1) The person in question exhibits controlling behaviors and attitudes.
2) The person is dominating and becomes more dominating over time.
3) The person wants to take control of every aspect of your life: job, career options and choices, your money, sales and purchases of your possessions, all of your time, your business ventures, your relationship with family members, your relationship with your children, your friends, your pets, your hobbies and/or past times, your artistic work, etc. Or he rapidly or slowly seeks to gain control over most of these things.
4) The person is oftentimes completely comfortable taking control of aspects of your life, career, education or business even though he has no education or experience in these specific areas. He still believes he KNOWS what best to do and how best to do it.
5) The controlling behavior increases over time.
6) The person dominates you, the relationship and others whenever possible.
7) The person refuses to see you realistically or acknowledge who you are in reality.
8) The person tries to alter who you are, how you act, and what your interests are.
9) The person may try to dictate how you should feel about things or how you should react to things. Feelings and reactions, it seems, must meet with his approval.
10) The person rushes the relationship. The potential stalker does not merely talk about what he wants in his future with the right person, but rushes the prospect of running off to Shangri-La or some other paradise existence with you.
11) The person becomes extremely demanding of your time. The potential stalker wants you to spend all your free time and frequently time allotted for friends, family, work or business with him/her. The potential stalker becomes agitated emotional and/or demanding when this is not possible or when you refuse.
12) The person appears to be obsessed with you. The potential stalker begins to research you and your life, or investigate you and your life, prying and perhaps questioning others about you.
13) You rapidly become the center, the be all and end all, of the potential stalker's life.
14) The person is estranged from his family.
15) The person has very few or no good close friends. The potential stalker may appear to have friends on the surface, but likely there is a lot of strife and disconnectedness in the friendships. Friends may be transient in the person's life.
16) The potential stalker is a loner.
17) There are signs of anti-social personality or anti-social personality disorder.
18) The person, especially in the case of male stalker, may have come from a tragic or abusive childhood background.
19) The stalker may live a transient lifestyle, he seems charming to the victim, yet he does not live a stable and predictable life with roots set into a home, furniture, cozy items and decorations and/or pets and whatnot. Some stalkers, however, do own homes and some are highly successful in careers.
20) The person will not likely have a history of seeking voluntary psychiatric help or counseling to deal with personal issues.
21) The person has low self-esteem.
22) The person may act arrogant, but beneath this fa�ade he feels like a failure.
23) The person has had very few significant long-term romantic relationships or no long-term relationships.
24) The person has never been married or if he has been married there is likely a history of controlling, dominating behavior or domestic violence in the past marriage.
25) The person is secretive about himself.
26) The person talks about having spied on others or made others suffer for having wronged him.
27) The person blamers others for his failures in life. This may become apparent in work related situations in which it is clear that the potential stalker's friends and co-workers have not wronged him yet he claims they have. This pattern is generally repetitive. He always comes up with the same story about why he has been fired, quit his job or no longer associates with so and so. However, some stalkers are highly successful in careers.
28) The person oftentimes has problems getting along with others at work.
29) The person views others as idiots or other derogatory labels always seem to apply.
30) The person must always be right.
31) The person gets extremely upset or outraged if you don't do what you're told. This occurs even if what you're doing involves only your own life and does not encroach on the relationship. Example: If you purchase a home without consulting the person or without including the person in the process or on the deed. The person may become upset and feel as if he has not been given adequate consideration even if the relationship is relatively new. The potential stalker may feel like the purchase should have been a joint effort and the choice of property and ownership shared. This may apply even if you have been dating the person for only a month or two or an even shorter period of time.
32) The person has an exaggerated view of his/her contributions in the relationship. The slightest favor or act of helping you out in a pinch is a big deal to the potential stalker. Example: He picks you up at work during his off time because your car has broken down and he seems to act like he's just given you the one of the most significant gifts of your lifetime and that you now really owe him a huge favor or tremendous loyalty in return. He may bring up what he's done for you over and over again.
33) While he is acting controlling, dominating and bullying you he says he is doing it for your own good.
34) The person seems to have a mean streak and you get the feeling or see evidence that this person could become very spiteful or vindictive.
35) The person may be abusive towards animals.
36) The person may appear incapable of responsibly caring for pets or children. Example: He may have a dog, but he has inappropriate and unrealistic expectations of the dog and even though he has the money to pay he does not seem to keep up with housing, feeding and standard veterinary care for the dog.
37) The person seems to think he owns you or your life.
38) The person may say rather dramatic things like: 1) "You are my last chance for love." 2) "I will never be able to love again if you leave me." 3)"I can't live without you and if you leave me I'll go crazy." 4)"If you ever left me I'd become evil and embrace the dark side forever." 5) "If you left me I'd become your worst nightmare." These statements could and frequently do come very early in the relationship. The more frightening statements may come after you attempt to distance yourself from the relationship or see less of the potential stalker.
39) The person does not take no for an answer. No matter what you say the person continues to think he can rekindle the relationship or remain around you or in contact with you.
40) The person misreads the victim's facial expressions and body language.
41) The person misreads the victim's actions and statements.
42) The person misreads the victim's reactions to his actions and/or statements.
43) The person does not see the relationship realistically and does not seem to understand what true stage of seriousness the relationship is in.
44) The potential stalker oftentimes has an immature personality in areas involving relationships with people and other living things.
45) The potential stalker may have an entirely immature personality and may even live in somewhat of a fantasy world where he sees great meaning, significance and guidance in things such as television shows, the behaviors of wrestling heroes and/or comic books.
46) The person likely has an above average IQ.
47) The person may be a charismatic personality.
48) The potential intimate partner stalker does not usually look like Charles Manson. The person is oftentimes physically attractive looking to the victim. Example: Although he was not a stalker, think of the serial killer Ted Bundy as he has been described in literature as good looking, the boy next door and on the surface extremely charming. Potential stalkers too may be good looking and charming until they begin to stalk their victim.
49) The person does not feel or exhibit anxiety or discomfort in situations where others would be extremely uncomfortable.
50) The potential stalker may display a lot of jealous behaviors or attitudes.
51) The person might be a psychopath or sociopath or have characteristics of these disorders.
52) The person is likely delusional and obsessive.
53) The person rarely sees the stalking behaviors realistically and the person fails to see how his actions are hurting and/or terrorizing others.
54) Stalkers are frequently manipulative and clever at maneuvering others into a position where they can be taken advantage of.
55) Most stalkers are at least short-term experts of deception. This type of personality generally knows how to deceive police, family members, and others into believing they are not stalking the victim.
56) Many stalkers must have some kind of relationship with the victim, even a relationship where they are acknowledged and hated by the victim, in order to have any self-worth or purpose in life. Stalkers appear to suffer great distress when ignored. Ignoring a stalker can lead to increased violence or frightening stalking behaviors.
57) The stalker is oftentimes not embarrassed by his behaviors.
58) The stalker will recreate the victim in his own mind to justify the stalking behaviors.
59) The stalker usually does not view himself as a stalker.
By Lady Lost
Copyright � 2002
All rights reserved
No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than upon this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions. **This work is presented for informal informational purposes only. Please do contact an expert in the field of stalking is you are currently a victim or fear the person you are dating at this time is a potential intimate partner stalker. This work is not intended to represent any legal or psychological help to stalking victims or potential stalking victims. Please feel free to contact [email protected] for limited referral information to others who specialize in the field of stalking. Do keep in mind that stalkers and potential stalkers are individuals and therefore any particular stalker or stalking situation may not present with all of these warning signs. Some stalking situations initially present with relatively few and subtle warning signs. Many individuals who stalk have engaged in previous relationships in which they manipulated and/or mistreated friends, family members and their partner(s), and have learned how to conceal the outward appearance of their anti-social personality disorder and/or psychopathic characteristics. In this manner they are able to become closer to a future partner who later becomes a stalking victim. Therefore, it is important to refrain from blaming the victim for the circumstances of being stalked.
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