(Off the Cuff Answers)
1) Can you explain a little about what we were discussing the other day, about what other aspects of your particular circumstances the alleged perpetrator (A-P) was likely counting on when he began his revenge efforts against you in October 2000? Sure, why not. I believe the A-P was banking on my state of personal and geographical isolation. He figured I wouldn't have any support emotionally, mentally, intellectually or financially. The A-P figured I'd be a sitting duck without any real support or protection of any kind. The A-P banked on the idea that I'd be easy to separate from all my friends. And that my WWII era out of state family wouldn't help because they wouldn't be able to fathom the concept of stalking and what that meant. Moreover, the neighbors in this area are distant and basically they're kind of hermits. Most of the neighbors here don't really watch out for each other and don't really know each other either. They have no interest in each other whatsoever. This isn't Iowa or anything like that. So the general isolation could become extreme. I also believe the A-P counted on my past experiences as an adult abuse victim, and no we're not talking about any child abuse here and we're not talking about my son either, to make me a vulnerable and easily terrorized victim for his stalking. He was probably really licking his predatory chops over the idea of the ease of creating some major PTSD through stalking me. Maybe he even fantasizes that I'll commit suicide over the increased PTSD and depression of being stalked and then he'll have his grand deranged victory, you know, no woman leaves him without his permission and has anything afterwards, not even her life, type of thing. I think he relied on the idea that my husband would be my sole support avenue and that he would be weak, uninvolved and totally inactive in any form of support or defense. After all stalking involves a lot of really bizarre predatory behavioral patterns that are hard to believe and thus tend to fool many people in the beginning. Perhaps the A-P thought or figured out that he could use my husband's reactions or lack of reactions to his advantage in a variety of ways. Then, the A-P likely concluded that if he shut me down, by making it impossible to have client's horses on the place safely, he could significantly shut whatever finances there were down. By continuing the stalking the A-P probably thought he'd eventually create a melt down within and around my life and that would have a domino affect on the rest of whatever meager support systems and finances remained. The A-P just figured I'd be Easy Pickens in a multitude of different ways.
2) What you are describing within this synopsis is indeed a depraved and cowardly individual. Why do you believe the alleged perpetrator attempts to portray you as a powerful adversary, in his apparent displayed outlook? Because he had to alter the reality of who I am and the reality of my entire situation to justify what he was doing to others and probably even to himself. In the beginning he likely didn't care about the truth of the matter within himself, but eventually as he justified the stalking to others he probably also had to justify it to himself. In doing this he totally recreated me in every way possible and logically impossible. His recreation is delusional and unrealistic, in fact it's disgustingly absurd. In my opinion, this was part of the progression of his mental sickness, within the recreation that he too started to believe to be the truth even in the face of contrary evidence. This is also why he proclaims he is so afraid of death threats and other related nonsense, that's part of his recreation of reality. He skews it all to make himself look good. Either this or he's totally lying and believes himself to be convincing. Whatever it comes down to, others and myself closely involved see him as completely transparent.
3) At what time did you arrive at this level of understanding or theory over the alleged perpetrator's motives and rational? Well, it really took me nearly two years to figure it all out. In the beginning I didn't think about these kinds of potential factors at all. I didn't even think of it on December 2001 when he began calling me on the phone and writing all those emails and letters. I mean, I knew from the get go that his behaviors were revenge oriented, but the why(s) and how(s) I didn't analyze until much later. In truth, if he hadn't kept stalking I probably wouldn't have come up with these theories.
4) Do you believe that the alleged perpetrator is truly convinced he will succeed with his vendetta? Yes, he's committed himself to his sick obsessed stalking behaviors for over two years now. I think he totally believes that if he keeps it up he'll succeed in his objectives listed in, "Enumerations," and get paid for it too.
5) Do you believe that the alleged perpetrator then will succeed? Not in getting paid, no. I still hold out hope that no judge, no lawyer and no legal system is that blind. But the rest of it, well just have to see what cards Lady Luck holds for me in the near future. Whatever happens in reality none of it would ever be due to any validity in the A-P's deranged spoken claims against me. Who knows, maybe he'll get his fantasy for death of the primary victim fulfilled. Whatever happens will happen. I've released the vast majority of control I had or wished to have over the situation. I'm just flowing with it, whichever way it goes. I'm pretty much at peace with almost any end result. In this way I've created a boundary for myself that the A-P can't get through no matter what he does at this point. I'm at peace with my demise as well. There are a lot of good and worthy things that I haven't completed yet in my life and there are a lot of things going on right now beyond the existence of the A-P, but if he chooses to cut it short, then so be it.
6) Is this the manner in which these circumstances are meant to travel in a value system, which upholds justice? No, absolutely not. In a situation where justice would prevail the A-P would have been forcibly stopped a long time ago and if not he would have to pay monetary retribution to myself and the co-victims at this point. Moreover, the A-P would be forced to go through an evaluation and treatment through COT. However, it is my belief that the A-P began this revenge plan when he was sane enough to know right from wrong, I think he still knows right from wrong, so even though he's likely recreated my entire reality he should still be held liable. He has committed slander, coercion, blackmail, terrorism for over two years, and other related crimes. I believe that the A-P is an absolute criminal and someone has to compensate the victims for his actions. No one has the right to stalk another person, the primary victim, or the co-victims. No one has the right to embark upon the kind of revenge plan that the A-P did and get away with it. That is not justice. It is a sick sociopath plan of action that the A-P has thus far gotten away with. He needs to see some serious consequences. We need some serious compensation. I have already gone through the chain of events and the choices the A-P made during questioning on this website. I stress the point that the A-P made choices to continue stalking no matter what we as victims did or did not do! So that specific session and the other sessions tell the tale as it is in reality.
7) Can you list for this website's readers the characteristics of both abused women and abusive men? Sure, the battered or abused women generally display the following: low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, a tendency with withdraw from marital disputes and stress, hopelessness, frustration, proneness towards drug and alcohol abuse and dependency, suicide attempts, successful suicide, and homicidal usually in self-defense related behaviors. The abusive males typically display the following: low self-esteem, low assertiveness yet obviously not while abusing the woman, low sense of self-efficacy, often exposed to family violence in childhood, feelings of helplessness, feelings of powerlessness, feelings of inadequacy, they are often jealous, prone to addiction, passive yet not while abusing the women, dependent, antisocial, isolated and have poor relationship skills. The abusive men can come from any educational background, and they do not always appear to have these problems to outsiders. Some interesting statistics state that 2,000 to 4,000 women are beaten to death per year. More than 1/2 the women report they have been abused physically or emotionally. 1/3 to 1/2 of women murdered are killed by their spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend. About 10% of men murdered are killed by their spouse and this usually occurs in self-defense. About 1/2 the couples in the United States report experiences of domestic violence in their relationships. Around 20% of women in the ER are there because of domestic violence. Another approximately 70% of the women in the ER are there due to some act of violence perpetrated by a man. Something like 1/2 of the homeless women are fleeing from domestic violence. And something like 37% of women report domestic violence during pregnancy. Most men who commit domestic abuse blame it on their partner. Society in general tends to blame the victim as well. At least those are the last stats that I am aware of. The rates may be a lot higher now.
8) Do you feel that the alleged perpetrator matches this description of an abusive male? Yes, in my opinion he surely does. In addition, I believe that the A-P is highly delusional.
9) Are there any other reasons for the alleged perpetrator's continued stalking, including his website stalking activities? Other then the general MO of stalkers and the psychological make-up of these perps, which we haven't delved into entirely yet, not really. This is just the kind of behavior stalkers commit. I suppose it's worth mentioning that the A-P is socially inept, that he can't have a healthy long-term relationship unless he finds a very dependent victim mentality women to have such a relationship with. However, that wouldn't be a healthy relationship. I believe the A-P derives all his feelings of self-worth through his stalking activities.
Copyright � 2002
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No rights to copy, print, download, duplicate, or display elsewhere other than upon this specific website granted or implied without the direct written permission of the author. Please contact agent of the author: Mr. Gunther S. Vanludwick at [email protected]
**As with all poetry, essays, correspondence and/or published letters, e-mails or other communications presented on this webpage, this work is a personal subjective expression of its author's own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. This statement is in no way intended to invalidate or minimize the powerful and poignant experiences of this author. However, this statement is intended to indicate that creative expressions such as these written forms of artwork are derived from their author's own personal feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions.
**This work is not edited for spelling errors or typos as it was intended to represent a casual chat session with Lady Lost.
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