"Why don't you just get one of those hemorroid pillows?"

"...or you can melt the chocolate until it's melted..."
Said by Emril (famous Chef), In reference to making frosting.

"The phone is ringing, but I can not linger, watch out butt here comes my finger."

"If you were a coach, you'd give us Gatorade."

"Hold on guys, I need a breather."
In reference to smoking

"I laugh because I fart, and I fart because I laugh."

"Um... wait, wouldn't they grow back?"
In reference to two people talking about boobs.

"Corsage smorsage, I don't even know what that is."

"Here, I don't actually know what this does, but it's for you.(Corsage)"

"Uh, the butter is hot, the popcorn is hot, and Nathan's pretty hot."

"That's officially my new mating dance"

"Um, I sorta don't really play very much, and, I played for like 6 years, but I stopped for about 2. is your solo ready? Well, um...no, because I found one last night at about 12:00AM but my Mom, wouldn't let me practice because she was trying to sleep, but-oh, and I cant remember how to play high notes, so um...yeah. Oh, and this thing on this thingy is weird."

"Oh, I was hoping if I didn't say anything I wouldn't have to go."

"If my shoes could talk, I wouldn't need friends."

"Ya know, she's starting to grow on me, I'm starting to be very attracted to her"
Oh...this was said about an autistic girl with holes on her face

"What are you gonna do...tell Jesus on me?"

"I'm crying at this very moment. I heard that Chad put a quote that I said about a year ago when people actually liked me. Yeah, Leah Thomas quoted me and Chad thought the quote was amusing so he gave Todd clever points and put it on the page. But, well, I guess I can take back things I said because the world revolves around me" -Todd "My site doesn't load" Pitman

"This is cheese in a stick...it doesn't mean it's good."

"I don't know, where's your puberty?"

"I was hoping if I ignored her, she would go away like all my other problems"

"wheel chair friend talking to vacuum friend"

"The only subway I took was in yo' mama's ass"

"I only have a no two pencil"

"Seven of nine puts the org in borg" -Martin S.

"Excuses are like butts, everyone has them, and they all stink" -Mr. Hodge

"It's only because my mom used to beat me with a puberty stick"

"There's only one way I can recover from a joke like that...run around naked and scream."

"Hee hee, watch this Mom...I can control the pitch of my farts"

"Mi casa, is that a resteraunt?"

"Wait, Texas is all the way down there?"

"Yeah, I'm sick of arguing with you. It's a waste of my time because I'm right."

"Wait...dere's fiddy one states right?"

"Chad, I'm gonna kick you in the balls. Go ahead, I don't need 'em anyway."

"I will not call you Nelle...I will call you the name I gave you at birf."

"Max...don't you still worship Jewsis?"

"Chop suey? Isn't that what they feed to pigs?"

"It's blunt time"

"He has good intenions, he just wants to bone your family."

"You know, Boris is like a big chastity-machine."

"Haha, my grandma is parapalegic and has parkinsons disease, but she still seems to be abled to hold the camera more still than you"

"Well, we just shared spit, I guess we're one step closer to being brother and sister."

""