Only extremely beautiful or exotic women are at risk of becoming stalking victims. (Reality: Every type, size, body build, age, color, ethnicity, educational background, socioeconomic background, wealthy, poor, etc. of women can become stalking victims).
3) Only women are stalking victims (Reality: men can become stalking victims as well. However, it is true that most stalking victims are women).
4) Only GQ type super model men are stalked. (Reality: the types of men stalked are similar to the range of women stalked. Appearance and other factors don't matter)
5) The victim of the stalking must have been stupid to get herself into that kind of dangerous situation. (Reality: This is false as all kinds of women with different backgrounds, education, financial status, IQ and whatnot can become stalking victims. Most stalkers really know how to turn on the charm when first attempting to date or dating a woman.).
6) The stalker keeps saying she was a slut so she deserves this! (Reality: Stalkers do not see themselves, their actions or their victims realistically and an intimate partner stalker who makes vindictive statements is likely being spiteful towards the victim for rejecting him.).
7) She must be delusional and crazy to believe she's a stalking victim, after all she's nothing but a plain Jane. (Reality: Every type, size, body build, age, color, ethnicity, educational background, socioeconomic background, wealthy, poor, various IQ's, etc. of women can become stalking victims).
8) She's not a stalking victim, she's just paranoid and always saying this stalkers doing all this strange crap! (Reality: Stalking is a terrifying experience for the victim and the crimes the stalker perpetrates are frightening, bizarre, confusing to the victim, dangerous, and oftentimes covert. A victim who does not act frightened and alert, perhaps even hyper-vigilant, especially in the early stages, is either on drugs, burned-out already or likely retarded.).
9) Male victims of stalking don't have to be as worried as female victims. (Reality: although men commit most of the violent crimes, some women who stalk can become extremely dangerous.).
10) The stalker isn't really dangerous. If he was going to do something he would have done it already. (Reality: No one can predict when a stalker will lose control or change his MO. A stalker can become aggressive suddenly and without warning.).
11) Ignoring the stalker and just going on with your normal life will make him go away. (Reality: Most stalkers react to being ignored by becoming more aggressive to get the victim's attention).
12) Meeting with the stalker and explaining things to him will make him see that what he's doing is wrong. (Reality: Meeting with the stalker or speaking to him will make him more committed to stalking you).
13) Surely the stalker can be made to understand that he's sick and needs professional help! (Reality: Stalkers don't view themselves or their activities realistically.).
14)Once the stalker sees how helpless I am or how helpless a co-victim is he'll leave us alone. (Reality: A helpless victim oftentimes turns the stalker on because this makes an easy target for him to terrorize.).
15) If the victim has medical problems or is terminally ill the stalker will leave her alone. (Reality: The stalker doesn't care about the victim's reality nor is the stalker capable of seeing the victim realistically or responding normally to a victim's plight.).
16) Eventually the stalker will see how his actions have harmed the victim and he will feel guilty. (Reality: Stalkers have anti-social personality disorders, immature and self-centered personalities and oftentimes characteristic of psychopath or sociopath disorders. They don't feel true guilt.).
17) So and So stalker really seems to love children and pets, I'm sure he would never hurt them! (Reality: The stalker could potentially harm any victim or co-victim.).
18) Obtaining a Restraining Order or Court Order of Protection will protect the victim against the stalker. (Reality: Court Orders are nothing more than pieces of paper. Court Orders give the police more leverage to arrest the stalker if he is caught overtly breaking the order and enough witnesses are present to testify to this fact. In reality, a Court Order is likely to enrage the stalker and it could cause him to engage in more aggressive covert activities.).
19) If the victim changes her phone number the stalker will just leave her alone. (Reality: If the victim changes her phone number the stalker may become enraged and harass or assault her in person rather than over the phone.).
20) The stalker doesn't have any money so he'll have to give up soon. (Reality: Many stalkers would live in the wilderness and nearly starve before they gave up stalking their victim.).
21) The stalker is crippled, has health problems or is terminally ill so he won't have the strength to continue stalking. (Reality: Many stalkers will continue despite health problems. Many stalkers are not opposed to living without basic necessities or comforts and many would be willing to die while continuing stalking the victim. Other stalkers may not see their own situation realistically.).
22) The victim must have done something to deserve this. (Reality: The stalker is committing a criminal act, the victim is never to blame for the stalking.).
23) If the victim lets the stalker down easy when she breaks up with him he won't become as angry and he won't stalk her. (Reality: this would simply give the stalker more hope of rekindling the relationship and this would further prevent him from getting the clear message that the victim is not interested.).
24) If the victim is firm with the stalker and tells him to get lost he'll get the message and go away. (Reality: stalkers don't take no for an answer.).
25) If the victim looks scared enough he'll leave her alone because he really does love her. (Reality: Many stalkers are excited and encouraged by the victim's reactions of fear, depression, or anger. However, many stalkers also react by increasing their stalking activities if the victim ignores him.).
26) If the victim gets a new boyfriend the stalker will get the message and leave her alone. (Reality: The new boyfriend is more likely to turn into a new co-victim.).
27) A stalker that has been active for many years but has not tried to murder the victim is not really dangerous. (Reality: No one can predict when the stalker's behaviors will suddenly change and he could become more aggressive.).
28) Stalkers don't try to sue their victims. They wouldn't dare go to court! (Reality: Stalkers do not see themselves, their actions, or the victims realistically. Therefore, the stalker could very well attempt to sue the victim despite the fact that the stalker is the perpetrator.).
29) Stalkers are afraid of the police! (Reality: Many stalkers are only afraid of being arrested because arrest means they lose their freedom and can no longer stalk the victim.).
30) Stalking can go on for years. (Reality: Stalking by definition is a long-term form of domestic terrorism. Stalking can last years, even decades.).
31) The stalker will come to see how wrong he was over time. Surely after stalking the victim for all these years and digging into every aspect of her life he can see that he was wrong! (Reality: it appears that the longer a stalker stalks the victim the more set his delusional beliefs become.).
32) How could he be a stalker, he has no record of prior stalking behavior? (Reality: He has no documented record of stalking behavior. Moreover, there is no way to predict what will cause a person with the specific psychiatric problems stalkers have to begin stalking a victim.).
33) The behaviors of the stalker are truly predictable after awhile. (Reality: the victim may feel this way, but the stalker's MO can change at any time.).
34) People don't get stalked by total strangers! (Reality: Victims can and do get stalked by what is called a, "Stranger Stalker.").
35) If the victim just gives in to him and lets him get back together with her she'd be a lot better off. (Reality: The stalking is a massive warning siren of how deranged the stalker is! Getting back into a relationship with him is inviting more misery, possibly domestic violence and probably worse stalking later if she wants to leave the relationship again.).
36) Stalking is not a crime. (Reality: Stalking is a criminal activity.).
37) The victim must have been in a really serious relationship with the stalker in order for him to be taking the break up so bad that he's stalking her. (Reality: Stalking can and does begin after brief relationships as well as after long-term relationship. Stalking even occurs against victims who were no more than friends or acquaintances with the stalker.).
38) I'm sure that after the police arrest him and haul him off in a patrol car a time or two he'll be too embarrassed to show his face around the victim again! (Reality: Stalker's generally don't feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in the kinds of situations that make normal people feel uncomfortable.).
39) The police are going to catch the stalker and throw him in jail because protecting the public is their job! (Reality: Many victims receive very little or no police protection.).
40) Once a police detective is on the job the stalker will be thoroughly investigated, the truth will be discovered and the stalker will be jailed. (Reality: Many victims receive very little or no police protection. Many detectives are undereducated in regards to stalking. Police budgets do not usually allow for effective investigations. It typically remains up to the victim to obtain evidence against the stalker.).
41) The stalker is crazy and soon enough he'll be placed in a psychiatric unit for treatment! (Reality: This helpful and quality solution to the problem does not commonly occur.).
42) The victim is so boring that eventually the stalker will lose interest. (Reality: The stalker does not view the victim or the circumstances realistically. However boring the victim may be this factor does not typically affect the stalker's agenda.).
43) If the victim moves the stalker will leave her alone. (Reality: Many stalker are so obsessed with their victims that they will go through great lengths of research and pursuit to locate the victim is she moves. Victims who move after altering their identity legally stand a better chance of escaping the stalker. Please consult with the experts in the field of stalking prior to attempting to change your identity and move.).
44) Stalkers are only a danger to their one victim. (Reality: Most stalkers will transfer to the victim's friends, family member, and co-workers.).
45) The best way to deal with a stalking situation is to keep it a secret from friends, family, co-workers and neighbors. (Reality: Many experts advise victims to tell others about the stalking so that others may watch out for the stalker, the victim's welfare and the victim's property. Please do consult with the experts in the field of stalking.).
46) Stalkers don't blackmail their victims! (Reality: Many stalkers will try anything they believe will terrorize or hurt their victim and they might even believe they will receive what they demand.).
47) The victim really should deal with the stress and depression of the stalking alone.(Reality: Most victims require counseling or therapy to better cope with the stalking.).
48) Being stalked is no big deal. I don't understand what the victim keeps whining about! So what if there's a guy crawling around outside her place at night. (Reality: Stalking robs the victim of her life, her freedom, her safety, her self-esteem, and oftentimes it robs the victim of her friends, financial stability, and other assets as well.).
49) There is only one kind of stalker. (Reality: There are different types of stalkers and some of these variations of stalkers begin stalking for different reasons.).
By Lady Lost
Copyright � 2002
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Copyright
International Copyright
No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than upon this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.
**This work is presented for general idea sharing purposes only. This work is not intended to provide legal or psychological advice. Victims of stalking should consult with professionals in this specific field to obtain any and all legal and psychological help.
**This work has not been edited for spelling errors and typos.
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