Disclaimer:
Xena et al belong to MCA Universal, no copyright infringement is intended.

Author�s Note:
Merry Christmas and Happy Armageddon! In anticipation of the next new episode when Xena will give birth to her baby I have concocted a story based on my predictions of how it will most likely be played out. Whether I�m right or whether I�m wrong, my version will definitely be the one most preferred by pervs round the world.

FADE IN:

Night. Gabrielle plops down in front of the fire with a skin of wine. Xena is snoring in the background. She pops off the cap and takes a long swig. Amarice approaches from behind.

Amarice: Hey, can I join the party?

Gabrielle: Some party.

Gabrielle hands the skin to Amarice, who takes a good swallow, then wipes her mouth on her forearm.

A: Xena�s sure turning in early these days.

G: Yeah, well she�s got to sleep for two, you know.

A: Do I detect a note of sarcasm?

G: You could say that.

A: Well, I guess it has to get worse before it gets better.

G: Tell me about it. I haven�t been fucked in six months?

A: Sucks to be you.

They both put another one back.

G: I feel like such a man. I know I should be supportive and encouraging, but everyday a part of me just grows more resentful about this whole baby thing. Things will never be as good as they used to. It will never be just us again.

A: Maybe it would help to talk to her about it, let her know what you�re feeling. Remind her that you have needs.

G: You don�t understand, Xena�s always been the initiator. Since the beginning it�s been her way or no way.

A: Dude.

G: It was always according to her terms. The second night I camped with her she made it clear: (imitating Xena�s voice) �If you want to ride with me you�re going to have to make yourself useful. When the moon is at its crest, be stripped and in your bedroll waiting for me.

A: Were you? I mean did you?

G: Well, I was in my bedroll but I didn�t really understand what she had in mind. When she pulled back the blanket I still had my clothes on. She didn�t take it too well. I didn�t realize what was eating her at the time, but she had spent all day fighting off successive bands of raiders and she was about to explode with battle lust.

FLASHBACK

XenA: I said to strip!

G: Uh, umm, (nervous laugh)

Xena puts her hands on her hips and hangs her head, sighing deeply and mumbling under her breath.

X: Gods, not another one. These green peasant girls are the worst. You gotta train 'em every step of the way.

G: What?

X: Alright Gabrielle, I�ll try to make myself more clear. You want to travel with me you have a job to do, just like I have a job to do. All day I bust my ass fighting and killing every two-bit marauder who comes our way just to keep your ass alive. So when night comes, if I�ve done my job and your ass is still alive then you need to do your job by getting your naked ass into bed and staying there until I�m done with you. Got it?

Gabrielle, not sure how to respond, nods her head slowly.

X: Okay, then let�s try it again.

Xena walks away and Gabrielle removes her clothes under the blanket.

A few seconds later Xena returns and pulls back the cover. Gabrielle still has her underslip on. Angry, Xena straddles her and rips the damn thing off.

X: I said NAKED!

So overcome Xena sits back on her heels and takes in the full grandeur of the vision. Gabrielle is fascinated by all the raw emotions that are flashing across Xena�s eyes.

G: You want . . . my body?

END OF FLASHBACK

A: What fate?

G: When I was a little girl a fortuneteller use to pass through town every year with the other traveling merchants and bards. My parents always told me it was nonsense and to stay away from her, so of course as soon as the opportunity presented itself I snuck into her tent and let her read my fortune. She said I was destined for a fate worse than death, I would end up a sex slave to a violent and fearsome master. I was horrified, I didn�t really know what it meant, but it couldn�t be good. But then, as she looked closer, she said despite my horrible fate somehow I would still find happiness, but to beware the tall dark stranger. Ever after that I was obsessed with avoiding anything remotely close to what she had predicted�marriage, men, affection, any one the littlest taller than me. Then when the slavers took my village I was sure that it was all coming true, then Xena appeared, she seemed like a gift from the gods to me, I was convinced that she had rescued me from a fate worse than death. I was completely enchanted. Not only was she the most physically powerful creature I�d ever seen but I thought she also possessed power over fate. So I left everything I knew and followed her.

A: Wow. Did you tell her that, then?

G: No, I was too shocked then. I just lay there frozen, my mind racing. Part of me was so afraid, and part of me kept thinking about how I was also supposed to find happiness. Then before I realized what was happening Xena was naked and her tongue was inside of me. I remember having a hard time catching my breath, and then she was on top of me, grinding herself into me. Just as she climaxed she spit a long big loogie of her saliva mixed with my cum onto my face. She got off watching it drip over my chin and down my neck. Then she used her hand to smear it over the rest of my face. Then, while straddling me, she grabbed me by the neck and smashed my face between her breasts, eventually moving me down between her legs. That became the usual pattern.

Amarice is drooling as she listens to Gabrielle. Gabrielle puts back the last of what�s left of the wine.

G: I woke up the next morning sore, smelly, covered with hickies and in total disbelief of what had happened. But after a few weeks it seemed like the most natural thing in the world, and I couldn�t remember what it was like to not be taken every night by a crazed warrioress. I didn�t realize how good Xena was though until I married Perdicus. Xena�s as skilled in the sexual arts as she is in the fighting arts, she has a very diverse repertoire but at the same time always maintains the right balance between predictability and surprise. Over the past five years I don�t think there is a sexual act she hasn�t engaged me in, but there�s one thing she�s never given me, there is one thing she continues to hold out on, and continually teases me with.

A: What�s that?

G: She�s never kissed me.

A: Never? In five years you�ve never kissed?

G: (shaking her head) Never. Never on the lips. Not in our own bodies, and not including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I�d give anything just to feel her lips locked on mine. Not that I haven�t begged and endured every punishment for trying. But she�s relentless, it�s her favorite game. She takes so much pleasure in denying me the one thing that she knows I want most.

Amarice, staring at Gabrielle�s lips, begins to move in. Their lips barely touch when . . .

Suddenly Xena�s whip snaps around Gab�s torso, binding her arms close against her body. Xena yanks her back. Gabrielle lies prone at Xena�s feet.

X: Someone has neglected her duties. (Holding Gabrielle in place with a boot at her neck.) And she has an accomplice.

Xena strikes with her whip again, dragging Amarice back to lay at her feet along side Gabrielle.

G: Xena, I didn�t mean . . . I didn�t know . . . but you were sleeping. You haven�t wanted me for over six moons.

X: I don�t want to hear your excuses.

Xena yanks Gabrielle up by the back of the neck forcing her into a kneeling position. Her face directly in front of Xena�s crotch.

X: Amarice, all-fours, now!

Amarice turns around and gets down on all fours. Using her back as a foot support, Xena opens her legs and presses Gabrielle�s face into her cunt.

X: Get to work, bitch.

Gabrielle does as she is told.

Xena moans, then screams in delight.

Gabrielle�s face is suddenly drenched in warm water. Gabrielle turns her sopping wet head away, coughing and gasping.

A: Xena, I think your water just broke.

X: (to Gabrielle) I didn�t say you could stop.

Gabrielle wrings the water from her eyes and hair and returns dutifully to her ministrations.

A few candlemarks later Xena begins having contractions, noticeable to the girls only by her labored breathing.

Eventually, Gabrielle manages to pry her head out from between Xena�s legs for a brief second.

G: Xena, your cervix is dropped and is half-way dilated. Don�t you want to lie down. We should be heating up some water and gathering clean rags . . .

X: Shut up. I�ll have my baby any way I please. Some women like to give birth underwater I like to give birth with my girlfriend under me. Now go back to work.

Between moans and groans, contractions and dilations, Gabrielle continues performing cunnilingus on Xena until her tongue is forcefully pushed away by the crown of the baby�s head.

G: Xena, it�s coming. I can see it�s head.

X: You wouldn�t happen to have any of that wine left?

G: No, I�m sorry, we drank it all.

X: God dammit.

A: Here Xena, you can have my flask of whiskey.

Amarice pulls out a flask from her hip pouch.

X: Thanks.

Xena puts the whole thing back in one gulp.

G: Don�t you want to squat down or lean against something. You must be in extreme pain and discomfort.

X: I�ve had worse.

Xena winces and grunts.

Crying is heard. The baby�s head is completely out.

X: Don�t just kneel there, catch it!

Xena grunts once more and the rest of the baby slips out into Gabrielle�s arms.

G: Oh, it�s a boy. No, I mean it�s a girl. Actually I�m not sure what it is.

X: It�s my baby.

Gabrielle cleans her off and wraps her in a blanket and hands her to Xena.

X: (to the baby) You�re so beautiful, so perfect.

Xena unties one of her shoulder straps to expose her breast and begins nursing.

A: Xena, my back is killing me can I get up now?

X: No. (to Gabrielle) And who said you could stop.

G: But . . .

X: I don�t want to hear your excuses.

Gabrielle reluctantly resumes her ministrations on Xena�s now distended and bloody cunt. She shifts for a minute to allow the afterbirth, then continues.

Finally, Xena comes.

X: You can stop now.

Gabrielle crawls out from between her legs, her face streaked with blood and goo.

Xena takes her foot off Amarice. Amarice groans as she tries to stand and straighten her back.

X: I could use some tea.

A: Sure thing.

Amarice heads toward the fire.

Gabrielle gazes lovingly at the baby as she folds her arms around Xena.

G: What are we going to name him . . . her.

X: How about Happiness.

Gabrielle smiles.

G: That reminds me, there�s a story about a fortuneteller I�ve been meaning to tell you.

X: Later