The Quotes!!!
~ I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
~ Tis better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
~ Be the change you wish to see in the world.
~ Everybody is somebody’s weirdo.
~ Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
~ Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
~ Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
~ If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, s/he learns to find love in the world.
~ Do, or do not. There is no “try.”
~ Climb High, Climb Far, Your goal the Sky, Your aim the Star.
~ A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
~ Are we onstage before we enter?
~ Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you will land among the stars.
~ Words are silver, but silence is golden.
~ Seven fifths of all people do not understand fractions.
~ In a world full of cheerios, be a fruit loop.
~ Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could.
~ Quick! A tpyo!
~ Be nice to your children. They’re the ones who pick your nursing home.
~ Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
~ Democrats really know how to party. Who ever heard of Pin the tail on the elephant?
~ Three may keep a secret, if two are dead.
~ I have a hair dryer, and I’m dangerous.
~ Don’t move, or the cheesecake gets it.
~ This dollar is from my nostril.
~ If you die, I will never speak to you again.
~ There are 10 kinds of people in this world – those who understand binary and those who don’t.
~ You’re never lonely with multiple personalities.
~ Procrastinators of the world unite! … tomorrow.
~ Said by Bush: What is our children learning?
~ Said in Math class: This ain’t English class.
~ They’re itty bitty, but they’re capable of greatness.
~ 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
~ Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
~ What's the speed of dark?
~ What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
~ Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
~ Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
~ The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites’.
~ I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
~ Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
~ Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
~ After two years in
~ A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.
~ Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.
~ I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
~ I’m an expert in training.
~ Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
~ A woman’s place is in the house … and senate.
~ Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
~ Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
~ Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.
~ Pray for the dead; fight like hell for the living.
~ The reason why it seemed during the war (WWII) that
~ A woman is like a teabag - you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
~ Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
~ Do you want to be loved or feared? Easy … both! I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.