| A short time later, Nick startled me out of my pity fest by knocking on my door and announcing that dinner was ready. Great, I thought to myself. Here's to a wonderful evening with Nick and our good friend Amanda. Or Willa. Or...oh whatever. I started for the door, but instead decided to slip into one of my little Roxy sun dresses. I then lurked into the kitchen. To my surprise, and my relief, she was gone. He had already set the table with the food beautifully laid out. He was standing next to the table, pouring wine into our glasses when he looked up at me and smiled that smile. Oh god, that smile. "You look real pretty. Good enough to eat if I don't say so myself. Let's just hope the food tastes half as delicious as you look." This was one time when, as hungry as I was, I wished more than anything that this food tasted just short of dog shit which would quickly prompt Nick to throw me down onto the table and eat me instead. I guess one could always hope for the best. "You know, you shouldn't tease me like that. That's not very nice." He put on a shocked look that made me giggle as I sat down. As I took my first bite, I couldn't help but curse to myself. Damn, delicious. Oh well. I tried to prep myself for yet another endless hour with our old pal Awkward, but before I knew it, the convo was flowing and we were laughing and actually genuinely enjoying each other's company. We finished eating and placed the dishes in the sink, Nick declaring he would get to them later that evening. We moved into the living room area and continued to talk, my end of the conversation mechanical of course. All I could seem to think about was once again, how much I wanted to fuck this man. I wanted to touch him, hold him, oh god. Just, just...feel his bare skin against my bare skin. As I sat thoroughly entranced by him, there was no doubt in my mind about my lustrous devotion to him. We stared at the fire for a while, silently. Then, he turned to me and spoke. "You know, since you moved in, I haven't really seen much of you." "I know, but you do at least get to see your girlfriend right? She's the one you should be concerned about seeing." "Girlfriend?" He laughed. I didn't. "I mean, I hope I haven't upset anything with you and her." "You mean Amanda." Of course. Who the fuck else would I be talking about? I'm sorry. I just wasn't all that fond of her, in case you couldn't tell. "Well...that was over long ago. She just needed to talk to me about something. That's all." "Oh." Damn that damned, goddamn awkwardness! It just won't beat it! Perhaps it appeared out of my sheer embarrassment for the thoughts I had just had about her, about me, about what I meant to him, about his motives for inviting Kaylie and I out here. "Well, I just don't want to interfere with your social life, that's all." "Oh no, not at all. I haven't really wanted to see anyone else since we bro...I just haven't really dated all that much." His eyes were on the floor as we sat back on the couch. He faced forward, I was turned sideways, my legs drawn up on the couch, towards me. I watched as he fiddled with his hands, nervously. I wondered, if you don't mind my asking that is, if you've been involved with anyone recently. Or still are. I mean, you're not hiding some deep rooted love interest back in Boston are you?" he asked with a smile as he turned towards me. "Oh...no. Well...just that one. We used to be lovers. But it didn't work out. You know how that goes. It's over now, I'm assuming. I, well, I really cared about him a lot. Loved him, in fact. But..." My voice trailed off before I got too carried away with my answer, my heart and body aching as my want not to discuss the past grew stronger. I only prayed that he didn't realize I was speaking of him. "You mean, you're not going back to him?" "I don't know. I don't know what I'll do or where I'll go. I guess it all depends." "On what?" All of a sudden I felt terribly lightheaded and giggly, like hugging him and spewing out endless crazy endearments. All an effect of the wine, of course. I instead forced myself to remain coy, secretive, seductive, and revealing. All at the same time. Not an easy accomplishment people, I mind you. Especially when your tipsy. Or bordering on drunk. "On whatever may or may not happen here." He raised his eyebrows, seeming surprised at my answer. "In Florida, I mean, I just...I want to explore the southern coast. Live a little. I want to stop spending my life worrying and crying and living for what was and what may never be again. I want to...I don't know...write novels, sail across the bay, jump out of an airplane, learn, change. live. God, I swear I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm already grown up and been somebody. I am somebody, to someone. Always will be." I was staring directly into his eyes when I suddenly realized that I had actually told him the truth, or at least a couple of many truths about myself. I immediately wanted to erase it. All of it. "Well. I guess I've just about revealed my prominent lack of stability, haven't I? As you can see, I'm not as strong and independent a woman as I come off. You'd think a mother such as I who had come this far would know what she wanted by now, wouldn't you?" It was hard to impress him when I was drunk. Though I wasn't really aware of what impressing him meant anymore. I was, however, extremely aware of his lips. "Well. I know what I want." He gave me a delectable smile. "I want to kiss you." "What?" I laughed. "Oh, well...I don't know about that, Nick Carter. I don't think that's such a good idea." Oh, but it was. It so was. I was dying to kiss him. But of course, couldn't let on to it. "I just don't think it's a good idea to mix roommates and sex. It could lead to all kinds of problems." Yes, I was still in control. Barely. I watched, trying hard to contain the drool as he sat up and pulled off his shirt, revealing a white wife beater, clinging tightly to his body. "Okay. If that's how you feel. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with two consenting, unattached adults enjoying a kiss by the fire." "That's not the point," I firmly countered. "A kiss leads to other things, as you very well know. Anyway, there's...that guy I spoke of. I still care about him. I mean, how can I kiss you under those circumstances?" I sat listening to myself as I spoke, every single word from my mouth contradicting the harsh emotions being thrust forth from my gut. And crotch. But I couldn't help it. I was afraid. I knew that if I kissed him, it would never stop there. Hell no it wouldn't. He sat there, biting down on this lips as if to hold back laughter. "Do you always analyze everything down to the tiniest detail before you do it? You need to let go of all those tortured little thoughts of yours. I mean, I don't know who you think you're fooling." Shit. Busted. He's on to me. "I know you want to kiss me. You're just holding yourself back. You know, it's an extreme disservice to humanity, as well as your sanity to deny yourself...yourself." I couldn't resist smiling. I did want to kiss him. Of course I wanted to kiss him. Hell, I wanted to fuck his brains out. He slid across the couch, getting as close to me as he could and took one of my hands in his. My eyes lowered as I felt the warmth of his breath growing hotter and hotter on my lips as he approached. He slowly leaned over and kissed me, softly, gently, with a measure desire. After the caressing of our lips ended, his lingered on mine for several moments, not moving. He looked me in the eyes and put his hand on my neck under my hair and pulled my face into his. His desire no longer measured, he allowed his tongue to enter my mouth and dance around with my tongue as we deepened the kiss with added pressure from both ends until this seemingly innocent kiss had basically mounted temperatures similar to those of the fire blazing in front of us. My arms wanted to fully embrace him. My mouth wanted to just, devour his face. My legs wanted to wrap tightly around his body and pull him into me, forcing him inside me. But, coward that I was, I pulled away. "I...I better go to bed now," I told him, in between deep breaths. I quickly raced to my room and firmly shut the door behind me. Wincing as I remembered Kaylie was in the room asleep. Luckily, she didn't wake up. All night long, I thought of him sleeping up above. I tried to think of the past, of what he had done, of what I had been through, of what he had put me through. But it didn't work, like it usually did. I couldn't fight it. My want, my desire for him to be with me, next to me, inside me. The sky had lightened by the time I fell asleep, my mind still racing with all the unpleasant details and memories I refused to push out of my mind. ***** "...as a musky smell of warm maleness filled my senses. My breasts swelled and the nipples grew hard immediately upon his touch. A soft moist sensation of lips covered the nape of my neck, then spread over to my ear lobes. This was another fabulous dream. A loving hand moved from my breasts to my waist and rested between my thighs. His strong legs tangled with mine and his kisses crept around to my cheek. An arm slid under me and he turned my toward his body. His cock was swollen between us, beautiful as ever. Long and thick, just like I had remembered it. My arm went naturally around him, my fingers exploring the silkiness of his shortened strands of dirty blonde hair, the strength of his shoulders, the shape of his lovely arms, the curvature of his chest, the suppleness of his pale ass. A piercing hot sensation shot up my legs and between them. I wanted him inside of me. I needed him inside of me. I wanted to take him in and feel his stomach scraping against mine as he rocked back and forth within my body. He kissed my eyes and tickled my breasts with his lips. He licked my face and my neck and my nipples, until I forgot to realize that this was not another one of my dreams. Our mouths met again, this time with now reluctance, no hesitation. His kisses were so familiar as if I had been kissing him for years. As he moved me under him, I opened my eyes and saw him, his face already gleaming with sweat, his eyes glistening, his cheeks flushed, his tanned body poised over mine, his cock standing straight up, ready to plunge into me any second. The tip shiny from the shiny fluid that already dripped onto my abdomen. He came into me carefully and slowly, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my shoulder. We actually laid there, quite still for some time, relishing in that incredible, unmistakable feeling of a part of him actually being inside of me. We continued to lay there until finally, his movements began, barely detectable at first. I pressed myself up towards him trying to draw out more motion, wanting so badly to feel that incomparable pleasure I had missed so much of having him hard and moving inside of me for hours. With the involuntary inability to stay quiet, our bodies began to move together. As he pushed in and out of me, the pleasure rose furiously within my like wind before an ominous thunderstorm. I moaned with every motion of his c ock scraping my insides and he moved in and out, in and out. There was a noticeable change in the way we made love now and the way we made love then. This time, it was different. This time, he didn't shape me into about five different positions, he didn't have to. This time, he didn't make me cum ten million times. He didn't have to. He now held himself up over me a bit, his mouth still hovering next to my ear. "God, you're so beautiful." His word were hot in the nooks of my ear. "You feel..." He let his lips graze the side of my face before returning to his dialogue. "...so indescribably lovely inside. I want to stay inside you forever." I was speechless, my body still burning to keep him moving hard inside me, not wanting this to end for anything in the world. The sensation of me being totally at his mercy finally began to give way to my orgasm as my walls tightened around his cock, pulsing stabs of pleasure inhaled and spread throughout my whole body as I took deep breaths. He sensed my coming and I heard him crying, whimpering just before feeling the swift spasms of his orgasm matched the heated convulsions of mine, his hot cum shooting deep inside me. He wetly kissed my face, running his hands down my drenched sides, as my shivers subsided. The cool air in the room chilled our sweat soaked bodies as his lips continued to slowly and softly travel all over my body. His kisses, they covered me. He, covered me. That was a Sunday in late June of the next year. We stayed in his bed most of the day playing, making love, talking, eating. On Monday I put all the looming negativity of what was, out of my mind for good. On Tuesday, we celebrated Kaylie's 5th birthday, together. On Wednesday, Nick asked me to marry him. And on Thursday, I said yes." |