On numerous web sites, discussions, one might find the mention of submission mentioned as a gift coming from the submissive or slave, with the unspoken expectation of the Master cherishing or valuing that 'gift'. Even on slave sites, I have seen the idea expressed that the slave is granting a gift to her owner once she deems him worthy of her attentions, and some sites have gone so far as to suggest if he does not view her as his most valued possession, that might be considered abuse.

I wholeheartedly disagree. To those saving their gift for the Master Charming they hope will sweep them off their feet, I wonder... how will they feel if he accepts the 'gift', and then uses it in ways they didn't count on? If he attributes a value to it much lower than what they expect? Are they so busy looking for a man who is worthy of such a 'gift', that they forget whose measuring stick by which they are being judged? Does this give the submissive or slave the power to revoke her 'gift' if she is not being dominated the way she likes it, and if that is the case, who is running the relationship?

My understanding is that this analogy came about as an attempt to remind the slave or submissive that we live in a consensual society. It expresses hope that she should know the dominant extremely well- particularly in a situation where she surrenders all rights. Otherwise, it might be unsafe or unwise to enter into this type of relationship. That is simple common sense, not the overromanticized 'gift' concept that is often mentioned. But beyond semantics, I believe that how one views their service to another also sets the tone for the dynamic of the relationship.

I consider my need to serve and please, to surrender to the will of someone stronger to be something natural. It is the essence of who I am, it is something I feel most fulfilled doing, and it emerges in the presence of someone who invokes it. It is not so much what you do, but who you are.

Because of the man he is, I respond according to my nature. To pull back a natural response that is invoked and so one can withhold it in order to 'bestow it' seems to be artificial. At that point, I have two choices: I can accept and revel in how he makes me feel and my desire to please him... or I can suppress it. But some of this mindset, I simply do not understand. How can I take something which is a natural expression, try to wrap it up to make it seem much bigger and inflate its worth, add the condition that this 'gift' must be cherished and then give it to someone as if I am doing him the favor? How can I possibly kneel before someone else and truly feel humble if I have the mindset of "Since I found this man worthy, I'm giving them the gift of me serving him as long as he shows his appreciation"?

I am humbled because he gives me a gift. He allows me to serve him, he allows me the luxury of his attention when he chooses, he gives me the opportunity to be the slave he knows I can be. He expects me to be true to my nature, to love myself, to revel in what I am... in a society where submissive women are considered to be weak and lacking in self esteem. He gives me something so incredibly precious... his control over me.

This knowledge of his generousity keeps me humbled, and grateful to him for what he permits me. It keeps me from taking things for granted and reminds me that my standing is precarious. It tells me that pleasing him is not a level one reaches and stops, but a goal that is constantly driving me to reach farther. It lets me focus on the unexpected joys in the simplest things.

He would be the same man without me kneeling at his feet. I would be the same woman, except the ache to be allowed to serve him would still be there and that is something I cannot give myself- only he can. He doesn't need me to do him the favor of serving him. That is a privilege, a luxury he gives me... and something I am so grateful for, every day.

Those who deem their surrender a precious gift might see my viewpoint to be low self esteem, but it is not that. I appreciate fully the woman I am, and the kind of slave I am. It is because I am secure in myself and my place in life, that I can remove the need to place myself in an ivory tower to be treasured and handled with kid gloves, and beg shamelessly for the chance to serve him, to be treated as he sees fit.

I don't need to be his most valued possession...it's rather hard to kneel at a man's feet when you are perched on a pedestal. The last thing I want to do is to dictate how much he *should* value me lest I consider myself abused- his opinion of me is something I am happy to have out of my control. I also tend to have a much more serious view of abuse than 'not being cherished enough'. I just ache to be allowed near him, to bask in his presence, to revel in the knowledge that I am so lucky to be allowed to serve him.

This might be a half empty/half full viewpoint that depends on the individual, but in my opinion, the resulting difference in mindset is enormous.

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. It is very easy to overestimate the importance of our own achievements in comparison with what we owe others."
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer