Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Hello,

My family has a question that we would like to ask you and your readers. I'm 17 years old, and I have a 10 year old brother. The two of us are very close. Both of us are spanked by our father when needed. Our parents own a consulting company, and they have numerous trips out of town for 24-48 hours. I babysit my brother when they're goen on business, and we check in with our parents and a neighbor, so its not like we're neglected or anything like that. Occasionally, when I'm looking after my brother, he really acts up and gets spanked by our father when he gets home. However, recently our father asked me if I would be willing to spank my brother when he's out of town. He thinks that its unfair to make my brother (Robert) wait up to two or three days to be spanked, and also if I had that authority, Robert might behave better. Robert has said that he would have no problem getting spanked by me, and I wouldn't mind doing it, since I agree that it might make him behave better. Our mother though, thinks that it may be wrong for me to spank him since I'm his brother. We have agreed to ask you and your readers, since they may be able to give helpful advice, especially if older siblings in their families spank their younger siblings, or if they just have an opinion on this. You can publish my email address. Thanks in advance for your help.

Thanks, Kyle
 

I came across your website when I was doing a school project about corporal punishment.

I knew there were parents who still hit their children, so I'm not shocked, but I can't say that I'm not disgusted.

You tell parents to hit their children abuse them! I read a bit of your reader's feedback, and some people wrote detailed explanations of how they were spanked/spanked their children. In october 2004, there was a father who wrote exactly how his wife spanked his daughter- he wrote she was desperately trying to cover up her pubic area, and his wife forbid her to do this. Teenagers often have a low self-esteem, and don't want to show themselves naked in front of other people! In my opinion, this is sexual abuse. When a girl enters puberty, her bottom becomes a private area, and when you spank them, you abuse them mentally, physically and sexually.

I think all parents who spank or hit their children in any way are sick. Tell me, what is the point in hitting someone? You teach your kids that violence is no solution, and then you discipline them in such a way? The father and his wife I was writing about degraded and humiliated their daughter in a way which isn't humane. It's disgusting.

(from Germany)
 

I’am a thirty three year old young man who has quite an experience to share with you. I’m writing from an anonymous e-mail because I don’t want my identity to be known. Ever since a while ago a lot of strange fantasies surfaced within me that I have not known before. They started when I first accessed your website and read its contents. You are greatly thanked for helping parents cope with the stress of reward and punishment when dealing with their kids. However, I have fantasies about getting spanked by a beautiful attractive woman who is older than me. Just imagining myself lying across her knees and getting a bare bottom spanking; her hand smarting my behind, feels very delicious to me. Although I’m quite aware that this is a deviance from the original normal required thinking of a man my age, I do feel that this is very strongly tied to a class spanking I had from my teacher in my first grade. After ignoring her order several times to move away from the class door and return to my seat she screamed at me and told me to approach her. I walked towards her slowly, frightened and horrified from her hot temper. I can still remember the feeling of fear I had at that particular moment. She was seated at her desk. After I got near her she took me by the arm, bent me over her left hand and gave me a serious of smart slaps on my bottoms. I yelled very hard as every spank hurt my behind very much. The thing that should be mentioned here is that ever since my childhood and I have been a very sensitive boy. I don’t know if that woman with her reckless behavior harmed by psychology in a certain way. I’ve always felt that perhaps if the spanking was administered to me in private, and had she clearly explained why she spanked me things would be very different. I’m thinking of seeking psychological help to help me decipher what is going on within me. I’m terribly afraid that these fantasies will intervene with my future marriage and make things hard for me. Punishing a child shouldn’t be dealt with lightly and should be done with carefulness and love. I greatly admire your website as it greatly cultures our society on the rights and well being of a child. I leave publishing this article entirely up to you.
 

Hello,

how about writing an article about interruptions like telephone or door ringing during a spanking. Some needful advices are helpful, because I think a lot of parents dont know what to do when they have the child over the lap and suddenly you hear the ringing.

Bye

(from Germany)
 

Hi My Name Is D(...) I E/Mail you about how to get my mother to start spanking me again. I got your e/mail back and checked your web sight. I read it and finally ask my aunt about it as i know she spanks her to sons. I told her of the guilt I had and the things i was doing. She told me I have needed a spanking for a long time and could not understand why she quit spanking me. She said she would not spank me until she talked to mother. Well this morning mom woke me up and we needed to go some place. I got up and we went to my aunts house. When we walked in my aunt was there and we sat down my aunt said mom and her have talked about my problems and my aunt was going to spank me this time because mom did not know how to spank a seventeen year old. She then sent me to her room to wait for them. When they finally came in it seemed like a long time they set down and told to me why i getting this spanking. They had me in tears before the spanking.she then told to drop my pants and lay on the bed she then took down my underware an gave me a long and very painful spanking I Was crying like a baby. she then told me to stand up and stop crying we set down and prayed and all was forgiven. On the way home mom said she was going to start spanking me again and that was just a taste of what i would get when she spanks me . Thanks to your website I am getting what i deserve. also i let mom see your websight and she wants to see how she can cont to the sight she thinks it is very good also she said you could use our e/mail open for parents like my mom and teenagers with the same problems

thanks again
 

Although I realize that, in some places, it is illegal to spank a child with an implement, I find myself in complete agreement with the 13-year-old who wrote in June to say that your website offers no guidelines for separating punishing teenagers from spanking younger children when both teen and parents agree than the hand is too mild for a teen. Let me hasten to add that, having once been memorably on the receiving end of my father's belt, I am not completely adverse to its use on a thoroughly rebellions teen. I question using a belt as the principal instrument for routine punishment of teens. Like my mother, I prefer something between ineffective and excessive.

My mother's search started when I was about my daughter's age. I could be a real handful. She burst a blood vessel in her hand while spanking my behind. Not long afterwards, she introduced my young anatomy to a paddle. A brisk paddling usually reduced my teenage bravado to pleas and tears with no room for arguing. To borrow one of your descriptions, the paddle she kept in the hall linen closet offered my mother "the psychological advantage of a clearly designated spanking implement in our house." From day one, it was thoroughly effective.

Like my mother the time came when I concluded that E____ could use a good paddling. For me the transition from hand to paddle was a natural evolution. It just seemed right. Judging from the contributions of parents and teens on your informative web pages, the recognition that paddling can appropriate for teens seems to be widespread. Since first visiting your website several months ago, I have also discovered that paddling is more prevalent than I first realized. About half of my daughter's friends admit they sometimes get paddled or spanked with a hairbrush.

The method I use is borrowed from my mother. It also contains ideas from your website. My mother always gave two paddlings separated by a lecture. Like the "layer cake" you recommend, E____'s punishments are divided into parts. The first part is discussion. I listen to E____'s side. The discussion ends if E____ yells, uses bad language, or behaves childishly. I have found that if I listen to my daughter, she is less likely to tune me out. If I still think that she really needs to be punished, the discussion is followed by a moderate paddling. When I have her attention, I deliver my lecture and expectations. My mother asked questions and demanded answers. I do the same. The lecture is followed by a real no-nonsense paddling. Once I think that she has learned her lesson, I hug her and stay as close as I think necessary until E____ regains her composure. A few times we've had a long talk afterwards.

While paddling may not be every mother's cup of tea, few things curbed my teenage wild side more than knowing my mother could and would paddle. It made me think about what I did. Knowing that she can be paddled has also gone a long way toward doing the same thing for my daughter. Although it sometimes takes me a few swats find the most effective rhythm, the psychological advantage of the paddle has made my daughter more cooperative because we both know the outcome from the moment I tell her that she's got a paddling coming. It is primarily because of the practical and psychological advantage that a paddle gives the parent of a teen that causes me to suggest that you recommend it to parents of daughters for whom spanking with the hand may no longer be effective.
 

To whomever this may concern, the bible says, "be ye filled with the Holy Spirit" and that means that if a child misbehaves, you have to ask Jesus what to do. If the Holy Spirit leads you a certain way, you do accordingly. But I don't think that the Holy Spirit would ever lead a parent to use any form of corporal punishment (nowadays) since God operates in time. My understanding is that in the 1960's spanking or hitting someone else's child was not allowed. Hitting your own child (too hard) was not allowed. But hitting your own child, just a slap or a tap, usually wasn't a problem. However, it's not the 1960's, it's not the 1970's, and it is today: 2005. My guess would be that if you prayed, that God (the Lord Jesus) would show you not to hit at all. I cannot second guess God but I am surmising a guess, based on the fact that scripture says, "Be ye filled with the Holy Spirit". The scripture about the rod can be symbolic for (the rod being the Word of God, the bible) and that discipline is necessary. I believe, however, that hitting might have had it's place and time (in the 1960's) when it was more accepted (as long as you didn't hit too hard and it was your child) but doesn't anymore today, since God does indeed operate in time. But ultimately the answer is obey God. Do as God says. My guess would be that nowadays, God would say the same thing that I am saying: Don't hit, don't spank. But I cannot be 100% sure unless I pray and God shows me. I am a Christian and I believe in Jesus. But I also believe that in the 1980's, corporal punishment started to become more frowned upon. Also, giving compliments and rewards for good behavior is important as well, as it is good to be positive. If you want to write back, you may. Otherwise, I wish you the best. I read excerpts from your website.

Sincerely, P(...)
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

I sent a response in Feburary 2004, which is posted under the reader's feedback session. I am asking that this one get posted as well. You can show my e-mail address. I praise those parents who use spanking. I have two boys and have dealt with several troubled boys over the years and I have found that spanking is the most effective form of discipline. It makes a child think twice before doing the same thing again. It also creates a bond between the child and the authority figure doing the spanking. What does a timeout really teach a child. Timeout to me is a joke. Grounding is effective only if the parent or guardian follows through. I have helped several parents over the years. ( See my Feburary 2004 feedback). If you are a frusrated parent and need advice or help you can e-mail me at my website [email protected] and I will respond to all e-mails. Thank you spank with love you are a great site.
 

Wow! People still paddle and belt their children? I thought only uneducated trailer trash did that? Or people way back when before there was widespread education. What a bunch of complete sicko's...people actually pull kids pants down and swat their bare butts. That's sexual perversion, and molestation in my view. The kids WILL hate these parents & rebel, and they should. I would NEVER speak to my psycho-molesting parents again if they did that to me. Do you people support this sick nonsense? It seems like you do which makes you - Sicko's...sicko's... sicko's...
 

hi i am r(...) and i get daily bare-but spankings with a ruler

(from India)