11/6/02
Well, apparently I've been holding up this rant site for 7 months so that I can look cool and get attention from people. Someone forgot to notice that I don't really want attention. People that want attention tell outrageous lies or dress really crazy and talk really loud with a fake accent. Do I do any of that? Nope. I'm just an average guy with a awebsite dedicated to making fun of all the stupid crap in the world. But what am I thinking, I must be lying to myself. I do this all for attention...I forgot. And if anyone ACTUALLY reads Hlee's rants, you'll find that she is trying to use my own "finding humor in things that are just...sad" against me. Wow, good one. Then she's like...you just rant for attention, but I rant for me. Ok Hlee, whatever. How the hell do you know if I rant for attention? Get this everybody: She says I hold on to things and look too much into them, and then she says I must be doing this for attention because I don't hate Todd. Moan. I guess I just must be the worst person in the world because I complain alot but I don't hate everyone I meet. I must not have ANY integrity whatsoever. I might as well shut down my site and cry myself to sleep every night now that Hlee knows my secret.
Hlee, do you want to know how I really feel?
11/5/02
Well, I just found another smart person
"There is something about this whole Chad Burns vs. Todd Pitman thingy I hafta say. I knew both of them and I've never hated either. BUT Chad's a baby. Seriously, he bitchy and rants about NOTHING. He looks too much into things and cant deal with people not liking him. Because if SOMEONE hates him then it CAN'T be his fault! Chad needs to stick it up his ass basically. "-Hlee Lee
An old "friend" of mine wrote this, and frankly it touches my heart. If nothing else, it proves my point about how there is no hope for humanity and people are so stupid I can't even comprehend it. First off, I think Hlee's brain just registered the whole Todd-Me thing. But that also means it will take her another month to catch up on the fact that I like to poke at Todd's site a little bit but I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HIM AS A PERSON!!!! GODDAMN IT!!!! When are people going to evolve enough to read me writing ten million times that I don't hate him at all, and if I was sitting next to him in an assembly or something I would talk to him. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THAT INTO THE HEADS OF ALL THE MORONS OUT THERE??? I love Todd, I want him sexually, NOW WILL YOU PEOPLE DROP IT!!?!?!?!!!! It's idiots like Hlee that tell me that I hold on to things for too long but then ten years later come up to me to tell me I'm a bad person because I "hate" Todd. Fucking idiots. Thinking about certain things just brings me pain. Well, I look into things too much but Hlee is the person analyzing me and looking to hard into my rants. And I whine and bitch about NOTHING??? Well, I get 25 hits a day, I really doubt people come here just to write "I hate you Chad" in the guestbook. (Only half of them do that). And If anyone goes and find's Hlee's rants she rants about even less than nothing. Don't worry though people, noone wants to read her crap anyways...trust me...so I wont even bother throwing hits her direction because I know my site is painful enough, going there after would send even the hardest of warriors into a suicidal trance.
11/5/02
Red Light: Two cars pull up side by side. The drivers eye each other and look back at the stoplight. Green Light: Both Drivers floor it. The driver on the left pulls ahead quickly and leaves the other driver in the dust. The driver on the right begins experiencing mechanical difficulties as his steering fluid begins to leak and his alignment veers 20 degrees to the left. Soon, after about an hour the four-cylinder-hampster engine tops out at 25 mph and blows up. The other driver is long gone, so the man hits his brakes which have also gone out. The driver on the left is a five year old on a tricycle, while the driver on the right is a man in his brand-new Ford Focus. This man was manipulated by convincing American advertising.
This is the beginning of my article about Ford Focuses for the school newspaper. I'm hoping Todd isn't an editor because I'm sure he hates me and won't print anything I write. Writing my article sucks though because my "smart" sister put in a new ink cartridge without asking me. She thought you pull the ink head out with your bare hands, rip out the cartridge, and jam in a new one without opening it or tearing off the strip that says, "remove before inserting." Moan. With her being that cool she messed up the printer alignment and now it prints out blurry garbage. Nice one Alyssa.
10/27/02
Look everyone, I got fan-mail!
"I just saw your website and came to the conclusion that I have never heard of a bigger cock sucking homo in all of my life. Your parents should be ashamed that you came from their lions. You talk a lot of shit about Todd, but I think you want to rape his butt, and I'm sure that he could kick your ass, because like you said he is too tiggity for you. Tiggity has not been used for many years, and even if you are just trying to be funny, you failed miserably just like you probably fail at being liked by people. I like run-on sentences. I'm sure that this Todd dude get lots of chicks and has a dick you could only dream about taking in your butt. Look at the picture I included of myself and my boyfriend for example (I'm on the right). You really suck as a person."-Alex Faulken, whoever the hell that is...
And this is actually the picture he included, I don't know if this is a joke or what...
Yeah, and, like he said, I came from my parent's "lions."
10/27/02
Well, it's official, I'm unimployed. Sunday was my last day at the Highland (yes...I just called it by it's actual name) Theater. It was a 11 hour shift but for since I can't even remember I actually had a good time. We played video games on the clock for like three hours, watched movies, and had popcorn eating contests. Yeah, I think I only did ten minutes of work. Get this, the insurance agency next to the Theater went out of business so there is a giant open room. David, Tom, Nathan and I all went and wrestled for about an hour and a half. Eventually, we did a three on one, them vs. me and after like 45 minutes I beat them (in front of a crowd of spectators outside the place no less). And better yet, all day I was waiting for some asshole to say something to piss me off so I could go apeshit on them. But, I feel blessed I guess, all the customers throughout the day were really nice and a whole bunch of people smiled at me and stuff. I'm glad I ended my year and a half there on a good note.
10/25/02
Gee...I'm in a good mood. Inser sarcasm here. Its 8:00 in the morning on a saturday. Why I'm up so early you say? Now, I normally wake up 9 or 10ish, but I was up really late and my mom decided that I shouldn't sleep and feel good and rested today. Ok, everyone keeps telling me to be optimistic and not be so down on the world and everything. Well, after about two weeks of trying, I say fuck that. Supposedly two of my good friends are "bad people" now because they hang out with me too much and I've made them crabby. I'm sooo close to just locking myself in my room and never coming out ever again because I'm apparently just human scum since I don't think the world is a beauiful place. Then when I ask people to tell me why I'm such a failure, more than one person has told me I'm too intolerant, and that's what makes me cynical. Know what I say to that? Whatever. I honestly spent about a week and 1/2 trying to be optimistic and not et things get to me, and all I learned is that I was right and all these people are lying to themselves. OK, maybe I'm a little too intolerant sometimes, I'll give them that, but an optimistic person in a world like this is either retarded, closed-minded, or braindead. I want ONE person to come up to me and tell me something optimistic that will weigh out all the depressing stuff. Moving on though, here's what I got out of my week and a 1/2 of trying to be optiistic. A little bitch in my first hour class tried to "staple" me. Yeah, he took a stapler from behind and tried to put a staple (wait...is that how you spell it???) in me. But, not only did this asshole have the decency to do that, he wasn't even smart enough to make sure it had staples in in!!! What a moron! I learned that gas prices are at a record high, not because of war or lack of fuel, but because some asshole in the oil indusrty wants more money so they raised prices to about 1.60 a gallon. Well, it's a good thing I'm optimistic so I wasn't bothered by that in ANY way! I witnessed the severe backstabbing of my girlfriend. A unnameable person told "someone" at thier church that Stef and I had been dating behind her parents backs...untrue...she is dating a non-christian, which apparently is the worst thing in the universe (and it's not like I look down at the church or disbelieve any of it)...and we have "gone way past the line"...you know...sexually, which isn't true at all! Damnit!!! So this church person calls Stef while I'm there to ask her if she is having some problems. Errr....but remember, I'm optimistic. Let's see, a wigger (i.e. inbred) told me that I was a racist cracker for making fun of Patricia Harvey. Um...no, I make fun of her because she's an idiot. But, I wasn't bothered by that at all. At work, I watch countless morons come in to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which is honestly one of the worst movies ever made. That STILL didn't bother me though. I saw the Christina Agulara video "Drrrrty" or whatever. THEN I learned that she bought a mansion in Cali. Ok, nothing bad there. Bush and Coleman have Wellstone's plane rigged. Has anyone else noticed whenever there is someone who isn't liked they conveniently die in a plane crash? I was called a nigger. That almost made so much sense I didn't know what to do with myself. Microsoft bought my favorite video game developer from Nintendo for 700 million dollars. At this point I'm still optimistic, so there's nothing to worry about people, talk to you later.
10/23/02
Ok, I'm pretty much sick of trying to be cool with Todd, because he is apparently so tiggity that he can't take a joke. I can't help but make fun of him sometimes. He just produced the Quickstop CD. Like everything Todd produces, the cover has nothing to do with the fucking CD. Maybe if the picture was random or funny or anything good, I wouldn't care. It's a good thing the music makes up for the shit covers. People say they look professional, but that's because his mommy pwints dem fow him. A blind kid throwing his feces at a barn could make a cover more artsy, and it would probably make a lot more sense. Todd couldn't make sense if he was a change machine. Yeah. I'm gonna sue steady records for false advertising because I've happened to notice that every CD they produce has a blurry picture on the cover. Maybe he should hold the camera "steady", or directly at the sun for that matter so he can see the light. I think I'm going to make a CD called "Eating Dog Food and Crying" with this CD cover.
Oh, wait, that's Todd's album, I forgot....and it's Todd's hi-speed tricycle on the cover.
10/12/02
This usually doesn't happen (i.e. I don't admit it) but I've been wrong alot lately. Take Greta for example, apparently everyone thinks shes a cocaine addict now. Oops. Lets see, I think my girlfriend's stepdad hates me now for unmentionable reasons. Oh, now I rememer what I was getting to. I think one of these days if I'm walking by Jacob Barker-Huelster and the timing's right, I'm going to apologize to him. I've said some pretty unfair snap judgements about him and he deserves an apology. And now that I haven't seen Catelyn all year my anger towards her is gone. On the flipside though, I still see Kali everyday and I still think she is the biggest bia on the earth and reason enough to let Bill Gates remove my brain. And Megan, I guess she has redeeming qualities. I sure don't like her though, so whatever. On a side note, Todd is just a little too "mature" for his own good. A while ago, I told Todd to chew the swiss. Ok, I thought Todd and I were comfortable in the fact that we have our own opinions and all, but he took that comment all seriously and wrote that I'm up to my old dirty tricks. Oh brother. Is chew the swiss not blatently obvious that I'm poking fun? I'M KIDDING!!! Maybe him and Kali should hook up and go to college so they can give eachother labotomies.
10/8/02
Well, I think we can officially say that the world is coming to an end. Recently, a reliable source told me that my ex girlfriend (who I haven't talked to in like a year) was doing heroine and cocaine. Now, I normally wouldn't care very much, but she had the nerve to come to see a movie at my work, and frankly, she looked like shit. I feel really bad for saying that (now) but she looked awful. Anyways, somebody came up to me to bitch at me about how she isn't actually messed up and I told everyone. Well, I bitched to like 5 people and now everyone knows. I just realized it's because I talked about it in an earlier rant. Yeah, and get this, when she came in she gave me fake smile and never even bothered saying hi. I thought it was because John was an asshole. I was wrong, I guess John "hating me" wasn't actually true, Greta just used it as an excuse. Supposedly she hates me. Why would she hate me? I guess she's hated me for a long time now behind my back. Oh, it's probably just her obsessive lying problem and she's probably bullshitting John like she bullshitted me. Ya know, she makes up lies about herself to make it seem like she's an interesting person, but it's just a fake cover up for the fact that she sucks as a person and doesn't have a personality. Why the fuck would she hate me? I just stopped caring over a year ago, but apparently I was just aweful to her. But you wanna know how I feel? Maybe when she leaves John for no reason me and him can figure out why she is such an idiot. I really feel bad for him. I was wrong in disliking him, he didn't do shit, it was just her being a triflng bitch. You know, I was actually trying to be a little bit more open to people, like Jacob, Todd, and Catelyn (there's still no hope for Kali Kane, she is everything wrong with Central). I guess I was waaaay to harsh about them, and frankly this is an apology. But you know what? After thinking about Gruntilda I realized the good stuff about those people. So whatever. But fuck you Greta. If you are that stupid to make shit up about me in your fucked up head then I frankly wouldn't care whether you are on heroine or not. Either way you got really ugly and I hope I never have the punishment of having to be a mile away from you again. I actually ate by your house and could smell your stank self. Arrrrrg. Goddamnit. Why the fuck has nature not weeded her out yet? Maybe I should hire nature to drop a tree on her. Actually maybe not, because if her blood touched the dirt the earth would fly into the sun (to commit suicide of course). I actually feel hateful right now, and no, it isn't in jest, I truly feel bad that she is doing her crap to poor John. Well, maybe they are happy and I'm wrong. Wait...no. A: I'm always right and B: I thought I was happy at the time. Why haven't they made a machine that slaughters evil babies with mental problems? That's what I'll do! I've been trying to find a meaning in my life...I can make a machine that weeds out bad people! HAHAHAHAHA My purpose in life has been fulfulled! Yeah...where was I...WHAT A BWUCKING BITCH!!! I cannot believe how much of a hairy, smelly pig that fucking drugaddict prostitute is. She almost makes Kali seem like a good person. Yeah, for senior yearbook polls I'm going to vote her as "most likely to get rich quick," because she'll be a prostitute. I take that back, I forgot how ugly she got. I just cant even stop ranting I'm so pissed off at that dumb lunatic. You know they have pills for that Gruntilda, It's called a fist. You have a cool person shove it down your throat (they have to put on rubber gloves though or they'll get retard disease...and herpes).
10/1/02
Ugh, I am so sick of everyone thinking I hate everyone I meet and I have this website so I can breed hatred. Goddamnit. Shut up, please. Martin complains about how I "hate" Todd. Jeesus Christmas, I don't even dislike Todd. I'm poking fun at him. Man, everyone takes me so seriously it's pathetic. Jane for example, said she didn't like seeing rants by people who she thought were good people. Apparently we are bad people now. You know what? I don't care what you think. Just because I call a person a fucking idiot doesn't mean I "hate" them. I'm just saying that they are scum and just overall suck. If something horrible happened to any of these people I'd feel awful. Probably worse than most other people would, just because I was such an unfair bitch to them. Out of all the people I complain about, the only people that I honestly think should be...um..."put on an island away from the rest of humanity so noone would have to deal with them" (I'm being kind in saying this, trust me) would be Ms. Rambo, my stepmom, Bill Gates, and Patricia Harvey. If I was an alien and met Ms. Rambo before anyone else, I would launch a full scale nuclear attack on earth and take no prisoners. Let's see, my stepmom really doesn't deserve anything except a slap on her ugly face. Patricia Harvey just sucks. If Bill Gates was Catholic and an old woman, he would have every trait imaginable that represents what is wrong with America in a nutshell. So, I feel better, talk to you later
9/29/02
Well, apparently, David thinks I ditched him for a girl. Whatever David. Because I didn't go to work, then, on your own free will you waited outside my house until you called and found that I was hanging out with Stef means that we ditched you? No David, that's not ditching you. That's just a coincidence. Yeah anyways, my weekend was a mixed bag. Apparently I have a tear in one of my intestines so I have to eat bananas and toast for a couple of days. It's horrible!!! But, other than that, and feeling like pee, I'm allright. Recently I heard that a bunch of morons were talking about me in Mr. Cherin's room at lunch. Hahahaha. I guess Todd thinks I'm some little quiet, sad kid that sits in the corner and doesn't have any friends. Well, unlike these people, I don't exclude people as friends because they aren't in my "group." I have heard three stories of people talking about me, trying to figure out why I "hate" them and why I'm so disgruntaled. Are these people retarded? No, if they were retarded they would still be abled to figure it out. They must be in an even worse state of being, the lowest form of human scum available, the bottom of the food chain, they must be...UNMENTIONABLE CENTRAL STUDENTS!!! These people act smart, but if they were actually so intelligent they would know that the truth is right in front of thier near-sighted eyes. Just read my fucking site you neandrothols! I explain why I "hate" you and why I'm disgruntaled about a million times. Can you losers even read? The last thing you were probably abled to read was the Capitol Hill sign in front of your crappy previous school. I heard Jacob and Catelyn couldn't figure out what I have against them. Well, besides for not being abled to read apparently, they represent 90% of what is wrong with the world. Goodnight you bastards. Oh, and Todd, your site is too pretentious. Oh, and bugger off.
9/26/02
For your viewing pleasure, I bring you this. Yeah, anyways school isn't too bad, well, until today in audio tech. We are learning how to read music, such as whole notes, half notes, and quarter notes, and then clapping out rhythms. This is stuff I learned in fourth grade in about ten minutes. By the end of the period these neandrothols were saying that it was too hard and how much the class sucks. Oh my god, could these people be any cooler. If they didn't spend so much time in the back of the room trying to be hard thugs, then maybe they could expand thier vocabulary beyond nigger, me, a, and or. That stuff makes me sad. These losers are gonna end up doing drugs in thier run down apartments while I pay taxes to supposrt thier habits. Well, probably not since I'm sure I'll get sent off to war against my will to kill people that haven't done anything wrong while all these asshole pen pushers sit around and bang thier fake-boobed wives. Whatever. Also today, I was talking to this prick in my journalism class, and he said something about John Sattler. Well, go back and read my older rants because he's in there. Anyway, John hates me because he is a weak person that is overly jealous and wont let me even think about his girlfriend. He's obviously really smart because apparently he is worried about me speaking to someone that was my best friend for a long time. Ass, ok, so this kid was talking to me about how fucked up Greta (my ex) is now. Well, good for you John and Greta. I mean, she had problems before, but supposedly she's a big crack head that is always tripped up exstacy and shit. Sad. When I went out with her, her drug habits decreased (I think), but now she's got a great guy that sure as hell doesn't seem to care enough to stop her. How pathetic, why is the world so fucked up? Now, I don't care about her and don't give a crap about her life, but It does depress me that people use drugs as a way out. Whatever Todd. Noone cares.
9/23(later)/02
Oh Fuckin' Yeah! This month, I've gotton almost 700 hits, my previous record was about 500, and the month isn't over yet. Maybe I should get in a fight with another pathetic webmaster of a crappy site and get some more hits! HAHAHA!!!!!! Yeah, Todd recently said he gets about 7 hits a day, well, I'm averaging over 20, so chew the swiss todd. Why don't you just talk some more unprovoked shit? Oh, and everyone should tell thier friends to visit. Just because.
9/23/02
Yeah, that bia Rachel walked in again. Supposedly, there is gonna be a senior walkout on friday before advisory, so I told Rachel to bring the camera and film it. Well, apparently she caught the sarcasm and started screaming about fuck you bastard, I don't need yo shit. As she got up to punch me, I came up with the witty(sarcasm) "I'm a peaceful man!" She said, "Well, I'm not!" So, I couldn't pass that up and responded, "What, a man?" I don't know how the hell this girl takes things so seriously. Last time I checked there were pills for that. No wait, that would make too much sense. But, I was "saved by the bell" and she walked out of the class talking about how she was going to kill me, I just said "Well, I'll find someone to film up fighting off center then." Hee hee. What a stupid girl. She just flipped me off. Yeah, and everyday in advisory is a new adventure for me. First of all, Jacob Barker-Huelster and Megan Sherrit are in there, so I feel a little akward because I'm sure they both hate me. But my sarcasm is spread on so thick you could almost feed the guy that works at The Souce (a local comic book shop). This week, we are learning how to be honest, so for my goal I said that instead of lying to customers at the shitland theater and acting like I care about them, I would start telling them that a large diet coke is NOT healthier than a small coke, the popcorn has rat poop in it, and I hate their opinion and the butter is clogging thier hearts, which isn't a bad thing. I think Ms. Myers was proud of me when I read it to the class. Oh Happy days...
9/19/02
Haha, does anyone know Rachel Chapman? Well, I'd never really talked to her before yesterday, but I can already see we are going to have a tender friendship. Ok, she took the video camera on a freshmen retreat. I swear, she must have been on crack or acid, or maybe something worse, like canola oil. She held the camera with a 40 degree tilt, and had the focus of each scene in the bottom corner. She was so bad, that she would move away from a person, then zoom in, so that the camera violently shook everytime her heart beat, or she convulsed or whatever. It was so bad I actually broke out laughing and started making fun of her. I hadn't met her before, but I told someone to tell her that she's an idiot. She came in the next day trying to find me. I blamed it on this short kid next to me and she actually bitched at him. The next day she walked in (This isn't her class by the way, I have no idea why she comes in everyday.) I couldn't hold back anymore, so I said, "Man, that person that filmed on monday did an exellent job, wait, was that you? Phenominal work, I must congradulate you." She obviously didn't appreciate the way my humor was structured into a lovely montage of sarcasm, and she literally screamed at me. "Fuck you ass hole, I'm already having a bad week, I hate you, fuck off. It's people like you that wrecked my week. I don't need your shit." Ok point taken, she wanted more sarcasm. So I responded "Well, I'll make fun of you next week then." She cussed me out some more. She said 206.2 words in ten seconds, she said fuck 105 of those words, shit 36.1 times, the 24.1 times, alcoholic 16 times, crackpot 15 times, and endominetriosis 684.7 times but they were slurred together and added up to 10. I just told her she should be a rapper because I'd never heard that many words come out in that little time. Well, It's been a productive week, I'm making new friends.
9/13/02
Ok, today I was slapped in the face (not literally) by the stupidest person in the entire universe. Now, I'll give anyone listening the knowledge that I don't talk to Jacob or Catelyn or Kali anymore, so I don't really dislike them anymore. They represent things I really dislike, but I've pretty much wiped them out of my mind. Megan Sherrit though, what an idiot. Everytime she almost slips out of my circle of hatred, she continuously does something to piss me off. Today I was in advisory compaining like usual. Wanna know what I was complaining about? Stupid 9/11 because they keep bringing it up and won't let us forget about it. So her ugly self says "Chad, everytime I see you, you are hating the world and ranting about it." And then she said something about how I need to shutup. You know what Megan? The only reason you always see me ranting is because when you walk in the room I get nautious and crabby. Your fucking aura makes my stomache acid change pH level and your cheap makeup gives me the creeps. I might as well invite you to my birthday party so I can stick birthday candles in your makeup because it looks like frosting. Well, anyways, what I wanted to say was "Whatever, all I ever see you doing is acting like a stuck-up bitch." But I put my tail between my legs and explianed that I think I have every right to complain about Advisory since there isn't anything I can do about it. Stupid girl. What an idiot. If that dirty ho ever talks to me again I'm going to kick her ass. That would be pretty much the same as kicking her face because her head is so far up there. You want to know why I rant Megan- people like you, and Dene'.
9/12/02
La la la. I'm trying to be as optimistic as humanly possible because my mom is being the biggest bia in human history. I mean, I realize we all have parental problems but, my mom is such a screwed up person. She is really skinny, but she just spend 180 dollars on NONI. NONI is a friggin dietary supplement?!?! What the hell mom? As long as I don't talk to her for a couple of weeks I'll be fine, but I feel bad for my little sister who is stuck with my mom's disgruntaled wraith. Yeah, and get this, my mom won't let me drive my own car to school. I only have two classes (and independent study) so she expects me to either take the city bus home, which takes an hour, or stay at school doing nothing for four hours. Well mom, get a life you piece of garbage.
9/9(I need something better to do)/02
Well Todd, lets just stop bickering. We've got our own opinions, I think I've ranted enough about you. Did I get my point across? See, I get angry about stuff like that. Well, just wanted to end this before we ACTUALLY get pissed off. Peace out.