| My daughter Kaylie and I were tossing sea shells into the ocean for a while until I became bored with it and sat down on a nearby rock to watch her instead. "Watch this mama," Kaylie says, a radiant smile perched just below her little button nose. I do as she says and watch her. I think about her and abut how much I love her and then drift into thoughts of grown-up love. We're best friends, my daughter and I. Really we are. Although from time to time, even on a picture perfect day like today, I miss the company of a man. Of that man. It was four years ago in June that I moved out to Orlando, a recent college graduate. Four years can be a very long time. I was just a baby four years ago. Barely 24. So naive, so untainted, so trusting. So willing to be misled, stained. So ready to fall in love. Pretty much any man who came along could have gotten there with me with little effort. However for Nick, it took no effort whatsoever. But here it is, late June again, the time for new beginnings. Time for Kaylie and myself to move on. Yet something, ambiguous. Something anonymous to the naked eye or the bare heart, keeps me here. Bounds me to this heart wrenching haven. You know, its funny. I believe that when your environment is so plentiful, so colorful, its very easy to forget one's surroundings have little to do with one's ultimate happiness. This coveted feeling of fulfillment and elation must come from deep within, and in my case, that's where the void is evident. Somehow, I have a nagging feeling that relocating my life, our lives would no doubt solve my sorrow. Our initial meeting was in a club. I knew who he was, right off. A fan of his or his music I was not, I can honestly state. And a closet fan....I adamantly deny the term. My knowledge of him pertaining only to that fact that his arguable control over the dominating pop music scene so rampant, to this day, throughout the U.S., Canada...hell the whole world, practically made ignorance of the words to at least three of their many hit records unavoidable. And living in the so called, pop capital, the city responsible for spitting out hot new pop acts as often as a sucker is born, well...I could just forget it. Now I know what you're thinking. How could an anti-pop proclaimer such as myself ever fall for this particular pop prince? Remember, I never said I hated the music. I just wasn't a fan. Really I wasn't. Besides. I fell in love with the person, not the personage. I had stepped out in front of the club to get some air and happened upon him, doing the same. Growing up in a single parent household, I couldn't escape the resulting cynicism. Or my hatred or disbelief of love or lust at first sight. However, this man instantly became an exception, as he looked my way, his hands resting in his khaki pockets, a slight grin resting among the barely tanned skin of his face. He undoubtedly had me right from the start. His dirty blonde locks fell perfectly around his temple, his cool blue eyes sparkling under the luminescence of the club's outdoor spotlights. His tall, nice build commanding arrogance, a little cockiness perhaps, sprinkled with a touch of sexiness. He was obviously handsome by perhaps any random woman's standards, but for me it was different. It was more. I felt as though this was the face I wanted to look into forever. We eventually got through the pleasant conversation and made it to the routine personal introduction. We shook hands as I gave him my name, his large hand providing a firm grip, cradling mine, small and brown skinned, perfectly. I held onto his a bit too long. I noticed. I couldn't ignore the tingling rising at the core of my center, the flushing spreading throughout the flesh surrounding my taut breasts. Nick had done nothing other than gaze into my eyes and press his warm, moist flesh to mine before I was completely aroused by him. I'd be flat out lieing if I denied the unfamiliar and slightly unwelcome feeling washing over me. Up to that point, I hadn't allowed myself to yield to sex or any obstruction, for that matter, that would curb my progress towards personal and academic growth and achievement. I could feel my instincts, my conscience gripping me tightly to these morals, these rules. My body, however, had other plans. As time went on, as if it were some sort of divine intervention, Nick and I's paths crossed quite often. One particular afternoon, he offered me accompaniment to the beach. We drove for a while and walked along the sand when we finally arrived, making casual conversation, until we finally made it to a remote nook behind some rocks positioned intermittently along the beach. As we sat, gazing over the calming ocean, he rubbed his hands over my arms, smoothing away the goosebumps that had sprouted. "You cold?" he asked, continuing to warm my arms. "Yeah," I lied. It was about 82 degrees out, a little breezy. I was no where near cold. Not even a little chilly. The goosebumps were simply a result of his touch lingering on my skin. I decided to lay back against the sand, taking in the clear blue sky stretching as far as my eyes could see. My heart skipped a beat as he followed shortly after, laying on his side, facing me. I desperately avoided any contact with his eyes, fearful that he would instantly detect my lust, viewing me as nothing more than any other random wanton woman who crossed his path. A great departure from the ladylike persona I had so carefully conditioned myself to be. He was clever. He ducked his head a little, and stole my downward gaze, playfully teasing me with his eyes in the process. I couldn't help but smile. That's when he kissed me. His lips slow, softly caressing mine at first. Then he kissed me again. That time, I casually slipped into his comforting lips the way you might slip into a warm bubble bath. I shivered as he moaned quietly, whispering my name onto my lips as though he were deeply in love with the mere utterance of the word. I gradually took the initiative, breaking through my own vacillation, the distraction of the open surrounding, as well as any looming prohibitions buried deep within my mind, until all I could feel, all I could hear, all I could taste was the kiss. Was him. By this time, my skirt was riding high atop my thighs, his hands grazing the moistened skin ever so lightly. My now hardened nipples poked straight through my bra as well as the shirt I was wearing, signifying my arousal. As his lips grazed along the dip at the center of my bottom lip and my chin, I watched as he fidgeted with something in his pants. I soon after realized it was his erection, poking through his gray pants, his length standing long and thick. He pushed it down, but it stubbornly refused, jumping up again. At that point, I wanted more than anything to just reach out and grab ahold of the thing myself, but kept the idea safe within my head. As I hadn't yet worked up enough nerve to attempt any such thing. He lowered his weight onto my body, his face in my shoulder. As I nuzzled my face up against the side of his, I could smell the strong mixture of cologne, sweat, and aftershave splashed over his skin. He nipped at me earlobe, licked along my jawline, suckled the nook where my shoulder and neck met, using his lips to thoroughly explore every inch of my facial and neck region. I could feel his erection pressing into my thigh and lifted my right leg to further expose my center, pushing it up in the general direction of his swollen cock. We suddenly froze, hoping the rocks would shield us as a woman passed by with her dog a little ways away from us. Even though she never looked our way, it still put Nick's nerves on edge. After all, he had much more at stake, much more than I to lose if we were spotted. The media and tabloids would surely have had a field day. And still, with all the danger and risk, I would have just as soon fucked him raw right then and there. Definitely something about being swept away in the heat of the moment, the passion made a person forget or disregard even, what all was being risked, what consequences laid the cut, anxiously waiting to surface. But whatever. At that moment, I thought...I knew nothing so incredible, so magical would ever happen to me again. As his lust filled blue pupils held my gaze, he swiftly slipped his hand inside my partly unbuttoned blouse, cupping my breast, gently massaging it. I smiled as I could tell he was pleased with the feel of it, swollen under his unrelenting passion. A rush of heat swept over my aching body as, after a slight struggle, my breasts were relinquished from their binding restrictions. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the contact as Nick leaned down and flicked his tongue over the bud, slowly circling it as he gently squeezed on the other. He then took the nipple completely into his mouth allowing it to swim around the moistness his mouth inhabited. He wrapped his lips snugly around it, sucking at the bud, emitting shocks through this tender nerve ending, which extended all throughout my body, all the way down to the tips of my toes. My hips bucked slightly as the muscles surrounding my center began to sporadically contract, driving my libido to extreme heights. My mind became devoid of all thoughts, a blank slate. Succumbing to one plain and explicit thought: How much I wanted to fuck this man. I no longer had control of my body as my nerves, my senses were consumed with raging lust as my body took on a mind of its own, trembling, bucking, giving. My breasts swelled even more, my nipples became even stiffer, my clit throbbed even harder. My body involuntarily rubbed itself against his, my clit trying to force itself through the layers of manufactured material that separated it from his cock, the tip probably glistening with drops of his sweet pre-cum. We must have looked strange, funny, disgusting even to the beach frequenters, passing by as we absent mindedly dry fucked behind the rocks, digging our bodies into the warm, scratchy sand beneath us. It became painfully obvious we would have to arrange a later meeting in a more appropriate setting. "What are you doing later tonight?" he whispered, his hot, heavy breath tickling my ear. "Not a thing." "Can I see you later?" 'Do you even have to ask' I thought to myself. I gladly told him to be at my house that night around nine. |