By White Traishe Far From the Maddening Clit...



WARNING!!!
This story is not intended for readers who may not like it. Also, it is especially not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

DISCLAIMER:
Xena et al belong to MCA Universal, no copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR�S NOTE:
To All My Adoring Fans: I apologize for the long interval between this story and the last, but, hey, after a summer long vacation with nothing to do but write, I actually had to go back to work. Yes, even pervs like me have to pay rent. Well, anyway, I worked hard on this one as you will no doubt be able to tell. I even went to the trouble of doing research and have included some wonderful visual aids for you, as well as suggestions for further reading which are inconspicuously hidden within the dialogue. Enjoy. And to a special someone out there, happy be-lated birthday.

DEDICATION:
This story is the culmination of my life�s work, if I die tomorrow I will die in peace knowing that perhaps one girl out there will not have to live another day in dark ignorance of the true glory of her clitoris. This is my humble and heart-felt ode to the beauty, power, and unequalled pleasure of the clitoral orgasm. It is dedicated to all the women of the world, and as well to the great and highest of all gods�Aphrodite. Long live the Goddess.



FADE IN:


A serene lakeside in a virgin forest of Greco-New Zealand.

Gabrielle is trying to catch dinner and having a hard time of it. She casts her line and ends up catching the back hem of her skirt on the hook. Not realizing she�s hooked herself, she yanks on the line, pulling her skirt up over her head and exposing her black little panties.

She lets out an exasperated cry.

Joxer steps out of the woods with a geeky gasp.

Joxer: Hi Gabby!

Gabrielle turns around with a jerk.

Gabrielle: Joxer!

Joxer: Hee hee, nice catch. Need some help hauling her in? Hee, hee.

G: (wrenching the hook out of her skirt) No, I�m fine, thank you.

J: So, where�s Xena?

G: That�s the question isn�t it. I woke up this morning and she was gone. This note was stuffed down my shirt.

She digs a piece of parchment out of her cleavage and hands it to Joxer. Joxer takes the note but his eyes remain on her cleavage.

G: Read it.

J: Oh uh hmm. Dear Peach Cheeks, who�s that?

Gabrielle tilts her head and smiles, blushing slightly. Her patience is wearing thin.

J: Oh, huh huh, that�s you. She calls you �Peach Cheeks�? Oh, how sweet, (pinching her cheek), just like little pink peaches.

G: Not those cheeks.

J: Hmm?

G: Continue.

J: Oh, uh, yes. I�ve gotten word that Najara�s escaped from prison again. Must go put her back in her place. Don�t worry I�ll be back by dinner. Fish would be good. Thanks, Love Xena. Mmmm, fish does sound good. Ya caught any yet?

G: No, not exactly

J: But Xena is going to be back any minute according to her letter.

G: Well, then, I guess she�ll have to catch her own dinner. Would serve her right running off on me like that.

J: Well, you know Gabrielle, she probably just wanted to keep you out of danger. Besides we�ve already seen Xena fight Najara in two episodes this season, three would be a bit much.

G: I guess.

Suddenly a horrible cackle is heard above and a dark shadowy figure swoops down in front of Gabrielle.

G: Alti?

Alti: Good, I�m glad to see you remember me.

G: But, but Xena killed you, and then we killed you, or at least your reincarnation, and then Xena killed you again or banished your soul or something. In any case, you should be dead.

A: Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Oh you poor ignorant girl, a fabulous super-villainess like me can only keep coming back again and again and again. Have you learned nothing?

Gabrielle holds her fishing rod out in front of her, and tries to ward off the advancing demoness.

A: Don�t worry, I�m not here to hurt you. I only want to destroy your relationship with Xena. You are a source of endless light and goodness for her which gives her power against me. I want to take away her source of strength, and to do that requires that I give you a whole lot of pleasure.

G: I wouldn�t take another step if I were you, Xena�s going to be back any minute. And she�s not going to be in a good mood, if you know what I mean.

A: I�m not stupid. I�m the one that sent her away. I set up that whole thing with Najara. I�ve got plenty of time before she shows up.

Joxer rushes out with his sword, lunging at Alti.

J: Get away from her, you witch!

Alti swats him to the ground, where he lies half-conscious.

Gabrielle takes a couple swipes with her stick but Alti knocks it out of her hands. She pushes Gabrielle back against a tree and grabs her throat.

Gabrielle groans. A scene from her past flashes before her eyes.

FLASHBACK FROM �SINS OF THE PAST�

Xena is naked and lying beside a nervous Gabrielle in her bedroll. Xena begins kissing her then slowly undresses her.

All of the sensations of her first time wash over Gabrielle�s body, as if she were re-living it. Her eyes roll back and she lets out another groan, a groan of unmistakable sexual arousal.

Joxer is wakened by the noise, and stares up at Gabrielle, still too injured to move.

A: Was that your first time? It wasn�t Xena�s. Did Xena ever tell you about an apprentice of mine she was in lust with. I bet she was thinking of her while she was fucking you.

G: No, Xena never . . .

Alti squeezes her throat again.

Gabrielle�s body is seized in another series of orgasmic spasms.

FLASHBACK TO �THE PRICE�

Xena is angry and on a power-trip. The dark-side is ruling as she holds Gabrielle down on the floor of the store room and fucks her roughly in front of the Horde prisoner (how do you think he figured out Xena was in charge J ). �Don�t ever question me or my authority in front or my men!� Gabrielle yells for Xena to get off of her, then begs her not to stop.

 

Gabrielle rolls her head back, digging it into the sharp bark of the tree. She is panting heavily and sweat rolls down her brow as she screams with remembered pleasure.

A: Oooo, someone likes it rough. But we�re not quite there yet.

G: Please, I can�t take it any . . .

FLASHBACK TO �CHAKRAM�

Excited by Gabrielle�s new fighting skills, Amarice steps into her mentor�s role and satisfies her queen�s frustrated desires, which have been completely neglected by the na�ve Xena since their resurrection. Young nubile flesh presses into young nubile flesh, hot erect nipples into hot erect nipples. Gabrielle moans in rhythm to the sound of Xena�s snoring from the other side of the campfire.

A: Who was that? You little tramp.

G: Xena wanted Amarice to take her place if anything ever happened to her.

Gabrielle is limp and exhausted and leans against the tree for support.

FLASHBACK TO THE NIGHT BEFORE

Xena and Gabrielle are making love. Xena is on top, of course, and Gabrielle is enjoying pressing her fingernails ever deeper into Xena�s strong undulating back.

A: Same-o, same-o. Now for a look into your future.

FLASHFORWARD #1

Gabrielle is masturbatingas she watches Xena and Joxer going at it in front of her. She climaxes again and again.

A: Kinky.

G: Oh God, I think I�m going to be sick.

FLASHFORWARD #2

A lighter-haired Xena is making love to Gabrielle, it feels like the first time all over again.

A: Come on, come on.

G: What is the point of this? I love Xena, she loves me, that will never change.

A: Dear Gabrielle, Xena may have many skills, but there is one even she is lacking. Didn�t you ever wonder what the clitoris is for. It doesn�t serve any reproductive function. It drives a girl to distraction, makes her do things she normally wouldn�t, but all the sex in the world can�t seem to satisfy it. It�s true calling is never found, never fulfilled�except, except for the very very few and very lucky, and I have a hunch that somewhere in your future . . .

Gabrielle�s body is so spent she is about to collapse any minute.

G: No, please . . .

FLASHFORWARD #3

An unknown person, whose face is obscured, is ministering to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle�s body jerks forward. Her eyes pop open.

G: Oh gods, oh gods! What is that? What are you doing? (she lets out a long deep groan) Oh gods. I had no idea. No one has ever . . .

Her body writhes and thrusts. She cries out again and again until she is violently ecstatically sobbing.

Joxer, who has witnessed the whole thing, tries to pull himself up, but falls to the ground again.

J: Gabrielle?

Finally, Alti releases her hold and lets the Amazon fall, wasted to the ground.

Alti: Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Looks like you�ve got something to look forward to. And Xena will finally have met her match. And then the warrior princess will be mine, all mine. Ah ha ha ha ha ha, ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Alti vanishes as quickly as she appeared, with a flash, and a cackle, and a swoop into the trees.

Everything is suddenly silent except for Gabrielle�s labored breathing.

Joxer inches his way toward her.

J: Gabrielle, are you all right? What did she do to you?

Gabrielle mumbles and rolls her head back and forth, then falls back into unconsciousness. Drool and foam ooze from the side of her mouth.

Xena rushes onto the scene, out of breath.

Xena: (running to her) Gabrielle?! Gabrielle? Oh, Gabrielle, I�m so sorry, what did she do to you?

Xena takes her into her arms, setting her head in her lap. She wipes the sweat and saliva from her face as she tries to rouse her. Eventually her eyes open.

X: Are you okay?

G: I think so?

X: I rushed back as soon as I realized it was a set-up. Najara didn�t escape, she killed herself. And she was reincarnated as Alti, but in the future, except it was Alti from the past visiting from a former life, and somehow the djinn told her where our henna tattoo set was and she jumped into a fire and then was back here. I know it doesn�t make any sense, but that doesn�t matter, nothing has made sense since the second season any way, all that matters is that you�re okay. And you are okay, right? Did she hurt you at all?

G: Not really.

Joxer: I�m hurt.

X: What did she want? What happened?

G: I don�t know. I think she wants to turn you against me. So my light and goodness can�t strengthen you anymore.

X: Never, that will never happen. Not even death can keep me from you.

Gabrielle clasps Xena�s wrist and gazes up lovingly into her eyes.

G: Of course not. But what are we going to do? She�s not going to rest until she�s destroyed us.

X: I know, I�m working on a plan.

Later that night the three are sleeping round the camp fire. Gabrielle begins tossing and turning and moaning loudly. Flashes of scenes from her previous journey through ecstasy dance through her mind, until finally culminating with the last fateful vision.

Xena awakes and reaches for her.

X: Gabrielle? Gabrielle?

G: Oh Gods, please, please.

X: Wake up. You�re having a bad dream.

G: Huh, wha?

X: Gabrielle, it�s okay. I�m here.

G: Xena?

X: You�re drenched in sweat and burning up.

G: Xena.

Gabrielle reaches for her protector and cuddles up in her arms.

X: It�s okay, it was just a dream.

G: I hope you�re right.

Xena holds her tighter and kisses her on her head. Gabrielle returns her affections by kissing her on the mouth.

G: Please help me Xena, I�m so horny.

X: What were you dreaming?

G: Don�t ask.

Gabrielle proceeds to strip herself and then Xena. She pulls Xena on top of her and grinds wildly against the warrior�s muscled thigh but then stops abruptly, unable to satisfy herself.

G: Xena, what�s the clitoris for?

X: What?

G: Alti said that it didn�t have a purpose.

X: Why was Alti talking about your clitoris?

G: She showed me things, from my past and my future. Sort of like she showed you, except these visions weren�t about pain, they were about pleasure. Sexual pleasure.

X: No fair. How come I always have to feel all the pain while you get all the pleasure.

G: Well, you got to be numb with paralysis while we were being nailed to a cross, I�m the only one that really suffered.

X: You�re right. I guess we�re even. But what exactly did you see in your visions.

G: Most of the visions were of you and me making love . . .

X: Most?

G: Uh, did I say most? I meant all, yeah all.

Xena gives her a look.

G: But, see, the last vision, it . . . it�s so hard to describe.

X: Did you see yourself being crucified again?

G: No, it wasn�t of death. It was more like rebirth, like a sexual rebirth.

X: But I wasn�t in it?

Gabrielle shakes her head.

X: Who was?

G: I don�t know, I couldn�t see her face.

X: What was she doing to you?

G: That�s the thing, Xena. It was unlike anything I�ve ever felt before. There aren�t words to describe it. It was clitoral, that�s all I know. It was clitoral, completely ecstatic and clitoral. Almost, almost like . . . my clitoris was coming alive for the first time, and it was like . . .doing something. She was making it do something.

Gabrielle�s eyes roll back in her head for a brief second as the memory washes over her again.

X: What was it doing?

G: I don�t know. But it was like I�d finally discovered its true function. I was realizing what the purpose was. I just remember the feeling, I don�t remember actual words or thoughts. I didn�t see enough to know exactly what was happening.

X: It was better than when I go down on you?

G: It was a thousand times more intense, like a completely different world.

Xena looks away and fidgets with the blanket.

G: I�m sorry. I didn�t mean it like it sounded. You know how hard you make me come. I love what you do to me. It�s just this thing, it�s driving me crazy. You�ve had a lot of experiences, have you ever heard of anything like this?

Xena shakes her head.

X: If you�re asking my permission to pursue your sexual fulfillment, you have my blessing.

G: Xena, this isn�t �Return of Callisto�, don�t think I�m going to leave you. That�s exactly what Alti wanted. I�m not going anywhere.

X: The last time we had this conversation you ran off and got married.

G: Well, you we�re being a bitch.

X: Was not.

G: Were too.

X: I�m sorry.

G: I�m sorry too.

They hug and fall into a restless sleep.

Morning. Gabrielle is off bathing. Joxer is trying to watch her from the bushes.

Suddenly Xena pounces from behind and puts her pinch on him.

X: What do you think you�re doing?!

Joxer gags and gasps.

X: I�ll let it go this time if you promise to tell me everything you saw last night.

J: (gasping) I promise.

Xena takes the pinch off.

J: What do you want to know?

X: Yesterday, when Alti had Gabrielle in her clutch, did you hear or see anything strange.

J: Uhhh, hmmm, lemme see. Alti said she wanted to break you and Gabrielle up and then Gabrielle had what sounded like about a gazillion orgasms.

Xena clenches her teeth.

J: And then, and then Alti said something about Gabrielle one day being lucky enough to find out the purpose of her clitoris, and then Gabrielle screamed and cried and started foaming at the mouth.

X: Screams of pleasure or pain.

J: I�d say pleasure, yeah, pleasure. Hey, by the way, what�s a clitoris?

Xena smiles and pats him on the head.

Gabrielle calls out from the lake.

G: Xena! Oh, Xena!

X: What is it Gabrielle?

G: Aren�t you going to join me? The water is great.

X: Be there in a sec. (to Joxer) Get lost.

J: Right.

Joxer takes off for the woods and Xena heads toward the lake stripping off a piece of clothing with every step until she dives in naked and ready.

Joxer hears Xena splash into the water and suddenly becomes very weak. He crouches down and crawls back toward the lake, finding a hidden perch to spy from.

His jaw drops at the sight of a wet and naked Xena and Gabrielle making out just feet away from him. He bites the heel of his palm (a la Squiggy) and whimpers quietly like a little puppy.

Gabrielle sees the vision again in her head. Suddenly she is excruciatingly horny. She holds Xena�s head down against her crotch until Xena practically drowns. Eventually they move onto the shore.

Gabrielle is crazy with lust. Xena is working double-time but it�s not enough. At this point Gabrielle would do anything to satisfy her unnaturally aroused libido.

Joxer continues watching from behind the bushes. Xena, of course, senses he is there.

X: Joxer, I said get lost.

G: No, I want him.

X: Okay.

Joxer humbly steps out from behind the flora, gulping�hard. And getting�hard. He smiles weakly, but eventually his want succeeds in drawing him over to the two naked sirens.

J: Oh Zeus, oh dear Zeus.

X: Your dreams are about to come true Joxer, but no one gets to her without going through me first. I�ve got to taste the meat first, make sure it�s good enough for the queen.

Gabrielle licks her lips.

Joxer gulps hard again. He pulls down his pants exposing his weak little white ass. Then removes his chest plate and armor. He leaves his shirt on though, not wanting to show his sorry underdeveloped pecs.

X: Come on Joxer, fuck me.

Joxer turns white as a ghost and bites his lower lip. His is trembling in fear before the naked warrioress. There is no doubt in his mind that failure to satisfactorily complete this mission will mean his eminent death. He slowly positions himself on top of her, praying under his breath.

J: Oh, dear immortal Zeus, please please don�t let me mess this up, please don�t let me come too soon. Oh dear God (he lifts up his shirt and exposes his little red hard prick) Oh dear God (he is breathing heavily, then Xena grabs his butt cheeks, suddenly he is inside her hot wet contracting cunt) Oh, sweet Aphrodite. (he starts to pump, ever so gently) Oh, Oh, mommy. (he begins to huff and puff)

Xena has one hand on his ass and one at his throat, supporting his weight above her.

X: Come on, Joxer is that the best you can do.

His face turns red and his neck veins bulge due to exertion and a decreased blood flow to the brain caused by Xena�s strategically placed hand. He pumps harder and looks over at Gabrielle. Gabrielle is lying on her side watching the pair, thrusting her pelvis into her hand. He pumps harder.

X: Yeah, that�s it.

He pumps harder. Xena is meeting his every stroke with a firm thrust upward. He gazes down at her. Her eyes are starting to glaze over. He pumps harder, longer, deeper.

Xena groans loudly. Suddenly Joxer pulls out.

J: I only come for Gabrielle.

Joxer moves on to Gabrielle. He pumps and pumps and pumps and comes twice, but Gabrielle, sadly, gets no where.

Gabrielle pushes him off and rolls over onto her stomach and begins masturbating.

G: Xena, help me, please.

Joxer moves away, leaning back on haunches, looking forlorn.

Xena crawls on top of Gabrielle wrapping a hand under her from the side, replacing Gab�s own hand. A double-headed phallus strapped to her thigh penetrates the Amazon�s wet cunt and ass. Xena�s other hand is at Gab�s mouth, two fingers probing and being sucked. Simultaneously, Xena bites and sucks the back of her neck. Finally, Gabrielle comes, her body convulses than drops limp to the ground.

G: Thank you.

Xena withdraws and sits back as Gab rides out her orgasmic waves. She looks over at the distraught Joxer.

X: You have to give her what she wants.

Joxer rises and slips his pants quietly back on, then slinks off into the forest without a word.

G: What a baby.

X: You didn�t have to be so mean.

G: I know, it�s just, something is wrong with me. Suddenly I can�t get enough, but I can�t get it right. I keep seeing and feeling that vision. It�s driving me crazy. Please help me.

Xena goes over to her for another round. Gabrielle comes but in a few minutes feels just as unsatisfied.

G: Xena, this is driving me crazy. I�ve got to try to find out why I am feeling this. I need information. You�re an experienced woman. Have you ever heard any stories about hyper-stimulated clits? Have you ever experienced anything like this?

X: Well, there was this one time . . .

Suddenly Eli appears.

Eli: Here�s a copy of the Kama Sutra.

G: (flipping through it) This is all about hetero sex positions, not one mention of the word clitoris. No, I need real information. I feel like I don�t even know my own body.

X: (to Eli) What brings you here, friend.

E: Xena, I have an urgent message for you. Caesar is about to invade Alexandria. Cleopatra needs your help.

X: You know Cleo, too?

E: Doesn�t everybody.

X: You�re right. I have to go help her.

G: Does this mean we�re going to Alexandria? They have like the world�s hugest library there. If I can�t get the info I need there I can�t get it anywhere.

The trio jumps on a boat for Alexandria. Gab vomits over the side of the ship while Xena holds her hair. After seeing Gabrielle vomit Eli has to vomit too, which only makes Gabrielle hurl again. Xena sighs and holds both of their hair back for the duration of the trip. Finally, after a particularly severe session of dry heaves they arrive in Alexandria.

Caesar�s forces have already stormed the city and Xena has no choice but to fight them head on, one by one.

Meanwhile Gabrielle and Eli skip off to the library. Thumbing through the parchment catalog Gabrielle spots the title that she�s sure will do the trick. With the help of St. Jerome they locate the book Gabrielle needs, �Everything You�ve Ever Wanted to Know About the Clitoris But Were Afraid to Ask.� She begins to frantically flip through the pages.

Caesar�s army is in danger of being single-handedly dismantled by Xena so he decides to distract her by dispatching a small battalion of soldiers to the library, with orders to burn it down.

Xena releases her chakram just in time to cut down a wall enabling Eli and Gabrielle (book in hand) to make a near escape just as the flames engulf the stacks.

Books burning in the background, Gabrielle sits down on a tree log and scans through the table of contents.

G: There. Chapter 7, How to Give a Woman the Type of Orgasm that Makes Her Foam at the Mouth, page 169.

She flips to the chapter only to discover that someone has ripped all the relevant pages out of the book.

G: Goddamit! (Falling to the ground sobbing.) Goddammit, goddammit, goddammit. Why, why, why, why.

E: Gabrielle, I sense that something is troubling you. Maybe I can help.

G: I don�t think so. The way of love can�t help me now, I need the way of mind-blowing ultra-orgasmic sex. But no one can tell me anything, this book was my last hope. Oh God, where is Xena, I�m so fucking horny.

E: Gabrielle, I sense that something is troubling you. Maybe I can help.

G: Not unless you want to take a knife and cut this damn thing out of me. It�s insatiable, it is so completely insatiable.

E: I think I know someone who can help you.

G: Who?

E: A friend of mine, Muhammad. He�s not far from here, come on, let�s go see him.

Gabrielle and Eli head out toward Muhammad�s. On the way they pass Xena who is busy fighting off the entire Roman legion by herself. She yells to Gabrielle over her shoulder while holding ten bloodthirsty soldiers at bay.

X: Hey, where are you two going?

G: Somebody ripped the pages out. If I don�t get some relief soon I�m going to explode. Eli�s taking me to see his friend Muhammad. He thinks he can help me.

X: Ok, I�ll catch up with you later.

Xena continues fighting as Gabrielle and Eli walk out of sight. But something doesn�t seem right.

X: Muhammad? Muhammad? Where have I heard that name before. (A light goes off.) Oh, shit!

Xena does a triple summersault flip over the advancing army and runs off after Gabrielle.

X: Wait! Gabrielle!

She runs and runs and runs, and finally comes to a small shack, she hears Gab�s voice inside.

G: Are you sure this isn�t going to hurt?

Muhammad: You�ll feel a slight pinch.

Xena bursts in, sweating, out of breath, Roman blood still splattered all over her, and an angry as hell expression on her face.

Gabrielle looks up from the table she is splayed out on.

G: Xena!

Xena sees the knife in Muhammad�s hand which is poised between Gab�s legs, she instantly lets fly her chakram.

X: Noooooooo!!

The chakram knocks the knife out of his hand and Xena throws herself into the air, she does a split kick to Muhammad and Eli�s head sending them to the ground then swoops Gabrielle up into her arms off of the table.

X: (to the pigs on the floor) You stupid uncle-fucking woman-hating god-forsaken cock-sucking stool-spewing pigs. You go to hell. You go to hell and you die. What the fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you!

G: I�m sorry Xena, it . . . well, it was sort of my idea.

X: What!?

G: I can�t take it any more. I can�t sleep, I can�t eat, I can�t think. My loins have gone crazy, they�re on fire, all I want twenty-four hours a day is to have my brains fucked out again and again. I don�t know what to do. I don�t know what to do.

X: Well, this definitely is not the way.

-------------------

Later that night.

Xena is attempting to fuck Gabrielle�s brains out by the campfire. She stares into the flame as she gives Gabrielle everything she�s got.

She sees something. It�s in the flame. Suddenly Alti emerges.

A: Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. I see my little vision is taking its toll on your bitch. And you don�t know what to do about it, do you Xena. Ah ha ha ha ha.

Xena, naked, grabs her sword and holds it at Alti�s throat.

X: You reverse what you�ve done to her, hag, or I�ll cut your liver out and feed it to the worms that feast on your putrid heart.

A: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but threats will only encourage me. Hiya!

Alti uses her super shamaness powers to turn Xena�s sword into a snake. It falls down and wraps around Xena�s wrists, holding her tight.

A: Looks like somebody�s hands are tied.

Gabrielle watches from her prone position on the ground. She is weak from thirty-eight back-to-back hour long sessions of fucking.

G: Xena, it�s a trick. Don�t let her touch you.

Alti laughs and grabs the paralyzed warrior by the crotch.

A: Maybe you�d like a little dose too. But clitoral ecstasy just isn�t in the cards for you, too bad. Why don�t you give up now? How long do you think she�ll be able to stand it, sooner or later she�s bound to leave. She�s already gone. Come back to me, Xena. Come back to the dark side. Your destiny awaits you.

Xena grits her teeth.

Alti cackles and then is gone, leaving as quickly as she�d come.

Xena regains her power and breaks the bonds of the snake. Her sword falls to the ground. She turns to Gabrielle who after being left alone for two seconds has resorted to masturbation.

Xena is visibly disturbed.

X: Get up! (she grabs Gab�s clothes and bag and throws them at her) Get dressed. I don�t know what Alti thinks she wants but if she wants to break us up then let�s play along. You go do what you have to do, I�m going to find a way to put that hag back in her place.

G: Are you mad at me?

X: (composing herself) No, no. Oh god, I�m sorry. Why would I be mad at you? Please, compared to you right now my libido is still five hundred times stronger. (She takes Gabrielle�s face in her hands.) There�s nothing wrong with being horny. But what you need to satisfy isn�t just your libido, but your curiosity too, and that makes it all the more difficult. So go, it�s okay with me, find out what you need to find out. I�ll come find you once I�ve gotten to the bottom of Alti�s plan.

G: But where should I go?

X: When it comes to love and sex and obsessions, there�s really only one source.

X & G: (in unison) Aphrodite!

X: Did you learn nothing from �A Comedy of Eros� or �Fins, Femmes, and Gems.� Go on, there�s a temple just a day�s walk from here in Mytilene. Wait for me there.

G: Okay.

Xena kisses her on the forehead. Then on the lips, a long kiss. They hug and the lovers part.

Gab spends the next day walking toward town, while Xena heads off to the woods jumping around from tree to tree donning her old stag-horned hood. Xena spies something in the distance, then appears to be deep in thought. Something clicks in her brain and she flies off again through the trees toward the hills.

Meanwhile, just outside of town Gabrielle has wandered into a nearby grove to pick some cherries.

Suddenly she hears a voice, it sounds like Xena, coming from the other side of the tree.

X: Nothing like a good red ripe cherry.

The woman walks around into view, she�s wearing Amazon garb.

G: What are you doing here? I thought . . . you . . .

X: The temple�s not far from here.

G: I know, I just stopped to rest before heading over there.

X: Why don�t we go together?

G: Okay, I�d like that. Hey, is that a new outfit?

They walk for a ways, eating their cherries. Gabrielle notices that Xena seems different, she seems younger, freer, prouder.

G: Did you do something to your hair? It�s lighter. And you�ve braided it. I like it.

X: Thanks.

They approach the temple and enter. Xena walks over to a hooded woman lighting candles, they speak softly and glance back at Gabrielle. Gabrielle can�t make out the face of the hooded woman. Xena walks back over. Smiling, she leads Gabrielle over into a small room on the adjacent side of the temple.

Inside the room is a bed. Light from the noon day sun streams in through the thinly veiled window. They sit facing each other on the side of the bed.

G: What were you talking to that woman about?

X: You can find the answers you�ve been looking for here, Gabrielle.

Xena draws Gabrielle to her and begins kissing her softly on the face and neck. She touches her as though she were touching her for the first time. Her hands and lips move differently, feel differently. She feels younger, more playful, less deliberate, more innocent. A small voice in the back of her mind tells her this is not Xena, but a large voice in the front of her mind tells the small voice to shut the fuck up because this feels way too good.

Two hours later they are lying naked in each other�s arms.

X: I had no idea you would be so beautiful. I don�t think I�m worthy of this.

G: What do you mean?

X: Me, lying here with the Amazon queen.

G: You said I could find the answers here, but I still don�t know what the purpose of the clitoris is.

X: The clit has no purpose, except that of bringing us divine pleasure. It is not tainted by urination and procreation like the penis and vagina. It is truly unique, it is the gift and temple of Aphrodite, the home of pure love. I can show you the path, but I can�t take you all the way. Only the high priestess can do that.

G: The high priestess? Was that the woman you were talking to at the alter?

X: Yes. And she has been waiting for you. You can help revive the Amazon Nation by joining the high priestess in the ritual for sexual empowerment.

A voice is heard outside. It�s Xena.

X: Gabrielle?!

Gabrielle looks at the woman next to her, then looks outside.

G: Xena?

The real Xena runs inside and kicks the door open. Their half-nakedness against the messed up bed gives them away. She stares at this new look-alike than draws her sword.

The look-alike jumps to her feet and draws her sword as well.

Look-Alike: Xena!

X: Lysia?

G: Lysia??

L: Nice to finally see you again, big sister. I�ve been waiting for this day since you abandoned me in the woods twenty winters ago. Now I shall take my revenge.

G: Sister??

Lysia strikes. Xena blocks. Gabrielle intercedes.

G: Wait, wait. Can�t we talk this out? Xena, is this really your sister?

X: That�s right. Gabrielle, get dressed. Lysia, outside.

Gabrielle throws her clothes on. Xena and Lysia step outside.

L: That�s a nice piece of snatch you have there, Xena. Too bad she had to wait till she met me before she could really know what satisfaction was.

Xena lets out her war cry and flies at her feet first. Lysia responds by doing a forward flip over her.

Gabrielle comes running out.

G: Stop, stop! Xena, what is this about?

X: Years ago, just after Lysia was born, the oracle predicted that one day she would grow up to steal my light.

L: And she hated me for it. So one day she takes me on a walk in the woods, suddenly I�m all alone. Big sister is gone. If the Amazons hadn�t found me and taken me in I would have been dinner for the wolves.

X: I never hated you. We were out hunting for mushrooms. One minute you�re there, the next minute I look around and you�re gone. I searched for you for everyday for the next ten years. Everyone blamed me.

L: Ha!

Swords swing and clash. Sparring continues throughout the dialogue.

G: Xena, why didn�t you tell me you had a sister?

X: I didn�t know I still had one.

L: Out of sight out of mind, huh Xena. I�m not your stupid baby sister anymore. I�m an Amazon warrior now. And I�m not afraid to take you on, especially now, (looking at Gabrielle) since I�ve already taken the best that you had.

G: I guess the oracle was right, in a way she did steal your light. (Flames rise up behind Xena�s eyes.) But, but only temporarily. (Trying to calm Xena.) Now Xena, it was an innocent mistake . . .

Xena screams, Lysia counter screams. They both twirl and kick and knock the sword out of each other�s hand.

Gabrielle thinks she is seeing double.

Their swords thrown out of reach, the fight progresses to hand combat. They grab each other by the neck and start rolling around in the mud like mad dogs.

X: Xena, please. Can�t we talk this . . .

Gabrielle flings herself in the middle of them only to find herself quickly flung back out. She brushes the dirt off as she glares at the two vengeful sisters with disdain.

G: Fine, you want to handle it this way, go right ahead, fight each other to the death. (Gabrielle heads back into the temple, mumbling under her breath.) Of all the pig-headed, stubborn . . . like two chips off the same block . . .

Inside the temple, Gabrielle walks up to the candle-lit alter where the hooded woman is meditating. Gabrielle sighs and looks longingly up at a statue of Aphrodite.

G: Two long lost sisters and all they want to do is kill each other. If only somehow they could re-discover the love in their hearts.

Gabrielle senses some one is staring at her. She turns her head. The woman has let down her hood. Gabrielle�s jaw drops and her eyes open wide. Her heart skips a beat.

G: Velasca!!!

Gabrielle slowly starts to back away.

G: (calling towards the door) Xena, Xena.

V: Gabrielle, it�s okay, I�m not going to hurt you.

G: What are you doing here?

V: After you stuck me in that lava pit I had a lot of time to think. I decided it was better to be loved than feared. So when I finally broke free I sought out a new mentor. I have been studying for a long time and have learned much about the art of love. I was told that you had some questions, maybe I could help.

G: Do you know anything about the clitoris?

V: Yes, actually, I know a great deal. It�s one of my specialties.

G: What is its purpose?

V: Before we answer that question we need to actually familiarize ourselves with the organ itself. Do you know what the clitoris looks like?

Gab: Yeah.

V: I mean the whole thing, not just the little tip of the iceberg that you can see from the outside.

G: What do you mean?

V: The clitoris, Gabrielle, is a magnificent organ. The little part that is visible is not indicative of its true size, it�s much much larger and more extensive than most people realize. In fact no one will ever bother to do a decent dissection of it for another two thousand years. I am a goddess so I can see the future, well, some parts anyway. If we were in that time I would refer you to the June �98 issue of the Journal of Urology, but since I can�t take you forward in time I�ve taken copies of the photographs of that dissection back to show you. The clitoris is a tri-planar complex, extending upward into a large bulb-shaped mass that sits under the pelvic bone, and extending downward branching into two legs or crura like the branches of a wishbone which rest alongside the urethra and vaginal opening. The entire thing is about 12 cm long, and 5 cm thick. Here see. From this frontal perspective it has a wishbone shape. (pic #1) This next one is a profile shot so only one crura is showing. See how round and thick it is. The light-colored flesh, that�s the clit. (pic #2)The whole thing is made of erectile tissue which becomes swollen and engorged with blood during sexual arousal. And here it is from a different angle. (pic #3)

G: Oh my God.

V: That�s right, Gabrielle. This is the true innermost sanctum of the sacred temple of the Goddess Aphrodite which she has given as a gift of divine love to dwell in every woman. She made it in the shape of an �A� to signify her initial and mark it as her own handiwork so that we would never forget her. And if you look at if from upside-down it could also be a �V�, a �V� for Aphrodite�s co-hort and priestess, me, Velasca.

G: What?! You�ve joined forces with Aphrodite?

V: Yes. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think while lying in that lava pit. And you, Gabrielle, were the focus of all those thoughts. Of course, I still plan to overthrow you and assume my rightful place as Amazon queen, but I realize now I don�t have to kill you to do it, I just have to love you.

Velasca starts in on Gabrielle. Gabrielle tries to push her away but Velasca has become an expert seductress. The vision is beginning to come true.

G: Forget it, Velasca. It�s not going to happen.

V: Oh, I can�t do that. And when I�m done with you, you won�t be able to forget it either.

G: Xena!! Xena!!

Xena, still locked in a fierce mud wrestling match with her Amazon sister hears Gabrielle�s pleas but can�t imagine what is wrong. She struggles to pry Lysia off of her.

Meanwhile, inside the temple, Velasca is putting the heat on.

V: You see, (she pulls up Gabrielle�s skirt while pushing her down on the alter) Aphrodite created a foolproof organ, it functions on its own for mortal purposes, but there is a technique known only to the priestesses of Aphrodite which enables them to bring the clit to its truer higher purpose.

G: And what purpose is that?

V: To be a vessel of release, release of a woman�s mojo, whoever takes possession of it will have complete power over her.

Velasca proceeds to go down on Gabrielle. Her goddess-long tongue reaches out toward Gabrielle's engorged little hood, it licks then enters her. Gabrielle can feel every minute movement. She can feel Velasca�s tongue inside her, growing longer, and thicker. Pumping her and lapping her. Then it grows even longer, until it splits down the middle, like a snake, one fork thrusting inside of her the other lapping firmly between her labia. And probing deeper, sucking harder. Gabrielle is moaning terribly, uncontrollably.

Xena hears Gabrielle�s moans from inside the temple. She kicks Lysia away and grabs her sword. Xena can�t bear to think of her bard in pain, but then realizes they are moans of pleasure and grows even more enraged. She leaps toward the temple but Lysia�s sword is suddenly at her throat.

L: Don�t even think about going in there.

X: Why not?!

L: Velasca and Alti need Gabrielle out of the way so that they can assume control over the Amazon Nation. If you go in there you�ll only guarantee that Gabrielle gets killed.

X: Velasca!!!??? And Alti!!?? You would let them hurt Gabrielle.

L: No, of course not. And so long as you don�t interfere they won�t.

X: You don�t know Alti.

L: I know her well enough to stay out of her way.

X: She�s a liar and a demon. You can�t trust her. She�s manipulated and used you to get to me and Gabrielle. What did she promise you? Power? Glory? Well, forget about it. You don�t have the faintest idea of what you�re getting into. The only place for a girl like you is back home under your mommy�s skirt.

L: Mom? Mom�s still alive?

X: Yup.

Lysia lets her sword slip.

L: Mom. (She�s lost in her memories.)

X: That�s right. Why don�t you hop on your horse and go pay her a visit. It�s been long enough don�t you think. Let me deal with the demoness and her half-cocked goddess sidekick.

Lysia gets up and goes for her horse.

L: Which way is it, I�ve forgotten.

X: Amphipolis. Go west, young Amazon, go west.

Lysia takes off.

Velasca continues to hold Gabrielle down on the alter, her arms wrapped round Gabrielle�s thighs and torso like sinewy branches of a tree. Her tongue continues its assault, the outside fork splitting again to fully massage every inch of her clit and vulva, a narrow finger penetrates Gabrielle�s anus. She screams ecstatically. New tendrils shoot out of the metamorphic tongue to make a final probe into the head of the clitoris where they slowly lure out the ball of blue glowing mojo. Gabrielle is jerked involuntarily into the violent waves of the ultimate orgasm.

Once Velasca has the mojo safe between her jaws she pulls out and lets Gabrielle slip helplessly onto the floor, the Amazon Queen is completely dispossessed of her powers. Velasca returns her tongue and arms to normal shape.

Suddenly the figure of a warrior appears in the doorway.

Xena: What have you done to her, you bitch!!

V: Xena!! Ha ha ha ha! You might have got past your measly little sister, but don�t think you�ll get past me. I am a goddess, you know.

X: Is that what they�re calling it these days.

Xena throws her chakram, reflecting it off the back wall and hitting Velasca in the back which pops the mojo out of her mouth, shooting it into Xena�s cleavage.

Velasca screams and sends a fire bolt her way. Xena ducks and covers. The fire bolt expires against the wall.

Xena pulls out a dagger from her belt.

X: Lucky me. I�ve still got the hind�s blood dagger that killed Callisto and I�ve just been itching to find another bitch goddess to use it on.

Velasca turns white and backs up against the wall. Xena inches forward. Just as she is about to stab her Velasca drops and goes for her groin. Startled Xena drops the dagger. She fights Velasca with everything she�s got, trying desperately to pry her out from between her legs. Xena reaches for the dagger but it�s just beyond her grasp. Velasca is using all the power she has to remove Xena�s mojo.

Gabrielle stirs.

X: Gab�ri�elle. The dag�ger.

Gabrielle, half conscious and still foaming at the mouth uses her last ounce of energy to kick the dagger within Xena�s reach.

In one swift motion Xena swipes the dagger off the ground and pounds it into Velasca�s back. The evil goddess has been defeated.

An exhausted Xena kicks herself out from under Velasca�s limp corpse and tries to catch her breath. She starts to crawl toward Gabrielle. A pair of feet suddenly appear before her. She looks up

Alti is looking down at her.

Alti: Not so fast.

X: Give up, your plan has already failed.

A: Not if I can help it.

Alti kicks Xena in the chest sending Gabrielle�s mojo flying out. It falls into the navel of a statue of Aphrodite. Xena does a kick flip off the ground and lands a square blow on Alti�s rib cage. They both regain their balance and rush toward the statue which they knock over and send shattering to the ground. The mojo rolls along the floor, before either can reach it . . .

A puff of smoke. The Goddess of Love herself appears.

Aphrodite: Not in my temple you don�t.

X: (glaring at Alti) She started it.

Aph: (Catching the sight of Alti for the first time.) Ewww, who let the racoon out of the cage.

Alti: (clawing at the air) I am your ultimate nightmare!

Aph: Yeah, whatever. (Aphrodite shoots out a blast that throws Alti against the wall and to the ground.) Go easy on the eyeliner next time.

Alti: Curses. (Alti turns toward the door.) You haven�t seen the last of me yet. (She cackles as she swoops into the air with a poof and a flash.)

Aph: Jeez, what is up her butt.

X: Thank you.

Aph: No problem.

Xena picks up Gab�s mojo.

X: So how do I put this back?

Aph: Sorry, ancient priestess secret, but if you�re interested in the job . . .

X: That�s okay. I just want her back in working order again.

Aph: Of course, but we�ll need a few minutes alone.

Xena exits and Aphrodite goes over to the listless Gabrielle. She picks her up in her goddess-strong arms and carries her over to the alter. She props up the bard�s knees and spreads her apart. Placing the blue shiny mojo between her teeth she goes down and returns the mojo back to its rightful home in Gabrielle�s clit. Gabrielle stirs, her eyes open, she looks between her legs and sees Aphrodite ministering to her. She groans and her eyes roll back in her head. She lies back on the table.

G: Not again.

In a few minutes she is fully restored.

G: (sitting on the side of the alter) I own you one.

A: Yeah you do. (Lightly punching her in the shoulder.) Go on, get outta here. (Aside, under her breath.) That�s the last time I take another two-bit fledgling goddess under my wing. I�m never gonna get this taste out of my mouth.

Gabrielle smiles and skips toward the door. She rejoins Xena outside fresh and perky as ever.

G: Thanks, again, for saving my life, --and my libido.

X: You�d do the same for me.

G: But how did you keep Velasca from stealing your mojo?

X: Ancient warrior secret.

G: Come on.

X: Gabrielle, no one can really steal your mojo, just like hope can never escape Pandora�s box, because it�s never really there to begin with, it�s a desire for something, a wanting for someone. And when you�re with that someone, well, that�s the only real mojo there is.

Gabrielle smiles at Xena.

Golden Helios sets behind the Greco-New Zealand hills. Xena and Gabrielle walk together toward the horizon.

FADE OUT


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