September 3, 2002
Hi, I haven't written here in like almost a week... Sorry:( Anyway it's 11am here.. I start school thursday... It's kind of nerve racking but at the same time I feel it's about time I start going to school again. I just wish Georgia(my cousin) would stop being so worried about me not eating and stuff. The last time I saw her she pointed out my dry bruised knuckles and asked me what it was from. I told her I banged my hand agaist the wall by accident but I could tell she was suspicious, I mean who better can tell if a someone is ana/mia then someone who has been themselves. She knows all the tricks and tips. She knows how easy it is to hide it. She knows about all the lying. She used to visit pro ana sites with me when she was ana and mia.. Obviously now she thinks I don't visit them... But I'm sure she DOES know but doesn't have the guts to tell me that. Anyway, my school has so many obvious anas and mias. Everyones there is depressed... I wonder if that's a good or bad thing. I have a friend who really wants to go to my school M.I.N.D.(moving in new direcitons--how corny).. But it's known to be a school where all the goths, punks, and depressed people go and all the teachers are hippies... And her parents don't want her going there 'cause of that. How dumb. Anyway I'm still pretty happy about going to that school, it's way better then the shithole I've been at for the last 2 fucking years. It's really cool now that I think about it actually... We're going to do all these protests for animal rights and AIDS/HIV and stuff. And I've always wanted to do that. There's just about 40 kids in the school and it's a really relaxed environment.. Noone uses locks on their lockers, in fact they leave 'em wide open.. And you can slouch in your chair as much as you want.... You can lie down on the fucking floor if you want, it doesn't matter as long as still work hard. The schedule is also like college/university which is cool. They give you loads of freedom but you still have to work hard. You gotta be really independant for this school... Everythings on you. Anyway sorry for all that useless info.. Just kept writhing and writing. I'm realising that I'm going to have to make a stupid archive for my diary which I really hate but whatever.. Anyway, I'm going to go work on my projects and exercise so yeah bye... Oh I almost forgot--I went to wal mart for the first time and I got a jump rope that counts how many cals you burn(sooooo cool!), two 5lbs dumbells(muscle burns fat), and an exercise ball for getting more intencity in my crunches and stuff(it really works).
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August 27, 2002
Hi all(I wonder if anyone reads this...). It's 10:00pm. Shit I'm getting sooo nervous over school! I have social anxiety disorder and I'm going to a new school where I don't know anyone... Perfect combination:( I would be feeling a little better if my cousin wasn't in the damn hospital. She's going to the same school and we had planned on going together for the first day and now her mother is saying that she probably won't be able to go! I now this sounds selfish but I'm really pissed of about Georgia(my cousin)... She's so hypocritical. She'll stay stuff like "Oh Charlotte don't go to bed without eating, you haven't eaten tonight, it's bad for you", and then she goes and starves herself. I'm also nervous about what I'm going to wear(I know this sounds soooo shallow but I get panic attacks because I'm worried I don't look right/normal). I've been getting so used to just throwing whatever's on the floor on... What I really hate is when people say I'm punk or goth. I just wear what I feel like wearing. I'm not a style, I'm a person who wears what I feel is comfortable and looks normal(It's imposible for me to look GOOD). Also I haven't taken my anti-depressants for a week.. My mom thinks I just skipped them today. The reason is that I ran out and don't want to go to the fucking clinic to get them(lazy fat ass). There is good news: I'm losing weight again, woohoo! Anyways that's all for tonight.
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August 26, 2002
Hey. It's 2:30pm and I've got nothing to do(nice life huh...). I just found out school starts Thursday the 29th. I'm feeling kind of nervous. It's a new school, I switched 'cause the one I was at last year was fucking sick. Anyway, bad news, my cousin is back in the hospital. She lost 10 pounds in a week. And I thought she was doing better... Anyway I'm gonna write later on tonight. Hi again. It's just past midnight here and I weighed myself a few hours ago. I gained half a pound since slacking of my diet:( Anyways I did good today. I'll write tomorrow.
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August 25, 2002
Hi. It's 11:30pm and for once I'm pretty tired. We got a dog yesterday and that's good news since I love animals:) I'm going to have to get back on track with this fucking diet. God yesterday and today I must've had like 1000 calories! It's just so hard being around my mom and all and her telling me she wants me to eat:( Anyway, this is just a short entry since I have to go to bed, so I'll talk later.
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