(Off the Cuff Answers)
1) What do you miss the most about your previous life? Almost everything, perhaps everything. I miss the ground covered by orange and yellow flowers every spring, the mistletoe in massive gobs all over the trees, it used to grow naturally on these certain trees that were everywhere! I miss those homemade coffeecakes! And I miss those round orange berries that grew all over these common bushes that I used to eat, everyone used to eat them and they were sweet and full of seeds! Then there were all those hobbies and outings I used to adore, like rock climbing, hiking, scuba diving, the beach, shell collecting, long vacations to Mexico and various places all over Europe, the Cessna flights to Mexico, porcelain critter collecting, traveling in general, rock hounding, photography, fox hunts and stuff, cross country hunter jumper eventing, the flashfloods and the water torrents running in the old riverbeds, the thin snow cover early in the morning every Christmas, college classes in my favorite major of all time, my students at the farm, the Arabian horse sales, the opera, the theater, and those Jacuzzi nights with fine wine and pizza! From another life stage I miss the whole concept of unfettered hope and, "From Tianna with Love." And I miss the creek, the forest, the mountains and those rural footpaths, the log cabin and the fireplaces, and my favorite white dress of all time with those gold and white stripes! Since it's so close to Christmas again now, I can't forget all those nights my friends and I spent Christmas caroling on horseback when we were 13, 14, 15 and so. And those Anglo-nights, as we used to call them, when we'd all sneak out and get into mischief. I don't miss the mischief so much, but I do miss all the other fun we had getting together and scampering about. Hmm, and of coarse, I used to dabble in rock sculpture and I miss that too.
2) Do you truly plan to place a stalker Christmas tree on your outdoor porch area? I do and I've done it already. I know it's pretty darn unusual and eccentric, but that nut puppy A-P (Alleged perpetrator or stalker) has been stalking the co-victims and me for slightly over two years now so I view it as an adaptive response on my part. It's a comedic adaptation really. This lunatic A-P is out there stalking, doing his so called investigation, no matter what I do or don't do. The A-P doesn't quit no matter what, a good example is the co-victim's case where this guy tried ignoring the A-P in earnest, even letting the A-P get away with breaking the Court Order repeatedly and the A-P still didn't leave him alone! I've tried ignoring the A-P myself. It doesn't work with this type of perpie twerp. The A-P refuses to leave me alone, so here we go with the stalker outdoor Christmas theme! LOL! I have another tree for us indoors. As far as the outdoor tree goes, well I can always hope for a solo gift donation of Stalkadillo brain pudding! LOL! Of coarse and most unfortunately, considering the situation, we all know that these types of perps are the least likely of all to actually harm themselves by committing suicide. They may pretend to be suicidal in order to manipulate others to pander to them and their sick aggressive pursuits against their victims, but they rarely ever commit suicide. Still, I can hold out for that rare one in a trillion hope that the A-P will experience a millisecond of clarity and see himself for what he is. Perhaps see his actions for what they really are too, just for a fleeting moment but long enough for the A-P to end it in the only way it will end unless he's COT'd and we all know he's not going to COT himself. Besides that, this creep needed a reminder, which I'm positive will escape him completely, that he's stalking and ruining the lives of entire families. Of coarse, the idea of families to him-it probably means Easy Pickens, so maybe that'll just titillate him some more. Oh well, who cares, it's not like anything that's done or not done clears him out of the picture anyway. The only bummer about the stalker Christmas theme is that I couldn't get little binoculars, sleeping bags, weapons, scrolls for all his coercion emails, stalker-mobiles or different mini cars to represent all the vehicles he's been through stalking, and whatnot to decorate the stalker tree with. The theme idea wasn't worth spending that kind of money and I'm a lousy artist when it comes to drawing. I might try the drawing angle anyhow though.
3) Do you believe that the alleged perpetrator (A-P) will take notice of the outdoor tree? Who knows, certainly not me! LOL! Probably not for a number of reasons. First, it doesn't have anything significant to do with the A-P's phony baloney munchausens-multiple personality disorder-and other accusations or A-P addiction-afflictions. Second, the tree is not alive to be considered Easy Pickens. Third, I have a history of calling the police about any and all stalking incidents and sightings, so he'll probably figure it's a trick and be too wimpy to take a gander when it's lit up enough to see it. Forth, it's not dark and gloomy enough to excite the A-P. Well, at least the humming birds like the tree! Now if I could only figure out how to keep the wind from knocking it down all the time it would be in fine shape out here.
4) Do you believe your local law enforcement agency would be interested in arresting the alleged perpetrator (A-P) for violating the Court Order of Protection at this time? Not really. This experience, as I've mentioned before, has shown me that in certain parts of the country it's a free for all for these kinds of perpetrators and that victims unfortunately have to be ready to go it alone. The police here, to be specific Sergeant Armstrong I believe it was, if I recall it right, have already told me point blank that they aren't interested in hearing about the A-P until he commits a heinous crime, like a homicide or something else major. So it's basically open stalking season on me. Thus even if the A-P stalked overtly and in front of my camera, whatever, the police aren't likely to do anything about it. This is an important reality for other victims to hear though as it really brings home the truth of the matter. Victims have to take care of their own stalking situation and not count on the police for protection. And believe me, I don't like the thought of this at all. I don't like the idea of lawlessness that it implies or the idea of victims turning into vigilantes! Truly, I'm more for the upper class stereotypical way I was taught to believe where the system takes care of these issues fully, arresting the bad guy promptly before any lethal crime occurs or sending the nut bunny off to COT when he repeatedly offends. So I know my situation isn't how it's supposed to be and this isn't why we pay our taxes, but it's still just the way it is. Now there are a lot of other states where stalking is taken very seriously, but my state isn't one of these. Where I'm at, where I live, the whole topic of stalking seems to be viewed like other forms of domestic violence and other crimes against women were a relatively long time ago. It's an internal problem in the victim's life and the police don't care to get too involved until someone is dead. Therefore, that Stalkadillo can do whatever he pretty much wants to do. I'm not afraid to say this because he's already committed so many stalking activities it doesn't matter anymore. The worst he can take out of this, through his site stalking, is the idea that he might as well go overt. Well, so what. Stalking is stalking, overt or covert, it's all bad, it's all damaging, it's the reality no matter what we as victims do or don't do. The victims' silence didn't stop him. The A-P's delusions of this great police protection or help from others he seems to think I have didn't stop him. Reporting him to the police didn't force him to stop or get psychiatric help. In fact, he burned the police out in a sense by being so active and then I followed the advice I'd gotten initially and called in, reported, every episode. He didn't even have this website to stalk for nearly two years and still he stalked. So there ya go.
5) Do you think your local law enforcement officials would be disturbed to hear of your point of view in regards to this situation? Nope. They don't care at all either way. It is my own personal opinion that even a dead body due to this stalking wouldn't cause them one second of grief, alarm, distress, sadness, pity, empathy or regret. As long as their jobs are secure they are totally content. We all pay our taxes, they get their paychecks, they're not being stalked themselves, they're not being threatened, coerced, blackmailed, vandalized, terrorized, and/or shot at by a stalker. They're lives are well and secure. So what do they have to worry or care about? This is how it appears to me at least. And remember, I believe the whole stalking issue to them is an internal problem the victim, in their view is fully responsible for. I think they believe the victim caused it, deserves it, or is coo-coo for even considering the idea of being a stalking victim, and therefore the victim must solve it on his/her own until there's a dead body. Once there's a dead body the police come in and do an investigation and complete their paperwork. End of story once again.
6) This reality sounds rather bleak? It is unless you're a vigilante, which I'm truly not! I don't enjoy this kind of garbage. I just want to get on with my life and engage in mainstream daily activities. I enjoy a dull life with the exception of some of the hobbies I used to enjoy. I guess rock climbing and whatnot isn't always dull.
7) Do you believe a homicide is a possibility here? It's hard to say with any kind of certainty. I think it's possible. I think an assault is possible too. It all depends on the A-P and what he does throughout the continued stalking which he calls an investigation. It depends on impulses and low impulse control and what happens next. I know that the types of delusions the A-P appears to suffer from and the kinds of obsessions involved with these delusions tend to get stronger and more compelling over time. I know people who stalk oftentimes commit heinous crimes. So really, it's a play it by ear situation. We won't know for sure until it happens. And when it happens or continues to happen it's impossible to know who will be harmed the most. It depends on the A-P's cowardice verses his desire for revenge and onward into all the areas connected to that.
8) Has your opinion of an effective remedy for this situation in regards to the alleged perpetrator (A-P) changed over time then? Not in the least bit, it's been pretty consistent with the exception of the solo donation of Stalkadillo brain pulp by way of stalker suicide. The A-P ought to be arrested and held long-term or a better solution would be long-term COT. But in the end, there are only three valid cures for this problem. The latter two are the only sensible cures. I think the A-P's stalking behaviors are wasting a lot of people's valuable time and through this wasting a lot of people's years of life. That's what stalking does, one part of the damages of stalking in general. It's rather sickening, the whole view of it, all the waste and damages created by one Stalkadillo and the inactivity of the police and the mental health system to put a stop to it. So we're down to that Stalkadillo moment of clarity and suicide. We'll just have to see if he has the inner vision of himself and what he's actually done to so many and the guts to do it.
9) Would you prefer the alleged perpetrator committed suicide in this manner rather than seek in patient treatment for his apparent obsessive disorder? No, I'd still prefer COT, long-term in patient treatment. But I'm a realist and this has been going on for two years now. It has just come down to this is reality. And the bottom line is that once a stalker always a stalker, once someone has this kind of problem he'll always be prone to this. There could be more victims in the future if he doesn't get COT, I doubt he'll ever get COT, so what's the answer?
10) Do you, with your particular educational background, believe there could be any alternative remedies in regards to the alleged perpetrator? Sure, a petition to inpatient evaluation through the County hospital is a great short-term solution. Then there's voluntary inpatient commitment or other serious treatment, however, the A-P would have to be honest about all of his activities over the past two years and that isn't going to happen. Without being honest the treatment wouldn't work at all, so it would just be another waste of time for more people. But then we've gone through that alternative route before. Other than what's already been said, there are no other viable solutions under the current circumstances. As it stands I have too many responsibilities and obligations and too many financial limitations to simply move and vanish right now.
11) Can you explain for our readers what a petition to the County hospital entails? Sure, anyone who is familiar with the A-P's behaviors over the past two plus years needs to go to the County psychiatric hospital downtown and fill out the relatively simple petition form. I believe this entire process is free of charge. After this, the petition form is reviewed by a psychiatrist and it then goes before a psychiatric judge. If approved the A-P is picked up and transported to the unit for evaluation and treatment.
12) Must you be a psychiatrist to begin the petition? No, as far as I know you can be anyone. The petition is reviewed by professionals after it is submitted.
13) So the alleged perpetrator's family members could do this petition through the County psychiatric hospital? Yes, they could as likely could the police department.
14) What you are then stating is that the alleged perpetrator's family could halt his destructive behaviors if they so chose? That's exactly what I'm saying. At least this would be a chance for the A-P to get therapy and also it would prevent the A-P from DTO (danger to others) and DTS (danger to self) behaviors for the time being. If his family were to really worry about the A-P being suicidal, they could give him this chance to get help by petitioning him to County. They wouldn't have to pay for treatment and probably neither would he if he couldn't afford it and it was proven that he couldn't afford it. Homeless people get treatment at impatient facilities all the time. Granted it's not a life-time home, but it is an immediate evaluation and whatnot. In this situation with the A-P, this is likely the one and only opportunity he's got to get therapy and stop his actions which are damaging not only others but also to himself!
15) Do you hold hope that the alleged perpetrator's family will ever take advantage of this opportunity for their family member? No, I really don't. This option has been available to the family since this stalking began and they have not appeared to make any motions in this direction. I talked to my ex-friend, considered an ex-friend because of this whole A-P mess, and she said that the A-P's family member was urging the A-P to enter treatment at one time, and that this family member was offering to pay for it. But, as far as I know nothing ever came of it. At this prior point, the family member was reportedly worried that the A-P might kill himself, yet still no petition was filed. Instead, from all reasonable observations this family member chooses to aid the A-P with goods and whatnot while the A-P stalks. This is truly stupid. Eventually something horrible is going to happen, maybe the A-P will implode or explode while all along a potential solution was ignored by the family. Whatever thrills them. That's my new motto. If they want to possibly lose their family member or see him throw his life and other's lives away because they don't have the guts to stand up to him or do the right thing, oh well. If they want to watch him implode or whatever because they believe he's somehow my responsibility or they can't get off of blaming me for the A-P's behaviors than let them be happy with what the end results are. I once cared for him (the A-P) deeply, he acted loony and said a lot of loony things, a lot of insinuations of stuff I didn't do and of stuff that raised my hackles. He became controlling, I dumped him after repeatedly warning him and I even gave him a second chance. He promised he would change, that it would be different the second time, he also promised that if it wasn't different that I could leave the relationship with no problems, it wasn't different. I said goodbye. He started stalking. That's the way it went down, whether the A-P's family wishes to believe it or not.
16) Is there any reason why you have not filed a psychiatric petition? Yes, in a way I'm like the primary out of family co-victim, who is really a victim, I have tried and tried not to create any waves with the A-P. And like in the co-victim's case, this hasn't worked. I have reported a ton of A-P activity to the police, but I have not gone beyond that. I am hoping not to really because the A-P's welfare shouldn't be my problem. This is a problem for those who care for the A-P first and the system second. I want to be out of the picture if at all possible.
17) To make these points clear, for this site's readers, you are not stating that a petition to the County psychiatric hospital would be a permanent remedy for the alleged perpetrator (A-P)? Right, I'm saying that it would deal with the immediate threat of DTO and DTS. It could also begin longer term treatment of therapy options for the A-P.
18) Within this website some of your works make clear reference to the alleged perpetrator's abused childhood. Can you clarify this for our readers? Yes, when I was dating the A-P he repeatedly told me that he had been severely physically battered by all of his siblings and that his father had reportedly battered his mother and then his parents got divorced. His dad left and never returned. He told me that his father abandoned the family and never visited or paid child support and that the mother and kids went from being pretty well off to living in total poverty. The A-P said he didn't even see his father again until he was 17 or 18 or so years old. This is what the A-P told me, I don't know if it's the truth or not, but I suspect it was the reality.
19) What did you observe the relationship being between the alleged perpetrator and his family members when you knew the alleged perpetrator? Well, I only knew him for about four months and I only saw the A-P interact with one family member, but it seemed like the relationship was strained. The A-P would frequently tell me how stupid his family member was, how his family member didn't do things right and things like that and they seemed to argue a lot. Then the family member would always apologize and ask for a hug from the A-P. So it appeared that the family member loved the A-P and was willing to bend over backwards for the A-P. Yet the relationship seemed like one ripe for manipulation from the A-P, this is something I realize in retrospect. Before I thought the relationship was strained because these family members hadn't grown up in a stable environment and that they hadn't spent much time together as adults either. Now I realize the family member was not able to see the A-P realistically or react in a functional or responsible manner, the family member was being manipulated. The manipulation seems to have continued with the family member providing the A-P with tons of stalking support and backup. Instead of petitioning the A-P, the family member or some one completely matching the family member's personal and vehicle description, would bring the A-P provisions, food and whatnot, in the field every morning while the A-P stalked the co-victim. This person would sit out there with the A-P, possibly eating with him, the co-victim would sometimes watch this from his own home and through his own binoculars. It's crazy beyond belief.
20) How do you think the alleged perpetrator (A-P) located this website which did not appear on the Internet until nearly two years time had passed? The A-P was obviously looking for it, he was obviously still stalking. This website was never posted or advertised in my area. If the A-P wasn't still looking he wouldn't have visited, he wouldn't have been interested, and he wouldn't have written those emails. When the A-P sent the first email to you there wasn't barely anything on this site. Yet he still wrote and tried to make demands from the get go. The demands were very typical of the A-P's style and mission.
21) Do you have any feelings of concern abut the alleged perpetrator (A-P) perhaps attempting to use the petition information now presented upon this website as an additional stalking technique? He could no doubt try it, but to do anything like this he'd have to declare himself publicly and beyond one on one slander. I doubt he'd try it. So far his known MO involves personalized terrorism, coercion, spreading his stalking behaviors to others around me and sickening acts of slander against me to one person at a time. Whatever he does I'm not afraid of him anymore. This is truly what it all boils down to.
22) Who do you suggest utilize this information regarding psychiatric petitions? In my opinion, this is an option for police agencies and perpetrator's family members to use. It's something the family can do if they believe their stalking or obsessed relative is going to commit any DTO or DTS behaviors. It's a better option than pandering to or helping the obsessed loony tune with the binoculars who's in the flipping bushes watching the victim or co-victim for days, weeks or months on end.
23) It must be asked, for the benefit of this website's audience, are there items or issues of importance occurring within your life other than this plague of the alleged perpetrator? Yes, there are a number of top priority things, but I can't talk about them or offer poetry about them to share with Internet readers due to the existence of the A-P and the continued website stalking by this one specific A-P. So everything I can extend to the public at this time revolves around either old news which the A-P has already tried to exploit and warp to the maxim or A-P related subject discussion, poetry or essays.
Copyright � 2002
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No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than upon this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.
**This work is not edited for spelling errors or typos as it was intended to represent a casual chat session with Lady Lost.
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