Although my friends try to convince me otherwise, the truth remains that I'm still unwanted and unattractive. After a switch from dreadlocks to an Afro, no one liked the change, and they said that I should've kept the locks. But I don't care about that, because it doesn't matter anyway. At the moment, I'm willing to move on from the blowup I had with Ricky that caused our friendship to end. It's a little comforting to know that everyone hates Ricky, and they're saying that he was never my friend to begin with. He's called me an idiot again and again, which may be the reason that none of my friends like him. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm never going to have a relationship, because it just wasn't meant to be, either. I remember a story about a guy from Detroit who was in the same situation as I was. There was a girl that he really liked, and he saw himself spending the rest of his life with her. When she told him that she was taken, that's when he considered the alternative: starting a gay relationship. However, he held it off until recently, when his one-year marriage to another female had ended. Now he's happy with his current status, and I hope he's found the man of his dreams. That will never happen to me, though, because it's a sin to be gay, lots of bad things happen to homosexual people, and no man would want to be with me, either. So I'm happy with being single forever. Even though I have all those phone numbers and emails stored up in my address book, I'm still a coward to call or write them, because I'm afraid that I wouldn't get invited. My GPA is beginning to get affected as well, which I had been hoping would never happen, but it's my fault that I'm letting my emotions get to me. It's becoming more and more obvious that unless my emotions change, I will never get to leave the house for anything other than work, school or the mall. I hope that somewhere out there, someone's listening. And one more thing: Since Ricky hates me now, I can live with the fact that I'm now the most hated man in Chicago.