The Emperors Gonna Get Grooved By Chanur

We open on a dismal swamp. A lone Tygra cowers on a rocky outcropping.
Poor guy, he's covered with mud and dripping wet. We can only imagine
what he's been through. A deafening peal of thunder and he cries out in
fear. Tygra breaks down.

**Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, that Tygra was once the leader of a brave
and fearless group of people. Oh yeah! He had everything going his way.
And then he lost it all. This is his story. ::Pause:: Well, actually,
it's my story. 'I'm' that Tygra. Now, how could all this happen you say?
Let's go back to the beginning, shall we?**

(Slam cut to: Kamanchee stuffing RD's empty body cavity with chocolate
cake.)

**Ok...see that's not far back enough. We gotta go back further.::Sigh::
I'm gonna get him for that.**

(2nd slam cut to: Outside of Cat's Lair.)
** Better. You see, I had it all! Fame, Fortune, respect, and Grune!
Hell, I even had an apprentice. Her job was to advise me. However she
was doing much more then that as of late. She'd been trying to rule in
my place. And I'm thinking, that's gotta stop....**

Cut to: Interior of Cat's Lair, council chamber. Om one end a monstrous
marble throne sits under the great seal. Benni is lounging across both
of the armrests with Kam standing in attendance. Off to the left,
Panthro and Cheetaria are arguing over a sheet of paper.

"I don't care, Cheetaria! Show me where in the lease it says the authors
can throw us out of our own home!" She points out a paragraph. He reads.
"Moons of Plundar! Who signed this cursed thing?" Both Thundercats eyes
lock. "Lion-o."

Benni yells out from the throne. "Next!" A golden panther is escorted in
at spearpoint by two of Shark's guards. The panther swallows hard and
addresses the throne.

**You see, that's Benni.** The panther continues pleading his case.
**She's worked for me for such a long time, she's forgotten I rule the
group, not her. And here latest assistant..... don't even get me
started. About every 10 days she gets herself a new one. This one's
called Kamanchee. I've got no idea WHAT she sees in these strange
british types. This one's dumber then most, but as i understand a great
baker.**

"It is nooo concern of the group if your story contains....what was it
again?"

A soft call from the foot of the throne. "Plot,"

"Ha! You should have thought about that before you started writing! Any
help we gave would be wasted on such a pathetic excuse as yourself! Take
him away, we're done here!"

"But....your Grace....." Shark's guards crossed their spears in the
panther's chest fur. "um.....Ok.." One of the guards conked Chanur on
the head and dragged him from the room.

RD steps out from behind the throne next to Benni. She is staring at the
floor rubbing her temples. "The nerve of some of the newbies."

"Tell me about it." Responds Benni not realising who's speaking. "I
mean....AHHH! Your Highness!" She exclaims.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what, your Highness?" Asks Benni, backpeddeling quickly. She
bumps into Kam, pushing him off the dais.

"Ruling in my place!"

"Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!!" Thud.

"But... Sire...."

"I am the Emporor. You are the emporor's advisor. I rule, you advise,
That's how it works here."

"But Sire.... I was only dealing with trivial peasent matters....."

From below. "I'm OK.... This Tygra broke my fall. I'll be up in a
minute!"

".... That you must be far too busy to trouble yourself with. Killing
Tygras for example,,,," Benni continues babbeling.

**What is holding this woman's mind together? I don't think she can
even...**
(Looks over the side.) **How long has that been THERE!** RD reaches
behind the throne, pulls out the elephant gun, and takes aim at the
injured Thundercat. Just as he's ready to fire, Kam completes his climb
and grabs RD's leg for support at the top, throwng him off balance.

"Damn!" The gun fires, missing Tygra compleatly.

"Your Highness!" Exclames Benni.

"What!" RD spins, the barrel of the gun catching Kam in the jaw,
knocking him off again.

"Have you listened to anything I've said?"

"AAHHHHhhhhhhhhh....." Thud.

"I've been ocupied! Now, what was it again?" Benni sighed and began
talking again.

**How long is she gonna keep this up....**

"Your Highness!" Called out a shark guard.

"WHAT??" Yelled out both Benni and RD.

The shark shook his mighty head. "The pesant from the village is here."

"Great!" Exclamed RD. "Oh, and by the way Benni, you're fired."

From below. " I'm fine, don't worry about me...."

"We wern't!" Snapped Benni. She then took on a softer tone. "But, your
Highness.... I don't understand...."

"Let me put this another way: You're part of and outplacement program,
we're not picking up your option, you've been downsized, you're being
written out..... go ahead and pick one. I've got more."

"But Sire, I've been loyal to the group for...(counts off
fingers.)...weeks now!"

"Hey, I'm a compasonate person. I'll see you're paid up to the end of
the month. Oh, and take that moaning pile of bones with you on the way
out."

"The Tygra?"

"Oh, yeah. That too. Toodles!" RD shoves Benni off the dias.

"AAAHHhhhhhhhh......!" Thud.

"I just love that sound!" RD plumps up the cushion and settles in on the
throne. "OK... I'm ready! Send in the caninoid!"

(Continued)

(Slam cut to: ride end. Dressed in protective rubber aprons the evil
pair or thrown into a brick wall when the car makes its sudden stop.)

"Next time," Moaned Kamanchee, "We take the stairs."

"Agreed. Grab the poison!" Kam pulled himself off the floor and
re-located his shoulder.

"Uh......Where?"

"White cabinet, 2nd shelf, 3rd from the left!"

"Right!.......Uh....... My left or your left?"

"Just grab it!!!"

Startled, Kam grabs with his right hand.

**Ahhh.... So That's what happened!***
"And now, on to our most diabolical scheme ever!" Screamed Benni.
"Dinner!"

DA.....dumb......DAAAAAA........

"Where's that music coming from?"

"You'll get used to it, Kam."

******************************

"Boom, Baby!!" Yelled RD as the doors burst open into the Lair's dining
room. "I am one famished ruler of the world!" He takes a seat across the
table from Benni. If looks could kill.... "Say, no hard feelings about
this afternoon?"

Benni pursed her lips in a poor attempt at a smile. "None what so ever."
She hissed. through clenched teeth.

"Good, because a person with your vast experience should have no trouble
adjusting to life in the private sector. With your resume you should
have no trouble finding work as a professional yes-man, general go-fer,
possibly even rodeo clown..."

"Kam!" Benni nearly screamed. "The emperor would like his drink...NOW!!"

Kam burst through the kitchen doors with three heavy gold goblets
balanced on a serving tray. "Yes, your Highness....I WOaoh......" The
moran trips on the table leg and all three drinks go flying into RD's
forehead. The combined impact knocks out RD, cold.

Benni sighed. "OK... Not exactly what I had in mind but it works. Kam!
Pour the vial in his mouth before he recovers! Quickly!"

Kam leaped over and poured the contents into RD's open mouth. The
Emperor's skin turned a momentary shade of orange. *Oh. I hope I didn't
see that.* Thought Kam to himself. He picked up the unconscious RD and
set him back in his chair. RD starts to come around.

"Kam. what was in that??? I'll have another!!" Suddenly stripes start to
appear across the emperor's skin. Both Benni and Kam stare in shock.
"You've gotta make that for my next party!!" Rd's ears enlarge and poke
upward from the sides of his head. "Not as strong this time, I still
gotta walk home!" The nose lengthened into a snout. "What? You guys are
staring at me like I turned into a Tygra or something!"

"It im on er ed!" Benni stage whispered to Kam. Kam looked at her
stupidly.

"More bread?" He asked.

"On ER ED!!!" She nearly screamed.

"Oooo... I get it! Code games!" Exclamed RD. "Can I play? Er ed, huh? Is
it 'my head?'. Yeah! That's it, my head! :::Pauses::: What's wrong with
my head?"

WHAM! Kamanchee finaly gets the hint and brains the ruler with the
serving tray. RD's out cold, again.

Benni jumped up from her seat, "A TYGRA! he's suposed to be DEAD!"

end pt.2 (contiued)
"A Tygra! He's suposed to be DEAD!"

"Yeah, weird." Commented Kam, while examining the dent in the serving
tray.

"Kam, Let me see the vial!" Kam tossed the vial to Benni. She examined
the label and screamed.

"You idiot!!! This isn't poison!! It's extract of Tygra!!!"

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd check your labels....:::Bonk::: ow!" Kam
rubbed his forehead. "Hitting me with it won't change anything! How do
you get extract of Tygra, anyway?"

"You start with soft lighting, a little mood music....AUGH!!! Damn it
Kam! I don't want to relive the experance! Take him out and kill him!
He's missed his last meal!"

"Which is kind of a shame 'cause I've got these great spinnich puffs.
You sure it can't wait till after dinner?" Kam asked.

"Kam... " Answered Benni through clenched teeth. "This IS kind of
important!"

"How about desert? I made this great Kam cake....." Benni reconsidered.

"Well..... I supose there's time for desert."

"And a quick cup of coffee?" Kam added hopefuly.

"I guess." Benni answerd reluctenly. "Then take him out and crush him!"

************************************

(Slam cut to: Interior shot: Cat's Lair, Grand staircase. Kamanchee is
seen beginning his decent of the main stairs with a large sack thrown
over his left shoulder. In the background the theme from Mission:
Impossable begins playing.)

***No fair!! He gits the M I theme and I get a Tom Jones Look-alike??? I
am SO glad I was knocked out for this!***

Kam continues his epic journey, tip-toeing past a suprised Bengai and
Pumyra, pissed because he interupted their necking. He finaly reaches
his finish: The trash chute. At the bottom of the stairs, Fianna
continues to load his pack sled with what meger supplies he was able to
trade for. "What am I going to tell the village?"

"Good-bye RD!" Kam exclamed with glee. He reached out and put the sack
on the receving door. "Been nice knowing you!" But before he can close
the chute, two puffs of smoke appear on his opposite shoulders. "Oh! My
shoulder .....thingies."

An archangel and a mummziaaa appear on the brit's shoulders. The
archangel is reading a file, the Mummziaaa ready for action.

"Oh! Are we on?" Asked Zyahn, throwing down the file.

"Of course we are, moron!" Answered Dirka. "You think I'd hang around
him," Gestured toward Kam. "Otherwise? Nice Dress!"

"We've been through this! It's a robe!"

"Dress!"

"Robe!"

"Whatever.... Look dude, Kam, just close that door and walk away."

"Kam you must do what your heart tells you. What does your heart say?"

Kam looked at the archangel strangly. "Same thing it always does.
Thump-thump, thump-thump."

Zahyn burried his head in his hands. The Mummziaaaa grabbed the opening.
"Look Kam, I've got three reasons you should walk away. Number one: He's
trying to lead you down the path to goodness. I wanna lead you down the
path that rocks! Number two: Look what I can do." The mumziaaaa began
patting her head and rubbing her stomach at the same time.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Asked Kam.

"No. no. She's got a point." Intrupted Zyahn. "Please continue."

"Thank you. Kam, no one cares about RD anyway. You move up in the world
if you just walk away." Dirka responded.

Kam shuffeled his feet on the stair nervesly. "Are you sure? Cause if
I....Woah...!!!" He slipped on the stair riser and grabbed the chute
door for support. The sack slips off and starts bouncing down the
stairs. "Crap!!" The human gives chase only to step on a sleeping
snarf's tail. This begins a head over heals plunge down the stairs
ending with a bone jarring crunch on the final landing. The sack
meanwhile bounces out the open Lair doors and lands on Fianna's sled
without the caninoid noticing.

"Mush!!!" Yelled the green one as he took off with the sled in tow, the
harness straining against his chest. "Those Berbil fruits must weigh
more then I thought." He muttered, crossing the drawbridge, and entering
the woods.

Kam runs out the doors less then a minute later. There's no one in
sight, much less a sack. "Oh geaze, I hope that doesn't come back to
haunt me later."

*************************************
(Slam cut to: Interor shot of a small hut. Extremly small, but very well
cared for. A white poodle is busy washing dishes at a large earthenware
sink. Kit and Kat are exchanging insults with each other and rolling
around on the floor.)

The poodle shoots over a loving glance. "I told you two you could stay
up only if you behaved. Your father should be home anytime now."

"Aww, Mom." answered Kit as she pummeled Kat into submission. "He likes
it!"

"Do not!" Answered Kat.

"Do too!"

"Do not!!"

The poodle sighed. "I swear, I don't know where you two get it from..."

"Hey kids!" Fianna yelled from outside.

"Dad!" The Kittens scrambled out the door. Fianna is standing down the
hillside with his arms flung wide. The harness is in a heap behind him
with the sled. Both kids leap into his arms and the mighty caninoid is
rocked by the combined weight.

"Dad! Dad!" Yelled Kit into his ear. "Look what I can do!" She socked
Kat in the jaw.

"Ow! Look Dad!" Responded Kat. "I've got a loose tooth."

"Yeah! I gave it to him. I even made him eat a bug!"

Fianna smiled. "Oh, so Mom's cooking again?"

"I heard that." From up the hillside. Fianna winced. The poodle joined
them. "How was your trip?"

"Fine dear."

"Dad? Dad...!!! Dadad dad dad dad" The twins continued. The poodle
sighed " I told you two you could stay up until Dad got home."

"Awww....Dad? Can we stay up? Please?" Both twins begin making doe eyes
at the green nincompoop. Fianna's resolve begins to waver.

"Sure, It's fine with me." The poodle shoots him a glare. "We're just
going to sit up and make go-go eyes at each other, Right dear?" The
poodle responds with doe eyes of her own.

"Ewww... gross! Yuck! Good-night Mom! Good-night Dad!" Kit and Kat
scamper back into the hut. Fianna scoops the poodle into his powerful
arms and walks into the hut after the kids.

"So, what do the Emperor want to see you for?"

"Er....um.... He couldn't see me today."

"What?"

"Well, he's a very busy man...."

"That's just rude! After you go all that way to see him and he can't
make time for you?"

"He's got more important things on his mind....."

"After all HE called you! If I were you, I'd go up there and give him a
piece of my mind!"

"Remember the baby, dear."

"Fianna, this baby isn't coming anytime soon and you know it. Ooooo...
That just makes me so mad! I need to go bite something!"

Fianna backed out the door slowly. "Yes, dear, you do that. I'll unpack
the sled." Fianna turned and nearly sprinted down the hill. He knew from
experance how many teeth the wife had. On reaching the sled he noticed
the sack for the first time. "What have we got here?" He muttered.

Fianna pulled the bag off the sled and untied the drawstring. A Tygra
stared up at him.

"What the...."
"What the...?"

"Demon Tygra!" Fianna screamed, dropping the bag like a bomb.

"Where??? Where???" Screamed RD, leaping from the bag and running
head-first into a fence post.

(Not much threat there,) Thought Fianna as he watched the Tygra regain
consisousness. "A Tygra? How'd you get in there?"

The Tygra focused in on his suroundings. He glared at the caninoid.
"You! I know you. You're the......... wait don't tell me....... You're
the peasant from the village!"

Fianna stared in shock. "Emperor RD?"

"Yeah, who the hell'd you think it was?"

"Well," Stammered Fianna. "You don't look much like the Emperor."

"What do you mean by that? Of course I look like the Emperor!"

The dog held his paw in front of his snout. "Do this." He wiggeled his
toes.

RD held up a paw in front of his face. "What, is this some kind of game
you peasants play....? AAAHHHHHhhhhhh... It can't be! No!" The Tygra
rushes over to the well and stares into his reflection. The face of a
Tygra stares back. "My face! My beautifull face!"

(Well, that's a matter of opinion.) Thought the caninoid.

Suddenly RD's anger jelled. "You! You did this to me!"

Fianna reacted in shock. "Me?? Why??"

"How should I know?? YOU'RE the criminal mastermind!"

"What?"

RD thinks it over for a moment. "Your right. That's giving you WAY too
much credit."

"Hey!"

RD continues talking, as if Fianna isn't there. "Alright, this is no
time to panic!
I'll just get back to the palace and have Benni use that 'secret lab' of
hers to change me back. Then I'll level this whole hillside for my new
toy. Hey you!" Fianna glances back.

"Yeah, you. Let's get going here! I want to get outa this body as soon
as possable wouldn't you? Let's move!"

A glimmer of hope appears in Fianna's eyes. "No."

RD's mouth drops open. "What did you say to me?"

"I said, no. You want to build your Tygra-matic, build it somewhere
else."

RD considered this. "Come here, I've got something to share with you."
Fianna edges closer. "No. Closer." The dog moves nearer. "I DON'T MAKE
DEALS WITH PEASANTS!!!!" He screamed, nearly blowing Fianna's eardrums.

Fianna rubbed the side of his head. "Then I guess I can't take you back
then."

"Ha! I don't need your help! Fortunatly, I was born with a perfect sense
of direction!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. The jungle is a dangerous place if
you don't know your way arround." The green one answered.

RD started off down the path. "I'm not listening! La-LALAL....."

"No, I'm serious! There's quicksand and wild cheetas and......"

"See ya later, chump!"

"Fine! See if I care! Ha, if there's no RD then there's no Tygra-matic.
Solves that problem." Fianna throws a glance at the disappearing form
and sighs.

**********************************

"Scary jungle, hah! Oh, look a leaf, it may attack me. Puhlease. I can
find my oun way back." RD pauses and looks around. "Hmmm...... you'd
think being a Tygra would be a bigger help here. All I can sense is
which plants are adictive."

Suddenly RD heard a rusteling of the underbrush. "T T ? That you?"
Silence returns to the jungle, complete and utter silence. Yep, nothing
moving, as if the whole jungle was waiting , holding it's breath for the
next action, like a cat....

"Knock it off up there! You're giving me the creeps!"

Sorry. The bushes part in front of our here....

"Oh, MY GOD ITS A......."

"Pipsqueek???"

"Squirel?" The rodent darts foreward and offers RD a nut. "For me? I
don't know what to say." Tosses the nut back, hitting the woodland
creature in the head. :::Bonk::: "Back off, buddy!" The Tygra turns and
stalks away. "I'll find my OWN way ouuuuuuuuuuuuuut..............!" The
Emperor's incredable sense of direction just led him off a cliff.

Thud! "Ow, my head!" RD opens his eyes and finds himself nose to nose
with a 400Lb Ayanna. "ahhh....." He turns his head to see another lying
along a branch with two others beneath. Everywhere he looks, another
one. "Good God," He whispered fearfuly. "I'm surrounded by Ayannas!"

The squirel reappears on the tree limb, this time with a wicked grin on
the tiny little face. Wasting no time he blows up a balloon and twists
it into the shape of a Tygra.

"Oh. nonononoooooo......"

The rodent pulls out a stick pin. "Heheheeeee...."

"Oh, god nooooo......."

BLAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody moves. More importantly, nobody wakes.

"Hah!!!!!" RD realises the slip and slaps his paws over his snout.
Instantly All the Ayannas are WIDE awake.

"HI THERE!!!!!!!!" In fifty part harmony!

"AAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"

(Continued.)


"Aaahhhhhh........!" The new Tygra takes off through the jungle at a
dead run.

"Look, he wants to race, girls!"
"Shall we go?"
"I could use a run!"
"ME too, andme! ANDMEANDMEANDME!" The smallest Ayanna whips out a
trumpet.

"Bah bum ba ba ba bum!"

"CHARGE!!!!!!!!!" The entire mass of Ayannas disappeared after RD in a
haze of dust, paw-prints and spots. The grass is trampled, trees torn
asunder, and any other sane creature of the jungle has taken deep cover.
Many legends have been told of the fabled "Run of the Ayannas". For
generations it had been used as a bedtime story to frighten the little
ones into bed. Many elders speak of it in hushed and revered tones, as
if the very thought of it would cause a re-occurrence. Only a select few
had lived during the time of its last passing and had hoped not to see
it again. In fact, the legend had expanded to outside this realm, with a
famous human composer writing the famous score, "The Ride of the
Ayannas." In short, a unspeakable event. An event that was bearing down
on RD at warp speed.

"NNoooooooo....!!!" Screamed the unfortunate Tygra as he was swept into
the running mass of paws, spots, and hyperactivity.

"Where'd he go!" "I got him I got him!" "Whoops! I had him!" "There he
is!" "Where?" "On her back!" "My back?" "NO HERS!" "WHO"SE?" "NOt MiNE!"
"OW! Watch the claws! That's MY back!" "Your back?" "NO mine!"
"Everybody. STOP!!!!!"

The entire pack screeches to a sudden stop. The bruised Tygra is thrown
off the sea of spotted fur and through the underbrush with a
bone-jarring crash, ending up bare feet from a towering cliff. Above
him, the towering canopy of the jungle. Below, the river tiny in the
distance. A few wisps of cloud float by under his feet. The cheetahs
advance slowly. (Well, as slowly as possible for hyperactive cheetahs,
that is.)

"Ah.... nice kitty! You wouldn't want to eat me......." The lead cheetah
stops.

"Now why would we do something like that?" The lead Ayanna asked. RD
breathed a sigh of relief. " We just want to hug you and squeeze you and
kiss you and love you...."

"I'll jump!!! I SWEAR!!!!!"

"Here I come.........!!!!!!!!" RD twisted his head to the left where
none other then the green caninoid was swooping in on a jungle vine
toward the mass of cheetahs. "Yes!" Cried RD, envisioning the Ayannas
scattering like bowling pins. Instead, the cheetahs stepped sideways,
creating a wide path between them. Fianna swung right through.
"CRAAAAAaaaaaappp........." As the dog and his rescue attempt
disappeared into the distance. RD slapped his forehead. The Cheetahs
began advancing again, talking excitedly among themselves.

"I'll do it! I'll jump, I'll... AUUGHH!!!!!!" Was all the Tygra could
pronounce as we was pulled off the ledge by the neck. The green
nincompoop had grabbed him on the second trip by. A bright flash lit the
ledge and both our swinging heroes covered their eyes. A small mushroom
cloud began spreading on the ledge.

"What the hell was that!!" Exclaimed RD.

"Too many Ayannas in one place." Responded Fianna. "They achieved
critical mass. Don't worry, your Highness! You're safe now....." WHAM!!!
The pair slammed into a outreaching tree branch. In an incredable series
of improbibale events the vine wrapped itself around the two and the
tree, efectively pinning them there.

"Ya know, I'm a little new to this whole rescuing thing, but to me this
seems a step backwards."

'Don't worry!" Yelled back the dog. "This is ok! We can figure this
out!"

:::Crack!!!:::

"I hate you."

:::Snap!!!::: The branch plunges downward.

"AAAHHHhhhhhhhhh........!"
"AAAHHHhhhhhhhhh........!"

The branch then procedes to hit every rock and outcropping on the way
down, causing much pain and moation sickness. It finaly ends with a
plunge into the river, dunking our two heroes. The log pops afloat with
a caninoid sputtering for breath and the Tygra screaming in abject
terror.

"Water!!!! IT HAD TO BE WATER!!!!! I can't swim!!!!"

"Calm down!" Shouted Fianna, wishing he could belt him one. "We're
alive, we're breathing, we can get out of this! Try moving
your.....uh-oh."

"Get me outta this water! My body can't take......uh oh? UH-OH???? Just
what do you mean by UH-OH?!?"

"Nothing."

"Let me guess. We're about to go over a huge waterfall."

"Yep."

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?"

"Most likely."

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!!!"

"Hey! Calm down! We're not dead yet!"

"Oh, yeah?? Who's writting this thing?"

"Chanur."Responded Fianna.

"We're gonna die."
"We're gonna die."

The log decends over the edge.

********************************

(Slam cut to: Throne room. The throne has been replaced for he time
being with a large alter.A Memorial wreath with a sash reading, 'Gone
and Quickly Forgotten' stands to one side of the empty casket. Kam
stands on the other, weeping, with a small grouping of flowers cluched
in this clasped hands as the crowd hangs on Benni's every word.)

"And so," Benni comtinues. "it is with a heavy heart that I assume the
throne. But out of these ashes we shall arrise. To meet the dawning of a
new era!...."

One shark guard whispers to another. "I think she's been watching that
lion movie again." The other replies. "Yeah, but at least there the
villan had a heart."

"Amen." Closes Benni. Kam throws the bunch of flowers into the crowd.
"Well, he ain't getting any deader!!!" She rips off the black mourning
robe to show a red glittering cocktail dress. The casket dissapears into
a trap door. The mourners toss the candles over their shoulders and
begin painting the town purple.

"We did it!"

(Continued.)

(Slam cut to: Calm pool of water at the base of a monstrous waterfall.
Some small debris is floating on the surface. No real sound other then
the pounding of the waterfall's surf. A green snout pokes the skin of
the water, followed by the rest of the caninoid's head.)

Fianna gasped for breath as if he hadn't had some for a time. The water
clung like a second coat of fur as he grasped at the remaining splinters
of the log. He flung his head about wildly, looking for any sign of the
Tygra.

"Oh, no..... Emperor RD? Sire?"

A second snout poked out of the water and disappeared just as quickly.
The orange fur had gone a pale hue.

"RD!" Screamed the caninoid, as he dove for the lifeless form. Fianna
wrapped a foreleg around the Tygra and dragged him to shore. No response
from the Tygra, it almost seemed the battle was already lost. Fianna
threw the body to the sand and glared at the Tygra.

"Oh no, please don't be dead, no, why do these things always happen to
me?" Fianna gave a huge sigh. "Breathe, damn it! Come on....."

No response. Fianna groaned and steeled himself to give mouth-to-mouth.
He pried open RD's mouth and leaned in. A putrid gas and the Tygra's
tongue popped out.

"Eeewww......." The dog turned his head to the side in disgust. The
things He'd go through...... Fianna pushed the tongue to the side and
leaned in again, eyes squinted shut at the thought of what was about to
occur. The Tygra's eyes popped open.

"AAUUUgghhhhhhh!!!"
"AAUUUgghhhhhhh!!!"
******************************

(Slam cut to: A Tygra gargling profusely.)

"For the last time," Fianna said. "It was NOT a kiss!"

"Right. All I know is, I wake up and you're on me like a cheap suit!"

"You'd stopped breathing!"

"And nearly stopped again when I saw your ugly mug! Look, this all
wouldn't have happened if you'd just done what I'd ordered you to do in
the first place!"

"If you hadn't wandered off alone.....!!" Fianna sighed and went back to
trying to build a fire. RD took another swig and continued gargling.
Fianna was rewarded with a wisp of smoke and a tiny flame. The Tygra
finished and spit out the liquid with deadly accuracy, extinguishing the
tiny flame. Fianna growled, and began anew.

"Look. maybe we got off on the wrong foot." Called out Fianna, as RD
wandered off. "I was always told there was good in everybody. You can't
want to build the Tygra-matic on the site of my village. Look at all the
people you'd hurt!"

RD thought about it for a moment. "And...... That would be a bad
thing.....?"

"Well, yeah!" Responded the caninoid.

"Look pal," The Emperor responded. " I don't know what your problem is!
Everybody else gets it! You exist to serve ME! You're the only one not
with the program. In the morning, you're going to take me back to the
palace, and your little village will be gone by sundown."

"I still think you'll change your mind."

"Not gonna happen, pal." Tygra curled up into a ball. "Wait till
morning."

"I won't take you back then."

RD sighed (Not this again. Wait, maybe if I humor him....) "Okay.....
what if I tell you I'll build it somewhere else?"

Fianna looked up from tending the fire. "You'd do that?"

"Hey, if it means that much to you." RD lied. "There are plenty of other
hillsides."

Fianna looked suspicisly at the Tygra "Why would you do that?"

"Well, you did save my life and all..." RD put out a paw "Shake on it?"

Fianna put his paw out but drew it back quickly. "I only shake," He
said. "If I mean it. I Don't go back on it!"

"Of course not!" RD said sweetly. "I wouldn't dream of it!" The caninoid
took the tygra's paw in his. "Thank you." He said.

"No, thank you!" Replied the tiger.
********************************

Slam cut; Interior of Fianna's hut. The kittens are asleep in the bunks.
Suddenly, Kat pops wide awake, screaming. "Dad!! Oh Jaga, Dad!!!"

The Wifey runs over. "What's wrong Kat?"

"I just had a horrable nightmare! I Dreamed Dad was tied to a log and
was crreaning down a raging river of death!"

Kit pops down. "Oh yeah? In my dream, Dad had to kiss a Tygra!"

Kat laughed "Yeah. like that'll ever happen!"

"Could too!"

"Could not"

"Yeah-haa"

"Nan-uhh"

"Yeah-hah"

"Nah-uhh" The poodle sighed. "Good night kids."

"Night Mom!"
"Night Mom!" "yeah ha!" "Nuh uh" Yeah ha" "uh ha,,,,,,,,,,,"

********************************

(Cut to: Throne room. The throne has been returned to the dias. Benni is
loungeing across the armrests again with Kam grilling something on a
hibachi nearby. Our new leader has a new bearing, a new spring in her
step. A new cofidance that the entire palace can feel and respond to. In
short: Nothing like RD's reign.

"Kam, dear. I must admit I was a little worried when you mixed up the
posions before. But now, with RD out of the way, I think we are on our
way to a great beginning."

Kam dropped the meat he was grilling with a start. "Yep..." He
stammered. "He's dead alright! Can't get much deader then he is now!
Well, unless we dug him up and killed him again...."

"I suppose not......." Responded Benni with a few doubts forming in her
mind. She glared as he brit offered the plate of steaming steak. "Tell
me, Kam. What did you exactly do with the body? Kam, You DID dispose of
the body?" She leaped fronm the throne and started pacing toward the
hapless sidekick, "Kam, I need to know he's dead. I need to hear those
.....three..... words! What did you do with the BODY????"

"Define body."

The Thundarian screamed in anguish. The plate went sailing to shatter
against the far wall. The great seal of Thundara now had two eves. 'He's
still alive!?!?" She yelled, with a murderous tinge in her voice.

"Well. He's not as dead as we'd hoped." Kamanchee gasped, "What if he
comes back?"

"He can't come back!"

"Yeah." Continued Kam. "That'd be kind of awkward. What, with that nice
speech and all."

"YA THINK???" The white screamed. "Let's go you Moran!!!!"

"Uh.....where?"

Benni blew her top. "TO FINNISH THE JOB!!!!!"
*******************************
Cut to: A sunny, grassy ridge. Off in the distance you can just make out
the Cat's Lair over a deep gorge. A long rope and plank bridge extends
over it, tied off on all four posts. The bridge looks worn, but still
servicable. Fianna and RD approach and stare off into the distance.

"I never get tired of the view from up here." Said the caninoid.

RD eyed the bridge, "You brought me across that?"

"Oh, relax." Responded Fianna while he set a foot on the bridge. "It's
been here for generations."

"And looks it!"

"Come on! Once we're across, it's only an hours walk to the palace."
Fianna continued on. "You coming?"

"Yeah, sure. :::gulp:::" RD started across the bridge with all the fur
on the back of his neck standing at end. "It's only an hour further,
Right?"

"Right."

"Good, 'cause I don't know about you, but I think I need a bath."

"No kidding." Muttered Fianna.

"What was that?" Asked RD.

"Oh...nothing. Just clearing my...AAUGH!!!" The plank Fianna stepped
onto shattered, sending him plumging into the network of ropes below.
The dog hung there, entangled in the underside of the bridge.Far, far.
below, the river cotinued on its lazy course.

"RD, help me!!" The Tygra reached out a paw, then drew it back, as if
reconsidering.

"No.....no I don't think I will." Repled RD as he hopped over the gap.
'I think I like it better this way."

"WHAT???"

"You see, when we got back to my palace, I was just going to throw you
into the dungon and then build the Tygra-matic. But I think I like this
better. It ties up the loose ends so much better." RD continued
crossing. "Toodles!"

":We shook hands!!!"

RD stopped and turned back to Fianna. He walked back and stared down at
the helpless caninoid. "Ya see, that's the funny thing about shaking
hands." He held out a paw and waved. "You have to have hands, Bye!" The
Tygra turned and imedatly plunged through a gap in the planks he'd have
noticed if he hadn't been so bsy gloating. RD's fall was broken by the
same set of ropes that held up Fianna.

"You Ok??" Called out the dog.

"Yeah, I think so...."

"Good!!!" The caninoid lashed out with a powerful fist and popped RD in
the jaw. "That's for going back on your word!!" The force of the blow
sent RD swinging in the ropes into the cliff face.

"OoFFF!! That was a sucker punch!"

"Sure as hell was! come back here and I'll give you another one!" Fianna
swung himself over th the other cliff face. "I was taught the was good
in eveyone, but I guess I was sure wrong about you!"

"Oh, I've been a bad Tygra!" RD snickered. "Spank me and spank me hard!"

"You sick bastard!"

"High praise coming from a peasant!"

"Come over here and say that!"

"Bring it on, dogbreath!"

"Ladies, or in your case, Bitches first!!"

At that Fianna and RD jump off the cliff walls and swing toward each
other. Fianna slams the Tygra's gut while RD rakes the dog's snout with
exposed claws,
"Hey, I kinda like these!" He exclamed.

"Oh, yeah," Gasped Fianna in pain. How ya like this!" Fianna kneed the
Tygra in the groin. RD went limp with pain. Both grabed for each others
necks. Fianna escapes the choke hold by poking RD in the eves. The Tygra
bites him in the arm.

:::SNAP::: A plank falls past the combatants, followed by assorted
debris.

"Uh-oh"
"Uh-oh"

The bridge collapsed, giving the pair just enough time to look down and
wonder why they haven't started falling yet.

"AHHHhhhh......ow! acK! EEKK! Nooooo!!! THUMP! $%#@$#......."

Fianna and RD fall, bouncing off the narrowing canyon walls, skidding to
a stop in a section too narrow for them to fall side by side. Their legs
are pressed to the walls, with their chests pressing against each other.
The only sound is their own heartbeat and breathing. They are trapped
there, staring into each others eyes.

"You try that kiss of life thing here, and I'll kill you."

"Shut up, jackass." Replied Fianna. "Let me think."

"Yeah, I can hear the rocks knocking together,"

"There's gotta be a way outta this! I know it!"

"How??" Exclamed RD. "Explain it to me!"

"Two things. One: I've seen the movie and we don't die here. Two:
Chanur's writting this, right?"

"Yeah, so???"

"He hasn't killed anyone yet! It's not his style! There's a way out of
this, It's going to sick and twisted but..." Fianna glanced down,
"Oh.....my......God! He's been in the archives."

Dread coursed through RD's body. Fianna had gone a deeper shade of green
then usual. "What???"

"Look down at your shorts."

"Look at your shorts."

RD shot a look at Fianna. "What do you mean? I.....Augh!" The Tygra
stared down in shock. His.....er......um..... unit was elongating out of
the uniform.

*This guy is truly sick!* Thought Fianna as he winced at the thoughts of
all the other riffs back there.

"This is all your fault!" Screamed RD, as *it* continued to wrap itself
around his leg.

"My fault?" Shot back the caninoid in disbelief.

"Yeah!"

"It was your idea to sell soup!"

"It was YOUR RIFF!" Fianna blinked in surprise. He had A point. "We've
got more important things to worry about here!"

"You're not the one about to pass out from blood loss!" The appendage
continued growing.

"If that keeps up, you're not the only one who's going to pass out! The
dog thought for a moment. "I've got an Idea." He focused on a small tree
growing from a cleft in the cliff face. Less then 5 feet from the top,
if they could get there, they might live. "Look, we're going to have to
turn around."

RD stared at him in shock. "What have you got planned!"

"How long can that........thing get?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"It's yours....."

"Not by choice! This was your story!"

"Do you think you could loop it around that tree up there?"

RD looked up. "Not in my wildest......:Boing: Okay.... maybe."

"First," Fianna gasped. "We need to get you turned around. First push
against my chest with your paws."

"Okay." The Tygra placed his paws on the caninoid's chest. Fianna
winced.

"Watch the claws!"

"Oh, sorry. Now what?"

"Press on me with one hand and turn your body around so it faces up."

RD grunted with the effort but was able to twist the whole way around.
Now with his back pressed against Fianna's chest he was able to get a
closer look at the tree above their heads. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"You got a better idea?"

"Yeah, we drop to the river."

"See those alligators?"

"Yeah."

'They're waiting for lunch."

RD glared down. "Naw, what makes you say that?"

Fianna sighed, vowing to get Chanur for paring him up with this idiot.
"The red checkered tablecloths kind of give it away! Now do it!"

"ok, ok, you don't have to get snotty about it." RD sized up the
situation, and taking matters into his own hands, tied his appendage
into a loop and began throwing it upward towards the tree. "Damn! I
can't quite reach."

"Grune in a hot pink G-string!!"

::Ding!!:: "Got it!" RD exclaimed. "Uh... now what? You gonna climb up
it or something?"

"No way in hell am I touching that thing!! You're a Tygra now! There's
no way of knowing where that things been!"

"Hey! I DO know where its been!"

"That's what scares me!" Fianna stopped for a moment. "Here goes, when I
give the signal, I'll hang onto your legs. You then become *Unexcited*
and we ascend the cliff."

"Let me get this right, you're going to hang on my legs as we dangle by
my *appendage* and I'm not supposed to be excited?!?"

"You're a Tygra! This isn't kinky enough for you!"

"Uh.... I see your point. On the count of three, you grab my legs.
Ready? One...."

"Wait, wait wait!" Exclaimed Fianna. " Go on 'Three' or 1...2...3...Go?"

"Does it matter?!?"

"Well yeah, I don't want to suprise you or anything."

"Beleave me, Fianna. At this point nothing else would suprise me. We're
about to be hanging off a cliff by a Tygra's appliance! Things can't get
any worse!"

Fianna gasped. "Don't say that! Chanur might hear you!"

RD groaned. "Fine! After three! Ready? One....."

"Two...."

"Three...."

"GO!"

"AAUUUGHhhhhhhhhh.........!!!!!!!!"
"AAUUUGHhhhhhhhhh.........!!!!!!!!"
******************************
(continued)

(Scene open on: Benni sitting in a high backed chair, staring at a map
of the twisted land of TCATGR)

"No, No, NO!" Cried the angry Thundarian. "We've searched everywhere and
there's still no sign of them! Where could they be???/ Kam!"

"Yes, oh wise and powerful ruler?"

"Stop this thing!"

"Yes, you got it, you don't have to tell me twice, when you tell me to
stop I....."

"Kam?"

"Yes?"

"STOP!"

(Slam cut to; Kam is standing upright with a curtained sedan on his
back. He drops to one knee as the curtains part, revealing Benni,
looking as well.......as she usually does. She glances around.)

"Where the hell are we?"

"How would i know, Benni? You were the one driving."

"Right. Stand still, Kam."

"Why.....ow!......youch!.....That hurt!" Benni used Kam as a human
staircase down to the ground. The brit rubbed his hand in an attempt to
restore feeling.

"My," Said the tigress. "What a awful place! Reminds me of TW's place
after a three day bender." The Thundarian was immediately attacked by a
swarm of bees.

"Augh! Kam! Get em off me!" Benni screamed as she took off.

"I told you not to wear that perfume out here!" The brit responded as
Benni shot off in new and unexplored realms of hysteria. "But do you
ever listen to me? Noooo...... I just have to pick up the pieces." Kam
sighed as Benni shot past him, screaming all the way. "This is not going
well."

"Tell me about it." Kam looked down at his feet. The same squirrel was
back, this time with a cigarette hanging for his lower lip. "I only got
scale for the job."

Kam stared at the squirrel in astonishment. "You talk?" He stammered.

"Yeah, doesn't everybody?" The rodent shot back.

"AAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" Benni shot by again, with the entire hive
in tow. The squirrel gestured with the cigarette.

"What's her problem?"

"Wrong perfume choice."

"Ah." Responded the rodent again. "So's word out here is yous might be
lookin fer a little information, right?"

Kam scratched his head at the idea of a squirrel wise guy, but decided
not to press the issue. "How'd you know that?"

The squirrel grinned, knowingly. "I have my ways. It ain't gonna be
cheap, though."

"Get em off me you fool.......ahhhhhh!!!!!" Benni shot by again. Kam
winced at the thought of having to go back to her with no new
information. The thundarian's head was already beginning to swell.

"Name your price."

"Now, That's what I like to hear." The rodent pulled out a pack.
"Smoke?"

"No, thanks. Trying to quit."

"Good kid, I been trying for the last ten years." The Squirrel shook one
out and lit it, shielding the flame from the wind of Benni's passing.
"Now, what I need from yous is simple. My kid brother is havin a party
and it comes to our attention you could provide us wit some first class
grub, am I right?"

"Yeah, so?'

"Here's the deal, you agree to cook, I tell yous wat I know. Got it?"

Kam thought it over. Benni ran past again, screaming. "Deal."

"Here it is, dat Tygra, I saw him with the green fella, just before the
Ayanna's went nuclear. Went west from here, if yous hurry, yous might
still catch em, If ya know what I mean?"

"Got it." Kam shifted uncomfortably, ready to be off. "When do you need
the help?"

The squirrel gave Kam a wise look and cocked his index finger at him.
"We'll let ya know." He said with a wink.

Kam turned to Benni, who finally had enough sense to jump in a lake.
"Benni, I got a lead, You still want the Tygra?"

"Hell, yes! Let's go!"

The Brit turned back to the rodent. "One thing I have to know." The
squirrel looked up from his racing form.

"Yeah?"

"How come you're talking like this to me now? I mean, you're not
squeaking at me or anything."

"Kid," The squirrel responded, not lifting his eyes off the paper. "Walt
pays good, but he don't pay that good."
*******************

"This isn't working!" Screamed Fianna. "We're not going upward!"

"Maybe if you'd quit bouncing!" Shot back RD. "You think this is easy??"

"We gotta get your mind off these perverted fantasies! I got it! Richard
Simmons!"

"Ugh!" The pair began moving slowly up the cliff face. "It's working.
keep going."

Fianna thought for a second. "Kathy Lee and Frank Giffard!"

"Yeck!"

"Dr Ruth preforming the Karma Sutra!"

"Augh!!" The pair continued moving upward.

"Bea Arthur in a split back!"

"God! I'm gay, and that one still scares me!"

"Lorania Bobbit!"

"NOooooooo!" Rd screamed just at the thought of it. The pair was now
less then 10 feet from the tree and safety.

"Margaret Thatcher!"

RD thought about that image for a moment. "Now see, that one doesn't
really do much for me either way."

"Now I'm gonna be sick!" Fianna yelled. "Fine! You leave me no choice! I
have to go for it......."

"No...... you can't mean?"

"Yes!"

"No, Please Fianna, anything but that!! I can do it on my own! I swear!"
Fianna took a deep breath.

"Nononono....please?" RD whined.

"Your MOTHER AND FATHER!!!!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The pair found themselves in the branches of
the tree almost instantly, Fianna breathed a huge sigh of thanks. Below,
a huge alligator snapped his claws together and dialed out for the pizza
delivery guy.

"You OK, Emperor RD?" Fianna asked quietly.

"I think I strained something."

"Stop there, Emperor. I don't want to know." Fianna sighed. This had
been worse then he imagined. Even the thought of his
parents........eeeehhhhhh!

"Why don't we rest here for a moment?" Asked RD. "I need time for the
Blood to go back to my brain."

*Yeah, that'll help.* thought the caninoid, with a caustic air. *It got
us into this mess* He paused as a truly scary thught entered him mind.

"RD?"

"Yeah?"

"You better hope Chanur doen't cross this with *Mulan*."

"Why? I can outjoke a wise-cracking dragon!"

"Who do you think around here would buy Tygra penis soup???"

:::Gulp::: "I see your point." RD boosted himself up to the top of the
cliff, with Fianna following. The dog looked down into the gorge and
whistled. "With that Bridge out, It's a four day walk to the Lair."

"Let's get started then." Said RD, taking the lead. "The sooner, the
better."

"Agreed."

"What are the chances of you carrying me?"

"Not good."

(Continued)

(Scene opens on: Fianna has RD in his arms while they progress up a
jungle path.)

"Low blood sugar, huh?" Asked the dog.

"What can I say? It's a curse."

"Well, the first place we see to get some thing to eat, you're walking."

"Fair enough." Said the Tygra. "Say, this place looks good."

Fianna glanced further up the trail. In the distance he could just make
out the establishment's sign. "Huh. Axelle's House of Meat." In smaller
type below the sign read. "No tigers allowed, we have enough allready."
Fianna glared down at his burden. "That counts us out."

"Don't be so hasty, Fianna. I've got an idea."

"Oh no."

(Slam cut to: The inside of the establishment in the middle of a lunch
rush. The counter is full of hungry patrons, and the kitchen is running
full blast. A gum chewing tigress in a pink rayon outfit escorts Fianna
and RD to an empty table. Behind them two other tigers continue to serve
the hungry mob. Every so often the snarf behind the grill bangs on a
small countertop bell with the spatula.)

"Welcome to Axelle's Meat Hut, home of the Meat Platter." The waitress
stared at her two latest customers. The one was kind of cute but the one
in the shawl....

"Glad to be here." Said Fianna as they sat down in the booth. RD sat
down across the table. Thundara Tiger stared at her two latest charges
again. "We'll have whatever's the freshest, right Honnybun?"

"Whatever you say, Dear. You know what I like." RD giggled in a high,
falsetto voice. Not even that was enough to end the tiger's stare.
Somehow, the idea of a Tygra dressed in drag had appealed to RD's inner
side, and like most when given the oppertunity to realise a dream, he
had gone all out. The result was disasterous with no one at all buying
that he was female. However under all the makeup, no one could tell he
was a Tygra, either.

Fianna sensed this was trouble. "We're on out honnymoon." He countered
lamely.

TT shook it off. In this place she'd seen it all. "Bless you for coming
out in public." She scratched the order into he pad and walked off.
yelling into the kitchen. "I need two wet mutts!" Behind her the two
exchanged a glance.

"I told you this was a good idea, Fianna. You need to learn that all my
ideas ore good ones." RD said over the table.

"That's funny," Countered Fianna. " I seem to remember getting lost in
the jungle as one of yours."

"Well, I can't be the brains of the outfit all the time, now can I?" The
Tygra responded. Fianna opened his mouth to say something when TT
returned with a steaming tray of meat. She dropped the tray on the
table.

"For the happy couple." She supressed a shudder. "Muzaltov!" She threw a
small handfull of lion mane into the air. She glared at the pink skirt.
"When I get done with him......" She muttered, heading back to the
kitchen for the next pickup.

"I know that scent." Murrmered RD.

"So do I!" Exclamed Fianna, helping himself to the steaming pile of meat
in the middle of the table. "Oh, look! It's fresh. You can still see
Axelle's brand on the hide."

RD blanched. "You mean that's......"

"Yep! Fresh ThunderWolf! " He eyed the portion on RD's plate. "You not
hungry or something?"

"I think I'll pass."

"More for me then." Fianna continued wolfing it down. RD pushed himself
up off the table and slid out of the booth.

"Look, you just keep on eating, I'm going to have a word with the cook."
RD called over his shoulder.

"You're gonna get us thrown out!" Called out the caninoid. A
construction worker whistled out at RD from another table as he passed.
The Tygra raised his hand in salute as he pushed open the kitchen door.
The worker turned his attention back to his own tablemates, which
included, a policeman, a sailor, and strangely enough, an indian chief.
Fianna sighed, and turned his attention back to his meal.

Behind him one of the other tigers was seating another latecoming
couple.

"We've been searching for hours! That is the last time we take
directions from a squirrel!" Benni exclaimed.

"Yeah. I never knew them to give bad info though. I really thought we
were getting close." Kam responded. Benni picked up her fork and threw
it at the brit, narrowly missing him.

"This is all your fault! If you had killed RD the first time, we
wouldn't be n this mess!" Behind them. Fianna gaged on his mouthful,
recognizing the voice behind him.

"Look I told you I was sorry about that. Let me get you another fork."
He turned and raised himself over the divider. Fianna tried to shield
his face. "Buddy, you using that fork there?" Kam asked. Fianna passed
it over to him.

"Wait," The human paused. "Don't I know you? Wrestled you in gym
class....."

"No, I.....I think you've got the wrong guy." Fianna stammered,
desperately looking for an escape.

"No wait, I know!" Exclaimed Kamanchee. "You were in Mrs. McGoverns
home-ec. class! I was in the back because my cakes always exploded."

"No..... I don't think so." Shot back Fianna. "Excuse me!" He exclaimed,
making a dash for the kitchen doors.

"It'll come to me!" Kam called out. " I never forget a face!"

Fianna slammed into the kitchen. RD was arguing with the snarf cook.
"Look pal," Said the Emperor in a condescending tone. " I'm just saying
that the special looked a little iffy, and I'm not the only one saying
that. Now, if you could take it up a step for the main course....." The
snarf was fuming.

In the main dinning room, Benni and Kam sat looking over the menus. "Is
there nothing on this menu that does not come from an insane lion!" The
thundarian exclaimed.

"You stay here, Benni, and I'll go check with the cook." The brit
answered. "I'll see what I can do." He got up and walked into the
kitchen. On the other side of the doors, Fianna grabbed RD and dove into
the pantry.

Kam walked in and saw the cook. "Hey, pal," He asked in his best voice.
"What's your policy n special requests?" The snarf lost it.

"That's it! no one appreciates a true artist any more!" The snarf pulled
out a suitcase from under the prep table, "There's just no room for
anyone with vision, any more!" He piled up his pots and pans into the
suitcase. "I work and I slave, so you can come in here and mock me!" The
snarf slammed the case shut and swept off the chefs cap. "You want a
special order?' He slammed the cap onto Kam's head. "You do it!" The
snarf marched out, mumbling about going back to the Lair. The service
bell rang. T T examined the new cook with a critical eye and shrugged.

"I need two specials, a pair of coffees, a jello mold and a steak cut
into the shape of a trout!" Kam blinked. T T stared at him. "You got all
that, hun?"

A steely look came into the new cook's eyes. "Two drowned cats, a pair a
mud, a wiggle. and turn the bull into a gill. Got it!"

Meanwhile, inside the pantry, Fianna was trying to push RD out a small
window. "But I haven't even eaten yet!" The Tygra protested.

"We'll get something later! Now come on!" Fianna turned his back on the
cross-dressing Tygra for just a moment and sure enough, out the door he
went.

"I'll just have the special." RD called out to the cook as Kam's back
was turned.

"One special, coming up." Called back Kam as the Tygra went through the
OUT door. Just as RD was leaving the IN door flew open and Benni entered
the kitchen.

"Kam! What are you doing?" She asked.

"No time now! Gotta get these orders out!" Benni sighed.

"Fine then." She'd learned long ago that an argument with Kam was like
talking to a brick wall, only not as productive. " I'll have the
special, then." Benni went OUT.

"Two specials. coming up." RD walked IN. "No. I only want the one." He
called, and walked OUT.

"Okay.... one special." Kam responded as Benni walked IN. "Kam, can I
get the potatoes as a side on the special?"

Kam thought about it for a moment. "I'll have to charge you full price."

"Fine then."

"You want cheese on those potatoes?"

"Thank you Kam. Cheddar will be fine." Benni walked OUT. RD walked IN

"Potatoes, yes, cheese no." RD called and walked OUT.

"No cheese, got it." Said Kam, mixing a bowl. Benni walked IN.

"Cheese yes, Kam." She walked OUT, RD came IN.

"Cheese me no like." RD walked out. Kam groaned. Both doors flew open,
with RD and Benni shielded from each other.

"Change my potatoes to the salad."
"Change my potatoes to the salad."
**********************
Fianna had watched the entire exchange from the pantry window and
slapped his forehead. He snuck out as Kam's back was to him and looked
through the doors into the dinning room. Somehow, both Benni and RD had
managed to get back to their booths without seeing each other. It was
only a matter of time though, before RD set down the menu, and got a
good look at the next table. T T crossed the caninoids view and he
dashed to her, whispering something into her ear.

T T gave him a non-plussed look. "No problem, hon. We do it all the
time." Fianna dashed back to the kitchen.

A birthday cake flew across the dinning room and landed square in
Benni's face as the three tigers dashed up all singing "Happy Birthday".
What made it so bad was neither TygrisHawk, nor Khan could carry a tune.
In a bucket. Fianna dashed from the kitchen and grabbed the
cross-dressing Tygra like a sack of mail on the way to the exit. Inside,
the torture continued, with wine glasses breaking on one particularly
sour note from Tygris. The resulting stampede from the restaurant
allowed RD and Fianna to escape in the confusion.

(Continued)

(Scene opens on: Fianna and the tygra RD paused a short distance from
the resturant.)

"Hey!" Said the Tygra. "I didn't even get a chance to eat back there."

"Trust me, the Thunderwolf was overdone." Answered Fianna. "I've had
better. Besides, there were some people looking for you!"

"Wait, was one of them a brit?"

"Yeah...."

"And the other scarry beyond all physical discription?"

"Oh yeah...."

"That's Benni and Kam. I'll bet they're just dying to see me." Fianna
blinked in surprise.

"You don't understand..."

"If they're back there, I'll have them take me back to the Lair and
change me back....."

Fianna grabbed the tygra by his ruff and drew him nose-to-nose. "Don't
you get it? Benni is the one who did this to you! They want you dead!"

RD snorted with laughter. "Their whole world revolves around me!" The
tygra paused. "Wait, I know what this is. This as all been a trick to
keep me wandering out here!"

Fianna dropped RD in a heap. "What?"

"If you keep me stuck out here, then I can't build the Tygra-matic! If I
don't build the Tygra-matic, you don't lose your village. That's what
this was all about huh, Fianna?" He sneared.

The caninoid looked at the fallen tygra in shock. "You hit your head in
there when I wasn't looking? That's crazy!"

RD picked himself up off the ground and stared down the dog. "I'm going
back to where my real friends are!" He yelled in contempt.

"Emperor RD, wait!"

The Tygra turned on Fianna and snarled at him. "You lied to me!" He
screamed, causing the caninoid to back off a step. RD continued to press
forward. "The only reason you pretended to be my friend is to get what
you wanted! Well, pal," He sneared. "It isn't going to work this time!
I've seen through your little game!" He continued forward, causing
Fianna to trip over an outstreched root. "and the first thing I'm going
to do when I get back," RD paused for dramatic effect. "Is to knock your
village flat!" With that, the Tygra whirled around and stalked back
towards the resturant.

"Is that all you think this was?" Yelled Fianna at the retreating form.
"I cared about you! Not like it means anything to you, you can always
buy new ones!" The caninoid paused for breath, his ears plastered to the
sides of his skull. "Go and get yourself killed, see if I care!" He then
turned and stalked off himself, taking pains to ensure it was in the
opposite direction.
********************

(Scene cuts to: Benni and Kam walking down the resturant stairs. Kam is
humming Happy Birhday to himself as Benni is still tryng to get the last
bit of brithday cake out of her ears. Her mood is less then joyous.)

"For the last time Kam, it's not my birthday!" She shouted at him.

"Of course it isn't" Kamanchee winked at her. "At your age it's natural
not to want to tell us about it." Kam winced the moment he realised what
he'd said.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Benni yelled, her normaly
blueish coloring going a distincive shade of red. Kam took another tack.

"No, I didn't mean to imply that at all, that you are getting old! I'm
amazed you look as well as you do......"

"WHAT??"

At this point RD had followed his backtraill to where he was just behind
the pair. He was just about to open his mouth when he tripped over yet
another root. The evil pair continued the arguement, unaware of the fact
that their quary lay less then ten feet away.

"Kam! We've been out here for days! Forget taking him back to the
Lair!!" Exclamed the evil Thundarian. "The moment I lay eyes on him, we
kill him!"

From behind the bushes, the Tygra questioned what he'd just heard. (What
is she talking about?) He thought. (Everyone in Tcatgr loves me!)

"Yeah, well." Answered Kam. "It's not like anyone at the Lair misses
him." The brit paused, thinking of how to end up on her good side again.
"Everyone seems much happier with you in charge."

RD stared at the two in shock from his cover. No one had dared to say
anything like that to his face. How could they think that?

"You really think so Kam?" The tigress mused. "I mean, after all, I've
only been in power for such a short time...." The pair began to march
off, leaving the startled ex-emperor lying flat under the bushes.

(Is that what they think of me?) The Tygra asked himself. (I'll show
them, just as soon as I get back to the Lair...... the Lair! Fianna!) He
dashed to the spot where he had last seen the caninoid. Nothing remained
but a few broken branches and a small clump of fur on the ground.

"Fianna?" called out RD, devoid of almost all hope as the full truth of
the last few minutes weighed on him fully. "Fianna?"
****************
(Slam cut to: A lone Tygra sitting on a rock outcropping in the middle
of a drenching downpour. The poor guy looks awful, as the puddled
rainwater laps at the base of his perch. A deafining crack of thunder
lashes out, causing him to cry out. The tygra takes another look into
the sky and breaks down, crying.)

***Like I said, I had it all!*** RD says over the sound of the summer
storm. The Tygra picks up his head and stares at the reader at this
remark, as if he can hear the narration.

*** I had everything! I was the nicest guy in the world and then they
took it all away from me.***

"Knock it off, will you." RD called out, quietly.

***What? I'm Just telling them everything that's happened so far....****

"They can see for themselves. Now just leave me alone." The Tygra flops
back into a ball on the stone, curling himself into a ball for heat.

**What a grouch! It's not as if this is all my fault.***

At that, the Tygra raised his head a final time. "Oh, yeah? If it's not
your fault then who's is it, huh? Tell me who, I'd like to know. Don't
answer that." Another fork of lightning split the sky. "Just let me lie
here."
****************
(Slam cut to: Benni and Kam's camp. Strangly enough, even though the
distance between them and RD can't be far, their camp remains dry. Benni
sleeps silently in the tent, while Kam has pulled a blanket up to his
chin by the fire. No chance of any preditors, though. The noise coming
from the brit's nose is enough to scare anything for miles)

Kamanchee rolls over. Even in his sleep, he takes care not to crush the
small brown bear he keeps clutched to his side. Suddenly, the human sits
straight up, the tassel from his nightcap swinging wildly in front of
his face.

"The Caninoid!" He exclamed suddenly. "He forgot to pay his check!" The
Brit's eyes cross, and he slides back under the covers, murrmering about
exchange rates. Slowly, the snores return, only to be interupted by
another revelation. He shot back up, this time catupulting the bear into
the smouldering fire. Obviously a cheap import, the childrens toy
explodes into immedate flame.

"The Caninod in the diner! It was the same voice as the one at the
bottom of the stairs at the Lair! The same one that was there in front
of the Emperor! We find the dog, we find RD!" He jumped up and threw
open the tent flap.

"Benni!"

The thunderarian rose up from her prone position like a shot. Her face
was covered with an dark green facial cream, and her eyes by a purple
sleep mask. She ripped it from her face, revealing cucumber slices
covering both eyes. A copy of Playberbil lay half under the spotted
pillow.

"What!!!" She screamed at Kam, grabbing the pillow by the tail and
throwing it at the startled brit.

"AAAHHHHGH!!!" Screamed Kam back, in horror. A cucumber slice slipped,
revealing a single blood shot eye.

"This had better be good!!!" She raged.

(Continued)

Scene opens on: A scenic mountian pasture with peaks rising in the
distance. On the grass frolic a small number of Tygras, doing things
that would make sense only to others of the same strange species.)

RD enters slowly,as he observes the acions of the Tygras above him. Even
then they seem to sense the strangness of the newcomer and move off,
leaving him to continue to wollow in self-pity. "Well," He murmered to
himself out loud. "If this is my new life I suppose I'd better get used
to it." He tried to wiggle his rear suggestivly, only to fall flat on
it. The other Tygras barely glanced at him and continued in their fun.
RD sighed. You would think that after years of killing them he'd have
some idea of what made a Tygra tick. The look of dispair on RD's face
was nearly heartbreaking as he realised that maybe, just maybe, he'd be
stuck in this body for the rest of his natural life. As he thought
things couldn't get much worse a deep voice carried from futher up the
pasture.

"You know, I knew this guy once..." Intruged, RD advanced further into
the field, searching for the source. "He wasn't really a bad guy, just
didn't know any better. The thing was, no one could tell him anything.
He thought he knew everything! And there was no way of telling him any
different." RD crested a small rise and below him sat Fianna. The
caninoid sat with his back to RD and continued speaking to a small
number or Tygra gathered with him. 'And this part gets to me.... I still
care about what happens to him, even after all the things he's done to
me." Fianna turned and saw the Tygra approaching. "Besides, he'd make a
lousy Tygra." He said, smiling as RD sat down across from him.

"Look, Fianna...." RD stammered.The caninoid silenced him with a single
look. The two continued to sit, gazeing out over the mountain pasture.
The sun coutinued upward on its journey, throwing an increasing warmth
over the two. The dog cleared his throut.

"Let's get one thing out in the open." Fianna stated, plainly. "I made a
deal with you. I would get you back to the Lair, regardless of what the
results were to me." The dog paused to gather his thoughts. "That hasn't
changed. I shook hands with you and as far as I'm conserned that's all I
have to say on the matter," He rose and dusted himself off. "Let's go."

"Wait." RD reached out with a paw and placed it gently on the Caninoid's
chest. "I owe you an apology. When you told me about Benni and Kam I
ignored you, without even considering what you had to say. You've never
lied to me and the time I needed to hear you most, I pushed you off. No
excuses this time, no crossed fingers, no games." RD turned his head
upward and stared into Fianna's massave eyes. "I'm sorry."

Fianna nodded his head and squared his shoulders. "Acepted." He said
curtly,and with a dip of the ears he started off in a easy trot,
listening as RD fell in beside him.

"Where are we headed?"

"Back to my village. We can get the supplies we'll need there." The pair
bonded down the pasture and into the deep jungle surrounding them.
***************************

(Scene opens on: The hilltop village, mid-day. Fianna and RD begin
racing up the hillside to Fianna's childhood home)

"Not much further..." Panted Fianna, He glanced behind him. The tygra
was nearly spent, with the tounge hanging out grotesquely.

"Fianna!" Called out a cracked and raspy voice. He turned to see Spark
and Peachyra hunched over a cracked and warped game of chutes and
ladders. Time had not been kind to the old and withered pair. Peachyra
was glaring at the pair from a seat of twisted and thriving vines. Spark
meanwile, was cleaning a pair of old style specticles that were so thick
that when she held them up for inspection, the sun's rays passing caused
Peachy's seat to burst into flame. The seat disintergrated, dumping
Peachy to the ground for the fourth time today. While RD helped the
fallen woman to her feet, the vines slithred off, grumbling among
themselves.

"Why, thank you young man. I do declare. I have always depended on the
kindness of strangers." Peachy responded to RD's touch. "Why
I...whooops!!" The woman's dentures popped out of her mouth landing on
RD's feet. Fianna slapped a hand to his forehead, while behind them
Spark cackled wildly.

"Grandma...." Fianna moaned. The elderly avatar stooped down to retreave
the fallen teeth. RD winced at the amazing series of crackles and snaps
that came from the old woman's back. She grabbed at the teeth and made a
movement to stand back up. And another. Fianna rushed to her side and
helped the old woman to her feet. "Thank you, young man!" She exclamed.
"I haven't felt that good in a fair age! I'm not in so bad of a shape
for a woman of 80!" RD fought back a chuckle as the vines reappeared,
and formed the number 92 in back of the old crone.

"What's that?" Called out Spark from her seat at the table. "You're
gonna be on a fair stage?"

"No, you Carmen Maranda geryatric, I said Space age!" Shouted Peachy.

"Grandma, That's not what you said" Fianna whined, knowing what was
coming next.

"Do you think that I'm so old I can't tell you what I just said? Your
worse them my sisters cousins up on the hill!" Fianna blinked, and RD
stepped in.

"Was one of them a dumb british guy?" RD interjected.

Spark stopped and cleared a bit of ear wax from her ear. "Yeah, and the
other one...."

"Was ugly beyond all phyiscal discription?" Finnished Fianna.

"Oh. yeah. That's them."

Fianna turned to RD. "Come on. Round to the back of the house, I've got
an idea."
******************
(Slam cut to: Inside of the hut. Benni is being served tea by the
Poodle, while Kam is playing with the Thunderkittens, being the test
subject for all the new powders and mixtures)

Fianna's wife leaned over the table and refilled the thundarian's tea
cup. "Well, as you can see, and I've told you three times before, Fianna
is not here. I'll be sure to let him know that you've stopped by. You
were again?" She asked, only managing to keep her temper with a visable
effort.

"Why, I'm his brother's, cousin's. sister's. aunt!" She exclamed. The
poodle blinked. "Um. twice removed." Benni added lamely. The poodle
blinked again, this time the whites of her eyes showing.

"Yes, of course." Fianna's wife countered through clenched teeth. "I'll
be sure to pass along the message...."

"But you just MUST give me a tour of your most humble, but charming
abode! After all we have come such a long way to meet Fucha..."

"Fianna."

At the tone in the poodle's voice, Benni dropped her teacup, and with a
slight kick sent it rolling aver the floorboards.

"Oops, clumsy me!" She exclamed, in a fake falsetto voice. "I'll get
it....."

The poodle sighed, only keeping her legendary temper because the
children were in the house. "No," She hissed, through clenched teeth.
"Allow me." Fianna's wife chased the wayward teacup into the kitchen,
thankful for the opertunity to grab one of the kitchen knives. The
moment she was out of sight, Benni lept from the chair to Kam, now
gasping for breath on the floor from one of Kat's capsules.

"Kam!" She bent over to the nearly comatose brit. "When I give the
signal, we search the house! They're around here somewhere, I can feel
it!" Kamanchee could only nod in reply, the gas had driven all the
oxygen from his lungs.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, the poodle had set down the cutlery in
exchange for a heavy iron skillet, grinning at the thought of what that
object could do to unwanted houseguests. She had just turned in
anticipation of the event when a small sound at the windsill caught her
attention. She spun and there was Fianna, signaling to her to come
closer. She yelped and ran to the sill. "Fianna, where the hell have you
been? This cousin of yours is going to drive me to drink!"

"That isn't my cousin!" Fianna whispered back. "That's the woman who
want's to kill the Emperor!" At this RD stepped foreward, thinking he
was about to be introduced.

"Hi, there!"

"AUGH!":::BONG::: Panicing, Mrs. Fianna nailed the Tygra over the head
with the pan.

"Uh...dear?" Fianna asked, always mindful of his better half. (At least
when she was holding blunt objects, that is) "Dear, I want you to meet,
the Emperor." She looked out the window at the Tygra on the ground.

"Sorry!" She called out to the unconsious form on the ground. "What do
we do?"

"You stall them!" Whispered Fianna, shouldering RD. "We need the head
start!"

Meenwhile Kam had recovered, and was in the process of searching the
house, under the guise of tring to avoid Willy-Kit's pellets. Benni on
the other hand was suffering the questioning of Kat while she ransacked
the hut.

"I don't beleave you're my aunt." Said Kat as Benni peered under a set
of tiger striped throw pillows.

'And why is that, you little worm?" She sneered.

"You're WAY too old for that!" Kat shot back unshaken. "You're more like
my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great.
great,...."

"Are you through yet???" Benni roared at the cub.

"Great, great aunt." Benni turned from the cub, snarling something
unprintable under her breath.

"Kam!" The sidekick dashed into the room, soaking wet. "Who'd have ever
thought you could get so much water into such a small capsule?"

"Kam, shut up!" The thundarian was in no mood for any more idle
chit-chat. "The're not here! We have toget going......!"

"But not before I give you a tour of our little home here!" Mrs. Fianna
proclamed, sweeping into the room and gathering up the two houseguests.
"Why, I've not even begun to show you how my house is done up in all the
modern conviences! In fact here," She proclamed, ushering the helpless
pair over to an unremarkable door."For example, take a good look at our
lovely walk-in closet!" She shoved the pair into it and slammed the
door.

"Fianna!" She shouted out the open front door. "Run for it! I'll stall
as long as I can!"

"Thanks honny!" With that he turned, grabbed the shoulder pack from its
post in the yard. RD followed, note too steady on his feet. "You have a
very lovely wife," He called out, drunkly. "Both of them!" Fianna
cracked the Tygra across the jaw on the world swam back into focus.

"Come on, let's go!" He shouted to the Tygra. RD fell into step behind
the caninoid.

"You gonna leave your family with those two?" RD asked in horror.

"Don't worry," Answered the dog, as they dashed onto the jungle path.
"They can take care of themselves!"

Indead, Fianna's family seemed to have things well in hand. "Are you
sure?" Mrs Fianna asked, inniocently, while holding a doorknob in her
hand. "When it gets stuck, all you have to do is jiggle it a little."
Behind her the twins were doubled over in an uncontrolable laughing fit.

"I'm telling you there is no knob in here, other then the brit! UGH!"
Benni was steamed. "Let us out of here and we'll burn your house to the
ground!' Conserned, Kam asked the angry tigress. "Um.... shouldn't that
be OR we'll burn your house to the ground?"

"Okay, fine" Benni was getting more angry by the moment. "Let us out of
here OR we'll burn your house to the ground!!!!" Silence from the other
side of the door. "AAAAUGH!!!! That's it!!" The thundarian screamed.
"Kam, knock this door down!!"

"Oh, come on Benni!" Kamanchee exclamed. "That's solid mahagany.....
there's no way.....ow!! Well, banging my head agaist it isn't going to
go ny good!"

Benni quickly formed a new plan. "Kam on the count of three we both hit
the door, Ready? One....Two...."

On the other side of the door the poodle quickly shouted to her charges,
"You Know what to do kids!"

"Right mom!" Kit threw an ice capsule to the floor and closed the upper
half of the dutch door. Kat ran outside to continue preperations.

"THREE!!!!" The dopy duo hurled themselves at the door, just as Mrs
Fianna threw it open wide. Encoutering no restance the two flew out of
the closet and onto the ice sheet. Benni imediatly fell flat on her butt
and skidded out the open lower half of the door. Kam wasn't so lucky and
slammed his forehead into the closed upper half of the door, knocking
himself out cold.

Benni was't so lucky. She shot off the top of Fianna's hillside like a
rocket, slamming first into a live beehive, coating her with honey. She
then careened downhill into a patch of Silky-fruit placed into her path
by Kat. Now coated with both the honey and the Silky-fruit she bounced
downhill comeing to a bone jarring halt in the middle of another Tygra
medow. Slowly she opened her eyes, only to see a streak of wild Tygras
headed right for her.

"NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Continued)

(Scene opens on: The upper entrence of Benni's secret lab. The statue
stands in the left corner as Fianna and the tygra RD dash into the
room.)

Fianna was looking foreward to the idea of ridding himself of his
new-found frend. The last few days had been trying ones. While he
inspected the statue RD ran into the room, nearly taking out the dogs
footing.

'They're right behind us!" RD screamed, using the high pitched voice
Tygra was known for around TCATGR.

Fianna grabbed a lever and RD jumped in panic. "No!! Not that one!!"
Fianna grabbed one on the left side of the statue. "AHH!" Screamed
Tygra. "Not that one either!" Fianna groaned and grabbed a third.

"How about this one, oh wise and powerful Emperor?" The caninoid intoned
sarcasticly. RD dashed over and inspected the lever in question.

"That one!" He exclamed.

Fianna stared him down. "You're sure now?"

"Of course I'm sure! I know this statue like I know my way around
dating!"

Fianna yanked the lever and a sixteen ton weight dropped from the
cealing, pulverising the Tygra. "Say, this is kinda fun." He said to
himself, eyeng other possabliltys on the statue.

"Ow." From under the statue.

"You ok, RD?"

"Just get it off of me." Fianna yanked the lever back and the weight
retracted.

"You're looking a little run down." The caninoid snickered as RD picked
himself up off the floor. The Tygra reached past him and pulled the door
lever, revealing the waiting coster car. Fianna eyed it, knowing what
was likely to come next.

"No way in hell am I getting into that." He might be a nincompoop, a
green nincompoop, but he was by no means a stupid nincompoop. This whole
thing smelled far too much of a setup to suit his tastes.

"Come on you lunkhead, it's perfectly safe!" Rd pushed past him and
jumped into the waiting car. "We use this to transport the Tygras here
in the palace!' The safty bar clicked into place and he gestured for
Fianna to jump in. "This is much faster!'

Fianna shook his head. "Snarfer built that, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"When was the last time that ANYTHING Snarfer built worked the way it
was suposed to?" Fianna had just enough time to see a look of fear cross
the Tygra's face as the car shot off into the dark tunnel.

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa........ ow!!! Offf!!! YEOCH!!! Hey, I need THAT!!!
UNCLE!!!! MY HEAD!!"

Fianna sighed and started for the stairs, muttering all the while about
how someone like that could end up ruling the kingdom.

*************************

Fianna reached the bottom just as RD was flung from the ride into the
waiting brick wall. The dog took a moment to wonder just how much of the
dammage was done by the weight and how much by the coaster as RD pealed
himself off the wall. The tygra was looking much worse for wear.

"Where does she keep the vials??" Fianna yelled, hearing footfalls from
the staircase.

Rd dashed for the white cabinet and flung the doors wide. "Let's
see...... Lions, Tygras, Bears...." He paused, eyes resting on the empty
spot.

"Oh, My!" Called a voice from the other side of the room. Both RD and
Fianna whirled around to see Benni standing the holding a vial. Behind
her Kam panted, as if he had just finished running long distance.

"Looking for this?" She inquired sweetly, her eyes glowing in victory.

"Hey!" RD shouted. "How did you get back here so fast?"

Benni paused and a puzzled look came over her features. "Yes...." She
turned and faced Kam. "How did we get back here before them?"

"Um......" The suprised Brit stopped and thought to himself with an
expresion of pain passing over him. "That's a good question.
Ah......plothole?"

"Works for me. And now,,," The evil Thundarian continued. "It's time for
the final blow, the one you've had coming for a very long time. The one
that so many people here in the empire have been waiting to see. The one
that so much planning and calculation have gone into. The one...." Kam
looked at his watch. " that I have plotted for the last ten years. The
one when..."

"Get on with it!!!!" Screamed Fianna. "I do the long winded speaches
here!"

"Fine then." Benni pouted. She reached under her uniform and pulled out
a crooked dagger. Flipping it around, she tossed it to Kam. "Finish
them."

Kam looked down at the dagger and a blank look crossed his face. He then
glanced to his shoulders and began confering with something the others
couldn't see. Fianna nodded his head toward the Brit and RD only
shrugged.

"You're gonna do it, arn't ya?" Kam looked down to his left shoulder to
see Dirka hovering there. On the right shoulder Zyhan appared, nose
burried in paperwork. The Archangel glanced up over the pair or reading
glasses he was wearing.

"We on again?" The Archangel asked, hastely putting away the myrid
scrolls and such. "Billing time again." Dirka nodded in understanding.
"What did I miss?"

"Well," Said Kam, addressing his shoulder thingies. "First they came n,
then we came in. Then she," He gestured towards Benni. "Gave me this,
then we waited for you....."

"Kam!!!!" Benni screamed, losing her temper with biblical force. "Why
did I EVER think YOU, of all people could do this????" Across the room,
Fianna winced. "It's like I'm talking to a monkey..!!!!! A big, fat,
stupid monkey! No, scratch that, Even a monkey could d a better job then
you!!!" At that, RD winced, and the two shoulder thingies took a step
backwards in shock. "I don't know WHY I've put up with it for so long!!!
And I'LL Tell you another thing as long as I'm at it....I NEVER LIKED
YOU DRY, TASTELESS,UNDERCOOKED CAKE!!!!!"

Kam burried his head into the Archangels shoulder as the chipmunk bared
he teeth. "That's it. She's going down."

"Wait," The Archangel countered, pointing at a large chandelire on the
cealing. A look of great understanding passed over the Thingies and
Kam's faces.

"Oh, yeah." The three chimed in unison. "That'll work!" Kam threw the
knife, severing the support ropes holding the fixture in place.It
dropped, smashing to the tiled floor in back of the evil Thundarian. Kam
however, was not so lucky, having forgotten the counter weight as it
smashed onto the top of the brits head, knocking him out cold.

"What the...agh!!!" Benni screamed, first examineing the wreckage, and
then responding as RD bit her wrist. The vial popped free, bouncing
across the floor in a haphazard way.

""Grab the vial!" RD shreaked, around a mouthful of fur. Fianna dashed
foreward as Benni pulled out a can of mace from under her uniform. She
sprayed the can into the Tygra's eyes and RD yelped in pain. "You worm!"
She shreaked at him dashing after the wayward vial.

"Almost got it....." The Caninoid could almost smell victory when
suddenly the air was filled with vials of all shapes and sizes. "Noooo"
He screamed, as the antidote was burried among the others.

"Which one, which one?" Benni laughed evily, eyeing the caninoid's
peril. "Better chose quick!" She yanked dowm on a pull cord and rows of
shark guards appeared as the walls shifted. "Kill them!" The evil
Thundarian shreaked. "They've murdered the Emporer!!"

"Come on!" Yelled Fianna as he swept all the vials into his chain mail.
"Just grab 'em all!' Rd complied, taking a moment to examine a single
label.

"This ought to be good!" He muttered to himself as he threw the vial at
the approaching shark forces. The vial shattered, spraying the group
with the contents and a huge cloud of pink smoke. The pair darted for
the opening the distraction had created as Benni shreaked in dismay. The
lead Shark had been turned into a cow, complete with bulging udder.

"After them!" Benni screamed, prepared to lead the way. The herd of cows
stood there staring at the distrought leader.

"Um....... may I be excused?" A cow in Bermudia shorts asked. "I seem to
have been turned into a cow....."

Benni eyed him and a look of pity crossed the normaly cold features.
"Allright, you're excused.' She paused as a 92 year old cow herder
crossed the room nd collected the wayward bovine. She tossed a rope
around Shark's neck and led him out of the room, talking about Jedi mind
tricks and milking time.

"Anyone else?" Benni demanded.

"No." "I'm fine." "No problems with it."

"Good! AFTER THEM!!!!"
************************
Fianna and the RD tygra continued running down the coridor, despertly
trying to put distance between them and the charging herd of cows.

"Which one?" Yelled the Tygra juggling the vials while running.

"How the hell should I know?? Just pick one!!" The caninoid shot back,
looking ove his shoulder. "They're gaining!"

RD grabbed the first vial and popped the cork with his teeth. "This
smells awfull!!'

"Just drink it!!" RD slamed down the contents.

:::POOF::::

"Hi, I'm Bob Dole."

"Wrong vial!!!" Fianna grabbed Dole's arm as he slid around a corner.

"Watch the arm!!!" The Dole cried out in pain.

"Pick another one!"

"I don't see my little blue friend here....."

Fianna grabed another vial and poured the contents down Bob's mouth,
ignoring the elderly politician's protests.

:::POOF:::

"You ARE the weakest link! Goodbye."

Fianna slapped hiself in the forehead. "Come on Anne! Run!"

Anne Robinson ran alongside the caninoid, if only to avoid the
stampeeding cattle behind them..

"Where are we, and who's a few ants short of a picnic?"

"Oh shut up, you battered old Witch!" Fianna shoved another vial into
the female brit.

:::POOF:::

"Is that your final answer?"

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!" Fianna grabbed another vial.

:::POOF:::

"I am not a crook!!"

"Shut up Nixion!!"

:::POOF:::

"I did not have sex, with that woman, Monica Lewinski."

"Good God!! What kind of a sick woman kept THESE as examples of
humans!!"

:::POOF:::

Michel Jackson stared back at Fianna.

"And that one isn't even Human!!!" The caninoid screamed in horror. Only
three vials were left. The dog grabbed one at random, just as Jackson
began the moonwalk and grabbed his crotch. "Whooho!"

:::POOF:::

"Hurray!!! I'm a Tygra again!" RD paused and thought abot it for a
moment. "Wait a minute....."

Fianna grabbed the thundercat by the arm and dashed through an open
door, only to screach to a halt at the edge of a high cliff. Tygra
dashed through and The Dog hauled him back by the scruff of the neck.
The cows wern't so lucky, as they fell over the cliff, landing square on
a group of animal rights activeists. Ironicly, the group was protesting
the preasense of cows in the palace, when the killing of Tygras was
considered much more humane.

Fianna turned to the tygra. "Only two left it has to be one of these!"
The Tygra lunged at him, grabbing for the vials. The sudden movement
startled the caninoid and he dropped one. The vial bounced off his leg
and shattered in the doorway just as Benni was passing through. Both the
Tygra and the Dog gasped in horror.

"Heh heh heh hehehehehe............Snarf?" The creature in the doorway
paused in shock, graping at its windpipe. "My voice?" It asked in a high
pitched whine. "What happened to my beautiful voice?" The snarf shrugged
its shoulders. "Oh well." The snarf started advancing on the narrow
ledge, grinning with a look of pure evil in its eyes.

"Waitaminute!!!!" Screamed Fianna, realising the dammage a evil snarf
might do. Why, it might even sing! "I though snarfs wern't capible of
evil??"

The snarf shot back. "We lied!"

"RD!! Catch!! Fianna threw the remaining vial at the tygra, realising
that it must be the one containing the evil dictator liquid. However,
the Tygra wasn't fast enough as the snarf jumped up on its tail and
snatched the flying vial. RD looked on in horror as the vile, evil being
snarled in victory.

"Don't Drop it!" Screamed RD.

"Drop it?"The snarf paused, almost in contimplation. "No, fool! I'm
going to DRINK it! Then I will be returned to my wonderful and glorious
self! Then I can......AAAGH!!!!!" Screamed the rodent in pain as Fianna
booted it right under the tail. The snarf seemed to float in the air for
a oment before plunging over the edge. The vial bounced on the ledge for
a moment and then fll over, landing on a smaller ledge only a few feet
below. Unfortunatly, the same blow caused Fianna to fall ove the edge as
well. Only a lightning quick grab at the stonework saved the dog from a
plunge to certin death. "RD.... Help me!"

The tygra was faced with a choice, Does he grab the vial, or the friend
who helped him survive being a Tygra?






Fianna felt a paw grab his own as he watched the vial fall over the
ledge into the distance. He braced himself against the wall as he was
hauled up by the Tygra onto the ledge.

"You saved me." Gasped the caninoid, between whooping breaths. "I saw
the vial go over. Why?"

The Tygra paused for a moment. "You would have done the same for me."
***********************
Meanwile the snarf was plunging to his death. Benni rolled herself over
and saw below her someone had set up a giant trampoline.
"Oh no."
*********************
(Slam cut to: ground at the base of the lair. Silvercat and a Shark
guard are arguing.

"I told you buddy, no one here ordered a giant trampoline!!!"

Silvercat was pissed. She was only going to get two lines in this whole
damn story, and she was determaned tomake the best of it. "Well. ya
could have told be that before I set the damn thing up!!"

"AAAAGUHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh.........:::BOING:::NOOOOOOoooooooooooo.............."

"What the hell was that??" Exclamed the guard.

"Snarf rebounding off the plot device. Happens all the time."
********************

Benni was rebounding upward when the vial landed in her oustreched paw.
She glanced at it and began cackeling wildly as she passed Fianna and RD
on the ledge. "I win..hehehe you hear me??? I WIN!!!" And she would have
too, if she haddent slammed head first into the bottom of a higher
ledge. The vial popped free once more and landed right into RD's
outstreched paw.

"How did you know that was coming??" Stammered Fianna.

"You arn't the only one who knows Chris's style." The Tygra grinned.
"See you on the outer side." He knocked back the contents.
***********************

(Slam cut to the inside of Fianna's hut. Fianna, Rd (In human form) and
the musses are sharing coffee after dinner.)

"You lied to me Fianna." The dictator intoned. "You told me the hill
could sing. Well, letme tell you, you dragged me all over these hills
and let me tell you, I did not hear any singing."

Fianna chuckled. "Can't pull the wool over on you huh?"

"No i'm sharp, I'm on it. I guess I'll just have to build my Tygra-matic
somewhere else."

"You know," The poodle chimed in. "I can't say for sure, but I think I
heard some singing coming from the hill over there." She pointed out the
window to a taller hillside a short distance away.

"Consider it done then."

(End)

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