The day after the Triple-Decker-Cage Match� and in case you didn�t read the Ms. C story, let me tell you that upon this day, Roe and Wade now have an estranged relationship with Dr. Abortion.
Dr. A: Hmm� I see that Prototype has summoned the power of the deceased Eazy-E to help him rap. This is unfair. However� this is a Rap-Off� so I must continue to rap� yes� I will have to counter-rap to defeat Proto� MWAHAHAHA!
***RAP-OFF BEGINS*** Dr A
Dr. A: Yo yo yo� I be whack!
Says Dr. A, looking into the mirror in his locker room.
Dr. A: Naa� it will never work. I am the whitest man alive. What was I thinking?!
Then suddenly, Dr. A feels a glow surrounded by his body.
Dr. A: Wait� PROTO IS A LIMEY! Ahahaha� this will be so easy. I�m from the hood and everything�
The Doc from DC grabs his Ghetto Blaster and heads out�
Burnt: Now it�s the time that everyone has been waiting for! RAP!
Burnt turns around in his seat to see an empty audience.
Burnt: yeah� that�s what I thought.
Davros: Skillz� be these two gotzing them? Prototype and Dr. Abortion will now engange in a series of raps� back and forth� to try to �dis� the other or somehow, prove their evilness more.
Burnt: I�ve got to say� I�d have rather watched the possible �Fashion-Off� than this piece of-
A sweet beat from da street starts to play� now, that�s not a song� just a hip-hop beat.
Dr. A: YO YO YO! Put your hands in the air� and wave yonder said parts like you just don�t care�
He sets down his boom box in the ring, and turns his baseball cap backwards.
Burnt: No one told me this was going to be a 1992 Rap-Off.
Dr. A: It�s your favorite hip-hop star everyone� ME! Dr. Abortion!
Hahaha� now, before Proto comes out to try to counter� I�d like to dedicate a little song to him� and I call it� �You Are Just the Prototype.� Ahem�
Music starts playing from up in the booth, and the doc brings his mic to his face�
You are Just the Prototype
I�m the Docta A� and I�m here to say� that I�m the primo hype
And you� yeah you� you are just the Prototype
It�s true, in fact, that you be the first of your kind
But the Physician on a Mission came up and left ya behind
You used to be legit
You used to be the shiznit
But now when it comes to evil� you ain�t it a bit
I am perfection of hate and malice
In the kingdom of sin I sit in the palace
You used to have the throne
Then you pick up the phone
It�s a call from Reality Check
You better hit the deck!
You are just the Prototype
But I�m the perfection of your evil model
You we are gonna snipe
Way ahead in immorality I do throttle
You are just the Prototype
A sample, a test, so they could then make me
You have now got a gripe
Cuz you ain�t quite as evil - that�s easy to see
Who�s the most evil in all of wrassle?
And what about CSlam if ya wanna hastle?
The answer is clear and it�s near� its in your face
Turn around and look at me, posthaste!
I kill the babies and I discriminate
I am the docta that ya just love ta hate
So turn around Proto, and meet your maker
No check that fool� cuz I�m your undertaker
And no�
I don�t mean that punk who is old!!!
You are just the Prototype
The first draft of immorality and not the final product
You we are gonna snipe
Replace you with me because ya really just sucked
You are just the Prototype
A sample of what possible things there could be
You have now got a gripe
You were the first, but everyone was just waiting for me
With the evil you may be fresh, but I am overripe
Yeah, I am talking to you, Mr. Pro-to-type
You just can�t quite live up to the criminal hype
It�d be best if I just hit ya on a head with a lead pipe
Like in Clue!
Yeah. I�m Colonel Mustard, fool!
You�re the first, but you�re the worst, when it�s down to me and you
They had to make the Prototype before they made the man who is true
True evil that is, I straight stole your biz
And if it ever came down to just you and me
You�d do as well as Stuman in a spelling bee
Cuz you�re outdated, you�re yesterdays news
In this 5-match contest, you�re bound to lose
You are just the Prototype
About as evil as a basket of kittens
You we are gonna snipe
Unless we�re talking about Evil Mittens
You are just the Prototype
You are Diet Coke while I�ve got vanilla
You have now got a gripe
Too bad, now bow down to the evil baby killa!
�HUNGH!
� 2002 Written by James Babicila
This Song is Licensed by Nakedman Hiphop Company, a subsidiary of Nakedman Industries�. Reproduction of this song without written permission of Nakedman Industries is prohibited by law.
The Crowd sits, with raised eyebrows.
Burnt: That was� interesting.
Davros: To say the least.
Dr. A: YEAH PROTO� Bring it on� PUNK!!!
Word to ya mom. Proto
Proto, left arm in a sling and limping like hell after yesterday's devastatingly awesome match with Dr Abortion, prepares for the rap-off.
/Proto/: Whose idea was this anyway?
It was yours.
/Proto/: S***. Hmm ... hey, I know what I can do.
Proto makes a phone call.
~ Thirty minutes later ~
/Proto/: Hey, there you are.
/Eazy E/: Howzit goin', you evil honky mofo!
/Proto/: Hey, E, you crazy motherf***er. Good of you to come. Especially cause you're dead, and all.
/Eazy E/: I couldn't letcha down, homes. F*** that s***. Death don't mean s*** to me.
/Proto/: Kickass. Hey, I need you to teach me to rap.
/Eazy E/: It's like dis, beeyatch. You're a white man. White man got no flow. White man is de debil. You couldn't write a rap if Eazy E spotted you a chorus and three verses.
/Proto/: How about I give you a half pound of crack to write the rap for me?
/Eazy/: S*** dog, NOW you're talkin' my language!
So Eazy E writes Proto's rap for him. It'd be cheating, but this is an Evil vs Evil match. So it doesn't matter.
Eazy sets up some decks in the ring. Proto grabs a mic. A beat starts playing, with some scratching and stuff on it. Proto's response (written by the reanimated corpse of Eazy E) to Dr A's opening salvo is on ...
/Proto/: This one's called 'Doctor Doctor'.
Well I'm the guy that makes em all cry
The evil motherf***er with a gleam in my eye
Nobody knows how low I can go
For sure not you, you're just a copycat ho
Killing babies? I can go one better
I once sliced and diced a baby girl, then et her
You're screwing with me? Son, I'm the original
Master of evil, mental and physical
So Dr Abortion, come get this portion
Of rap cause I got it blown out of proportion
It's not just a question of beating you, though
Suckers gotta know that I got masterful flow
You're treading on ground that I trod long ago
Now I'm back like a vertebrae, taking it home
You wannabe p***y, you half-evil faker
You're just a wack wussy, but I'm the Breath Taker
[chorus]
Doctor Doctor, can't you see?
When it comes to evil, there's just me
Doctor Doctor, there's one thing
You're second best, you're the prince, but I'm the king
Well hell Evil comes and Evil goes
There's always some pansy trying to steal my role
Your half-assed rhymes just prove your worth
Abortion? YOU should have been killed at birth
My evil plots just prove I'm better
And in Literati I'm the God of letters
In the cage of rage we fought for a day
But in the battle of Evil I'm ahead by a way
Who's more Evil? It's easy, it's logical
I'm the scheming chieftan of evil biological
Terroism. Ask your buddies, Roe and Wade
How they enjoyed those tasty cookies full of AIDS
And how about those lollies that I gave to you suckers
The EC, the NC, even the crowd motherf***ers
Delicious syphilis, you can't keep up with this
I'm the one who is, totally dangerous
[chorus]
Doctor Doctor, understand
In this match, the referee, will raise my hand
Doctor Doctor, time to learn
It's no disgrace, losing to, the number one
One more verse, hey, I'll spit, I'll curse
F*** bin Laden, I was evil first
I can't explain the thoughts in my brain
Kill that, break that, kick her again
I got Evil coming out of my pores
I'll smash the records then come back for more
You just can't compete with me, see
I have Evil mastery
I'm the One Man Army of evil technique
I'd stab an old lady while she's crossing the street
I made this challenge, you're coming up short
Go back to your clinic, cause you need to abort
Your career. Fool, I'm the one who's great
So come on, step up to the Evil plate
I'll pitch, you'll bitch, and I'll strike you out
Evil? You don't know what you're talking about
[chorus]
Doctor, Doctor, one more time
I'm living proof, you're not the best, that role is mine
Doctor, Doctor, please don't cry
My rap's complete, it's oh so sweet, f*** off and die
Break it down!
Proto tries to break dance as the song ends. This probably isn't a good idea. Eazy E claps anyway. He's smoked most of his crack, so he doesn't care.
/Eazy E/: That's some good s*** right there. Fo sure.
/Proto/: Back to hell for you. Say hi to Biggie for me.
/Eazy E/: Word is bond.
Eazy E walks off.
Counter-Rap: The Physician on a Mission. Dr A
Dr. A runs and gets his mic.
Dr. A: That AIDS-cookie eating Eazy-E inspiration and yelping about Bin Ladin will not work. Because I am� the
Physician on a Mission
The Beat Starts, and the doc gets is groove on�
I�m the Physician on a Mission
A Mission of mayhem
But not Project Mayhem, cuz they really suck
Ungh!
The name is Doctor A and day-by-day, I have my way
But let me present you with no distortion�
Of the truth�
Because the A stands for Abortion
And I make a fortune
My name is the game, no one else is the same
It�s almost like extortion
How the money flows in cuz by baby killing fame
All the loose ladies got my number in their rolodex
Don�t get me wrong, they don�t want me for sex
But they do want to do my maniacal mission
Yeah man, it�s trimester termination that�s my ambition
I�m the Physician on a Mission
You best give recognition
When it comes to wrassling I�m a technician
The king of submission
I break your body down through attrition
I�m an artist... like Titian
I paint the ring with your blood cuz it�s my tradition
I�m like ammunition
When I cause demolition
But really I�m just a physician.
A physician on a mission
Now if you had any intuition
You would do the addition
And figure out that I�m tight
I am friggin dynamite
No, check that � I�m like fission
But I�m more like a magician
I magically make things appear before your cognition
Like pain�
I bring suffering and death to your condition
You run from me like I�m the inquisition
Only there ain�t no comfy chairs in my damn rendition
Cuz I�m the physician
The physician on a mission
This song� I wrote like an expert musician
Who�d of thought I never took one audition?
Now here�s an admission
When you�re talking evil, Dr. A is the definition
Just check it in Webster�s new edition
I�m like a corrupt politician
Or worse, I am a nightmarish apparition
A spooky ghost with plans of sedition
But still I�m a physician.
A physician on a mission
Yet I�m part of a commission
The Doc with Roe and Wade are the prime coalition
Ah, but I made one omission� someone I left out before
Maybe I left her out cuz she�s a dirty whore
She�s Ms. C� and she�s into exhibition
No wonder she got her boobs lifted into that whack position
But here is a proposition
I�m sure you�re getting tired of this repetition
So lets make a transition�
Dead Baby, Dead Baby, 1...2�3!
Dead Baby, Dead Baby, You and Me!
Dead Baby, Dead Baby, 1�2�3!
Lets all go out� and get wasted!!!
Damn. That last bit made no sense.
But I bet you�re glad I stopped rhyming things with physician
Now it�s time that the Doc perform surgery
But don�t get that other guy confused with me
It�s Dr. A, and not Dr. Dre; I ain�t in no wreckin crew
But I do wreck the babies, now that is true
Seven Days a Week, I�m on Call
To beat the other wrasslers into the wall
Babies feel terminated as I operate
Trashcans of babies is what I generate
I�ll prescribe to you my potent elixir
Then I�ll stick two babies in the mixer
I�ll kill your baby, wherever you be
Calling Dr. A to surgery!
� 2002 Written by James Babicila
This Song is Licensed by Nakedman Hiphop Company, a subsidiary of Nakedman Industries�. Reproduction of this song without written permission of Nakedman Industries is prohibited by law
Dr. A drops the mic.
Dr. A: Ooo yeah man, I am sizzling hot!
He licks his finger and touches it against his skin, pretending it burns and going �ssssst!�
Dr. A: Try to top that, Proto!
Aghast, Proto sees Dr A's counter-rap.
/Proto/: The dastard! And I've sent Eazy E back to hell. Goddamnit. I guess I'll have to write my own.
Thirty minutes, a lot of cussing, and a broken TV later, Proto has written his response. He can't be bothered going to the ring to perform it. So it's shown on the Bitch-O-Tron.
Dr. A comes out on the ramp.
Dr. A: Hey yo Proto� nice quick recovery. So, I don�t care if only one rap counts. I doesn�t matter one way or the other to me. But I�ve discovered a new part of my soul� yes� I am the next big White rapper, like Emeniem�
SPX stands up in the audience and Boos.
Dr. A: So anyway� I will prove my true evil, not with a song� not with a fairytale� but with, my friends� a biography� *ahem*� ladies and gentlemen. I am Responsible for Apartheid
Audience: *GASP*�
Dr. A: Yo Yo Yo
So I can�t F*** With Proto, or so the man claim
But we�ll see who will go down, down in evil fame
Proto thinks he�s evil
Proto thinks he�s tight
Proto�s just a weevil
His sorry butt I shall smite
Word.
What evil has he done?
It�s all in the interior?
Just the hell up Proto� you�re the punk who�s inferior
So ya make eagle soup?
Well if that�s as low as you�ll stoop
Then I don�t have to worry
I�ll beat you in a hurry
Because�
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Guess who threw Nelson Mandella in jail!
I am Responsible for Apartheid
I made sure he ain�t even get bail
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Who�s the man with the plan who banned the ANC?
I am Responsible for Apartheid
All you suckas know that homie was me!
Most wrasslin� punks
Think that DTA
Means �Don�t Trust Anybody�
Well it means �Democratic Turnhalle Alliance�� punk!
It�s an Organization that ain�t shoddy
That I made to disembody
Any Black Nationalists who showed defiance
And through my compliance
I launched a social science
To make sure Black Africa died.
And I called it�
Yeah, I called it�
I called it Apartheid!!
Ungh Yeah.
I am Responsible for Apartheid
It was me who killed Steve Biko
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Johnny Q Cried for Freedom �fore he went down in Glory
I am Responsible for Apartheid
He got blown away like a Hurricane� and that�s a true story
You may think I�m lying
You may think this ain�t the true�f
But I�ll show you contrary
�And here be my proof
In 66� I took an Oath-a
And named myself Botha
I wasn�t just de klerk
I was de man in charge
Had just one little quirk�
A plan to oppress that was large!
Saw a man dark and tan
Threw him in a Bantustan
Made him clean up Port-o-johns
Then started rappin� in Afrikaans
Was in command the Sharpeville Massacre
I�m Responsible for Apartheid� and that�s for sure!
Uh-huh
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Invaded Namibia to kill the Swapo
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Who�s da man with the White African Gestapo?
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Club freedom fighters so hard that they get that amnesia
I am Responsible for Apartheid
Then I get bored and set up a puppet government in Rhodesia�
Now I�d run and hide cuz you�re gonna get fried, cuz it�s bonafide
That I� uh hu� yeah� I made Apartheid.
So Proto you ho, talk about me being a working Joe
That s*** don�t work because my job is to throb
And beat� humanity down
Take the smile away from children and turn to a frown
You say you hate equally,
Which means you hate more than me,
But here�s my sequel see�
I hate sorry pale which bitches just like the EC�
PUNK!!!!
The audience is horrfied� and suddenly�
Roe and Wade emerge from the back�
Burnt: It�s Roe and Wade!!!
Davros: Unlike in the cage match� Roe and Wade are now the doc�s enemies!!!
Burnt: Right� because when Dr. A found out that his girlfriend, Ms. C�s, baby was black� well� you could imagine the two suspects he narrowed it down to�
Dr. A: What the hell are you doing here?!
Roe: Look, boss� I know you hate us now.
Wade: But boss� only together can we defeat Prototype!
Dr. A: NO WAY! If I need help to beat Proto in evil vs evil� then I�m not really the most evil.
Roe: But together we gestalt� becoming far more evil than we would standing as three apart.
Wade: I think it�s time we reform our old college rap band�
Dr. A: NO! It was so long ago� I don�t think we could� plus I hate you now!
Roe: Come on� we used to rap at Johns Hopkins� we�ve got to reform�
Wade: M.W.A!
Dr. A: No!� Not the�
Roe: Yes� the MEDICS WITH ASTHMA!
Dr. A: < Just this once� I still hate you two� but just this once�
He turns around, and the two line up next to him. All three hold mics.
Dr. A: PROTO� your days are numbered� you harnessed the power of the late Eazy-E� and now it�s time to harness the power of the MWA� and MWA Says�
All Three: Funk the EC!!!
Roe and Wade fall back� and Dr. A starts singing on his own�
Dr. A: Funk tha EC
Comin straight from the underground
A young slammer got it bad cuz I frown
On their stupid and whack policies
They have the authority to suspend a guy like me
Funk that stuff, cuz I ain't in the role
For a punk ol� exec with some internet control
To be fining, and locked in the UCE
Got a bullet with your name and it�s straight from me
Messin� with me cuz I'm a rebellious wrassla
Who broke a few policies with pizzazz, yeah
Searchin my posts, lookin for infractions
Hopin every flash will be my last one
You'd rather see me in suspension
Then me and Alvarado rollin� with bravado
Beat the EC outta shape
Cuz when writing funny posts, they make me hesitate
Don�t want me jokin about killin a unborn daughter
But the docta says these rules are fodder
I don't know if they�re old bags or what
Probably listen Journey and then bust-a-nut
And on the other hand
Without their power to eject they can't get no respect
Just aging fools on a power trip
But they slam ya down on the Wrassle Net
Cuz they fine and delete you if you give them lip
Dr. A will give no pity
To any mofo on that weak ol� committee
Just cuz I'm the Doc from DC
The punk EC is afraid of me
A young physician on a mission
And when I'm finished, the EC will be in position
To get blasted, by the Docta A
Yo Wade, I got somethin to say
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Dr. A steps back, and Roe steps forward� now under the pseudonym, MC ROE!
MC Roe: Funk tha EC and Roe said it with authority
Cuz your committee is nothing but a sorority
A gang� of giggling girls who act like they steppin
But don�t realize I�m the ultimate weapon
And I�m kept-in�
The docta�s posts to defy wrassle law
EC�s wishin' Roe was a NPC that they never saw
EC always watchin� out behind me
They're scared of my posts so they delete them and fine me
But that stuff don't work, I just laugh
And make another post where Hawgie humps a calf
To the Execs I'm sayin, forget you punks
Tellin me fed policies, it's all junk
Warning me about deletion, so they stand
Got another browser open to porn wit they joystick in they hand
But get off your ISP, so you can see what's up
And come down to DC, and I'ma mess you up
Make some posts that go cross-fed
Two punk Canucks, they wish Roe was dead
Damn those policies that say it�sa crime
EC guys make me do three days time
I�m the ultimate valet that's bad
Seein� Roe gone would make the EC glad
But I'm a turn it around
Make a post, yo, and write about toast
Yeah, but that toast better not be burnt
Cuz then that bread would have to be hurt
Takin out the EC would make my day
But a wrassler like Roe don't give nothin� to say
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
And now Wade steps up� Eazy-W be his name�
Wade: I'm tired of this lame old committee
Jealous of my posts cuz their own aren�t so pretty
Warning me �bout OOC, and for what?
Maybe it's because I kick so much butt!
I kick ass� or maybe it�s cuz I�ll be last
To get the EC ream, try to force me to go Extreme
Na� I ain�t givin them no fifteen bucks
Do I look like the bank for those stupid Canucks?
They read all my posts in silence
Afraid that the docta promotes the violence
Can�t put Eazy-W in the hall as a builder
Cuz I swore so much, I broke the language filter
Without suspensions and fines, what do ya got?
A sucka on an ICQ, who talks a lot
That is all that the EC is
A bunch of old men, tryin to mess with my biz
I tried to create a gay Hispanic Jewish amputee
But the EC�s always sayin it�s not done respectfully
Dumb mofo�s who don�t wanna have fun
And if catch em straight, the Execs will be the ones
That I take out, and then get away
And while my midget butt waddles off laughin�
This is what I'll say�
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
Funk the EC
And the song ends, with the crowd cheering.
Burnt: Gee� I didn�t like that song at all.
Davros: I didn�t either. That sure was mean-spirited.
Burnt: Hand me those suspension papers, will you Davros.
Davros: Here you go, Burnt.
And the three members of MWA all celebrate!
Dr. A: HAHA! That was great! But I�m still going to kill you too.
Roe: Huh?
Wade: Oh Crap!
Dr. A takes off after them and they run to the back.
� 2002 Written by Dr. A (James Babicila), �MC� Roe, and Eazy-W (Wade)
This Song is Licensed by Deaf Roe records. No, not Death Row records. One day Roe was listening to some music too loud and started to get this humming in his ears. The next day he couldn�t hear a thing and was diagnosed as deaf; only the weird thing was� uh� never mind, it�s kind of a long and boring story. You wouldn�t be interested.
Proto heads out to the ring to boos, a scowl on his face, and a ghetto blaster in his hand.
/Proto/: Shut the f*** up, all ofyou. And pay attention. This is my third rap, and it'll also be my last.
Yes, because Dogg Pound records have just signed me to an exclusive seven-album deal on the back of my mad mic skillz exhibited in this rap-off.
And I can't be giving away this golden s*** for free to morons like all of YOU any more.
But because I am all about overthrowing the suits, as well as general evil, I'm going to let you here one more rap. So make the most of it. And I don't even need to rip off NWA, either. Punk-ass.
I spit out better raps than you can
Hell, I s*** out better crap than you man
If this match becomes a book, so
You'll know exactly where to look, yo
Prototype's the final chapter
Living evilly ever after
While you and your fruity midgets
Are nothing but a small appendix
I was not down with wack Apartheid, dude
Cause the whites were aight and I wanted them f***ed too
Diss the EC? Who cares about them
You got other problems right now, my 'good' friend
You're staring down the barrel of a loaded rap gun
I'll shred you to pieces like a Japanese shogun
Hey I'll give you this, you answered the challenge
Too bad you can't handle it, you're way off balance
I got my reasons for wanting this match
I'm about tired of you running your mouth
You just aren't as Evil as Prototype
I do it for kicks, I'm Evil for life
I was a good guy, I smiled and had fun
Givin' folk lollipops if they wanted one
But as they munched on the flavour they got a surprise
A dose of the syph was inside, all disguised
So go on, lift your flows, from some guys you don't know
You ain't down with Eazy, he's my homey, ho
I'm original and literal, psychoanalytical
You say you're bein' evil, but you're just hypocritical
The Doc from DC sure ain't bothering me
You can't hold a torch to my evilocity
Is evilocity a word? Hell, dog, it must be
Cause no other word sums up someone just like me
You got Roe, you got Wade ... hahahaha.
Midget hoes, one with AIDS ... hahahaha.
I don't wanna talk 'bout you no more, son
So I'm gonna walk, bitch ... cause this rap is done.
Dr. Abortion watches Proto�s declaration of his final contribution to the Rap-Off.
Dr. A: Well, looks like the limey has run out of steam. Well� I guess we�re all running out of steam after these 5 aggressive, strenuous matches to determine the most evil man in Wrassle.
Suddenly, a gang of backup singers arrives.
Dr. A: Say� you guys aren�t Roe and Wade � are you?
Backup Singers: No way. They�ve been run out of the building and are already headed back to Japan!
Dr. A: Hmm� what will I do with these backup singers then?
Backup Singers: Well, all we know how to do is sing Miami club music.
Dr. A: Uhh� you mean like Luke and 2 Live Crew and stuff?
Backup Singers: Yeah, we�re not that talented at all.
Dr. A: Hmm� well, I bet I could throw together a Miami Club Music Rap Song real quick. It can�t be about booty though�
Backup Singers: AWWW!
Dr. A: Sorry� I have to prove I am evil� and though misogyny is wonderful, it isn�t enough. I need to commit slanderous lies about Prototype in order for people to realize that I am more evil than he.
Backup Singers: How about you sing a song about how he masturbates in Public Bathrooms?
Dr. A: WHAT?! Why� that�s ludicrous. It has no place in an Evil Vs Evil Rap-Off� hrmm� but if you insist. I�ll lead and you follow. You guys take the indented right spot.
Backup Singers: Right Doc!
Dr. A: Okay� I�ll name this song� Proto Shakes it Three Times
The club music beat starts to play. This means that it is just a mix of the beat of some old song looped over and over again, with electronic tones added.
You go to the bathroom
________________________________________________Yeah!
You go to the bathroom
________________________________________________Yeah!
Cuz if you don�t you�re gonna get the gout!
________________________________________________Not Syphilis!
You go to the bathroom
________________________________________________Yeah!
You go to the bathroom
________________________________________________Yeah!
And you can�t get those last few drops out!
________________________________________________ That could be because Syphilis!
So what do you do? �
Do you have a clue? �
Do you shake it?
________________________________________________SHAKE IT!!!
Shake it?
________________________________________________SHAKE IT!!!
Shake it?
________________________________________________NAA MAN� not three times!
Three times.
Three times.
What's wrong with that?
It�s too close to masturbating, that�s a fact.
________________________________________________That�s right!
So shake it once!
________________________________________________Go ahead! Go ahead!
Shake it twice!
________________________________________________Keep it going! Keep it going!
Don�t shake it three times
Shake it three times
Shake it three times � You KNOW it ain�t right!
________________________________________________Naww!
Now one day I was in the lavatory
________________________________________________Takin a wiz!
I heard this man in the stall next to me
________________________________________________Uh-oh
But that ain�t the end of the story
________________________________________________ It isn�t?
He shook it more times than needed to get rid of the pee
________________________________________________Aww man!
He shook it once!
________________________________________________Go ahead! Go ahead!
He shook it twice!
________________________________________________Keep it going! Keep it going!
He shook it three times
Shook it three times
Shook it three times� You KNOW it ain�t right!
________________________________________________ Naww!
Shakin it three times, I was like damn�
This man is mending his meat
________________________________________________Like a cop on the beat!
He�s taking a shake break
________________________________________________He�s petting his snake!
He was over there throbbing
________________________________________________He was Fist-Kebabing!!
And this man�s name�
________________________________________________Was PROTOTYPE!!!
Yeah, it was Prototype
Proto shakes it once!
________________________________________________Go ahead! Go ahead!
Proto shakes it twice!
________________________________________________Keep it going! Keep it going!
Proto shakes it three times
Shake it three times
Shake it three times � You KNOW it ain�t right!
________________________________________________Naww� Proto�s whack!!!
Yeah. Whackin off that is�
________________________________________________Damn skippy!
Now I know sometimes the jimmy needs a little help
________________________________________________A shake or two!
But this Prototype man let out a yelp
________________________________________________That ain�t coo.
I could tell he wasn�t just going for the last drop
________________________________________________Like at the gas pump
Proto shook it twice and he ain�t stop!
________________________________________________Red light, man! Stop!
This man ain�t evil but he sure is sick
________________________________________________Sounds like it
Cuz he found a public place to shift his stick
________________________________________________Not In Public!!!
Proto shakes it once!
________________________________________________Go ahead! Go ahead!
Proto shakes it twice!
________________________________________________Keep it going! Keep it going!
Proto shakes it three times
Shake it three times
Shake it three times � You KNOW it ain�t right!
________________________________________________Proto shakes it once!
________________________________________________One Time! One Time!
Proto shakes it twice!
________________________________________________Twice as Nice! Twice as Nice!
Proto shakes it three times
Shake it three times
Shake it three times � You KNOW it ain�t right!
________________________________________________That�s too much!
And then he didn�t wash his hands!
________________________________________________Don�t touch the doorknob!!!
Yeah� and don�t eat his Lollipops.
Backup Singers: That was great, doc!
Dr. A: Gee. Thank you. It means a lot to me.
� 2002 Written by James Babicila
This Song is Licensed by Nakedman Hiphop Company, a subsidiary of Nakedman Industries�. Reproduction of this song without written permission of Nakedman Industries is prohibited by law
Bling Bling is a Panda
Bling Bling is a Panda
That lives in DC
Take it from me
He�s a sight to see!
Word!
Bling Bling is an all Black Panda, but with a lot of Gold
Ain�t got no White spots, that Black Bear is bold
So he�s cute and fuzzy, but my man got them diamonds
He�s the heartbreaking, cherry popping G who busts all the hymens
Brings in the honeys with his fluffy body
Too bad my Bear don�t even know how to use the potty!
Yeah! That bear craps in the grass!
Word!
Now all you homies know me as the Doc from DC
And I�m bout to tell you more �bout this Black Panda G
I may be the baby killing man when it comes to the ring
But when it�s time to sing, I gotta say who is the king
He�s the king of swing and his name is Bling.
Yeah�
It�s Bling Bling.
Now if he wanted to� this Black Bear could pop you and drop you
But your lucky� cuz my boy rather be eatin� bamboo
Word!
They told you bout Hsing Hsing and Ling Ling
When we opened up relations with the PRC� in the 73�
But then them white politicians hid Bling Bling
Didn�t want you to know about the all-black Panda
Damn that Government propaganda!
My holmes Bling Bling sparkles like the finest Champagne
But if you hear the shattering glass you know his gun is aimed at your brain
Now I know what you must be thinking
A bear with opposable thumbs� Man � You must be drinkin!
Naww�
You ougtta she his stuff� cuz he�s so tough� The all black Panda with the Deuce Deuce
When you stand in his way, you know Bling Bling gonna cut loose
Then he gonna cut you again� but this time with his claws
Cuz he�s got em.
Yeah man� big friggin� claws!
Word!
All the fine honeys see my Panda Mac Daddy and say he�s the thing
Cuz he�s the prime time player, the bamboo shoot slayer, yeah� he�s the Bling
He�s got that certain zing that which makes them sing and makes them cling
When he�s got them in the bed or in the grass
Yeah man� Pandas go anywhere to tap that ass!
Now out of all the Panda ladies, there ain�t one that the Bling missed
Bling got so many babies, he took Pandas off the endangered species list
Yeah. With his dong!
Haha.
Now since Bling Bling is a Black Panda, you know he�s got to be long
Between those legs he got a ten-inch caterpillar with the girth of a bong
SPX got jealous and tried to take Bling Bling down
But look who won, because you don�t see SPX around�
Yeah� Bling messed him up so bad he made him inactive.
Word!
And one day Bling Bling saw this photo
Was of a punk mofo by the name of Proto
So the big Black Panda took out his revolver�
Goddamn mofo� Bling accidentally shot Evolver!
Bling made him inactive too. Daaaamn.
Now Bling likes the jewelry, or so I�m told
If there is one thing you don�t do � it�s mess with his gold
He�s like Mr. T and he�ll toss you
Only he�s a bear so he�ll maul you too
And eat bamboo.
Cuz that�s what panda bears do.
Word!
� 2002 Written by James Babicila
This Song is Licensed by Nakedman Hiphop Company, a subsidiary of Nakedman Industries�. Reproduction of this song without written permission of Nakedman Industries is prohibited by law.