Friday the 13th
This is the first movie in the series, when maybe the concept was original. It's one of those "so bad it's good" things that every one with a sense of humor can enjoy. This movie is hilarious because it has "Kevone Bacone" as Jack, who dies after a butt-flex sex-scene, and a bunch of other actors who should be weeded out by nature. "Jason" kills everyone, in an feel-good movie about risque-nudity, sex, underage drinking, and a guy running around chopping up lots of camp members.
4 out of 5 stars

Friday the 13th, Pt. 2
This one was pretty crappy too. It unfortunately doesn't have a cameo by Kevone Bacone, but it does the job. The job of showing nudity that is, which the first one did not. Still though, there are whole-hearted raunchy sex scenes, and lots of hacking and mangling. The acting fortunately still blows goat, and the ending is so retarded and forced that it will make you tear up with joy. But what it all comes down to is a great scene about a crappy, nasty actress, and a loser is a wheelchair about to get it on. You'll pee your pants when she flirts with him and sprays perfume down her crotch. Ahh, good times. Good movie.
3 out of 5 stars

Friday the 13th, Pt. 3D
This is by far the best one of the series. It was originally made in 3D as a sad attempt at bringing the series new life. What a joke that was. We all know they are exactly the same, and for good reason. While there isn't as much stock footage as the first two, the viewer is treated to the greatest cast in film history. None of the actresses with gigantic boobs wear bras, you can see every guys' balls, and the acting is so horrific, it will scare you more than Jason ever will. The best is when this fat guy with a 'fro "darts" to his car. His pants are so tight that he can't run, which will bring some people into a philosophical debate on whether it's his weight, or his pants that make him jog like a frogoppotomous. And just wait till you see him try to walk up stairs...
5 out of 5 stars

The Final Chapter
I cant find this movie anywhere!!!

A New Beginning
This movie starts out really crappy, and looks like a piece of poop, but it gets great. It follows the guy from part 4, but he's cooped up in a Mental Instifarm. Yes, that's a institution-farm. And no, it's not supposed to make sense. All the characters are awesome, like "Reckless Reggie," a short little whiney wanker kid. He's the biggest dork in the known universe, and the character is played by some random ugly kid. It seems they probably spliced Little Richard's genes with a retarded midget and cast him for the part. At one point he screams at a pitch so high my dog ran out of the room crying. I was crying for a different reason, since my stomache burned after all the laughter. And wait until you see the hick family next door, wow. Almost every girl in the move gets naked, then dies, like this one girl that has saggy boobs the likes of which God has never seen.
5 out of 5 stars

Jason Lives
Wow, this movie was pretty crappy, in a bad way. The characters are retards, and that annoying Tommy Jarvis guy hasn't died yet. If you don't know, Tommy Jarvis is some ugly, not funny character, that not even a dork like me can appreciate. So, the movie comes down to a big dissapointment, because it isn't funny and there isn't even any nudity. Well, the Alice Cooper soundtrack is genious, but still, run away like you'd run from a Garth Brooks concert.
2 out of 5 stars

The New Blood
Uh, I saw this movie about a week ago but I cant remember a second of it. I can't actually rember who the main characters was because it wasn't Tommy Pelvis or whatever his name was. Wait, in writing this it's coming back to me. Its about some really ugly psycic chick walking around and stuff. Um...and there are some ugly guys playing paintball or something. Uh, and jason kills some lady in a sleeping bag by hitting her into a tree. The only way this could have been good would be if there was nudity, and Jason would have hacked and mangled little kids, and sprayed thier blood all over the dumb main character. Over all, except for the paintball guy, it was pretty s$%#@ty.
2 out of 5

Jason Takes Manhattan
I'm saddened by the downfall that the Friday the 13th series has taken. I enjoyed all the dumb characters from previous movies, like Reckless Reggie, but now I feel...dirty. Maybe I'm being over-analitical, but why the hell is Jason running around Manhattan killing people with heroine needles? Sure, that was the 80's (Rachel proves it), but, c'mon. Every person that walks in an alley gets mugged, and ugly people randomly go have sex on boats in the middle of nowhere. Did the director actually VISIT Manhattan? No, obviously, but he decided to put some weird social commentary at the begining about the hard streets. Its very funny. This movie isn't a complete waste of time...well, all of them technicly are...anyways, they decided to add some Urban themed s#$@ in here, in the form of a cross-eyed black boxer. I dunno, maybe they were trying to implement some characterization or something. haha. So he gets in the guiness book of world records by being black, AND living more than ten minutes, but after he gets his award, he has a boxing match with Jason. Genious!
3 out of 5

Jason Goes to Hell
Wow this movie sucked. I don't remember the last time I was seriously considering suicide before I watched this pee. The acting is alright, but the film itself it is more like an Elm Street movie. There isn't enough nudity, and the killing is just pretty gross, not funny like it usually is. Yeah, it pretty much has nothing going for it. They threw in some raunchy, unprotected sex, but it wasn't enough for me to care. The story is the biggest load of crap I've seen since Titanic, and the ending was enough for me to chop off my reproductive organs and feed them to a school of badger children who were collecting for Toys For Tots. Or...maybe that was my dream, since I recall falling asleep so many times.
1 out of 5 stars.