WARNING!!! DISCLAIMER: AUTHOR�S NOTE: DEDICATION: FADE IN: A serene lakeside in a virgin forest of Greco-New Zealand. Gabrielle is trying to catch dinner and having a hard time of it. She casts her line and ends up catching the back hem of her skirt on the hook. Not realizing she�s hooked herself, she yanks on the line, pulling her skirt up over her head and exposing her black little panties. She lets out an exasperated cry. Joxer steps out of the woods with a geeky gasp. Joxer: Hi Gabby! Gabrielle turns around with a jerk. Gabrielle: Joxer! Joxer: Hee hee, nice catch. Need some help hauling her in? Hee, hee. G: (wrenching the hook out of her skirt) No, I�m fine, thank you. J: So, where�s Xena? G: That�s the question isn�t it. I woke up this morning and she was gone. This note was stuffed down my shirt. She digs a piece of parchment out of her cleavage and hands it to Joxer. Joxer takes the note but his eyes remain on her cleavage. G: Read it. J: Oh uh hmm. Dear Peach Cheeks, who�s that? Gabrielle tilts her head and smiles, blushing slightly. Her patience is wearing thin. J: Oh, huh huh, that�s you. She calls you �Peach Cheeks�? Oh, how sweet, (pinching her cheek), just like little pink peaches. G: Not those cheeks. J: Hmm? G: Continue. J: Oh, uh, yes. I�ve gotten word that Najara�s escaped from prison again. Must go put her back in her place. Don�t worry I�ll be back by dinner. Fish would be good. Thanks, Love Xena. Mmmm, fish does sound good. Ya caught any yet? G: No, not exactly J: But Xena is going to be back any minute according to her letter. G: Well, then, I guess she�ll have to catch her own dinner. Would serve her right running off on me like that. J: Well, you know Gabrielle, she probably just wanted to keep you out of danger. Besides we�ve already seen Xena fight Najara in two episodes this season, three would be a bit much. G: I guess. Suddenly a horrible cackle is heard above and a dark shadowy figure swoops down in front of Gabrielle. G: Alti? Alti: Good, I�m glad to see you remember me. G: But, but Xena killed you, and then we killed you, or at least your reincarnation, and then Xena killed you again or banished your soul or something. In any case, you should be dead. A: Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Oh you poor ignorant girl, a fabulous super-villainess like me can only keep coming back again and again and again. Have you learned nothing? Gabrielle holds her fishing rod out in front of her, and tries to ward off the advancing demoness. A: Don�t worry, I�m not here to hurt you. I only want to destroy your relationship with Xena. You are a source of endless light and goodness for her which gives her power against me. I want to take away her source of strength, and to do that requires that I give you a whole lot of pleasure. G: I wouldn�t take another step if I were you, Xena�s going to be back any minute. And she�s not going to be in a good mood, if you know what I mean. A: I�m not stupid. I�m the one that sent her away. I set up that whole thing with Najara. I�ve got plenty of time before she shows up. Joxer rushes out with his sword, lunging at Alti. J: Get away from her, you witch! Alti swats him to the ground, where he lies half-conscious. Gabrielle takes a couple swipes with her stick but Alti knocks it out of her hands. She pushes Gabrielle back against a tree and grabs her throat. Gabrielle groans. A scene from her past flashes before her eyes. FLASHBACK FROM �SINS OF THE PAST� Xena is naked and lying beside a nervous Gabrielle in her bedroll. Xena begins kissing her then slowly undresses her. All of the sensations of her first time wash over Gabrielle�s body, as if she were re-living it. Her eyes roll back and she lets out another groan, a groan of unmistakable sexual arousal. Joxer is wakened by the noise, and stares up at Gabrielle, still too injured to move. A: Was that your first time? It wasn�t Xena�s. Did Xena ever tell you about an apprentice of mine she was in lust with. I bet she was thinking of her while she was fucking you. G: No, Xena never . . . Alti squeezes her throat again. Gabrielle�s body is seized in another series of orgasmic spasms. FLASHBACK TO �THE PRICE� Xena is angry and on a power-trip. The dark-side is ruling
as she holds Gabrielle down on the floor of the store room and fucks her
roughly in front of the Horde prisoner (how do you think he figured out Xena
was in charge J
). �Don�t ever question me or my authority in front or my men!� Gabrielle yells
for Xena to get off of her, then begs her not to stop.
Gabrielle
rolls her head back, digging it into the sharp bark of the tree. She is panting
heavily and sweat rolls down her brow as she screams with remembered pleasure.
A:
Oooo, someone likes it rough. But we�re not quite there yet.
G:
Please, I can�t take it any . . .
FLASHBACK
TO �CHAKRAM�
Excited by Gabrielle�s new fighting skills, Amarice steps
into her mentor�s role and satisfies her queen�s frustrated desires, which have
been completely neglected by the na�ve Xena since their resurrection. Young
nubile flesh presses into young nubile flesh, hot erect nipples into hot erect
nipples. Gabrielle moans in rhythm to the sound of Xena�s snoring from the
other side of the campfire. A:
Who was that? You little tramp.
G:
Xena wanted Amarice to take her place if anything ever happened to her.
Gabrielle
is limp and exhausted and leans against the tree for support.
FLASHBACK
TO THE NIGHT BEFORE
Xena and Gabrielle are making love. Xena is on top, of
course, and Gabrielle is enjoying pressing her fingernails ever deeper into
Xena�s strong undulating back. A:
Same-o, same-o. Now for a look into your future.
FLASHFORWARD
#1
Gabrielle is
masturbating� as she watches Xena and
Joxer going at it in front of her. She climaxes again and again.
A:
Kinky.
G:
Oh God, I think I�m going to be sick.
FLASHFORWARD
#2
A lighter-haired
Xena is making love to Gabrielle, it feels like the first time all over again.
A:
Come on, come on.
G:
What is the point of this? I love Xena, she loves me, that will never change.
A:
Dear Gabrielle, Xena may have many skills, but there is one even she is
lacking. Didn�t you ever wonder what the clitoris is for. It doesn�t serve any reproductive
function. It drives a girl to distraction, makes her do things she normally
wouldn�t, but all the sex in the world can�t seem to satisfy it. It�s true
calling is never found, never fulfilled�except, except for the very very few
and very lucky, and I have a hunch that somewhere in your future . . .
Gabrielle�s
body is so spent she is about to collapse any minute.
G:
No, please . . .
FLASHFORWARD
#3
An unknown person, whose face is obscured, is ministering
to Gabrielle. Gabrielle�s
body jerks forward. Her eyes pop open.
G:
Oh gods, oh gods! What is that? What are you doing? (she lets out a long deep
groan) Oh gods. I had no idea. No one has ever . . .
Her
body writhes and thrusts. She cries out again and again until she is violently
ecstatically sobbing.
Joxer,
who has witnessed the whole thing, tries to pull himself up, but falls to the
ground again.
J:
Gabrielle?
Finally,
Alti releases her hold and lets the Amazon fall, wasted to the ground.
Alti:
Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Looks like you�ve got something to look forward to. And Xena
will finally have met her match. And then the warrior princess will be mine,
all mine. Ah ha ha ha ha ha, ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Alti
vanishes as quickly as she appeared, with a flash, and a cackle, and a swoop
into the trees.
Everything
is suddenly silent except for Gabrielle�s labored breathing.
Joxer
inches his way toward her.
J:
Gabrielle, are you all right? What did she do to you?
Gabrielle
mumbles and rolls her head back and forth, then falls back into unconsciousness.
Drool and foam ooze from the side of her mouth.
Xena
rushes onto the scene, out of breath.
Xena:
(running to her) Gabrielle?! Gabrielle? Oh, Gabrielle, I�m so sorry, what did
she do to you?
Xena
takes her into her arms, setting her head in her lap. She wipes the sweat and
saliva from her face as she tries to rouse her. Eventually her eyes open.
X:
Are you okay?
G:
I think so?
X:
I rushed back as soon as I realized it was a set-up. Najara didn�t escape, she
killed herself. And she was reincarnated as Alti, but in the future, except it
was Alti from the past visiting from a former life, and somehow the djinn told
her where our henna tattoo set was and she jumped into a fire and then was back
here. I know it doesn�t make any sense, but that doesn�t matter, nothing has
made sense since the second season any way, all that matters is that you�re
okay. And you are okay, right? Did she hurt you at all?
G:
Not really.
Joxer:
I�m hurt.
X:
What did she want? What happened?
G:
I don�t know. I think she wants to turn you against me. So my light and
goodness can�t strengthen you anymore.
X:
Never, that will never happen. Not even death can keep me from you.
Gabrielle
clasps Xena�s wrist and gazes up lovingly into her eyes.
G: Of
course not. But what are we going to do? She�s not going to rest until she�s
destroyed us.
X:
I know, I�m working on a plan.
Later
that night the three are sleeping round the camp fire. Gabrielle begins tossing
and turning and moaning loudly. Flashes of scenes from her previous journey
through ecstasy dance through her mind, until finally culminating with the last
fateful vision.
Xena
awakes and reaches for her.
X:
Gabrielle? Gabrielle?
G:
Oh Gods, please, please.
X:
Wake up. You�re having a bad dream.
G:
Huh, wha?
X:
Gabrielle, it�s okay. I�m here.
G:
Xena?
X:
You�re drenched in sweat and burning up.
G:
Xena.
Gabrielle
reaches for her protector and cuddles up in her arms.
X:
It�s okay, it was just a dream.
G:
I hope you�re right.
Xena
holds her tighter and kisses her on her head. Gabrielle returns her affections
by kissing her on the mouth.
G:
Please help me Xena, I�m so horny.
X:
What were you dreaming?
G:
Don�t ask.
Gabrielle
proceeds to strip herself and then Xena. She pulls Xena on top of her and
grinds wildly against the warrior�s muscled thigh but then stops abruptly,
unable to satisfy herself.
G:
Xena, what�s the clitoris for?
X:
What?
G:
Alti said that it didn�t have a purpose.
X:
Why was Alti talking about your clitoris?
G:
She showed me things, from my past and my future. Sort of like she showed you,
except these visions weren�t about pain, they were about pleasure. Sexual
pleasure.
X:
No fair. How come I always have to feel all the pain while you get all the
pleasure.
G:
Well, you got to be numb with paralysis while we were being nailed to a cross,
I�m the only one that really suffered.
X:
You�re right. I guess we�re even. But what exactly did you see in your visions.
G:
Most of the visions were of you and me making love . . .
X:
Most?
G:
Uh, did I say most? I meant all, yeah all.
Xena
gives her a look.
G:
But, see, the last vision, it . . . it�s so hard to describe.
X:
Did you see yourself being crucified again?
G: No,
it wasn�t of death. It was more like rebirth, like a sexual rebirth.
X:
But I wasn�t in it?
Gabrielle
shakes her head.
X:
Who was?
G:
I don�t know, I couldn�t see her face.
X:
What was she doing to you?
G:
That�s the thing, Xena. It was unlike anything I�ve ever felt before. There
aren�t words to describe it. It was clitoral, that�s all I know. It was
clitoral, completely ecstatic and clitoral. Almost, almost like . . . my
clitoris was coming alive for the first time, and it was like . . .doing something.
She was making it do something.
Gabrielle�s
eyes roll back in her head for a brief second as the memory washes over her
again.
X:
What was it doing?
G:
I don�t know. But it was like I�d finally discovered its true function. I was
realizing what the purpose was. I just remember the feeling, I don�t remember
actual words or thoughts. I didn�t see enough to know exactly what was
happening.
X:
It was better than when I go down on you?
G: It
was a thousand times more intense, like a completely different world.
Xena
looks away and fidgets with the blanket.
G:
I�m sorry. I didn�t mean it like it sounded. You know how hard you make me
come. I love what you do to me. It�s just this thing, it�s driving me crazy.
You�ve had a lot of experiences, have you ever heard of anything like this?
Xena
shakes her head.
X:
If you�re asking my permission to pursue your sexual fulfillment, you have my
blessing.
G:
Xena, this isn�t �Return of Callisto�, don�t think I�m going to leave you.
That�s exactly what Alti wanted. I�m not going anywhere.
X:
The last time we had this conversation you ran off and got married.
G:
Well, you we�re being a bitch.
X:
Was not.
G:
Were too.
X:
I�m sorry.
G:
I�m sorry too.
They
hug and fall into a restless sleep.
Morning.
Gabrielle is off bathing. Joxer is trying to watch her from the bushes.
Suddenly
Xena pounces from behind and puts her pinch on him.
X:
What do you think you�re doing?!
Joxer
gags and gasps.
X: I�ll
let it go this time if you promise to tell me everything you saw last night.
J:
(gasping) I promise.
Xena
takes the pinch off.
J:
What do you want to know?
X:
Yesterday, when Alti had Gabrielle in her clutch, did you hear or see anything
strange.
J:
Uhhh, hmmm, lemme see. Alti said she wanted to break you and Gabrielle up and
then Gabrielle had what sounded like about a gazillion orgasms.
Xena
clenches her teeth.
J:
And then, and then Alti said something about Gabrielle one day being lucky
enough to find out the purpose of her clitoris, and then Gabrielle screamed and
cried and started foaming at the mouth.
X:
Screams of pleasure or pain.
J:
I�d say pleasure, yeah, pleasure. Hey, by the way, what�s a clitoris?
Xena
smiles and pats him on the head.
Gabrielle
calls out from the lake.
G:
Xena! Oh, Xena!
X:
What is it Gabrielle?
G:
Aren�t you going to join me? The water is great.
X:
Be there in a sec. (to Joxer) Get lost.
J:
Right.
Joxer
takes off for the woods and Xena heads toward the lake stripping off a piece of
clothing with every step until she dives in naked and ready.
Joxer
hears Xena splash into the water and suddenly becomes very weak. He crouches
down and crawls back toward the lake, finding a hidden perch to spy from.
His
jaw drops at the sight of a wet and naked Xena and Gabrielle making out just
feet away from him. He bites the heel of his palm (a la Squiggy) and whimpers
quietly like a little puppy.
Gabrielle
sees the vision again in her head. Suddenly she is excruciatingly horny. She
holds Xena�s head down against her crotch until Xena practically drowns.
Eventually they move onto the shore.
Gabrielle
is crazy with lust. Xena is working double-time but it�s not enough. At this
point Gabrielle would do anything to satisfy her unnaturally aroused libido.
Joxer
continues watching from behind the bushes. Xena, of course, senses he is there.
X:
Joxer, I said get lost.
G:
No, I want him.
X:
Okay.
Joxer
humbly steps out from behind the flora, gulping�hard. And getting�hard. He
smiles weakly, but eventually his want succeeds in drawing him over to the two
naked sirens.
J:
Oh Zeus, oh dear Zeus.
X:
Your dreams are about to come true Joxer, but no one gets to her without going
through me first. I�ve got to taste the meat first, make sure it�s good enough
for the queen.
Gabrielle
licks her lips.
Joxer
gulps hard again. He pulls down his pants exposing his weak little white ass.
Then removes his chest plate and armor. He leaves his shirt on though, not
wanting to show his sorry underdeveloped pecs.
X:
Come on Joxer, fuck me.
Joxer
turns white as a ghost and bites his lower lip. His is trembling in fear before
the naked warrioress. There is no doubt in his mind that failure to
satisfactorily complete this mission will mean his eminent death. He slowly
positions himself on top of her, praying under his breath.
J:
Oh, dear immortal Zeus, please please don�t let me mess this up, please don�t
let me come too soon. Oh dear God (he lifts up his shirt and exposes his little
red hard prick) Oh dear God (he is breathing heavily, then Xena grabs his butt
cheeks, suddenly he is inside her hot wet contracting cunt) Oh, sweet
Aphrodite. (he starts to pump, ever so gently) Oh, Oh, mommy. (he begins to
huff and puff)
Xena
has one hand on his ass and one at his throat, supporting his weight above her.
X:
Come on, Joxer is that the best you can do.
His
face turns red and his neck veins bulge due to exertion and a decreased blood
flow to the brain caused by Xena�s strategically placed hand. He pumps harder
and looks over at Gabrielle. Gabrielle is lying on her side watching the pair,
thrusting her pelvis into her hand. He pumps harder.
X:
Yeah, that�s it.
He
pumps harder. Xena is meeting his every stroke with a firm thrust upward. He
gazes down at her. Her eyes are starting to glaze over. He pumps harder,
longer, deeper.
Xena
groans loudly. Suddenly Joxer pulls out.
J:
I only come for Gabrielle.
Joxer
moves on to Gabrielle. He pumps and pumps and pumps and comes twice, but
Gabrielle, sadly, gets no where.
Gabrielle
pushes him off and rolls over onto her stomach and begins masturbating.
G:
Xena, help me, please.
Joxer
moves away, leaning back on haunches, looking forlorn.
Xena
crawls on top of Gabrielle wrapping a hand under her from the side, replacing
Gab�s own hand. A double-headed phallus strapped to her thigh penetrates the
Amazon�s wet cunt and ass. Xena�s other hand is at Gab�s mouth, two fingers
probing and being sucked. Simultaneously, Xena bites and sucks the back of her
neck. Finally, Gabrielle comes, her body convulses than drops limp to the
ground.
G:
Thank you.
Xena
withdraws and sits back as Gab rides out her orgasmic waves. She looks over at
the distraught Joxer.
X:
You have to give her what she wants.
Joxer
rises and slips his pants quietly back on, then slinks off into the forest
without a word.
G:
What a baby.
X:
You didn�t have to be so mean.
G:
I know, it�s just, something is wrong with me. Suddenly I can�t get enough, but
I can�t get it right. I keep seeing and feeling that vision. It�s driving me
crazy. Please help me.
Xena
goes over to her for another round. Gabrielle comes but in a few minutes feels
just as unsatisfied.
G:
Xena, this is driving me crazy. I�ve got to try to find out why I am feeling
this. I need information. You�re an experienced woman. Have you ever heard any
stories about hyper-stimulated clits? Have you ever experienced anything like
this?
X:
Well, there was this one time . . .
Suddenly
Eli appears.
Eli:
Here�s a copy of the Kama Sutra.
G:
(flipping through it) This is all about hetero sex positions, not one mention
of the word clitoris. No, I need real information. I feel like I don�t even
know my own body.
X:
(to Eli) What brings you here, friend.
E:
Xena, I have an urgent message for you. Caesar is about to invade Alexandria.
Cleopatra needs your help.
X:
You know Cleo, too?
E:
Doesn�t everybody.
X:
You�re right. I have to go help her.
G:
Does this mean we�re going to Alexandria? They have like the world�s hugest
library there. If I can�t get the info I need there I can�t get it anywhere.
The
trio jumps on a boat for Alexandria. Gab vomits over the side of the ship while
Xena holds her hair. After seeing Gabrielle vomit Eli has to vomit too, which
only makes Gabrielle hurl again. Xena sighs and holds both of their hair back
for the duration of the trip. Finally, after a particularly severe session of
dry heaves they arrive in Alexandria.
Caesar�s
forces have already stormed the city and Xena has no choice but to fight them
head on, one by one.
Meanwhile
Gabrielle and Eli skip off to the library. Thumbing through the parchment
catalog Gabrielle spots the title that she�s sure will do the trick. With the
help of St. Jerome they locate the book Gabrielle needs, �Everything You�ve
Ever Wanted to Know About the Clitoris But Were Afraid to Ask.� She begins to
frantically flip through the pages.
Caesar�s
army is in danger of being single-handedly dismantled by Xena so he decides to
distract her by dispatching a small battalion of soldiers to the library, with
orders to burn it down.
Xena
releases her chakram just in time to cut down a wall enabling Eli and Gabrielle
(book in hand) to make a near escape just as the flames engulf the stacks.
Books
burning in the background, Gabrielle sits down on a tree log and scans through
the table of contents.
G:
There. Chapter 7, How to Give a Woman the Type of Orgasm that Makes Her Foam at
the Mouth, page 169.
She
flips to the chapter only to discover that someone has ripped all the relevant
pages out of the book.
G:
Goddamit! (Falling to the ground sobbing.) Goddammit, goddammit, goddammit.
Why, why, why, why.
E:
Gabrielle, I sense that something is troubling you. Maybe I can help.
G:
I don�t think so. The way of love can�t help me now, I need the way of
mind-blowing ultra-orgasmic sex. But no one can tell me anything, this book was
my last hope. Oh God, where is Xena, I�m so fucking horny.
E:
Gabrielle, I sense that something is troubling you. Maybe I can help.
G:
Not unless you want to take a knife and cut this damn thing out of me. It�s
insatiable, it is so completely insatiable.
E:
I think I know someone who can help you.
G:
Who?
E:
A friend of mine, Muhammad. He�s not far from here, come on, let�s go see him.
Gabrielle
and Eli head out toward Muhammad�s. On the way they pass Xena who is busy
fighting off the entire Roman legion by herself. She yells to Gabrielle over
her shoulder while holding ten bloodthirsty soldiers at bay.
X:
Hey, where are you two going?
G:
Somebody ripped the pages out. If I don�t get some relief soon I�m going to explode.
Eli�s taking me to see his friend Muhammad. He thinks he can help me.
X:
Ok, I�ll catch up with you later.
Xena
continues fighting as Gabrielle and Eli walk out of sight. But something
doesn�t seem right.
X:
Muhammad? Muhammad? Where have I heard that name before. (A light goes off.)
Oh, shit!
Xena
does a triple summersault flip over the advancing army and runs off after
Gabrielle.
X:
Wait! Gabrielle!
She
runs and runs and runs, and finally comes to a small shack, she hears Gab�s
voice inside.
G:
Are you sure this isn�t going to hurt?
Muhammad:
You�ll feel a slight pinch.
Xena
bursts in, sweating, out of breath, Roman blood still splattered all over her,
and an angry as hell expression on her face.
Gabrielle
looks up from the table she is splayed out on.
G:
Xena!
Xena
sees the knife in Muhammad�s hand which is poised between Gab�s legs, she
instantly lets fly her chakram.
X:
Noooooooo!!
The
chakram knocks the knife out of his hand and Xena throws herself into the air,
she does a split kick to Muhammad and Eli�s head sending them to the ground
then swoops Gabrielle up into her arms off of the table.
X:
(to the pigs on the floor) You stupid uncle-fucking woman-hating god-forsaken cock-sucking
stool-spewing pigs. You go to hell. You go to hell and you die. What the fuck!
What the fuck is wrong with you!
G:
I�m sorry Xena, it . . . well, it was sort of my idea.
X:
What!?
G:
I can�t take it any more. I can�t sleep, I can�t eat, I can�t think. My loins
have gone crazy, they�re on fire, all I want twenty-four hours a day is to have
my brains fucked out again and again. I don�t know what to do. I don�t know
what to do.
X:
Well, this definitely is not the way.
-------------------
Later
that night.
Xena
is attempting to fuck Gabrielle�s brains out by the campfire. She stares into
the flame as she gives Gabrielle everything she�s got.
She
sees something. It�s in the flame. Suddenly Alti emerges.
A:
Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. I see my little vision is taking its toll
on your bitch. And you don�t know what to do about it, do you Xena. Ah ha ha ha
ha.
Xena,
naked, grabs her sword and holds it at Alti�s throat.
X:
You reverse what you�ve done to her, hag, or I�ll cut your liver out and feed
it to the worms that feast on your putrid heart.
A:
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but threats will only encourage me. Hiya!
Alti
uses her super shamaness powers to turn Xena�s sword into a snake. It falls
down and wraps around Xena�s wrists, holding her tight.
A:
Looks like somebody�s hands are tied.
Gabrielle
watches from her prone position on the ground. She is weak from thirty-eight
back-to-back hour long sessions of fucking.
G:
Xena, it�s a trick. Don�t let her touch you.
Alti
laughs and grabs the paralyzed warrior by the crotch.
A:
Maybe you�d like a little dose too. But clitoral ecstasy just isn�t in the
cards for you, too bad. Why don�t you give up now? How long do you think she�ll
be able to stand it, sooner or later she�s bound to leave. She�s already gone.
Come back to me, Xena. Come back to the dark side. Your destiny awaits you.
Xena
grits her teeth.
Alti
cackles and then is gone, leaving as quickly as she�d come.
Xena
regains her power and breaks the bonds of the snake. Her sword falls to the
ground. She turns to Gabrielle who after being left alone for two seconds has
resorted to masturbation.
Xena
is visibly disturbed.
X:
Get up! (she grabs Gab�s clothes and bag and throws them at her) Get dressed. I
don�t know what Alti thinks she wants but if she wants to break us up then
let�s play along. You go do what you have to do, I�m going to find a way to put
that hag back in her place.
G:
Are you mad at me?
X:
(composing herself) No, no. Oh god, I�m sorry. Why would I be mad at you?
Please, compared to you right now my libido is still five hundred times
stronger. (She takes Gabrielle�s face in her hands.) There�s nothing wrong with
being horny. But what you need to satisfy isn�t just your libido, but your
curiosity too, and that makes it all the more difficult. So go, it�s okay with
me, find out what you need to find out. I�ll come find you once I�ve gotten to
the bottom of Alti�s plan.
G:
But where should I go?
X:
When it comes to love and sex and obsessions, there�s really only one source.
X
& G: (in unison) Aphrodite!
X:
Did you learn nothing from �A Comedy of Eros� or �Fins, Femmes, and Gems.� Go
on, there�s a temple just a day�s walk from here in Mytilene. Wait for me
there.
G:
Okay.
Xena
kisses her on the forehead. Then on the lips, a long kiss. They hug and the
lovers part.
Gab
spends the next day walking toward town, while Xena heads off to the woods
jumping around from tree to tree donning her old stag-horned hood. Xena spies
something in the distance, then appears to be deep in thought. Something clicks
in her brain and she flies off again through the trees toward the hills.
Meanwhile,
just outside of town Gabrielle has wandered into a nearby grove to pick some
cherries.
Suddenly
she hears a voice, it sounds like Xena, coming from the other side of the tree.
X:
Nothing like a good red ripe cherry.
The
woman walks around into view, she�s wearing Amazon garb.
G:
What are you doing here? I thought . . . you . . .
X:
The temple�s not far from here.
G:
I know, I just stopped to rest before heading over there.
X:
Why don�t we go together?
G:
Okay, I�d like that. Hey, is that a new outfit?
They
walk for a ways, eating their cherries. Gabrielle notices that Xena seems
different, she seems younger, freer, prouder.
G:
Did you do something to your hair? It�s lighter. And you�ve braided it. I like
it.
X:
Thanks.
They
approach the temple and enter. Xena walks over to a hooded woman lighting candles,
they speak softly and glance back at Gabrielle. Gabrielle can�t make out the
face of the hooded woman. Xena walks back over. Smiling, she leads Gabrielle
over into a small room on the adjacent side of the temple.
Inside
the room is a bed. Light from the noon day sun streams in through the thinly
veiled window. They sit facing each other on the side of the bed.
G:
What were you talking to that woman about?
X:
You can find the answers you�ve been looking for here, Gabrielle.
Xena
draws Gabrielle to her and begins kissing her softly on the face and neck. She
touches her as though she were touching her for the first time. Her hands and
lips move differently, feel differently. She feels younger, more playful, less
deliberate, more innocent. A small voice in the back of her mind tells her this
is not Xena, but a large voice in the front of her mind tells the small voice
to shut the fuck up because this feels way too good.
Two
hours later they are lying naked in each other�s arms.
X:
I had no idea you would be so beautiful. I don�t think I�m worthy of this.
G:
What do you mean?
X:
Me, lying here with the Amazon queen.
G:
You said I could find the answers here, but I still don�t know what the purpose
of the clitoris is.
X:
The clit has no purpose, except that of bringing us divine pleasure. It is not
tainted by urination and procreation like the penis and vagina. It is truly
unique, it is the gift and temple of Aphrodite, the home of pure love. I can
show you the path, but I can�t take you all the way. Only the high priestess
can do that.
G:
The high priestess? Was that the woman you were talking to at the alter?
X:
Yes. And she has been waiting for you. You can help revive the Amazon Nation by
joining the high priestess in the ritual for sexual empowerment.
A
voice is heard outside. It�s Xena.
X:
Gabrielle?!
Gabrielle
looks at the woman next to her, then looks outside.
G:
Xena?
The
real Xena runs inside and kicks the door open. Their half-nakedness against the
messed up bed gives them away. She stares at this new look-alike than draws her
sword.
The
look-alike jumps to her feet and draws her sword as well.
Look-Alike:
Xena!
X:
Lysia?
G:
Lysia??
L:
Nice to finally see you again, big sister. I�ve been waiting for this day since
you abandoned me in the woods twenty winters ago. Now I shall take my revenge.
G:
Sister??
Lysia
strikes. Xena blocks. Gabrielle intercedes.
G:
Wait, wait. Can�t we talk this out? Xena, is this really your sister?
X:
That�s right. Gabrielle, get dressed. Lysia, outside.
Gabrielle
throws her clothes on. Xena and Lysia step outside.
L:
That�s a nice piece of snatch you have there, Xena. Too bad she had to wait
till she met me before she could really know what satisfaction was.
Xena
lets out her war cry and flies at her feet first. Lysia responds by doing a
forward flip over her.
Gabrielle
comes running out.
G:
Stop, stop! Xena, what is this about?
X:
Years ago, just after Lysia was born, the oracle predicted that one day she
would grow up to steal my light.
L:
And she hated me for it. So one day she takes me on a walk in the woods,
suddenly I�m all alone. Big sister is gone. If the Amazons hadn�t found me and
taken me in I would have been dinner for the wolves.
X:
I never hated you. We were out hunting for mushrooms. One minute you�re there,
the next minute I look around and you�re gone. I searched for you for everyday
for the next ten years. Everyone blamed me.
L:
Ha!
Swords
swing and clash. Sparring continues throughout the dialogue.
G:
Xena, why didn�t you tell me you had a sister?
X:
I didn�t know I still had one.
L:
Out of sight out of mind, huh Xena. I�m not your stupid baby sister anymore.
I�m an Amazon warrior now. And I�m not afraid to take you on, especially now,
(looking at Gabrielle) since I�ve already taken the best that you had.
G: I
guess the oracle was right, in a way she did steal your light. (Flames rise up
behind Xena�s eyes.) But, but only temporarily. (Trying to calm Xena.) Now
Xena, it was an innocent mistake . . .
Xena
screams, Lysia counter screams. They both twirl and kick and knock the sword
out of each other�s hand.
Gabrielle
thinks she is seeing double.
Their
swords thrown out of reach, the fight progresses to hand combat. They grab each
other by the neck and start rolling around in the mud like mad dogs.
X:
Xena, please. Can�t we talk this . . .
Gabrielle
flings herself in the middle of them only to find herself quickly flung back
out. She brushes the dirt off as she glares at the two vengeful sisters with
disdain.
G:
Fine, you want to handle it this way, go right ahead, fight each other to the
death. (Gabrielle heads back into the temple, mumbling under her breath.) Of
all the pig-headed, stubborn . . . like two chips off the same block . . .
Inside
the temple, Gabrielle walks up to the candle-lit alter where the hooded woman
is meditating. Gabrielle sighs and looks longingly up at a statue of Aphrodite.
G:
Two long lost sisters and all they want to do is kill each other. If only
somehow they could re-discover the love in their hearts.
Gabrielle
senses some one is staring at her. She turns her head. The woman has let down
her hood. Gabrielle�s jaw drops and her eyes open wide. Her heart skips a beat.
G:
Velasca!!!
Gabrielle
slowly starts to back away.
G: (calling
towards the door) Xena, Xena.
V:
Gabrielle, it�s okay, I�m not going to hurt you.
G:
What are you doing here?
V:
After you stuck me in that lava pit I had a lot of time to think. I decided it
was better to be loved than feared. So when I finally broke free I sought out a
new mentor. I have been studying for a long time and have learned much about
the art of love. I was told that you had some questions, maybe I could help.
G: Do
you know anything about the clitoris?
V:
Yes, actually, I know a great deal. It�s one of my specialties.
G:
What is its purpose?
V:
Before we answer that question we need to actually familiarize ourselves with
the organ itself. Do you know what the clitoris looks like?
Gab:
Yeah.
V:
I mean the whole thing, not just the little tip of the iceberg that you can see
from the outside.
G:
What do you mean?
V:
The clitoris, Gabrielle, is a magnificent organ. The little part that is
visible is not indicative of its true size, it�s much much larger and more
extensive than most people realize. In fact no one will ever bother to do a
decent dissection of it for another two thousand years. I am a goddess so I can
see the future, well, some parts anyway. If we were in that time I would refer
you to the June �98 issue of the Journal of Urology, but since I can�t take you
forward in time I�ve taken copies of the photographs of that dissection back to
show you. The clitoris is a tri-planar complex, extending upward �into a large bulb-shaped mass that sits under
the pelvic bone, and extending downward branching into two legs or crura like
the branches of a wishbone which rest alongside the urethra and vaginal
opening. The entire thing is about 12 cm long, and 5 cm thick. Here see. From
this frontal perspective it has a wishbone shape. (pic #1) This
next one is a profile shot so only one crura is showing. See how round and
thick it is. The light-colored flesh, that�s the clit. (pic #2)� The whole thing is made of erectile tissue
which becomes swollen and engorged with blood during sexual arousal. And here
it is from a different angle. (pic #3)
G:
Oh my God.
V:
That�s right, Gabrielle. This is the true innermost sanctum of the sacred
temple of the Goddess Aphrodite which she has given as a gift of divine love to
dwell in every woman. She made it in the shape of an �A� to signify her initial
and mark it as her own handiwork so that we would never forget her. And if you
look at if from upside-down it could also be a �V�, a �V� for Aphrodite�s
co-hort and priestess, me, Velasca.
G:
What?! You�ve joined forces with Aphrodite?
V:
Yes. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think while lying in that lava pit.
And you, Gabrielle, were the focus of all those thoughts. Of course, I still
plan to overthrow you and assume my rightful place as Amazon queen, but I
realize now I don�t have to kill you to do it, I just have to love you.
Velasca
starts in on Gabrielle. Gabrielle tries to push her away but Velasca has become
an expert seductress. The vision is beginning to come true.
G:
Forget it, Velasca. It�s not going to happen.
V:
Oh, I can�t do that. And when I�m done with you, you won�t be able to forget it
either.
G:
Xena!! Xena!!
Xena,
still locked in a fierce mud wrestling match with her Amazon sister hears Gabrielle�s
pleas but can�t imagine what is wrong. She struggles to pry Lysia off of her.
Meanwhile,
inside the temple, Velasca is putting the heat on.
V:
You see, (she pulls up Gabrielle�s skirt while pushing her down on the alter)
Aphrodite created a foolproof organ, it functions on its own for mortal
purposes, but there is a technique known only to the priestesses of Aphrodite
which enables them to bring the clit to its truer higher purpose.
G:
And what purpose is that?
V:
To be a vessel of release, release of a woman�s mojo, whoever takes possession
of it will have complete power over her.
�
Velasca
proceeds to go down on Gabrielle. Her goddess-long tongue reaches out toward
Gabrielle's engorged little hood, it licks then enters her. Gabrielle can feel
every minute movement. She can feel Velasca�s tongue inside her, growing
longer, and thicker. Pumping her and lapping her. Then it grows even longer,
until it splits down the middle, like a snake, one fork thrusting inside of her
the other lapping firmly between her labia. And probing deeper, sucking harder.
Gabrielle is moaning terribly, uncontrollably.
Xena
hears Gabrielle�s moans from inside the temple. She kicks Lysia away and grabs
her sword. Xena can�t bear to think of her bard in pain, but then realizes they
are moans of pleasure and grows even more enraged. She leaps toward the temple
but Lysia�s sword is suddenly at her throat.
L:
Don�t even think about going in there.
X:
Why not?!
L:
Velasca and Alti need Gabrielle out of the way so that they can assume control
over the Amazon Nation. If you go in there you�ll only guarantee that Gabrielle
gets killed.
X:
Velasca!!!??? And Alti!!?? You would let them hurt Gabrielle.
L:
No, of course not. And so long as you don�t interfere they won�t.
X:
You don�t know Alti.
L:
I know her well enough to stay out of her way.
X:
She�s a liar and a demon. You can�t trust her. She�s manipulated and used you
to get to me and Gabrielle. What did she promise you? Power? Glory? Well,
forget about it. You don�t have the faintest idea of what you�re getting into.
The only place for a girl like you is back home under your mommy�s skirt.
L:
Mom? Mom�s still alive?
X:
Yup.
Lysia
lets her sword slip.
L:
Mom. (She�s lost in her memories.)
X:
That�s right. Why don�t you hop on your horse and go pay her a visit. It�s been
long enough don�t you think. Let me deal with the demoness and her half-cocked
goddess sidekick.
Lysia
gets up and goes for her horse.
L:
Which way is it, I�ve forgotten.
X:
Amphipolis. Go west, young Amazon, go west.
Lysia
takes off.
Velasca
continues to hold Gabrielle down on the alter, her arms wrapped round
Gabrielle�s thighs and torso like sinewy branches of a tree. Her tongue
continues its assault, the outside fork splitting again to fully massage every
inch of her clit and vulva, a narrow finger penetrates Gabrielle�s anus. She
screams ecstatically. New tendrils shoot out of the metamorphic tongue to make
a final probe into the head of the clitoris where they slowly lure out the ball
of blue glowing mojo. Gabrielle is jerked involuntarily into the violent waves
of the ultimate orgasm.
Once
Velasca has the mojo safe between her jaws she pulls out and lets Gabrielle
slip helplessly onto the floor, the Amazon Queen is completely dispossessed of
her powers. Velasca returns her tongue and arms to normal shape.
Suddenly
the figure of a warrior appears in the doorway.
Xena:
What have you done to her, you bitch!!
V: Xena!!
Ha ha ha ha! You might have got past your measly little sister, but don�t think
you�ll get past me. I am a goddess, you know.
X:
Is that what they�re calling it these days.
Xena
throws her chakram, reflecting it off the back wall and hitting Velasca in the
back which pops the mojo out of her mouth, shooting it into Xena�s cleavage.
Velasca
screams and sends a fire bolt her way. Xena ducks and covers. The fire bolt
expires against the wall.
Xena
pulls out a dagger from her belt.
X:
Lucky me. I�ve still got the hind�s blood dagger that killed Callisto and I�ve
just been itching to find another bitch goddess to use it on.
Velasca
turns white and backs up against the wall. Xena inches forward. Just as she is
about to stab her Velasca drops and goes for her groin. Startled Xena drops the
dagger. She fights Velasca with everything she�s got, trying desperately to pry
her out from between her legs. Xena reaches for the dagger but it�s just beyond
her grasp. Velasca is using all the power she has to remove Xena�s mojo.
Gabrielle
stirs.
X:
Gab�ri�elle. The dag�ger.
Gabrielle,
half conscious and still foaming at the mouth uses her last ounce of energy to
kick the dagger within Xena�s reach.
In
one swift motion Xena swipes the dagger off the ground and pounds it into
Velasca�s back. The evil goddess has been defeated.
An
exhausted Xena kicks herself out from under Velasca�s limp corpse and tries to
catch her breath. She starts to crawl toward Gabrielle. A pair of feet suddenly
appear before her. She looks up
Alti
is looking down at her.
Alti:
Not so fast.
X:
Give up, your plan has already failed.
A:
Not if I can help it.
Alti
kicks Xena in the chest sending Gabrielle�s mojo flying out. It falls into the navel
of a statue of Aphrodite. Xena does a kick flip off the ground and lands a
square blow on Alti�s rib cage. They both regain their balance and rush toward
the statue which they knock over and send shattering to the ground. The mojo
rolls along the floor, before either can reach it . . .
A
puff of smoke. The Goddess of Love herself appears.
Aphrodite:
Not in my temple you don�t.
X:
(glaring at Alti) She started it.
Aph:
(Catching the sight of Alti for the first time.) Ewww, who let the racoon out
of the cage.
Alti:
(clawing at the air) I am your ultimate nightmare!
Aph:
Yeah, whatever. (Aphrodite shoots out a blast that throws Alti against the wall
and to the ground.) Go easy on the eyeliner next time.
Alti:
Curses. (Alti turns toward the door.) You haven�t seen the last of me yet. (She
cackles as she swoops into the air with a poof and a flash.)
Aph:
Jeez, what is up her butt.
X:
Thank you.
Aph:
No problem.
Xena
picks up Gab�s mojo.
X:
So how do I put this back?
Aph:
Sorry, ancient priestess secret, but if you�re interested in the job . . .
X:
That�s okay. I just want her back in working order again.
Aph:
Of course, but we�ll need a few minutes alone.
Xena
exits and Aphrodite goes over to the listless Gabrielle. She picks her up in
her goddess-strong arms and carries her over to the alter. She props up the
bard�s knees and spreads her apart. Placing the blue shiny mojo between her
teeth she goes down and returns the mojo back to its rightful home in
Gabrielle�s clit. Gabrielle stirs, her eyes open, she looks between her legs
and sees Aphrodite ministering to her. She groans and her eyes roll back in her
head. She lies back on the table.
G:
Not again.
In
a few minutes she is fully restored.
G:
(sitting on the side of the alter) I own you one.
A:
Yeah you do. (Lightly punching her in the shoulder.) Go on, get outta here.
(Aside, under her breath.) That�s the last time I take another two-bit
fledgling goddess under my wing. I�m never gonna get this taste out of my mouth.
Gabrielle
smiles and skips toward the door. She rejoins Xena outside fresh and perky as
ever.
G:
Thanks, again, for saving my life, --and my libido.
X:
You�d do the same for me.
G:
But how did you keep Velasca from stealing your mojo?
X:
Ancient warrior secret.
G:
Come on.
X:
Gabrielle, no one can really steal your mojo, just like hope can never escape
Pandora�s box, because it�s never really there to begin with, it�s a desire for
something, a wanting for someone. And when you�re with that someone, well,
that�s the only real mojo there is.
Gabrielle
smiles at Xena.
Golden
Helios sets behind the Greco-New Zealand hills. Xena and Gabrielle walk
together toward the horizon.
FADE
OUT
|