I Feel Nothing At All

I used to see the sunrise every day when I woke up

I used to love the little things and the coffee in my cup

I don’t know why things have changed but maybe it’s for the better.

Now I sleep and dream alone in vignette rainbows of December.

Here I fall, my futures on the ground,

And I can hear the sound of the drumbeats in my pillow.

The fading ink is wasted on my crumpled ball of paper

Iron it out, smooth it down, and still it’ll never be in the shape

It was before. And all my memories and hopes were on that stationary.

Tiny jots of ink blot out the potential visionary.

Why is this happening to me?

My silent reverie doesn’t play the way it used to.

Is this what it feels like, cousin?

I used to be hurt, and now I understand.

And I feel nothing.

My fingers melt into the strings,

And I can’t play a single note for you.

And I feel nothing at all.

I told him I’d love him for rest of my life,

He said, “when we’re married, I will love you all of my life.”

I don’t know why I lied to him, I just wanted to feel alive.

Now we both have gone our separate ways and I am severing my ties.

I just want to feel the way I did before.

No excuses anymore that I can find for myself.

I saw a painting of melancholy, the darkest colors splattered on

A human heart that bled into a pair of soulless eyes

I looked again and found myself staring at a stranger who

Could not depict my feelings rightly

I looked again and saw nothing at all.