3.

His heart pumping nineteen to the dozen Darren stepped onto the stage just as the first few bars of ‘Affirmation’ came blaring out over the loud speakers.

The crowd cheered at his appearance and he took a moment just to look out at the sea of rainbow banners and flags.

Just to the right of the stage was a big blue and white sign that proclaimed in lopsided lettering. ‘We love you Darren’ Darren smiled and blew a kiss in that general direction. The three girls holding the sign doubled over in excitement that he had acknowledged them and hugged each other madly.

Moving to the centre of the stage, he took a deep breath and holding his hands up in the shape of a heart launched into the opening line, only too aware of it’s irony.

‘I believe you can’t control or choose your sexuality…’ Darren swept his arm out encompassing all those before him. Another loud cheer from the crowd and smiles all round.

‘I believe that trust is more important than monogamy…’

Darren sang his heart out all the time knowing that the dreaded instrumental break was drawing nearer and nearer.

‘I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned……I believe you don’t know what you’ve got until you say goodbye…’

A lump rose in Darren’s throat. When he wrote those words it was in the context of a love affair, now the words had another, much deeper meaning, as well.

He decided that the best way to deal with it would be to go over to the crowd again.

Crouching down he touched and shook some of the frantically waving hands. Glancing up he caught sight of , what he thought was, a familiar looking head of sandy blond hair. He couldn’t see the person’s face and even though he convinced himself that he was mistaken he couldn’t stop his concentration from wandering. Wandering just long enough for a young dark-haired guy to feel bold enough to pull Darren down to him and plant a shy kiss on his cheek.

Smiling at the gentle gesture, Darren mouthed the words ‘thank you’ and watched as the guy blushed profusely.

Returning to the microphone Darren unclipped it and took several exaggerated inhalations.

‘Can you feel this?’ he asked the crowd, placing his free hand on his heart. ‘Can you feel this?’ he asked a little louder. ‘Cos I can feel all you. I feel you here.’ Thumping his chest for emphasis.

Only two more bars to go. That was the problem with playbacks, you couldn’t improvise like you could with a live band behind you. Knowing that whatever you decided to do, however long you took rambling to the audience they would patiently wait for you, quietly keep playing in the background until you deemed it was time to reassume the song.

Taking one final deep breath Darren plunged into the third verse.

‘I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness…’

Darren felt tears begin to prick at the back of his eyes. Don’t stumble Hayes, he cautioned himself, not now, not much further to go.

With a huge sigh of internal relief Darren finished the song and went back to more comfortable territory.

‘I want to sing you my new song. It’s called ‘Insatiable’ and it’s FUCKING SEXY!’ he said to the cheering crowd.

This time when the opening chords floated out Darren closed his eyes and leant back into the song.

‘When moonlight plays along the street…’

He swayed along to the beat. Truly proud of his first song as a solo artist.

‘It was like a student teacher relationship when we began. He knew he was developing me for greater things, then let me go. But I didn't want to be let go.’

That damn interview was still haunting him. Deep down he had always known that that was what Daniel was doing, guiding him along until he could remove the stabilisers from his bike and go it alone. But even so it had hurt.

Maybe Daniel had greater faith in him and his abilities than he himself had, maybe he had seen something that Darren couldn’t.

With a rush Darren wished Daniel could see him now. ‘Look Dan,’ he wanted to scream, ‘look at me I’m doing it. Look no hands!’

Suddenly the joy of singing the song had gone, on autopilot he finished it out. Remembering all the moves but taking no real pleasure from them.

The professional in him kicked back in and he acknowledged the crowd with real warmth, lapping up all their admiration but like a kid who had just done their first cartwheel something was missing. And loathed as he was to admit it that something was Daniel.