Guardless Angels

Your life has been so hard
It's been dried up angels that can't keep guard
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never planned to fade... away
‘Are You Sad?’ by Our Lady Peace

Willow drank in the smell of coffee from her cup as she waited, fingers curled around the comfortingly warm enamel. She’d arranged to meet Buffy for a girl’s night out weeks ago, and now was getting into the pre-fun ritual of coffee so that she didn’t burn out too soon. Besides the fact that it smelt really, really nice.

As she waited for her friend Willow glanced around the Espresso Pump, and wondered if she was underdressed for the night ahead. She was expecting the time to consist of shopping, eating and talking, but perhaps Buffy had plans for dancing as well. Willow looked down at her mid-length skirt and T-shirt and decided she was poorly dressed for seductive, or even normal, showing off. She sighed. If she’d managed to find Buffy today she’d have spoken to her, but the Slayer seemed to have been avoiding her friends. It didn’t look good. Willow felt anger growing inside of her and hurried to quell it. Tonight was about fun, not accusations. If Buffy showed up that was.

“Hey Will.” her friend breathed, with comedic timing as she slid into a chair opposite her friend. Willow noticed happily that Buffy was just dressed in jeans and a black tank-top, not her usual Bronzing gear.

“Hey Buffy” Willow smiled, “You want a drink?”

“Nah..” Buffy leant in and smelt the top of Willow’s cup before grinning, “The smells enough for me. I’ll be up all night now.”

“Yeah, well, you are the Slayer.” Willow groused with fake-annoyance.

“Ah-ha!” Buffy’s grin widened, “But I’m not slaying tonight. I’m shopping and laughing and lots of other fun stuff... And did you get your hair cut?” Buffy said the final sentence with her eyes squinted at her friend’s hair.

“Yes....” Willow’s smile was suddenly shy, she reached a hand up to touch the shorter hair, apart from Oz you’re the first “Got it done a few weeks ago, one to notice, you like?”

“I like!” Buffy assured, “But now I have guilt because I didn’t notice before.”

“Because this is the first time you’ve seen me with it.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry Buffy...” Willow found herself being reassuring even if she wasn’t sure she’d really forgiven yet, “You had lots on your mind... And...stuff...”

“I’m sorry Will, I’ll make it up to you today.. at least partially.” Buffy said, as if she hadn’t heard her friend’s forgiveness. Willow frowned with confusion, but Buffy didn’t seem to notice. For someone who was supposedly depressed Buffy seemed very chipper.

“So.... what’s the plan Buffy?”

“Oh, I thought we’d wander around the mall then go from there.”

“Sounds good.”

Buffy smiled and relaxed back into her seat to wait for her friend to finish her drink. The excessive happiness was easy to put on, it wasn’t that she wasn’t looking forward to the night ahead, just not as much as she made out. She was in fact a little edgy, it was the first time since that night that she wasn’t going to see Spike, at all. It wasn’t that she was dependant, but it just felt strange. It was probably the patrolling she was missing, and the saving of innocent lives, but she’d forced herself to this one. She needed friends as well.

Spike paced from left to right just outside the doorway. He was wearing his trademark duster and black jeans, but instead of the black-red shirt combo he’d pulled on a single blue one. He knew he was making unneeded effort, especially seeing as he wasn’t planning on being seen, but if worst came to worse he could show up all gorgeous and tempt his woman back.

“No...No.... Not your woman.” he corrected, talking to himself as he waited for the sun to disappear, “Feminism an’ all that. Plus, Slayer.” he sighed.

He knew Buffy would like the shirt, she kept telling him to get something blue to match his eyes, usually he’d just make fun of her, but if it would make her happy... Ugh. He wasn’t whipped. They weren’t in love. He just wanted a shag.

“Yeah Spike, just keep telling yourself that...” he glanced out at the dark sky, though he knew he didn’t need to. Once the sun was gone he just felt it, a hundred years of waiting for darkness means you damn-well know when it comes. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so desperate to see her. Withdrawal? It was like one of those stupid epigraphs; ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone’ or something. It was only one night, and she was probably just out with her mates. The thought of having something to do that night had calmed him earlier, but now it filled him with... nervousness? She wouldn’t be with another man. She wouldn’t. Why was he still standing here?

Spike darted out into the night, not bothering to close the door to the mansion. No-one but him went there anymore. He was a masochist, and the place held bad memories. But other demons had heard that something had massacred Angelus and his entourage without pause for breath, so they were afraid to go there now. If only they’d known it was just a bunch of humans and a Slayer. It was funny, but it was also frightening. If a human could kill Angelus, were demons underestimating them? Nah. It was just one human out of billions.

As soon as Spike was closer to the centre of Sunnydale he stretched out his senses and tried to feel where the Slayer was. It was hard work, but he knew he’d find her eventually. Or she’d find him, that was how it usually worked.

It didn’t take long before he was standing outside the Sunnydale mall, watching a pair of girls walk in through the revolving doors. He breathed an internal sigh of relief a her female companionship, but instead of giving up and going back to his bed, or even out Vampire hunting to win points with Buffy, he decided to follow them inside. They could be meeting someone.

Just as Spike was about to cross the street and skulk in some much closer shadows Buffy’s head snapped around and she looked in his direction. He froze. Cars drove past, their wheels making gritty noises on the tarmac. A couple walked by, engrossed in each other. Spike’s eyes were on Buffy as she stared across at his patch of shadows. Her friend, Willow, said something to her and Buffy turned back and without a second glance walked into the mall.

Spike let out an unneeded breath and stood where he was for a while longer, trying to work out why, seeing as he was so intent on hiding, he was suddenly disappointed that the Slayer hadn’t spotted him.

The woman strolled through the crowds at a leisurely pace. She didn’t really have a destination so she wasn’t in a hurry like some of the people. She took in the surroundings of the mall, bright and colourful with each shop promising low prices, and smiled. It’d been too long since she’d been back here. Being trapped can do that to you. But back she was, and it wouldn’t hurt to make the most of it, as long as she didn’t stall too much.

Aside from the mumbled chatter of the shoppers, music seemed to blare out from ever doorway. Music of the time, or music to fit the product. The air smelt partly of coffee from the caf� at her side, and partly of fresh pretzels, cookies, and disinfectant. People milled around her, some in groups, others in pairs, there didn’t seem to be very many individuals. As she passed a clothes shop, the woman noted the abundance of teenagers walking around inside, buying clothes -- or not buying them, but getting them either way. She’d been told the person she was searching for would be young, but she doubted a champion would have time to clothes shop.

The woman leant on one of the railings the separated the upper level of the mall from the lower and looked into the shop. She should have just walked past and kept looking, but there was something about it that bothered her. She was supposed to sense this Warrior when she felt them close, was this that feeling? It was a warmth spreading over her arms and down towards her hands. But with so many people, how could she be sure who was the right one? Perhaps if she went in and brushed shoulders with each then she’d know.

She let go of the railing and walked purposefully towards the shop. It was a pity that she hadn’t been cast back onto the mortal coil with some money. Business and pleasure shouldn’t mix, but money could buy you pretty things.

“Slut, slut, whore, slut, daddy’s-little-girl, you don’t have to ask if I’m wearing any underwear, you can tell ‘cause my dress is that short!”

Buffly flipped through the dresses on the rack, rating each one and making snarky comments. Willow stood off to the side, watching the clothing fly past and secretly envying girls that could actually wear it. They’d only been in the mall for a few minutes, but Buffy was looking a little less happy and a little more bitchy. Willow wasn’t sure what had caused the change in mood, but at least clothes shopping gave her a chance to vent.

“Nothing you like?” the redhead inquired tentatively.

“Nope. Nothing I could wear without my mom grounding me, or men coming up to me on the street and offering money for--”

“Do you want to try somewhere else?”

“I guess -- Oh, Will, do you want something here?”

“Heh.” Willow grinned, “Not really my kind of clothes.”

“I bet Oz’d flip though.” Buffy smiled, drawing her good mood back on. Her smile grew as she saw her friend blush, “Is there something you’re not telling me? Will?”

Willow shook her head and hurried out of the shop, Buffy followed, the smile never leaving her face. As she was just walking out of the clothes-hungry crowd Buffy bumped into someone. Or rather a woman wearing white seemed to smack into Buffy’s shoulder, jerking her back for a moment.

“Hey!” Buffy protested, rubbing her shoulder. The woman didn’t seem to hear, instead she stumbled around the store, walking into almost every other person she met. Buffy frowned and turned back to Willow, who she was glad to see hadn’t been so embarrassed that she’d run home.

“Your arm okay Buffy?”

“Yeah. Shopping; brutal.” Buffy dropped her hand from the aching shoulder and caught up with her friend, “So, why the quick exit? Have you and Oz been naughty?” she teased.

“No!” Willow blushed until she thought her face would match her hair, “Nothing like that.”

“Then why the freak-out?”

“I just don’t... wear clothes like that Buffy.”

“Why not?” Buffy was sure that the clothes weren’t the reason Willow had fled. Especially at the mention of her boyfriend’s name. She guessed it was probably her fault for not being there for her friend. If she’d gone out with her more she’d probably know all then ins and outs of the Willow-Oz relationship. But then again Willow hadn’t really been there for Buffy either.

Buffy sighed, suddenly feeling tired. She almost had to force the wavering smile back onto her face as she waited for Willow’s answer.

“They just don’t... suit me.”

“That’s only because you don’t wear them.”

“Hey! You said they were all slutty! You want me to dress like a slut?”

“No...” Buffy grinned, and this time it was real, “... I just want you to know you can dress like a slut if you want to.”

“Huh, well, pretty much not wanting to.” Willow reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear, nervous, “.... When was the last time you spoke to Xander?”

Buffy didn’t even attempt to stop the smile falling this time. She turned and started a slow walk, head turned slightly as if she was window-shopping. Willow walked with her, and the silence stretched out between them. It wasn’t as if Willow could just not mention Xander, girls-night-out or not if everything had been okay between the three then Xander would be walking with them as well.

“A few weeks...” Buffy finally answered vaguely.

“Still mad at him?”

“Isn’t he still mad at me?”

“No Buffy! No! Not really... He just cares, and shows that by saying stupid stuff. He didn’t mean to upset you or anything.”

“I know -- I think -- but Will, as much as I love you, Xander has to fight this one by himself. If he wants to make up with me then he needs to make the effort. Sorry.”

Willow wanted to scream. But she didn’t -- years of self-control. Did it not even occur to Buffy that she could make the effort to ‘bridge the gap’ instead of Xander. She’d said some pretty bad things to him as well. Willow didn’t really blame either of her friends, but they were both so stubborn. And it was hard to be the go-between sometimes.

“What does Spike think?”

“Ugh. I don’t think Spike even knows -- and if he did he wouldn’t care. Outside me and himself, I’m not sure he cares about anyone else.”

“I suppose its good that he cares about you.” Willow said glumly, tapping into Buffy’s mood.

“Mmm.” Buffy mumbled noncommittally. The two friends walked in silence again for a few minutes before Buffy felt, rather than saw, Willow jump beside her. Quietly she found herself drawn to the side as Willow whispered, her eyes on a spot behind the Slayer.

“Speaking of caring. And boyfriends. And the devil in general. Did you know Spike was here?”

“Yeah.” Buffy turned to lean against a shop wall and pretended to be watching the crowd, “Where abouts?”

“I-I thought you said you knew he was here?”

“I had a.... feeling that he might be. Where is he?”

“Over there.” Willow nodded, fixing her eyes on Buffy so that it looked less obvious. The Slayer glanced to her side for a second, but that was all she needed. Half-hidden behind a group of teenagers and standing part-way inside a shop was the Vampire. She thought of ignoring him for a moment, then brushed that idea aside. Raising a hand Buffy waved him over, sure that he’d catch the motion.

“What are you doing?” Willow asked, her voice panicked.

“I want to see what he’s got to say for himself. If I just leave him be he’ll follow us all night.” Buffy kept one eye on Willow as she spoke, and the other on the approaching Spike. She hadn’t expected him to look guilty and he didn’t. The only thing that won him points was that he didn’t look pleased with himself either.

“Step back Will...” Buffy murmured, and Willow complied without question.

When Spike was just a few feet away Buffy sprang forward from the wall and grabbed his arm, she swung him around and pinned a hand to his neck, pressing him up against the spot she’d just been occupying against the shop front. Willow watched wide-eyed. After the initial shock Spike just looked down at her, he didn’t even try to struggle. A first. More points.

“I usually stake Vamps that follow me.” she threatened lightly, prodding a finger of her spare hand into his chest as she spoke as if it was a weapon. He reached up slowly and took her poking hand in his, raising it too his lips and giving the finger a light kiss.

“Sorry.” he apologies, eyes wide and very blue.

“Ugh..” she jerked her hand out of his with disgust, but let go of the rest of him anyway, “Don’t get cute.”

“Too--” he began.

“--late?” she finished, as if this was a well-worn conversation.

“Yeah.”

“Why were you following us?” she asked, not backing down.

“I was following you, pet--” he shot a glance at Willow, “--No offence--” before taking a step closer to Buffy, “I was missing you.”

“Uh huh. As if I believe that.”

“Its the truth.” Spike protested, before changing the subject, “How was school?” he asked the question with tenderness injected into his voice. As if he really cared. It threw her from her tangent, which was what he’d hoped.

“It was... all right..” she admitted, taking a subconscious step closer to him until they were within touching distance.

“Just all right?”

“It was school.” she shrugged, “I doesn’t get much better than that.”

He smiled, and she found herself playing with some of the buttons on his shirt. He watched her, unmoving, until her hands strayed, flattening out against his chest and fingers splaying to touch as much as possible. Then he found his arms moving around her waist and drawing her closer. She placed a light kiss against the hollow in his neck before looking up.

“Okay! You’re forgiven!” she sighed, amusement just outweighing annoyance.

“Good.” he smirked and his hands started to roam lower than her waist. She pulled out of his grip.

“Not that forgiven.”

He pouted and she sighed. Willow watched, half horrified and half feeling neglected. She realised that she’d never really seen Buffy and Spike together like this before, and it was unsettling. He looked perfectly normal now, but she knew from experience that he was a killer. Only seeing them together now really reminded her of the situation. He was a killer, and yet Buffy was still letting him live... Because he’d helped. Spike had helped. Maybe he was better, like Buffy said. Maybe. She shouldn’t be so narrow-minded. Her boyfriend was a Werewolf after-all. Then again, just because she shouldn’t be that narrow minded didn’t mean she wasn’t. Willow bit her lower lip, was she turning into Xander?

“How much do I have to do to be that forgiven?” Spike asked. Buffy seemed to contemplate her answer for a moment, though really it was on the tip of her tongue.

“Take me to the Bronze tomorrow night.”

“Is that all?” Spike asked with surprise, “We do that every night.”

“Not hunting this time. Take me out on a date. You know, dance with me, buy me a small--no, big-- present, flirt and then walk me home. A date.”

“A date.” Spike repeated, sounding sceptical.

“Yep.”

“...Okay” Spike agreed after a pause, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Good!” Buffy beamed, suddenly cheerful. Honest-to-God happy. It wouldn’t last, but it felt nice. She reached up with both hands and fixed her fingers around his collar. She pulled him down, his lips down onto hers, and whispered against them barely touching, “I like the blue.” before darting her tongue out against his mouth. He growled, but it was playful, and his arms were back around her. They kissed, graphically enough for Willow to look away so that she didn’t look like some kind of pervert. When they stopped Buffy pushed Spike away again, but this time not as hard.

“Go. Home. This is my night out with Willow.”

“Of course.” He slid away, no longer feeling reluctant about leaving her. A date? It was almost laughable. No, it was laughable. And he’d probably be laughing quite a lot later. When there weren’t so many people around to stare. Wait, he was evil. He didn’t care if people stared or not. Usually liked to give them something to look at.

Buffy watched Spike walking away, her eyes narrowing when he began to laugh. But she wasn’t really angry, or even embarrassed. He looked good when he laughed, really laughed, face open and full of emotion. Then again he looked good most of the time. Spike’s looks weren’t the thing under debate where their relationship was concerned. Turning back to Willow, Buffy found the smile unmoving on her face still.

“Lets go back to that shop!” she suggested, excited.

“That... slutty shop?”

“I saw something that’ll make Spike...” she paused, imagining the reaction, “...want to cover me up all night. It’ll annoy him so much!”

“Okay Buffy...” Willow began grinning despite herself as she found her hand being grabbed and her legs straining to keep up with an enthusiastic Slayer. Then a thought struck her. One of those ones that tries to steal physical and mental breath and stop you in your tracks if you’re not being super-covert. Buffy was happy. At this moment, Buffy was happy. She’d been happy ever since Spike had appeared really. And that didn’t make sense at all. All summer they -- her, Xander, Giles -- had thought that most of reason Buffy was so depressed was because of Spike. He was evil and perverted and... evil. It was what had made Xander so angry, and been the cause of many arguments before they’d just stopped speaking at all. But Buffy had been happy a few moments ago, happier than she ever seemed with any of her friends. They’d been so busy trying to place the blame on someone, trying to save Buffy, that they hadn’t paid attention. If it wasn’t Spike that was upsetting her, then what was it? Could it be them?