| He wandered the hospital halls for me. Finally after about 15 minutes he found me in the snack room rolled up in a ball on the couch. �Brie, Brie�you have to talk to me. Don�t push me out.� He saw that my head was still down and I made no response. �I am hurting too. But you know that I am and always will be here for you. I love you.� I finally lifted my head, eyes filled with tears that were now streaming down my face and with bruises on my face. �You have to talk to me.. what�s wrong? Are you afraid of the results? I know about them already. Honey, my heart aches and reaches out for you. But you have to know that this changes nothing between us�. �Yes, it does, it changes a lot�. �No, Brie, it doesn�t. I love you so much and always will and nothing could ever tear us apart. God, I would lay down my life for you without a thought.� �Stop� �Stop what?� �Brie, tell me what�s bottled up inside of you, that I know that is aching to come out. Talk to me, please�� I looked at him with sincere, scared eyes and looked deep into his worried, scared and pleading eyes. � Nick, he�he raped me.� � I know�that son of a bitch will pay early for it too� I will make sure of that.� �That�s not all. This means that I am not a virgin anymore.� �Yeah, it does, but that doesn�t matter.� �Yes, it does, Nick, yes it does. It matters a lot to me, and I thought that it meant a lot to you.� �It does.� �Well�it doesn�t sound like it. Remember when we made that promise to each other about staying virgins until our wedding night�so we could show each other how we truly cared about each other?� �Yeah. But what are you trying to say?� �Well.. I broke that promise.� �No, no..Brie, you didn�t.� �How can you say that?� getting angry and frustrated. �You were not a acting part in it, you were not conscious when he forced sex without your consent. You don�t remember it..don't know the feeling and pleasure of it. It meant nothing.� �But..� �But nothing , Brie. To me, you never had sex.� �But I did, I betrayed your trust.� �No, no.. you didn�t, you didn�t do anything wrong.� �But our wedding night�it..it won�t be the same.� �Yes it will, you have never had unforced and legal sex with anyone before. This doesn�t count and never could.� He took his hands and cupped my face in his hands and wiped the tears away. �Hey, I promise it will be the best and most memorable night of our lives.� � Really, Nick?� �Really� �So you are not mad and it will not upset you that I am not a virgin now?� �No, not at all, not in the least, I fully trust you. I know that you would never lie to me. Why would you ever think that I would be mad ?� Sighing, I said, �I just thought� I just thought that you would not want marry me after this and that I would lose you.� �Lose you me? Brie, you could never loose me. Don�t ever think that.� �Nick, I just, just feel so empty inside�like my dignity had been taken from me. I also feel all these emotions all at once. I feel� feel ashamed, violated, hurt, angry, sad, and lonely.. and its just not only that..it�s the fact that another man, a man I don�t even know, put his hands on me. A man that wasn�t you.� "Oh, Brie " and he wraps his arms around me and continues. �You are not lonely�I am here, Katie is here and you family and friends� we love you very much. I know that I know that you are scared and I do anything in my power to keep you safe in my arms. I wish� I just wish that I could take all the trouble and hurt that you have been through�I wish I could fill that void that you feel..I just don�t know how.� �I know�everything was just so violently striped away from me and it�s hard to fill that hole that was once there. I just don�t know who I am anymore. I don�t fell like I am me. I don�t know what to think or what to do� I�m just so scared� scared of what will happen and what might happen.. its just so�so.. overwhelming.� �I know, I just wish I could help. I want to, but you have to let me in and no matter what you can always count on me.. I will always be here for you.� I smiled and gave him a kiss and said, �This� this changes a lot you know, especially about our promise� � Brie, stop.. Like I said before, it doesn�t change our pact. We still have not willingly had sex with anyone else before and plus�.about the marriage thing� You are so worked up about it.. don�t worry so much� I promise, we will get married�when the right time comes.. ok?� Ok� I gave him a hug and whispered � Thank you.. you don�t know how much this means to me.� �Your welcome� |