(See part one for disclaimers and warnings.) Additional Warning: Moderate scenes of violence to follow.
Xena stooped her body against the gales and pushed into the darkness. Unable to see beyond her own hand, she thundered blindly in the direction her memory positioned the barn. So repulsed by what her earlier rage had released, she had fled the cabin without the protection of either her weapons or cape. But even with the freezing currents nipping mercilessly at her skin, she would not permit herself to turn back. The winds howled and whistled around her ears, carrying Gabrielle's words upon them. Images of herself forcing her love back on the table top, of starting to......
'Gods, no!' her mind reeled.
The warrior's feet labored through the snow, struggling to keep her upright. She only knew she had to keep moving. Away from the cabin, away from the dark creature still uncoiling within her. She stumbled finally, falling on all fours, sinking till her boots and wrist bands disappeared. Like a wounded animal, she thrust her head towards the heavens, screaming at Ares that he had won and that he could take his prize where she lay. But there was no answer, only the heavy currents swirling indiscriminately around her fallen body. It seemed like she laid there for a life time, sinking into a darker place than the night itself. Her mind slowed, fragmenting into snatched memories as consciousness began to elude her.
Then, suddenly, a stream of muted light came from behind her and with it, the sensation of being kicked hard. She was being covered with something warm. Hands upon her, guiding her to her feet.
"Come on, Xena, get up," the dark figure bellowed over the wind. The blizzard seemed to build new strength then, pelting the two figures who instinctively clung to one another to maintain their footing. Xena tried to focus. She knew the voice - a woman's voice, distant but familiar.
"Who are you?" she questioned, struggling to make out the being standing toe to toe with her.
"No time for that now," the voice told her. "We need to get you someplace warm."
With that the shadow scooped Xena up, carrying her the few remaining steps to the barn. The door creaked open as a gentle light saturated each corner of the shelter, allowing the warrior to see the warmth draped around her shoulders was actually Argo's saddle blanket. Then before she could say a word of thanks to her rescuer, or try her own feet, she was dropped, rear first into a pile of low packed hay.
Xena rubbed her eyes, studying the figure before her. Her rescuer had turned away just as the barn was illuminating, but the pitch, emblem embellished cape was unmistakable. The helmet and the motion used to remove it all tied it together enough for the exhausted warrior to know she was either hallucinating or she'd actually died out in the snow and this was some kind of sick after life joke.
Hair the color of midnight poured over squarely held shoulders as the rescuer turned back to inspect her catch.
Xena's eyes adjusted slowly as she followed heavy toe capped boots as they climbed the length of the dark woman's hovering stance, ending just above the knee and molding into snug fitting leather trousers. She hesitated, frowning at the cushioned juncture of crotch line then skimmed up higher to a buttoned shirt, clasped at its brim by a gold choker nestling close to the strong jaw. Pouting lips twitched under her scrutiny before curling up to the telltale snarl.
It couldn't be, yet some how....
"Who are you?" Xena demanded still not willing to trust her own eyes.
"You know who I am." The striking figure scoffed, clearly insulted. "Or has the last few years ruined your sight as well as your stomach for an easy lay?"
Xena glared wide eyed into the menacing face, unable to deny the resemblance was as simple as some uncanny similarity or even impersonation.
"You're me!" she spat finally.
"Very good, Princess." The warlord gave the prostrate warrior a patronizing once over. "But by the look of you, I'd say I'm the one with the clothes sense."
Xena ignored the blustered tone. "How and what are you doing here?" she asked incensed.
Air hissed through the Warlord's teeth as she exhaled, discarding her battle helmet at Xena's feet. Then in an almost fluid movement she brushed the sides of her travel cape back over either side of her shoulders, taking up a crouched position in front of her twin.
"Why is simple, " she replied drawing an invisible line down the centre of warrior's leathers. "How...is just a little more complicated."
Xena pulled back from the all too familiar hand, forcing down a laugh at what seemed like a preposterous attempt at one of her oldest interrogation techniques. But she was also just as aware the beast that had sent her storming into the night still lay in wait itching to be let free. She couldn't afford to let her guard down, no matter how inept the Warlord's approach may seem. 'I'm the one who should be interrogating you, idiot.'
"I'm all ears," she prodded irritably.
The warlord lost her smirk, somehow sensing Xena's amusement at her. Capturing Xena's chin firmly, she tilted it to meet her own brilliant blue eyes.
"One minute I'm playing horizontal with some peasant girl," she growled. "....and the next I have this God reefing me out into nowhere, telling me if I don't come get you, I'll never know the true riches that await me." Her upper lip curled in barely hidden disgust. "So far all I see is a poor excuse of myself."
It really was her, Xena realised. Or at least the her from five or six winters past. She smelt heavily of liquor, but of hardly any real surprise her reflexes showed little of its effects. The young hand grazed Xena's cheek a little more sensually.
"I suppose I should be thankful you maintained your rugged good looks." she mused.
Xena let her continue this time, looking past her and making a quick search of the barn for any other surprises. After several carefully scrutinized looks around, Xena finally gave up on the notion of being studied by anyone other than Argo. The Palomino snickered gently in the far stall apparently unconcerned that she could see two of her mistress.
Lowering her own voice to the similar gravely snarl of her young twin, Xena tried once more to get to the bottom of this.
"Who promised you?"
"All in good time, Princess." The warlord cooed, refusing to be distracted from her sensual exploration of full cleavage. Xena watched the action intently. On one hand the young warlord seemed totally engrossed in what she referred to as her 'catch'. On the other, she remained heavily agitated and ready to explode at the slighted provocation. Xena guessed she was reacting to the same thing she was - unquenched battle lust. The more Xena concentrated on the feelings still gnawing at herself, the more obvious it became they were shared. It was also clear her younger self held considerably less mastery over the malevolent feelings. 'You really are a piece of work' Xena told the woman wordlessly.
Then before Xena knew exactly what had caused it, the warlord interpreted her thoughts again, this time rising up just high enough to deliver a solid kick to Xena's crotch. Xena rolled reflexively into a semi fetal position against the assault.
"Are you suicidal?" she groaned through clenched teeth.
"Are you?" echoed her counterpart, offering up a humorless smile.
Xena's lower body spasmed painfully as she fought to compose herself. It took a few seconds before she could stretch back out between the Warlord's aggressively placed legs.
"Maybe I am dead." Xena asked herself.
"You're not dead, Princess. Mind you if you'd stayed out there much longer " The warlord motioned toward the barn door "...who knows."
"How encouraging." Xena muttered. Pointedly aware she had no weapon other than her wits against this dangerous and highly unpredictable version of herself. "You can read my thoughts, can't you?" she asked keeping a rein on her temper.
The warlord was silent for a moment then grinned a little too pleased with herself. "Appears so. Must be part of the time travel thingy."
'How does Gabrielle put up with me?'
"You got a better explanation, than I'm listening."
Xena shook her head. No she didn't, only it felt.....
It was so fleeting that she could very well have missed the slight shift in barn temperature again. The lightening speed flicker of brightness. Anyone else would have. The warrior stiffened, feeling the familiar prickling of her skin that usually meant one of the Gods was somewhere close. She hadn't been imagining it, she realised. Ever since her look alike had picked her up from what could have easily have been her last resting place and dropped her in the shelter that also should have been as cold as death, she'd had the sicken feeling at the pit of her stomach.
"Ok Ares." Xena demanded, her state of confusion quickly replaced with infuriation. "This smells like your handy work. Show yourself." She tried to stand up, but her younger self slapped her down hard.
"Not Ares," the Warlord taunted.
A concentrated volume of light formed in the center of the barn. When it dissipated into soft sparkles moments later, both warlord and warrior stared at the statuesque woman appearing in its place.
She stood a little taller in height to Xena. Dressed in richly woven garments the color of earth and sun that tapered around an athletic yet clearly feminine frame. A quiver of arrows rested on her back and a bow slung low over an armored shoulder. Xena hesitated wondering whether her eyes were again playing tricks on her.
The Goddess registered the warrior's uncertainty and raised her hand in simple confirmation. "Many of my chosen bear features similar to my own, Warrior Princess." Then bowing reverently she added. "After all, they are made in my likeness."
"Artemis?" Xena breathed.
Of all the Greek Gods, the Goddess of the hunt and moon and hallowed symbol of the Amazons was known rarely to appear to mortals. And not surprisingly, never to Xena.
The Goddess lowered her arm, stepping closer to the Xenas of past and present. Xena's younger self appeared unperturbed by the appearance of the most illusive of gods, leaving her captive unguarded finally.
"Well I upheld my part of the bargain," she announced gamely as she approached the Goddess.
"Where's the treasure?"
In her heightened state of battle lust the warlord reached behind her readying her sword. Xena scrambled quickly to her feet and stepped in front of the drunken youngster.
Pressing a commanding hand against her, Xena ordered, "Hang on a minute, fool." Xena's younger self sent a questioning trail over the deadpan warrior for a moment then released her sword handle. Stepping back she folded her arms in clear objection across her chest.
"I don't see any treasure, Goddess." the warlord courted, looking about. Xena assessed the beautiful Goddess contemplatively, realizing that the sculptures carved as tribute did little to convey her unqualified beauty or power. She had expected Ares to be behind all this subterfuge, maybe even Aphrodite in some bizarre fashion. But not Artemis.
"What brings you here on a night like this." Xena finally asked by way of cautious introduction.
"As your young friend says, Xena." Artemis replied without actually physically acknowledging the warlord. "I am here to deliver her treasure."
"No tricks now," Xena's younger self bolstered. "I kept my end of the bargain."
Xena sent a succinct 'be quiet' without moving her lips.
"Greedy isn't she?" The Goddess commented, not altering her focus. "In fact she's not only greedy, she's devious, calculating and commonly cruel. Does she remind you of anyone, Xena?"
"I've had all I can pretty much take in one day, Artemis." Xena offered realizing the path the Goddess seem to be taking. "I have no fight with you. I know she's me," She motioned toward the surprisingly silent warlord. "Or at least a younger me, before I turned away from Ares' poison."
The Goddess raised her eye brow quizzically. 'So after all these years, she has finally broken free of you brother.' She thought pleased with herself.
Still, there wasn't much time. She had only managed to pursued the Fates enough marks of a candle that would bring about the ending of this day and the commencement of the next. With a single wave of her hand, Artemis conjured the one scene from the warrior's past she knew would hold her attention long enough to deliver her message.
"No!" Xena entreated loudly moving toward the vision. Somewhere in her reasoning she thought she could stop it - stop what was about to happen. Her hands continued to reach out as she approached and then passed partly through the bed base. Back and forth she alternated her attempts to sooth her, to prevent the blow, to restrain the woman...... But her strength and her heart breaking cries were useless. Appalled by what she bore witness to, but could do nothing to prevent, Xena stood stock still, clenching her jaw and fists in sheer agony as she shut her eyes against the vision. "No." she cried again, resisting the impulse to projectile vomit her dinner.
Appearing from no where sat a huge four poster bed occupied by apparitions of Xena the warlord and a young girl, naked and bound. The girl, though a few winters younger than the woman she had fled from a candle mark or so before, was unmistakenly Gabrielle of Poteidaia.
"Shutting your eyes won't make it go away, Xena." Artemis offered from where she observed the warrior's earnest attempts. "The act is already and forever sewn into the fabric of your life."
"Then why are you showing it to me," Xena demanded. "If it's already apart of me?"
"So you'll know." Artemis said lightly, turning to the two souls oblivious to any kind of audience.
"What do you mean, 'so I'll know'." Xena continued, outraged. "Don't you think I already know? Why do you think I was out in the storm?"
Artemis ignored the warrior's combative tone. It made no difference to her whether the magic of bringing images from the past bothered Xena or not.
"You think you know, Warrior Princess. But you only know what Gabrielle has told you. You don't actually remember what happened that night, do you?"
The Warlord struck the girl's face hard with the back of her hand. Pulling a fistful of hair, she raise blooded lips to her own. She sucked and groaned into the tortured mouth as her hand returned to the place between the girl's legs.....
Xena shook her head, looking briefly about her at the specters of herself and Gabrielle moving against one another. Then realizing repulsively that it was too late. She barely had time to exit the vision and cover her mouth before she found herself on her knees retasting her supper.
The young warlord bent over her laughing heartily.
"No stomach, Princess." she taunted. "No stomach at all."
"Shut up." Xena threw back. "You're what caused all this."
"Me?" the warlord rejected. "We're one in the same, don't fool yourself."
Again Xena was on her feet and moving back to the Goddess. "If you can cut through time, to bring these images, to bring a younger me here? Why can't you go back and stop it?" she asked wiping her mouth dry. The Goddess waved her hand again, using her power to conjure up a mug of water for the warrior to swill. If Xena was grateful, she didn't show it.
"Well, can't you?" Xena repeated acrimoniously.
"I can't do that now anymore than I could prevent it the first time, Xena." Artemis told her bristling under the bombardment of anger. "Ares was and is a formable opponent. At first I thought the best I would be able to manage was to ensure your mug was kept full. Ares' hold on you was strong - always was strong until you met Gabrielle." Then gentler, she added. "When Gabrielle's image was finally revealed to Ares as your soul mate - he naturally wanted her permanently out of the equation."
"He knew before I did?" Xena asked skeptically.
Artemis shrugged. "Of course he knew, we're Gods. He wasn't allowed to kill her, which was his first choice. But knowing your particular weakness when it comes to expelling battle lust, he set a plan in place he believed would prevent you two from ever becoming...." and she looked for a more diplomatic term than the first that entered her mind. "intimates." she ended on.
"Well that backed fired on him didn't it?" The hovering warlord offered with little attempt to disguise her pleasure. Xena wanted to snap her neck where she stood.
'Animal,' she said silently, watching as an eyebrow wiggled in acknowledgement.
"Not completely." Artemis interjected.
Then seeing that the younger Xena had long since passed her usefulness to her, she raised her bow arm once more, sending her back to her time. Xena watched silently as the vision before her of the Warlord and Gabrielle rippled slightly. But it was only a second, and before long she seemed to catch her rhythm and was defiling her captive with added drive.
Artemis too watched the time shift reassert itself before turning her full attention back to the remaining warrior.
"You took her first woman's blood, Xena. Raped and savaged her. Certainly Ares put you in the vicinity of the village, ensured a battle to boil your blood. But you can't blame him entirely. He spurred you on, he even applauded. But it was you, the you then that chose to take the girl, to take Gabrielle to your bed that night. It was you who violated her. Just as Ares knew you would. A prelude, if you like, to what he believed was the next best thing to killing her himself. "
"He thought I would kill her afterward." Xena answered gravely. "But I didn't."
"No," The Goddess agreed. "With the alcohol and what little flickers of infinite memory, you couldn't bring yourself to kill her. I can only tell you the stink it caused on Mt. Olympus. You did something that night that many believed impossible. You spared a life. Ares had to console himself with the belief that your treatment of her would be enough. That your actions destroyed any hope she would ever have of loving you. Ares believed for two full summers that he had succeeded, but he didn't count on her tie with you being as powerful as it was." She trailed off, averting her eyes away from the warrior to the point that her final words were almost no higher than a whisper. "There was something else happening that night between you that he never could work out."
Xena wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer to such a cryptic statement. " And what was that?"
"You saw a hint of it tonight , Xena. Gabrielle was trying to tell you before you went off and almost spoilt everything."
"What are you talking about?" the warrior demanded.
Artemis calmed herself before continuing on. Xena may be Ares' chosen but she certainly had no idea about how to speak to a God, especially one worshiped by entire nations of woman warriors.
The Goddess sighed. "When I thought all would be lost, I went to Aphrodite and called in a favor which she gladly paid. The favor was the capability of both participants... to enjoy it. To find a sense of peace in their merging. Ares was so cocky that he never considered the possibility of Gabrielle responding to your savagery - But she did."
Xena braved another glance at the apparition of herself and Gabrielle from winters past.
The girl's body arched in her younger selves arms, eyelids flickering, mouth gaping. Fingers clutched leather as the tremble traveled through her.
Xena looked back defiantly, not wanting to understand. "You mean to tell me that she shares the curse of battle lust?"
"...Yes." Artemis smiled sadly.
"Take it away." Xena hissed.
"...I can't."
Xena was mortified. First learning that it was she who was the low life that had actually raped and brutalized her love, then to be told it was all part of some twisted preordained script by the Gods. Now this, this horror.
"How could you do that?" she shot.
The Goddess sighed. She could sympathize with Warrior Princess' sense of betrayal, but truly she had willed most of it on herself.
"There was no other way." Artemis explained.
"The only other option was to let her die and die after experiencing the worst sexual violation. Was that what you would have chosen? An eternal reminder of dying at your hand?"
As expected, Artemis watched the warrior shake her head. Shame enveloped the exquisite features, tearing at her muscle by muscle until the last piece of light disappeared from her face. The Goddess could only imagine the torment she must be feeling. But she wasn't quite finished with Xena of Amphipolis, yet.
"But that IS what you chose wasn't it, Xena. You chose to quench your thirst on the flesh of an innocent. Like you had countless times before, only that night," and she stepped aside fully so Xena could not deny the vision before her.
"...you took the woman who was supposed to be your life mate to Tartarus........ You remind me of the soldier who falls on his own sword and with his dying breath, still blames the sword." she injected furiously. "I had very little to work with. I was gambling with the God of war and his chosen."
Xena sat stunned as the Goddess' words fell like fire balls from the heavens. Each one burning her with anger and condemnation. It was so painfully ironic she could almost laugh, but there was nothing truly funny about this insanity that was her truth.
"So what am I supposed to do?" She asked quietly. "Your being here makes it plan you don't want me to die in a snow storm?"
Artemis paused, choosing her words with absolute care. "You must do what you need, when you need it..." she managed simply. "Knowing full well that Gabrielle will be rewarded in her own way for her gift to you."
"Why do all Gods talk in riddles?" Xena mumbled, still feigning at least partial ignorance as her only protection.
Artemis ignored the comment. "Without the shared release of the blood lust, you will never allow Gabrielle to move on from the first time you were together. She knows you have the need and......." and again she hesitated, summoning calm. "And she knows you have taken that need to others. In some ways it tortures her more than the memories ever could. Her role in your retribution was sealed that night, Xena. In a way that can not be changed."
The warrior felt the bile rise again in her throat.
"I don't go to whores to hurt her, I do it to protect her." Xena defended, finally able to steady herself. "If I had another way than I would gladly take it. I lay next to her every night and listen to the dreams. How can I believe what you're telling me when all I see and hear is her agony. I would do anything to rid her of them, anything. But to take her to a place that is as dark as my soul willingly is not what I am prepared to do."
"Then you will lose her." The Goddess stated firmly and before Xena could argue back, the scene in front of them of Gabrielle and herself shifted again.
Gabrielle emptied the bucket into the tub and stepped tentatively into the lukewarm water. Instinctively a hand rose to her mouth to muffle a groan as her ravished body made contact the cooling temperatures. It didn't matter she told herself, water was water, she couldn't put her clothes on and leave without first stripping away at least a little of what the Warlord had done.
Pulling her knees up to her chest she sat quietly, numbed from the final and most brutal assault. Sitting was uncomfortable but standing would have been unbearable. The fireplace was still producing a glow and at least marginal heat to prevent her freezing. Perhaps a little too much light she realized as she gingerly inspected the various marks that coursed across her battered limbs and torso. Her wrists bore dark red welts from the leather burns, her nose and mouth swollen from the many strikes she had received, her belly still bleeding from the continued onslaught of the Warlord's phallus.
A piece of wood from the fire broke in two, falling to the base and sending sparks high into the flute. Protectively she wrapped her arms around her torso before realizing the Warlords heavy snores assured her she was at least safe for the moment. Laying face down and half covered by what remained of her uniform and the bed sheets she grunted and murmured in her sleep.
"What's happening?" Xena asked, moving closer to Gabrielle's younger self. Artemis maintained her position, watching the warrior carefully.
"It is done." She told her with a sigh. "You have taken your fill and dismissed her."
"Then why is she still there? Why doesn't she get out?"
"Where would you have her go, Xena?"
"Anywhere, away!"
Heart struck, Xena turned briefly to meet the blonde Goddess' gaze. Then refocusing, she reached hopelessly to touch the translucent image of her love. Finger tips stroked through the bruised skin as the young girl continued to move a wash cloth carefully over her own body. A tear fell from the warrior's cheek, disappearing into the bath water.
"Why do the dreams haunt her so strongly again?" She asked still trying to touch Gabrielle's vision.
Artemis stepped a little closer aware Xena couldn't take much more and time was growing short.
"You know the answer to that too, Xena. You've killed, killed protecting Gabrielle. With the battle, especially one with so much at risk, so comes the battle lust. With every fiber of your being you know it must be vanquished and you know how. Gabrielle knows it too, she knows that once your dark self is forged in combat, it can not be re-sheathed without being acted out. While you deny yourself, you deny her. I'm afraid the dreams will never leave her while you continue suppressing something that simply must be."
"There has to be another way."
Artemis approached the crouched warrior.
"There isn't." she told Xena, patting the distraught woman's shoulder in a rare display of empathy. "I wish I could tell you that there was, but there isn't."
She hesitated again before confronting the truth that had been so obvious when she watched the highly charged interplay between the two lovers earlier on.
"You know you want to, you know also that the whores aren't quite enough for you anyone. It's Gabrielle you love. It's Gabrielle that you want to share the battle lust with. If you turn away from her now, go to another or simply continue to deny it, you run the risk of killing yourself or her. You may have the blessing of eternal soul mates, Xena, but you two have much more you still have to accomplish in your present forms."
Xena knew the Goddess spoke the truth. Even with the knowledge of Gabrielle's dreams, she knew she had wanted Gabrielle in every way possible from the very beginning. She just hadn't let herself admit it.
She had not trusted herself to initiate love making since they had left Poteidia. She had made excuses that she was tired or she was happy for her love to simply hold her. It had been almost a week since they had bid Gabrielle's family farewell and disposed of both Hope and the Destroyer's remains. The night before, Xena had finally yielded to Gabrielle pleas to intimacy after so many weeks apart. Having no real explanation other than her own fears, she had submitted. But she had not allowed herself to return the touches of her beloved and she had not allowed her heart to rise above any beat she could not count back in a single breath. She knew Gabrielle's body as well as she knew her own, had made love to her blissfully since their pledge, but she also knew she wanted her, had fantasied dangerously of wanting more.
Tears slid down the warrior's cheeks unguarded. "Make the dreams go away."
"I can't." The Goddess told her softly. "I can't interfere anymore than I have Xena. Even coming to you now will be viewed by the other Gods as unwarranted interference. This is a road you two must travel together."
Xena gestured to the now sleeping Warlord of the vision.
"Will she remember any of this?"
The Goddess shook her head. "No, she'll wake up the next morning and continue on her way. If she remembers anything, she'll remember the girl's hands holding her, that's all."
"I suppose I should thank you." Xena offered as Artemis turned, this time apparently readying to leave.
The Goddess hesitated before turning back only slightly to meet the Warrior's gaze.
"I'm bound by my promise to whom ever of my chosen calls my name, Xena. I didn't do it for you." Her own sparkling pupils shifted to rest one last time of the girl sitting naked in the bath tub.
"I did it for her."
And then she was gone, taking the apparitions with her and leaving only a soft glow of light to guide Xena back to where she knew she would eventually return.
Gabrielle stood in front of the fireplace, quiescent, allowing the dance of the flames to soften the stark reality of her surroundings.
After she had secured the door she picked up broken pieces of crockery as she discovered them. Deposing of them she came to stand in front of the heat. She hadn't bothered relighting the candles, instead preferring the soft glow emanating from the hearth to light as well as insulate against the nights events. With mechanical movements, she straightened her skirt and pulled her blouse up to cover exposed breasts. Without thinking, fingers grazed an erect nipple through the cloth. She accepted the sensation it sent through her like a spring shower after a long dry.
The arousal was acute and undeniable.
The argument had turned in a breath to sexual conquering on Xena's part. So quick that it had almost caught Gabrielle, as its initiator, totally off guard. Almost cheating her of that rare opportunity to witness the fire burning unshielded in her lover's eyes. She had succeeded in her intention to free Xena of the battle lust billowing in her loins. Only to have her iron will snap back into place before Gabrielle could convince her the desire was shared.
Now in the stillness of the cabin she realised that that one brief act, that unrestricted uncovering of Xena's dark side, may very well also herald the last time that the ex-warlord would ever touch her, gentle or otherwise.
... The memory came, first just as a flash....and she tried to shake it off. 'This is hard enough ' she berated inwardly, thinking it would send the thought back where it belonged.
The warlord's hand ceased as Gabrielle's body shook violently, arching towards her. Strong arms wrapped around her as the feeling crashed down.
"I....I" she couldn't speak, all the sensations accompanied with a powerful first orgasm still drawing back from her.
"Shuu,..." the warlord whispered, panting from her own release. "It's just..."
"I've never felt anything like that before." Gabrielle sensed the woman half cradling her pause as if realizing the full magnitude of her statement.
The warlord murmured. "....Something to remember me by."
Gabrielle's hand stilled and fell away from her body. She wasn't really sure why she was thinking of that particular moment right now, only that it something about the way the fire was burning itself down - the design of the actual fire place. It didn't matter, she decided. She just knew that moment was when she first realized. When she admitted to herself that with all that the dark woman had done, the acts she'd been forced to participate in, her life changed irrevocably and forever in that one action.
Self consciously, the bard smoothed over her clothes again and sat down at the fire's base, tucking her legs up under her comfortably to study the flames. She waited perhaps two more full candle marks in the solitude, listening to the winds dying down to an occasional whistle through the structures before she could allow herself some hope. Patiently she waited as the sounds of the cabin door opening and closing reached her ears. An eternity passing before she felt the gentle pressure of her warrior's boots and stays pressing against her back. She watched through hooded eyes as Xena's hands stretched out overhead, seeking heat from the fire and casting gentle shadows in the rooms tranquility.
For the longest time, Xena stood silently soaking in the fire, the heat afforded by it and the sensation of her lover resting at her feet. It had taken all of the Goddess' powers to convince her that as much as she wanted to run and keep running. She could no more turn away from Gabrielle than she could intentionally bring her harm.
Gabrielle finally felt her step away. Soft movements telling her her love had retreated to one of the chairs. She imagined Xena's legs parting generously as she sat, allowing the strips of her skirt leather to fall between them. Pronounced shoulder muscles slackening a little to take in the full support offered her weight. Eyes caressing her lovingly as she scooted her body around to lean up against the wall just next to the fire place.
Pulling her knees up to her chin Gabrielle wrapped her arms around them, more out of protection for her emotions than any additional warmth.
"You're taking us to Corinth," she whispered finally. Amazed her voice appeared to able to disguise the rapid pounding in her heart.
"Yes." Xena admitted.
"To expel the blood lust caused by killing Hope and the Destroyer?"
"Yes."
Gabrielle nodded, acknowledging the honesty her lover showed in the face of such a powerful and potentially devastating disclosure. They weren't trying to hurt each other now, but the words were still pain. For the first time since Xena had returned Gabrielle looked directly into her lover's eyes.
"I don't want you to." she said plainly, swallowing hard.
Xena bowed her head, understanding more was being said between them, than could be adequately measured in five simple words.
But there were no other words that followed for a long time after that, only the constant crackle of flames hitting the crest to prevent them from slipping back into their own self imposed isolations. 'That's what really caused all of this,' Gabrielle thought pensively. 'All the foolish silences.'
"She was the most beautiful creature I 'd ever seen....." she offered, not wanting to let go. She paused just long enough to allow Xena time to adjust to the new direction of where her words were leading.
"I could feel her heat on my skin the minute she entered the inn.....but when she looked me over, I thought the Gods had given me a second chance at life. In that moment when she first laid eyes on me in my peasant skirt and borrowed blouse, I knew what desire was - what want was. .... I didn't know women could look at each other that way before. You know, undress you with their eyes kind of look...... I was flattered that she wanted me for herself......."
"You have no need to feel shame, my love." Xena told her intently. "Nothing that happened to you - nothing that I did, was your fault."
Gabrielle looked up and smiled faintly, hoping her expression could relay the unconditional depth of her next sentence.
"I have no shame in knowing that pain is like heaven to me.... No shame in knowing that I long to experience that pain in loving now, as much as I know your desire to give it."
Xena's eyes stayed fixed on the place where Gabrielle's words had landed before her. Slowly she shook her head. Gabrielle watched her patiently, not wishing to hurry her, but unable this time to allow her lover the victory of her stubbornness.
"Much of who the warlord was, is - still scares me beyond any real explanation. I want to run as far as I can from it some times. I look into her eyes and feel like I'm falling into the pit in Dahak's temple all over again. But I also know that sometimes I just have to let myself fall. I don't know why, only that the pain is heaven and the heaven is pain...... Would you deny me the freedom to leave the things from that night that I do not wish to remember behind, Xena and in turn grant me the right of our vows to be all things to you?"
"No, of course not, only....."
Gabrielle rose steadily to her feet, extending Xena a smile that spoke deeply of love but equally of determination, she inhaled softly.
"Well then...."
She stood perfectly still and squared her shoulders to show the gentle rise of her breasts. Arms held comfortably at her sides, feet parted slightly. She let the warrior study her as she was highlighted by the fires light. It was almost mesmerizing, neither one of them able to draw their gaze away from the other. Without shifting her attention from the deep blue pools upon her, Gabrielle removed each piece of clothing with the greatest of care, knowing that while her lover may still wish to resist, the warlord's blood that still pumped unquestioningly within her, could not. The warlord's desire would be increasing with every move, every gesture, each time she pulled a layer away she could smell the rising heat from the almost forgotten lover.
Xena had not moved from the chair, but Gabrielle knew that there was no need for her to, they both knew what was about to happen.
No words were necessary.
Fully naked Gabrielle walked past her lover to the saddlebags that had been dropped near the cabin door. She found what she'd been looking for with little effort. Backing away and coming to stand proud before the warrior, she held the items out in clear view, offering them to the warrior, silently asking her to take them to seal the new pledge.
In her left hand, she held a thin piece of leather. Age and use had caused the material to come apart somewhere along the way, forcing its owner to fasten two ends together to maintain the length. In her right hand, and held with a certain level of awe, she presented the thick leather harness and phallus Xena had kept tucked at the very bottom of the satchel. Both women's eyes focused on the harness. Xena hadn't been sure up until then that Gabrielle knew she even carried it. It had never been part of their love making and like so many things, it had just never come up. Nor had the fact that she still carried one set of Warlord attire, or that she would change into them to exercise Argo in the middle of Athens or Corinth or any city large enough to host a whore house.
"Do you know what you're asking?" Came the husky response of her lover.
Still with her hands outstretched, Gabrielle dropped elegantly to one knee, her eyes lowering to rest on the hidden place between Xena's legs.
"Yes, my Lord." she whispered.