Von is cool. Von started out in UWF, where he owned that damn fed. He won the world title belt a bunch of times, and went to the TSOB a couple of times.
Von always wears cool black shades, and cool black trenchcoat. All chicks dig Von, because Von is cool. Von bangs any chick he wants to. They cannot resist his coolness. Even lesbians. Von could have banged Ellen, but she is pretty ugly, so he told her to get lost.
Von is cooler than Shaft in a snowstorm in Siberia. Von once formed a stable called the Trenchcoat Mafia. The Trenchcoat Mafia were awesome, and included such people as Von, Ashlira, Manitoba, Visage, Homeless J, Brutal, Prototype and Toaster as members. I know Toaster is not a person, but it still counts.
As well as being cool, Von nearly won the TSOB in September 2001, but lost to Barrister by one win. Curse you, Hardcore_k. You cost Von the TSOB title. You are not cool.
Then, after a few months, Von went to SHOW. He tagged with Li'l Proto there. They won the tag titles, and went to the first ever T3SOB, where they lost miserably. It didn't matter, because Von was still cool.
Von recently sold out, and became Extreme, but back in the day, he used to hate all filthy Extreme scum. He and Arsenic started a stable called "Team Non-Extreme" once in UCE. Don't ever call a wrassler Hardcore, because that is a RACIST, FASCIST, OPPRESSIVE term. Not cool. You call them "Non-Extremes". Von won a big event in the month he was in UCE. It was a wheelchair race, or something. That's all I remember about it. He might have won some other belt while he was there.
Then Von went away for a while, and came back in CWA, in July 2002. Von's entrance music is "Enemy" by Devastating Just Cause. You can download it from www.mp3.com.
Von is cooler than Bond in a blizzard in Baffin Bay.
Von's arch-nemesis is the diabolical Hank Scorpio. At first, Von thought Scorpio was an okay guy. Scorpio was posing as the CEO of 'Screaming Teeny Bopper Magazine'. Von had a deal to do photoshoots, and covershots, and go on TRL and call Carson Daly a fag. That was great.
But then it was revealed that Hank Scorpio was an agent of an evil plot to take over the world, by controlling the minds of the youth. The children are our future, and this was not cool. When Scorpio tried to cover his plans up, by killing Von's former tag partner, Mr. Humpelstiltskin, he ended up getting found out.
So, Von stopped him, in a cool way. But Hank escaped, and is probably coming up with another dastardly scheme to destroy Von. Who knows what it could be?!
Von knows. Hank made an evil clone of Von, called Don. Don was not cool, but he was great. He said "I am great" a lot. He also wanted to eat Von's hands. Thankfully, Don died in a boating accident ... or DID HE? Dum dum DUMMMMMM
Von is now a member of the Cabal. Officially, he's the leader, but like all good guerilla movements, it has no actual leader. Von is just the spiritual figurehead, because Von is cool.
Other Cabal members in CWA with Von are Alex Asylum (insane), Static and Johnny XS (tag team pimps). There's also some chicks in UCE (Ileya, Mari, Darcy, and Oni Chan). They all seem to be insane, but hot, so that's cool. And Mags and Soap Opera Man (you can call him Chris) in NGPW. Any other member? Well, you'll have to wait and see.
Von's last tag partner was Mags. They were called "Nasty Bastards". Von isn't nasty, except to ugly chicks, nor is he a bastard, except the cool kind of bastard. But it was a cool name. Mags went to NGPW when Lars left CWA, though, because Mags is a wuss. Haha. Just joking. Magnifico.
Von's current valets are the Olsen Twins. Mary-Kate and Ashley are dirty little sluts, and they both love Von. But Von doesn't love them, because then he'd be tied down. And you can't tie Von down. Von is too cool for that.
Von is cooler than the Fonz in a freezer in Finland.
Von has held the TV title in CWA. Lars renamed it the "Television is cool title", because Lars knows Von is cool. Everybody knows Von is cool. But Von usually loses titles pretty quickly. They don't really matter to him. But he did also win the Primetime title.
All of Von's fans are called Vonotheists, and they are all about Vonotheism. Vonotheism isn't running wild, but it is running pretty damn cooly. See, what I did, is I changed the word "monotheism". Pretty damn wicked shmart, huh?
Lots of people try to disprove it - Von's coolicity, I mean - but they cannot. Von is cool, and that's the end of that.
You can see Von's flash video here.
Von returned in September 2003, to lead Cabal for the Leader's brawl. He zapped Proto with a tranquiliser gun. That was great.
Von is cool.
