I'm leaving...I'm leaving...I'm leaving...I'm leaving. The words played over and over again in her head. He was leaving. It was funny. For the short while that she had known him, she would often think about how terrible it would be when he finally did leave. It was of course inevitable. He would have to be away from her for at least a little while. Business. But so soon? Why was he leaving? Where was he going and for how long? She knew he had work to do, but was it more than that? Was it her? Was it Mandy? What had she told him? What was she going to do without him? Sarah was overwhelmed with emotions. She suddenly felt lightheaded and nauseous. Her breathing became heavy. She put her hand up to her forehead and started to wobble. "Sarah? Are you...Come here," Nick told her grabbing her arm. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and walked her over to a nearby bench on the boardwalk. "Sit down." He stood there looking at her for a second, and then went and sat at the other end of the bench. They were both quiet for a few minutes. They sat and watched the ocean waves crash into the beach. It was pretty quiet that day, not many people around. Finally, she said, "Nick, wh...what do you mean you're leaving? Me or...you're leaving town or...what's going on?" "What do you mean what's going on? You're a fan. You know we're going on tour." "I know but...you're first couple of shows are here in Florida." "Yeah, but they're in different cities. Look, I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving tomorrow and I won't see you anymore," he told her in an irritated tone. He leaned over and put his arms on his knees with his hands folded. He could hear her sniffling, and knew the tears were rolling. He turned his head to the left to look at her. "What?! What's wrong with you? I mean, you act like you didn't know this was comin'," he said, slightly confused and still irritated. "I did. I...I just, I don't know." She couldn't even look at him. She just held her head down fiddling with her hands. "I just...I'm really going to miss you." He didn't reply. "Nick, when are you coming back?" "I don't know." "Well, when will I get to see you again?" "Look I don't know!" he barked. He didn't mean to reply that harshly, but she was annoying the hell out of him by making this out to be a bigger deal than it was. Or than he wanted it to be. This was just all too weird. Like some strange replay of his life. De ja vu. "So that's it? Nick, what about us? Are you just going to forget about me, us, everything we have?" Nick was suddenly dizzy. The world seemed to be spinning. He had been through this before. He just sat there, mystified by what was happening. It was as though he was outside of himself watching this surreal rerun of a previous part of his life. It was the same conversation, but a different girl. It was all the same, but all so different. He sat up and ran his hands through his dirty blonde hair. Her sobs seeped into his ears and crowded his mind. He was upset and angry. Angry at her for getting so attached. Angry at himself for letting this go as far as it had. Angry at himself for doing this to her. He did care. But no matter how much he did, it had to be done. It was the best thing. He cared for Sarah, but he loved Mandy. He would be with Mandy. Sarah had to be let go. "Look Sarah," he said standing up. "I...I have to go." He started slowly backing away. Sarah got up and looked him in the eyes. "Nick, please don't leave me. Nick, please." Tears were streaming down her face as she pleaded with him. He watched her, saddened by the sight of her. It made him feel terrible inside, but there was nothing he could do. He just shook his head and turned and walked away. Sarah again felt lightheaded and queasy as she watched him walk away. She sat back down on the bench, put her hands on her face and just cried her eyes out into them. Sure, this wasn't the first time she had broken up with a guy or had her feelings hurt. It was a part of life. But that was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. She was truly broken hearted. The pain brought on by the very thought of never seeing Nick again was unbearable. The pain made it feel as though her heart was literally breaking down the middle in two. And the worst part was she could do nothing about it. She could only voice it through her tears. Nick had walked a good ways away from her when his soft side started to find it's way back to him. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his watch. 3:25 p.m. He was supposed to be at rehearsal by 3:30. He was already late. "Oh, fuck me!," he said to himself. He turned around and started jogging back down the boardwalk to where Sarah was sitting. He stood right in front of her and pulled her up off of the bench and into his arms. He just held her there for a few minutes letting her cry into his chest. He had pulled her into his arms before she got a chance to look at him but she knew who it was. His smell, his body, his strength, his whole aura. She could just tell. All she could do was let him hold her, savor the moment, for she knew that it wouldn't last forever. No, no, no, she thought to herself as she felt him pulling away. She looked up into his eyes as her tears stopped coming. He took his right hand and wiped off her face. She closed her eyes as he bent down and kissed her gently on the cheek. He then put both his hands on her face and kissed her forehead. "Sarah, I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. Her eyes remained closed the whole time. He looked at her one last time, then turned and jogged away. When Sarah finally opened her eyes, all she could see was the vague outline of his tall muscular frame just as he rounded the corner of one of the beach hotels on his way to the parking lot. Just like that, he was gone. ***** That would be the last time Sarah would ever see Nick Carter. Outside of concert venues, television, magazines, or any other kind of media outlet. She went on with her life, as hard as it was. At first, she thought about him all the time. She wondered where he was, what he was doing, how he was feeling, if he was thinking about her. She wondered if he missed her. She would never know. Being without him did get easier as the days went on. Each day she thought of him less and less. But she still missed Nick Carter. She never stopped missing him. She never forgot him. Or anything that had happened between them. She only adjusted and moved on. Maybe if circumstances were different, if he was a "normal" guy with a "normal" life, they would have been together. Or at least kept in touch. She took comfort in these thoughts, but would never find out the answers to so many questions. She could only slip back into that Backstreet fantasy world that so of their many fans lived in. Content with having a perfect, loving relationship with her favorite Backstreet boy that existed only in her imagination.

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