Dear Sir,

For so long, I've waited with bated breath, to meet you in person and finally be able to give everything that I've wanted to give. Years and years I've waited, torturing myself unnecessarily, convinced that somehow, something inside me was not right. I ached to serve, longed to love, and fell into a pattern of thoughtless, unfulfilling actions.

I screamed and cried hot tears of pain, wondering why you would not comfort me and make yourself known. I debated between resentful pride in thinking that I deserved your presence, and cowering fear in thinking that I did not. And I waited.

And I still wait, for you have not deemed it right to come into my life at this time. But finally, as with each important step in my life, a moment of quiet, calm clarity has broken through the chaotic blackness that so easily befalls me. It is these simple moments of clarity that give me peace, help me grow, and give me reason to consider myself and my actions and thoughts more deeply.

You have decided that the time is not right. Maybe you watch me, but more likely, we have not even seen each other, never met. I don't know you, you have not revealed your nature to me. But even not knowing me, you know that there is more that I have to learn before I can truly be what both you and I want - your slave.

You know that an empty gift is no gift at all. You know that it is impossible to give power when there is none to give. You know that at this time in my life, there is a serious shortage of personal power. And you know that the power is not lost, just hidden behind things that I must move aside.

I realize now, that within this season of giving, you have anonymously given me the most precious gift someone like me could ask for. You have shown me that you trust in my power, that you are patient and waiting for me to accept the power that I have before I give it to you. You believe in my strength as a person, and believe in the potential power of my submission.

So to you, who remains hidden from my sight, I will set aside a moment this Christmas season and kneel, thanking you for the gifts of trust, patience, and belief in me. I will trust that when the time is right, you will find me. I will no longer believe that your absense is a testament to my flaws. I will endeavor to explore my strength alone, and I will be ready when you come into my life. And I will empower myself, so that I have that much more power to give to you when that time comes.

These are my gifts to you, the one I have not met.

Jennifer

This webset features the painting, Ophelia, by Antoine-Auguste-Ernest Hebert.