I am trying to get over the guilt that I feel when I find I must take a stand against those that try to take advantage of my initial respect for individuals. And in situations just concerning myself, I may have in the past just dealt with the inconvenience. But if I have other lives I am taking responsibility for or must interact with as members of my household, then I must consider their welfare also and instead of the interlopers. And because of those types of mitigating circumstances, I have become more proactive in requiring respect, fairness and justice. In my heart I am a fierce defender of my household, but still my generalized hopes and belief in the potential of basic goodness of humankind gets in the way sometimes.
I am not the violent sort, I won't blacken your eye or bloody your nose, I won't throw dishes at you, or shoot you with a gun and I won't stab you. That sort of aggression is not what I am about, but I have a strong set of lungs and I can rival a banshee if lower decibels are not sufficient to catch your attention. I have been known to get into shouting matches, but in general I prefer to discuss problems quietly, calmly and with reason. I think it may be a conflict of personality thing that causes the rationality to dissolve from disagreements.
On the other hand, I view sarcasm as a treasured innate ability and a beacon of wit and intellectual intercourse to be liberally used in verbal banter. I am excited by such word games and in the purest form such an altercation with a worthy opponent likens itself to foreplay. You must be quick witted to flirt with me because my weapons are razor sharp and I refuse to dally long when challenged by an unarmed man.
I hate wastefulness or the abuse of books. I am very opinionated and am not afraid to give my opinions freely, whether they are wanted or not. I like getting my way, but having to work for it or having to prove my points do not daunt me. I am very independent and I will make all my own decisions.
If I want something bad enough I will try every ways and means possible to acquire it. I love a challenge, but I have finally learned how to resist dares since I have become convinced that they are just dangerous around me. A way of looking at it is: "If there is a wall in your way then open a door. If there is no door in the wall make one. If the door won't open, go over it. If you can't go over it then go around it. If you can't go around it then go under it. If you can't go under it then plant ivy and wait for the climber roots to wedge out the mortar between the stones. Considering that the next logical choice is just to blow the damn thing to hell and reduce it to its basic molecules so it will be out of your way forever."
I am more of a perfectionist than i like and I will probably never feel that I am a finished project. And I really do believe that we are all works in progress, but I have a firm grip on reality in spite of my lease on some fantasy realms and I know my shortcomings and faults to a tee. I am always re-examining myself to see where I can improve by change. I believe that perfection is a worthy goal to strive for, even though as a concept I believe that it is unattainable. There will always be something that could be better, always some aspect that could be tweaked just a little more this way or that if only for esthetic value.