August 17 2002
Now, I usually listen to music while I read a book, or anything for that matter. But let me tell you this, listening to ZZ Top and reading a biography on Rasputin...they do not mix, trust me on this, eh. Don't try it, cause you'll get all mixed up, trust me. Anyways, I gained 15 pounds today, I ate a 24 oz. steak and a 5 oz. chocolate cake. Just kidding, but it was a fucking huge slice of cake, probably the size of a full-grown fat cat. But it was a good dinner, we were surrounded by rich people that took up large tables and kept ordering drinks with names I'm not accustomed to, but they had "normal olives" in them. That's all I know, an "Arnold Palmer", and a "Shirley Temple." Both drinks only assholes who don't know SHIT about drinks order, and one of those is me, ha, ha. I always thought you could spot out the rich people because they have annoying accents that make it sound like they're from Virginia, and they always wear fruity pastel sweaters over their shoulders. But, to my surprise, none of these rich people bore that description! No, they were all wearing khakis, and polo shirts. It was amazing, but the giveaway was when they would be asked what they wanted to drink, the waitresses already knew what to get them, some alcohol substance that would make my nose hairs flame and my throat shrink in size until it looked like my clotted blood veins. They all drove BMWs, and took up the most space in the restaurant, if I had a carton of eggs, I would've thrown a shitload of them onto their shiny Jaguars--no, sorry, I wouldn't want to harm a nice looking car like a Jaguar or a BMW, or a Mustang, no, that would be blasphemey! I'd only egg a car if it belonged to a person that pissed me off, and I'd piss on a shitty car that belonged to someone I hated. But the restaurant wasn't bad, it was my dad's birthday for the occasion. The waitress was nice, she was very pretty, and laughed at my dad's corny jokes, so she was good enough to sit through that, eh. When the "rich" people came in, I wanted to be like Ferris Bueller was when he was in that fancy restaurant, crunch on my ice cubes and cough loudly all over the fucking place. But it was too damn loud for anyone to hear me.

Anyway, today wasn't all that bad, I just got my job at the fair at Chicago Dog. I'm 17 so I can't "handle" beer, which is disappointing. But I'm probably going to get at least 600 bucks from this job, which ain't half bad. Well, gotta go. peace out.

August 8 2002
What the fuck is up with that last rant page? What the FUCK?! You know I read these rants and it makes me sad, someone said to me that these are supposed to be "the best years of your life", well I say that's a load of horse shit. I thought those were your college years, not your fucking high school years. Everyone here, with the exception of the people who don't rant anymore and the last ranter, seems depressed or like their life is going down the shit pipe. What the hell is this?! We're fucking teenagers, we're in the motherfucking prime of our youth (close to). Why the FUCK are we so damn depressed and hating the world?! I don't mind it now and again, but it fucking pisses me off sometimes. Summer is supposed to be this relaxing, fun time, when you don't have to worry about anything. Well, so far my summer has been pretty boring, and I guess that's because it really didn't start out with a bang. I got sick the first day of summer and was commanded by a virus to stay in bed and feel like shit for three days. Maybe it's just that God is laughing at me, he takes a look at my shit life and what it's become and he's testing me, and it sucks dammit. I guess this is the time now that we realize how much life can suck, and that sucks.

I don't want to be depressed or angry, but I lurk around corners and streets and I scare girls that'll then never talk to me....*sigh*....I hate this fucking world. Everything is going to shit, baseball, life, our planet, TV shows, movies, world economy, Martha Stewart's reign of terror on Wall Street. Fuck Martha Stewart! It makes me sad to see so many of this youth nowadays depressed and feeling bad. Nothing in this world is going right, it's all going downhill. If something just wonderful could happen, just one thing, then everything would be fine, and back to normal. You know, when I think of my life so far, there's been alot of stuff, and I'm only 17. I think into the future and how long a life can be, I sometimes get scared of dying when I actually think hard that someday, my life will cease, I don't know what's going to happen after that. Some day, I will be dead, my life will end and I'll be no more.....that's kind of a downer, eh. Sorry, but it frightens me when I actually think about it. That's another thing wrong, I think too much. I analyze everything before I even do it. Which is probably why it's so hard for me to talk to girls and ask them out. I think of the actions that'll happen, I think of what I'll say, different variations of what to say, their reactions, the first date (if it ever happens) and all that other shit. I think way too fucking much, and it pisses the fuck out of me. I don't know how to stop thinking so much, I wonder if drugs will slow that down, maybe. I never just go up to a girl and ask her out, not yet, because I fucking think about it. Dammit, I should just forget everything then and let it flow, eh. Sorry, I got out on a little BIG rant, me hands were typing like a man with sixteen fingers, faster than a jack rabbit runs. Well, see ya later. peace out.

August 7 2002
Well, today sucked, here's why. I woke up at an alarming early time of 7:30, SHIT! Then I had to go to work at my dad's office. I'm helping him and his team make a montage video of short clips from movies about or involving kids. It's for some project they're trying to get for this church, they want to expand their youth area or something. By the way my dad works for an architectural company in downtown St. Paul, in the Lawson building, for your information. Anyway, my dad left for work and I left about a half hour later, and I drove into the parking ramp and got the ticket and went up the cold and orange-lit parking ramp. I went all the up to the 4th floor and found a parking spot. I got out of the car and walked down in my uncomfortable khakis and polo shirt, to the elevator. I looked outside and realized I was on the wrong side, so I went up the parking ramp to the next elevator.

To make a long story short, after I was done working around 10:00 I left to go to my last workout at this place called Body Fit. I make my way the same way in as I got out, into the parking ramp. This is where it got weird and I got pissed off. One of the elevator doors was already open, waiting for me, it knew what was to come and it was snickering at me and saying "come on in, dis elevatur ain't de broken!" I walked in and said good bye to my dad and went up the elevator. Uh-oh, I forgot what god damn floor I parked on. SHIT! I think it was the fifth, so I got out on the fifth and looked for my car. What's this? I can't find the piece of SHIT! So I walk around in my uncomfortable "work clothes" looking for that damn crusty van I've been driving. I walk probably around in circles for what seems like 10 minutes, I start to sweat and curse the parking ramp, numerous, numerous times. People driving past stare and screech around the corners of the ramp, trying to get away. Yeah, get the fuck away, bitch.

So I begin now to worry that I'm going to miss my appointment, which is at 10:30. I like to think that I am very punctual, I hate being late, and I rather like being on time or early. There's nothing more that I hate than being late to something, I FUCKING HATE IT MORE THAN HELL!!! Anyway, I pant and run up and down the fucking parking ramp until I realise I should probably back track, start from the beginning. I walk back down to the elevator I came from, cursing up a storm and yelling at the friggin praking ramp. I go down in the elevator and walk back up the way I drove in, by this time I figure it's about 10:20, but I've still got a chance to get to my work out on time. So I walk up the ramp, cars passing by, speaking to myself, I walk all the way up to the fourth floor and see my van out of the corner of my eye. This is when the cursin began to become louder and I now spat at cars and yelled at my van. I got in and drove off. I was more pissed than shit at about this time, to when I saw the clock in my car said 10:18. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!! I drove out and gave the arab my validated food stamp--green card--TICKET. And spun off down the city streets and up Grand Ave. I got near my home when I realised that I had forgotten my workout shoes. DAMMIT!!!!! I spun around and went home and quickly changed there in the front vestibule of my house. I ran back out and drove to my workout, ten minutes late. SHIT.

For the past three days I have been late to one meeting or another. I was late picking my mom up from the chiroprachter, I was late yesterday to my dad's office, and I was late today going to my workout. This has to stop, SHIT, this is a fucking atrocity. *SIGH*, whew, I'm done. Peace out cuz. Oh yeah, I would like to respond to that ad by saying, hey, e-mail me, eh. Peace out y'all!

August 2 2002
You know I feel that I am being neglected here, yah? Yeah. I write the rant and shit, and what do I get? No freaking respect. Why? PSSHhhhhh, I don't know. Who the hell knows? If you do, drop me a line, then we'll go fishing. Damn, I should go fishing, it's a helluva sport. Sitting on a boat, feeling the nice wind and hearing the water splash up against the boat, drinking beers and eating chips. Telling dirty jokes and farting..heh. Fishing is the sport, yo. It's really hard for me type now, my arms feel like they're 60 punds, it's so fonking hard to lift them up, eh. Fishing, great sport. It's quiet, until you catch a fish, and uh....you might see a passing boat and there'll be some topless chick sun tanning, heh, heh. yeah. Remember that movie The Fast and The Furious? That movie sucked. Now I got a car and shit, so I can go anywhere the fuck I want. It's great ain't it Chad to have the lisence, to drive the car. YEAH!!

.....So, I'm single, eh, eh? I'm looking for a lady. Eh.

August 1 2002
Hello. What is....to rant, eh? Making fun of serious issues, throughout that daily fucking life of...uh......LIFE?! Why does it fucking matter? Sometimes this grain of salt shit can take its toll on mother fuckers who smell like shit, and grow beards on their faces, and bend over backwards for change--nickels, dimes and pennies. No, cause this son of a bitch doesn't get quarters, cause he's a fucking asshole that should be shot. Right in the heart. Sonofabitch. Signs opens tomorrow, looks like very good movie, yah? Do you know who the single most important and the best director of the last century was? Guess. All right, I'll give you a clue. His last name rhymes with Boobrick.......no? Well then FUCK YOU for not getting that. you son of a bitch. Swearing is fun, cuuuuuuuuuuzzzzz you can do it all the time, and you feel like a mother fucking gangster rapper. Shiz-yeah! Got my driver's license, hell to the mother fucking yeah. Driving is fun, now I can go where ever the fuck I want. If I want a sandwich from Quizno's all the way the hell out on Robert St., I can. It's tight. Now all I need is money and a girlfriend, then I'll have the made life of a thug. True dat cuz. Stravinsky was a genius. Kubrick was a genius. Read BLOOD, it's best thing I ever written, cuz baseball been berry, berry good to me. Peace out.

July 24 2002
So, long time no see, eh. I guess I have nothing to rant about now, summer is going okay, getting stronger and stronger than an ox every fucking day. If I could rant about one thing it'd be that I don't have a girlfriend, but I know someone would give me shit about whining about not having one. But it'll happen, oh yes, oh yes it will happen. I've seen 31 movies this year in the theater, which is quite a lot I guess. It'll be 32 this Friday. I drive the moped everywhere, if you haven't seen it, you've been missing some slick driving. I'm surprised because I've been riding it all summer and haven't been stopped by the cops once. Summer is the time to check out ladies wearing loose clothing and scantily clad women walking down the street. That's what summer's all about eh. I got a job at the state fair working at Chicago Dogs. In the beer garden, hell yeah. They said it gets rowdy late at night, I guess I'll find out when I work there from 4-12am, eh. And hopefully with that money I'm going to buy a MiniDV camcorder, and do who knows what with it. A lot of shit though, make movies, put it in the girls' locker room--heh, heh, maybe set it up in hidden areas, yeah....yeah. Well gotta go, have fun doing stuff.

July 5 2002
Did you know that a chicken can travel up to 9 mph. Did you know there are more than 450 million chickens in the United States. I didn't know that. Missouri ranks sixth among all states in total cattle numbers � 4.3 million. wow. The iron found in beef is heme iron, which is highly digestible and easily absorbed by the human body. Didn't know that till now. Did you know that there's such a thing as an African clawed frog, and it looks like this:
Yeah, and that the African Clawed Frog has a life span in captivity of 15+ years, amazing. What do you call an group of frogs? And ARMY of frogs. This might take up some room, but here's a funny picture I found when I put in the word "poop" in google.

looks like she's having a nice time. peace out.

June 28 2002
So today I rode my moped downtown to have lunch with my dad. And as we were walking around town to find a place to eat, I saw a sad display of the "American Spirit", as some were calling it. 6,000 square dancers, filling up the Wabasha bridge. Thousands and thousands of old people dancing around to people sprouting out words I couldn't even understand. Old ladies wearing poofy skirts that looked like they were in continual spin, it was pretty disturbing. There were so many people square dancing on the entire bridge, that it was bouncing up and down, pretty weird eh. I think they were trying to set a new world records for so many people square dancing on a bridge, or something like that. Alls I know is that I feel sorry for the Guiness book of world record people, the "festival" lasts the entire weekend, and they have to be there for all of it. If anyone gets a chance, go downtown and see this sad display of old people farting up a dance. It's quite funny, the country-folk are everywhere!!!

June 24 2002
Have you ever felt like you just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up? I mean, eventually wake up. But just be lost in dreams forever, that's how I feel right now. Reading and peering in on other people's lives makes me sad about my life and where I am now. I once slept for 15 hours straight. I had about 6 or 7 full-length dreams, about whatever, but I was in a completely different world that I liked, and sometimes didn't. Anything can happen in your dreams, and it's great. You can murder someone and get caught and be executed, and wake up from your bed and have a drink of water, then you can go back to sleep and close your eyes and get comfortable and see yourself getting the girl of your dreams, and doing things you'd never think you could do. I'm sure I'm just beating the horse with this rant, but I don't give a shit. Who really reads these things? Why am I worrying about that, it's just a place to vent, eh. Well, I haven't gotten a job, or my license yet (July 2nd), or have done anything I've wanted to do this summer, but I guess that's all up to me to do. It's only the end of June. I've still got two more months. Camp called me today, wondered where I was, I kind of missed it. She talked to me, and I could just smell the camp and see what I was missing, what I was doing at the time - watching The Shining - wasn't what I'd be doing at camp, and was what I probably didn't want to be doing at the time. If you understood that, okay. But, I guess I'm going to try and get a job at the State Fair at the end of the summer, and with that buy a Mini DV camcorder on ebay. And the rest of the summer I'll concentrate on losing weight and getting my license and watching movies, Men in Black 2, etc., and picking up girls. That last one I really need to do eh. See ya in 4 days. peace.

June 20 2002
I think whenever I read the other new rants, I feel obliged to rant myself, so here I go. Well, after reading Chad's rant, it really pisses me off. That he can get any lady, basically from what I read, that walks into the theater really pisses the hell outta me. I can't get a woman, why? Because I've been stuck inside my house for the past week, I have hardly gotten out and gone somewhere--if only to see The Bourne Identity and get the mail. That's pathetic eh, yeah I guess. But soon this summer will kick start and something will happen, cause I'm not going to camp anymore. Which I would be going this Saturday, but I won't be, because I'm pissed at myself. And it would be the best chance to meet some ladies and get some untouched church girls, but I won't be, why? I don't know why, but I'm not as mad as I was during school, which is a good thing. I met this girl at camp last year, which usually happens every year--the first day I spot that girl that's gorgeous and that I'll try to get with the entire week. So, anyway, I met this girl last year who was really nice, she was pretty, not in a gorgeous-suburbia type way (which is the population of the camp, people from freaking Wayzata and Edina and shit like that), and she liked me, she watched me draw and talked to me. She got pissed at me once for splashing water on her, but it wasn't even me, but the two guys in the canoe with me, and dammit, now I realise what I could've done a year ago. And dammit I gotta grow up, I gotta stop wimping out on these chances that keep coming towards me. That girl, I probably could've gone out with her that summer or something, shit, she only lived in Blaine or some suburb like that. Fuck. Summer can put people straight, and that's what I gotta fucking do, I really gotta grow up this summer. Hopefully by the end of this summer I'll have a girlfriend(s) and have lost some weight(I've got myself a personal trainer now to help me lose some weight), my dad gave me a buzz cut yesterday, and I got new shoes, and damn do I feel better. I hate hair and how goddamn long it can get. I watched Osmosis Jones on HBO the other day, and it wasn't half bad, the animation wasn't that great, but watching it for the sheer cleverness and gross out humor of the Farrelly Bros.' is worth it. I'm going to see Minority Report tomorrow, I hope that does well and is really good, and hopefully I'll see Lilo & Sitch in the same day or Saturday. I love Disney movies, and they just keep getting better and better (aside from Atlantis). This is no exception eh, it looks good. Maybe I will go to camp, I don't know, I really don't know. Why does the DQ close so goddamn early? I wanted to get some ice cream and they were closed, pieces of shit.